Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me through this story. Sadly, this is the last chapter, but it's long and filled with man love so I don't think you'll be too disappointed!

Enjoy!

Chapter Nine:

The tiny chair was hard and uncomfortable but Spencer sat almost completely still, save for his breathing and tapping toe. It had been two hours since he'd last seen Derek and he hadn't heard a word since the paramedics had hustled his boyfriend out of the ambulance.

The team had had to stay behind and finish the work but they had promised to stop by later once it was all finished. And that left Spencer alone.

Spencer let his eyes move around the hallway and sighed. He didn't know if Derek was in surgery or if he had only gone to emergency, no one had told him and he felt like he was left in the dark, searching.

Derek wouldn't be the same. Spencer knew that. But what if this time the change was too large; too dramatic? What if now that Derek wasn't staring the psychopathic woman in the face he changed his mind? How could Derek possibly love another man after both the grief with Carl and now this?

Spencer put his head in his hands as the familiar uneasiness clenched his stomach. Should Spencer even try to mention it? What if trying to make their relationship work would just be twisting the knife?

Compared to now, it had all seemed so simple while they were still looking for him. Spencer would find him, give him his space, talk through it, and eventually Derek would come to love him again.

Now Spencer felt lost. There was a suffocating feeling in his lungs and he wasn't sure how much more anticipation he could take. Maybe he should just leave or give Derek a note saying he understood. He could get a transfer… it would make things easier and that way Spencer wouldn't have to go through the hurt of it all.

Spencer stood from the chair and tugged at his shirt. That was the right idea. He would do that.

Just as Spencer began to walk down the hallway there was a voice behind him.

"Derek Morgan?"

Spencer turned. There was a doctor standing there with a clipboard looking expectantly at him.

"Yes?" He asked tentatively.

"I'm Dr. Holden, I was working on Derek. He's been well looked after and is now stable." The doctor looked over his clipboard again. "Who are you in relation to him?"

Spencer cleared his throat. "I, uh, I'm his… I was his… We're coworkers." Spencer amended not wanting to go into the details of what he was going to say.

"Is Mr. Morgan's, uh… boyfriend around? The one that road in the ambulance?" Asked the doctor and Spencer had to resist rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Oh." Dr. Holden looked puzzled but shrugged and indicated with his head for Spencer to follow him. "He's still sleeping from the anesthetic, but should be up in no time."

"How are his injuries?"

"Well, he lost a fair amount of blood from the cuts on his neck, but luckily for him, they were somewhat shallow. He's been stitched up and will feel pain and stiffness in his neck for a while, but other than that he should make a full recovery."

Dr. Holden stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked at Spencer.

"We're almost at his room, but I need to warn you." He sighed. "It's not very pretty, and the sight will probably upset you, but I can assure you he's fine."

Spencer nodded and Dr. Holden continued.

"He's going to feel vulnerable and I need you to be encouraging towards him."

Spencer stared at the doctor. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Derek right now. He couldn't look him in the eye and say that everything was going to be alright. Not if Derek was going to break up with him.

"I… I c-can't." Spencer stuttered.

"You can. Don't worry." Dr. Holden guided Spencer with a hand on his back. "I'll be back in a while to go over what he needs for home care, but for now, just make sure he doesn't feel alone."

Spencer gulped and nodded and turned to wards the room that Dr. Holden was pointing to.

Slowly, step by small step, Spencer entered the room.

Derek was laying there with an IV I his arm and an oxygen tube up his nose. Spencer could make out two black eyes even on the older mans dark skin and a number of bruises along his arms. He had heavy bandages around his wrists and a few in random spots but they didn't compare to the ones on his neck.

They were thick and looked itchy, Spencer could make out some blood along the edges where the bandage wasn't as wide and quite a bit on the hospital gown he was wearing. Spencer could hear Derek's breathing, which was raspy and sounded painful.

Spencer wanted to be sick. If he hadn't kept Derek on the phone longer than necessary, if he had only hung up once they had all the information, Derek wouldn't have the blood loss or the bandages. He wouldn't have the raspy breath or the week's worth of pain to come.

It took some serious will power not to just run out of there right then, but Spencer took a deep breath and settled in one of the chairs. This one was at least a little more comfy.

Spencer put his head back in his hands and continued worrying for the better part of an hour before he heard the heart rate monitor change slightly and a sharper intake of breath.

Spencer looked up to see Derek's eyes come open slightly. They were glazed and unfocused and Spencer didn't dare to move. After a moment they seemed to search the whole room before falling on Spencer who could do nothing but still there like a deer in headlights.

"Spah…" Derek winced as his first attempt to speak was foiled by the pain in his throat. He moved a hand up to the bandages before seeming to remember and dropped it again. He cleared his throat slowly and determinedly and tried again.

"Spencer," He rasped.

The younger of the two couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at his mouth. But he let it fall almost immediately.

"Hey, Derek." Spencer stood so that Derek wouldn't hurt his neck having it twisted like that. "I know it's a dumb question, but how are you feeling?"

"Not dumb," Derek rasped and winced. "It hurts, but it's manageable."

Spencer nodded and then bit his lip. They both stayed like that for a while, neither knowing what to say or do.

"The team?" Derek asked.

"Still finishing up, they'll be by in a while."

Derek half-nodded and they resume there contemplating stares.

"What happened to Regina?"

"I shot her," Spencer shrugged. "She was going to kill you. It's probably better where she is anyways." He added grimly. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you."

"Don't be."

The silence resumed for quite a while.

"So," Derek broke after the tension had climbed significantly. "I guess we should talk."

Spencer looked away. "I guess," He mumbled, knowing the inevitable.

"I…" Derek started. "I guess you know… what happened."

Spencer nodded.

"And I guess… you understand that I'm not… me, right now."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, I understand." He felt so childish, here Derek was, laying in pain and comforting Spencer.

"I want this to work but…"

"No, no. It's fine. No need to explain. I completely understand and if breaking up is what you need to do right now than I am one hundred percent behind your decision and-"

"What? What, no! That's not what I want."

"But you said-"

"I was going to say that I'm going to need time. I'm going to need to take it at my own rate. Can you… Is that something… you think you can do?"

Spencer felt all his insides melt. Derek looked so small and weak and now he was unsure whether or not Spencer would stay with him.

"Of… of course I can do that." Spencer smiled. "I can definitely do that."

Derek closed his yes and looked like he was going to start crying.

"Really?" He asked in a small voice.

"Derek," Spencer grabbed the older mans hand and Derek opened his eyes. "I would be fine if we swore to celibacy for life. I just want to be with you. That's it."

Now, tears did fall from Derek's eyes and he squeezed the hand holding his. Spencer leaned over and wrapped Derek in an awkward hug that both of them needed and he felt the older man start to really cry. He shook with tears and sobs and seemed to just let go all of what the past forty-eight hours had brought him.

"It's going to be alright, Derek. We'll get through this." Spencer comforted as Derek's sobs died down. Spencer pulled back and wiped the tears from his lover's eyes.

"I don't think I could swear to celibacy for life." Derek joked and Spencer couldn't help but laugh. Things didn't seem so bad now. He and Derek would work on their relationship and Spencer was sure that, in time, they would both be whole again.

The team eventually arrived and all gave their best wishes to Derek. They all seemed relieved that the two of them seemed like they were going to try to work things out and frankly, Spencer was too. Derek seemed to be relaxed but Spencer knew it wasn't forever. Derek could only compartmentalize so much before he had to face what had happened. For now though, he'd be alright.

Eventually, they'd all be alright.

XXX

It was three months after Derek had been taken and the two of them were sitting on their couch watching an old romantic comedy. Spencer had his head tentatively rested on Derek's shoulder and Derek and draped an arm loosely over Spencer.

The older of the two had been enabled to go back to work about a month ago, and even though he still wasn't kicking down doors or tackling unsubs he was happy to not be sitting at home alone.

The team had welcomed him back with open arms and they had all tried not to stare too hard at the then still red scars on his neck. Spencer had been confirmed by Derek that his ego hadn't taken too big a hit and he really didn't become irritated when he caught one of them looking, but Spencer was cautious of not staring anyways.

The two of them had been getting on well. Emotionally they were closer than ever, but physically not much had progressed. Sure, they kissed; little pecks here and there as a show of endearment, and they had made out once or twice, but nothing hot and heavy. Spencer simply didn't want to push Derek and Derek was afraid of being pushed.

So here they were, sitting on the couch, touching each other as much as possible without being intimate while watching two people fall in love.

Spencer heard Derek sigh and looked up at him.

"You okay? Are they hurting?" He asked, indicating the scars.

"Do you miss it?" Derek asked.

"Miss what?" Spencer furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Having sex." Derek answered.

Spencer gulped. The two of them hadn't spoken of sex at all. Not once.

"I, well… I-"

"Please, Spence," Derek turned so he was facing Spencer completely. "Don't lie."

Spencer sighed. "Yeah, I do. But I'm not going to love you any less because of it."

"But you do miss it?" Derek asked, a pained sort of expression on his face, which made Spencer anxious.

"If anyone loses something they enjoy they're going to miss it." Spencer said simply, shrugging in a non-committal way.

"But you're saying-"

"I rather be with you and not have sex rather than with someone else and have it."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Why?"

Spencer sighed again. "Derek, I love you and I almost lost you. Nothing is going to take you away from me. Nothing."

The two sat for a while before Derek spoke up again.

"I'm sorry,"

"For what, baby?"

"I don't know. I know it's not my fault but… I just wish it were different. I wish you didn't need to, you know, please yourself."

Spencer blushed. He guessed it would have been easy enough for Derek to put two and two together when Spencer started to have those long showers or excuse himself to the bathroom for extended periods of time, but he hadn't been expecting it to be brought up.

"Don't think I didn't know what was going on." Derek said softly, as if reading his thoughts.

Spencer just laughed. "It's not as bad as it seems. It used to be all I did, so it's not like it's new territory or anything."

Derek sighed. "I just want to be able to give you what you want."

"I have what I want, babe. You."

Derek smiled a small smile before kissing Spencer on the temple. "You're amazing." He whispered.

"No, that would be you." Spencer smiled before turning back to the TV.

There were quite a few minutes of silence and Spencer opted to put his head back on Derek's shoulder. It was a small gesture, but any touch he was aloud, he would take.

Derek sighed and leaned in to the touch before speaking quietly.

"I miss it too."

Spencer lifted his head to look at the man, searching his eyes.

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I remember what we had and it was so…" Derek seemed at a loss for the word but Spencer let him take his time. "Beautiful." He finished.

"That's an accurate descriptor." Spencer smiled.

"And I want it. I want it again."

"Well, when you're ready we'll take it slow and-"

"No," Said Derek turning fully towards Spencer again. "I'm done waiting and feeling sorry for myself."

"Derek, I-"

"No," Derek shook his head again. "You're not her. You're not him either. You are Spencer. My lover and best friend. And I'm going to make this work. I'm going to make it right."

"Derek, seriously. We need to talk more about-"

"I want this now." Derek said softly, looking at Spencer with what looked like desperation in his eyes. "Please,"

"W-we have barely even made it past kissing. We've made out twice! We have to ease into this."

"There's no point. I want you. Right now."

Spencer couldn't help the flutter of his heart. He wanted this so bad but he couldn't do it.

"I-I can't hurt you, Derek. I can't."

"You won't. I'll make sure it doesn't come to that." Derek stood and held his hand out to Spencer. "Please, baby."

Spencer was so torn between giving in and staying strong, but the look in Derek's eye seemed determined. Spencer couldn't pass it up. Rejection would be too hard on his fragile lover.

"Okay," He agreed, taking the outstretched hand and standing with Derek. The older of them seemed at a loss for what to do, so Spencer gently put his hands around Derek's neck and pressed his lips slowly to the others.

There was a moment, a small moment, where Derek seemed to be hesitating, but after a moment the lips began to move against Spencer's. He felt Derek's arms wrap slowly around his waist, and even though the hold was loose, it still felt good to be held.

Spencer did not heat the kiss up. As determined as Derek was, Spencer was not taking any risks that involved Derek pulling away and feeling guilt and fear. Their lips moved in tandem, but it was loving, not needy.

After a minute, Spencer pulled back slightly and looked in to Derek's eyes for some reassurance. What he saw was mostly shock, and he instantly felt Derek's arms tighten.

"I've missed holding you so much." He breathed and Spencer kissed him once more before taking his hand and slowly guiding them to their bedroom.

Once they were in the room, Spencer took off his sweater vest and tie. His pants quickly followed them and then he sat on the bed, wearing nothing but his button-up shirt and boxers.

Derek stood there, somewhat hopeless just watching. He seemed at a loss for what to do, so Spencer patted the bed beside him and Derek sat down. Spencer trailed his hands up Derek's chest before fisting his shirt gently and pulling him in for another kiss. It was still slow, but there was a deeper aspect to it.

"I'm going to take this off now, okay?" He asked, indicating the shirt in his hands.

Derek gulped and nodded and Spencer made slow work of lifting it over his head so that Derek could back out at any time. Once it was off Spencer just stared at the expanse of body. Derek had been changing in the bathroom and Spencer hadn't seen much of anything since that fateful night he was taken.

"So perfect," Spencer murmured, running his hands over Derek's chest. When the trailing fingers came to rest at the scar on Derek's shoulder, he felt the older mans hands at his elbows, halting him.

"Sorry," Spencer whispered, not moving an inch.

"It's fine just… go slow."

Spencer nodded and continued his roaming, moving his fingers to Derek stomach.

"Can we get this off?" Derek asked after a while, tugging at Spencer's shirt.

"Would you like to do it?"

Derek nodded and moved his hands to Spencer's neck, undoing the first button.

When three were open, Derek dipped his head to kiss at Spencer's exposed collarbone.

"Mmm," Spencer sighed. "That feels nice."

Derek continued to kiss there until all the buttons were open, then he lifted his head to pull the fabric off Spencer's shoulders.

"This feels weird." He laughed quietly. "It's like our first time all over again."

Spencer laughed too. "Except this time, I'm not shaking with nervousness."

Derek shook his head. "I feel like I don't know what to do."

Spencer shrugged. "Do what feels good."

Derek nodded and leaned forward to latch his mouth onto Spencer's jaw line. Spencer let his eyes flutter shut at the foreign but oh so familiar feel of Derek's mouth there.

Derek slowly moved until his lips were teasing behind Spencer's ear and the younger had to bite his lip to keep from saying or doing something too forward. But after a minute, Derek pulled back.

"Does it not feel good?"

"What? No, it feels great. Why would you-?"

"You're the loudest person I know when it comes to just simply making out, but you haven't made one noise."

Spencer blushed. "I didn't want to scare you."

"Scare me? I've heard you moan before, Spencer."

"I know, but… I don't know. I'll make noise if you want me too."

"Only if it feels good…"

"Believe me, it feels great."

Derek smiled and kissed Spencer's lips. This time it was definitely more passionate. There was love and lust and a plethora of emotions that neither knew what to do with, but it didn't matter.

Spencer pulled away after a while and pointed to Derek's jeans. "Want these off?"

Derek nodded. "I'll do it, though."

Spencer watched as Derek stood and pulled the pants down agonizingly slow, and Spencer was well aware that Derek was teasing.

"Come on, Derek. Cut it out."

"Sorry," He grinned. "I just love watching you squirm."

Spencer stood too. "I think we should strip together. You know, so one of us isn't naked without the other."

Derek grinned. The sentence was similar to one Spencer had used their first time and the memory was one of Derek's favorites.

"Okay, sounds good."

Spencer nodded and slowly began to work his underwear off and watched as Derek did the same. Once they were both completely naked, they stood for a while, just looking over each other. The territory was strange and alien, yet domestic and comforting at the same time and both of them couldn't help the awed looks come across their faces.

"Can I… touch you?" Derek asked.

Spencer was somewhat shocked but nodded. "If you want to. Don't force it."

"I want to," Derek confirmed, eyes roaming over Spencer's whole body.

Spencer gulped and closed his eyes. He felt Derek's hand wrap around his half-hard length and he let out a shaky breath.

"Good?"

Spencer nodded. There were a few experimental tugs and Spencer whimpered quietly. A moment later he felt Derek's sweet breath ghost over his face and Spencer opened his eyes to see two big brown ones a couple inches from his. They were looking back and forth between Spencer's as if searching for reassurance. Spencer pressed their foreheads together and stared at Derek's mouth.

"So good," He murmured and moaned when Derek swiped his thumb over Spencer head. Spencer grabbed onto Derek's arms for support.

"Can I t-touch you too?"

He felt Derek nod and slowly reached a hand between them. He was happy to find that Derek was already fully hard, meaning he was finding this enjoyable but was still cautious with his movements. Derek groaned low in his throat and Spencer looked up at him through his long lashes.

"Move this to the bed?" Spencer suggested and Derek nodded.

Spencer lay down first; adjusting his hips so they were set wide so Derek had an easy time nestling between them. The older of them looked a little fearful and nervous but Spencer gave an encouraging smile and reached into the drawer for the lube. The sight made Derek's eyes grow wide.

"Do you want me to do it?" Spencer asked, not wanting to pressure the older man.

"No. No, I'll do it." He said, taking the lube and opening it. He was slow in putting some on his fingers, but even more hesitant once he'd found Spencer's entrance. But Spencer nodded and encouraged.

The first finger made the younger man hiss and Derek immediately stopped all movements.

"Are you-?"

"No, I'm fine. Give it a sec."

They waited together and Spencer took calming breaths before giving the go ahead.

"Sorry, it's just been long enough to hurt right off the bat." He murmured trying to keep his Mind off the one finger still moving into him.

The second finger took longer and Spencer couldn't help but apologize. When Derek stopped for him to relax he gave Spencer a calming look.

"It's not like I expected you to keep yourself stretched for me. Don't apologize."

"Yeah," Spencer breathed. "But this would've been easier if I had. I should have thought of it before."

"Seriously, it's fine." Derek amended before adding a third finger.

"Ah!" Spencer clenched. "Stop! Stop for a moment."

"Sorry!"

"Spencer shook his head and took three deep breaths. "Okay, go."

Derek nodded and continued the preparation, after a few minutes Spencer sighed contentedly.

"Feels good, now. I'm ready."

"You sure?"

"Mm hmm."

Derek looked nervous as he slicked up but Spencer smiled at him.

"You look gorgeous."

Derek laughed. "I wish you could see yourself right now."

It hurt initially as Derek pushed in, but after a moment the burn turn into a fire that certainly had nothing to do with pain.

"You can go,"

The thrusts were hesitant at first but building speed at every pleasure noise Spencer made.

"Oh, yeah. So good." He gripped at Derek's biceps for support and panted softly.

"You feel great, baby." Derek cooed. "You're so tight."

"Mm, so big." Spencer sighed.

Derek's movements became more frantic and Spencer grabbed the back of his neck and guided him down for a long kiss. "Perfect. So perfect." Spencer let his hand wander to the three scars on Derek's throat. He hadn't touched them before, only looked, but they were no longer scary, they were reminders of why he was with this man.

Derek smiled at him, but it was nervous.

"These are beautiful." Spencer whispered and Derek's smile was huge. Spencer kissed him again, longer but more difficult since the power of Derek's thrusts were jolting both of them.

"You're mine." Derek whispered.

"Always." Spencer smiled.

Derek sat up slightly and Spencer cried out.

"Oh! God! There! Right there!"

"Here?" Derek pushed harder.

"Nnngghhh! There! Yes!"

"You close?"

Spencer whimpered. "So close," He bit his lip and wrapped his legs tightly around Derek's waist, pulling him impossibly closer. He grabbed at Derek's sides so he could contribute in working the length in and out of himself and brought his hips up with every thrust to make Derek go deeper.

"Ugh, pretty boy." Derek moaned.

"Cum inside me Derek." Spencer whined.

"Ahh. Gonna have to. Soon."

"Come on, baby. Fill me up."

"Mmm, Spence." Derek wrapped a talented hand around Spencer's cock and the younger mans head almost exploded.

"Oh God! YES!"

"You like that?" Derek was rolling his hips in urgency, trying to hold out but knowing he was on the edge, right at the peak.

Spencer's mouth form a perfect 'O' as he gasped for breath, chest moving up and down rapidly.

"I'm almost there, baby." Derek groaned. "So close."

"I want you to fill me now," Spencer said, gaze filled with lust.

"I… I… AHHH! Fuck!" Derek tensed as he released his load in Spencer and double his effort with his hand still firmly wrapped around the younger mans length.

Spencer was close behind, his prostate being jammed as Derek stilled.

"Oh fuck! Derek! Mmaahhh!" Spencer cried and came between the two of them, rocking back and forth with the force of the orgasm.

Derek let himself catch his breath before rolling off of the small body and laying beside him. He wrapped Spencer in his arms almost immediately, disregarding that he was extremely hot.

It felt odd to lay there with Derek's body wrapped around his. For the past three months the closest they'd been while sleeping was holding hands and even that hadn't happened very often. But the action was still familiar.

"You're my saving grace." Derek murmured into Spencer's hair. "I love you."

"I love you too," Spencer said happily and ran his fingers over the scars once more.

"How can you think they're beautiful?" Derek asked, unsure.

"They remind me of why I never want to let you go again. They're a reminder of why I love you."

"Because I got taken?" Derek frowned.

"No, because you are you. And no one else is like you, and these scars prove it. We've come closer together emotionally because of them and I think they'll bring us together spiritually and physically as well."

Derek sighed. "I like that idea."

Spencer nodded and snuggled closer. There were still things to deal with, still things to work through, but this was perfect. This moment was flawless no matter how flawed they were.

And that was how it was going to stay.

The end! Ahh! It's been such an amazing ride, writing this story and I thank all of you who reviewed favorited or added this your alerts! You guys are what keep me going and your support is unbelievable.

I hope you liked it! Be sure to tell me if you want :D

Love always! Xoxoxo