A/N: . . . Crack. Pure crack. I'm sorry. Wait. NO, I'm not!

-Uses For Weasley Wizarding Wheezes, #26-

"LUCIUS!"

He flinched at the scream, but steeled himself and went to see what the Dark Lord wanted.

He came to an abrupt halt in the doorway, grey eyes wide, at the sight before him. The Dark Lord was sitting on the floor, in a puddle of robes.

"Lucius, do something!" Voldemort barked.

"Yes, Master," he murmured quickly, and went to help Voldemort up.

They stood there for a long moment, in utter silence, while Voldemort contemplated the edge of the table, which was about level with his eyes.

Finally, the Dark Lord stamped his feet and squeaked, "Who laced my firewhisky with a de-aging potion?"