Hi hi! Neena here :D I had so much fun writing this oneshot, you have no idea how much XD I made myself giggle (and usually, I don't amuse myself). Anywho, this oneshot, Omega, is dedicated to SasukeMyBro. :D SasukeMyBro, thanks for all your reviews, and for your request, I hope you're pleased with what I've tossed out! I hope that everyone else is pleased as well! Remember, review after you read. When I get lot's of favorites, story alerts, etc, and no reviews, it makes Neena sad D: so, make Neena happy by reviewing! :D

Omega: The Greek word for 'the end'. Uzumaki Naruto attacks Hyuuga Hinata's father after mistaking him for a pedophile and Uchiha Sasuke curses the auto correct function on his iPhone after sending a text to Haruno Sakura. Their lives are officially over.

Warning: severe language. Sasuke and Naruto like to swear. A lot. F-bomb is dropped 16 times, so if you are sensitive to language, then please leave :)

Prompts:

There was a girl roaming around a store with a man tailing a few feet behind her. He even followed her onto the sidewalk and ran up to the girl like he was going to grab her, so what did I do? I tackled him. As it turned out, the man was her father. FML.

'My poophole is going to close soon, be sure to come over and have fun after you recover.'

'...what?'

'...fuck.' Damn smartphones with their auto correct functions.

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"My life is fucked," a blonde whined, tipping back in his chair, his dark blue eyes scrunched shut.

"What did you do this time, you idiot?" his companion replied with what appeared to be disinterest.

"What makes you think I did something, huh?"

"Naruto, normally, when a person says 'my life is fucked' it means 'I did something I shouldn't have'. So what did you do? Piss on the teacher's lawn again?" Uchiha Sasuke smirked, folding his arms across his chest.

"I-I couldn't find a bathroom! Plus, he failed me for the semester...that bastard," Naruto defended, glaring. He snapped back into the correct sitting position and his chair made a loud 'bang' before he mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Sasuke asked, leaning towards his friend.

"Y-you know that Hyuuga girl?" the blonde stuttered as he placed his head on the desk, folding his arms around it.

"Hinata?"

"Yeah, that one..."

"What about her?"

Naruto sighed before sucking in a breath. "I was leaving Ichiraku's—did you know they had a special two for one deal yesterday?" he interrupted himself, head popping back up excitedly with a huge smile.

"Hn. Don't care," Sasuke muttered.

"Right...anyway..." Naruto's smile fell and he nestled his head back into his arms on his desk. "I happened to see Hinata-chan across the street in the shoe store...and I didn't really think much of it until I saw some strange old man following her." He paused. "So, being the Good Samaritan that I am, I followed them—"

"You followed them," the Uchiha cut in with a raised eyebrow, disbelieving. "That's borderline stalking, I hope you know that."

"Shut up, Teme," Naruto snapped, glaring at his desk. "So, I followed them," he continued. "When Hinata-chan started walking down the sidewalk, the man ran up to her...and I panicked, okay? I panicked!" His head shot up again, lips puckered sourly as he glared at his best friend. "I ran across the street and tackled the guy, 'cause he was a pedophile, you know?"

"Get on with it."

"Right." Naruto slammed his head down on his desk, groaning in pain in the process and causing everyone in the classroom to glance over in his and Sasuke's direction. "That 'old pervert' was Hinata-chan's father, Teme—Hyuuga Hiashi, the famous business guy."

Sasuke paused, never blinking, and with a straight face said, "You're fucked."

"I know."

Not only would Hinata's father have it out for him, but Hyuuga Neji, Hinata's cousin and Sasuke's friend, would be out for blood too. Then there was Hinata herself. Naruto groaned again. No doubt she would avoid him thinking that he was some weird stalker who was borderline psycho.

"Why?" Naruto muttered to himself in agony.

"Because you're an idiot," Sasuke simply said, smirking when Naruto's face nearly went purple.

"It was a rhetorical question."

"I'm aware of that."

"You enjoy my pain, don't you?"

"Hn."

And the usual glaring competition commenced, Sasuke in the lead like always—being the king of glares and all. Until,

"U-um...N-Naruto-kun?" a shy voice asked.

The blonde sent one last nasty look to the Uchiha, flipping him off for good measure, before turning in his seat to look at the person who had called for him.

And he nearly fell out of his chair and onto the floor—instead, his hands gripped the sides of his seat painfully tight and his mouth started moving up and down. Well, he certainly looked retarded.

It was Hinata. Daughter of the man he had jumped just the day before. Fuck.

"H-Hinata-chan..." he finally mumbled, awaiting the explosion.

The girl turned a shade of red, one that Naruto thought was quite pretty, and poked her fingers together—a nervous habit of hers since the first grade. She gulped and blinked her pupil-less eyes at him shyly. "Um...I..." The Hyuuga girl broke off when a monstrous voice roared,

"Uzumaki!"

It was Neji. As in Hyuuga Neji. It was official; the life of one Uzumaki Naruto was coming to an end.

A tall, long-haired brunette with his hair pulled into a low ponytail and pearly eyes stormed into the classroom, clearly furious. Once he spotted the blonde, trying to cower and blend into his desk, Hyuuga Neji, the destroyer of all that was Naruto, stalked over to the corner of the room where his cousin, friend and object of his wrath were.

"Uchiha," he greeted Sasuke curtly.

"Hyuuga," Sasuke replied, equally tart. Yes, the two were friends—they just couldn't get rid of old habits, such as glaring each other down and rudely greeting one another.

"Hinata-sama." Neji turned to his cousin and bowed his head respectfully. Then, he shifted his gaze to Naruto, who was trying to scoot out of his seat and bolt for the door before anyone noticed.

"Uzumaki." His tone was chilling, enough so to make Naruto jump and sit completely erect in his chair like a statue. "Care to explain your...activities from yesterday?"

"Aha..." The blonde of the bunch laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "You mean that two for one ramen deal at Ichiraku's? It was awesome, I ate eight bowls for only the price of four—"

"I'm talking about the incident concerning Hiashi-sama and Hinata-sama." Neji glared down at Naruto fiercely—almost as fiercely as Sasuke himself. He slammed his hands down on Naruto's desk.

A male voice sighed with disinterest, interrupting the fight, or the almost-fight. "Students, all of you sit, homeroom starts now. That means you, Hyuuga Neji and Hyuuga Hinata. Please find your seats."

Sasuke scoffed. Damn Kakashi...shows up late every morning and then gets mad when people aren't sitting in their seats.

Hatake Kakashi had strolled lazily into the room shortly after Neji had demanded an answer from Naruto, one of his perverted, erotic books in hand and a mask covering his mouth as if he had a cold.

"Pervert," Naruto snorted to himself with crossed arms.

"What was that, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, lowering his graphic novel to peer over at his student.

"Herbert. I said Herbert. I named my fish Herbert."

"Of course you did. In the future, keep your comments to yourself, unless of course, you want to skip lunch and stay here with me for detention." The silver haired man raised his single, visible eyebrow—his hair covered half of his face while the rest stuck almost directly up. Odd. When the blonde just sniffed haughtily, Kakashi shook his head. He grabbed the attendance clipboard and studied it briefly, glancing at the students in the room every once in a while.

"Is Haruno Sakura absent?" he asked aloud.

A hand shot into the air—Yamanaka Ino's hand, to be precise. "Sakura's sick," she announced.

At once, murmurs spread throughout the room like a wildfire. Haruno Sakura was absent? She was never, ever, under any circumstances absent—she even came to school with a cold if she had one. Her attendance record was spotless, like fresh snow.

Uchiha Sasuke's eyebrows knitted together. Hn...Sakura's absent...

"Very surprising," Kakashi noted, scribbling a little check mark next to her name.

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Naruto had been smart enough to ask to go to the bathroom a couple of minutes before the bell had rang so he could get a head start in running from Hyuuga Neji. He was crouching behind a locker, one that Sasuke was leaning nonchalantly against, when he demanded,

"Teme, hide me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

The two glared at each other, eye narrowing, teeth grinding. Then, Naruto's eyes lit up mischievously and he grinned like a fox.

"I'll ask Ino about Sakura-chan's absence."

When the Uchiha started, a puckering glare forming on his face shortly thereafter, Naruto grinned even wider—he had hit the nail on the head.

"Why would I care about that?" Sasuke seethed.

"Because you like Sakura-chan, you like her," Naruto accused, jabbing his friend in the thigh.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do, everyone knows it too."

"I don't."

"You do." Naruto waggled a single finger with a crooked smirk and a raised eyebrow. "No need to deny it, Teme. Sakura-chan's pretty, smart and nice too—"

"Uzumaki!"

Shit. Neji.

Naruto gulped, panicking, before blurting, "You talk about her in your sleep!"

Uchiha Sasuke felt the strangest feeling crawling up the back of his neck and around his ears. Embarrassment, was it? A low growl erupted from somewhere deep in his throat, and, if it had been anyone but Naruto standing next to him, they would have backed away in fear. "Shut up and get in," he snapped, throwing open the door to the locker he was leaning on. He glowered darkly as the blonde grinned goofily and crawled into the locker.

"I knew you'd hide me."

"Hn." Sasuke slammed it shut and leaned up against the door.

And not even a second later, a furious brunette skidded to a halt in front of him. "Uchiha," the Hyuuga panted, glancing around in every direction like a hawk. "Where's the idiot?"

Sasuke grunted before pointing down a random hallway without caring. Neji nodded his thanks and sped off.

"You're dead, Uzumaki, hear me? Dead!"

There was silence for a few moments before Naruto whispered from inside the locker, "Is he gone?"

"Aa," Sasuke muttered.

"Great! You can let me out now."

A sudden smirk crossed Sasuke's features—he was absolutely devious, a complete genius. "Hn." He cast a look at the locker before standing up straight and walking down the hallway.

"Teme?" Naruto called after hearing fading footsteps. "Teme? You can't leave me here! Teme!"

Uchiha Sasuke ignored the protest with a relaxed smirk. Oh, he certainly did enjoy Uzumaki Naruto's pain.

"Teme!"

Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets, continued strolling down the hallway and when his hand brushed against his iPhone, a sudden idea burst through his brain. He looked over his shoulder to see if a teacher was behind him before taking out his smartphone and quickly texting a message.

Locker 723, combination 7-4-10.

He clicked on Hyuuga Hinata's name and pressed send. The way he looked at it, he was doing Naruto a favor—Hinata was obviously smitten with the idiot, and Naruto fancied the girl. Uchiha Sasuke was officially a genius.

He was about to put his phone back where it belonged when a name on the screen caught his eye.

Haruno Sakura.

Sasuke stared at it for a while, internally debating on whether or not to send her a message. Would it be weird? His grip on his phone tightened and he sighed.

My poolhouse is going to close soon, come over and have fun after you've recovered.

He stared at the message. "Hn," he grunted as he pressed the send button.

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Sasuke was sitting in chemistry when he felt a buzzing sensation in his right pocket—his iPhone was going off. It's Sakura, he realized, looking up at the teacher in the front of the room before removing his cell phone.

...what?

His brows furrowed at the question. What did she mean 'what'? Hadn't he been very clear?

I mean exactly what I said.

Confusedly, he pressed the send button again. Had her illness affected her brain? Sasuke almost snorted. His phone buzzed again.

Ew...not happening.

Ew? He thought in irritation. What exactly was so gross about going to his private pool house? It meant swimming for God's sake. Sasuke scrolled upwards through his previous two messages.

What he saw nearly made him slip out of his seat face first.

"Fuck," he hissed, rubbing his hand over his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What was that, Uchiha-san?" Kurenai, the chemistry teacher, asked politely.

"Nothing," he replied, stuffing his phone into his pocket. The teacher sent him a curious type of look before turning back to the white board and writing another formula on it. Sasuke kept in a groan. No wonder Sakura was grossed out. His first message had actually said:

My poophole is going to close soon, come over and have fun after you've recovered.

Uchiha Sasuke was fucked. Like, seriously fucked. Fuck auto correct, he snarled to himself.

...fuck. Sakura, that's not what I meant, I meant pool house.

He hurriedly pressed send and rested his head on his desk. He and Naruto had experienced the biggest 'fail' moments of the century in two consecutive days they deserved a reward for being utterly retarded. His phone buzzed.

Sure you did…

He texted back,

Yes, I really meant pool house, my smartphone auto corrected it.

Sasuke hastily shoved his phone back into his pocket, furious. Damn auto correct, who the fuck came up with that anyway? I'll sue.

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Hyuuga Hinata carefully reread the cryptic message from Sasuke. Does he want me to go to the locker? She twirled a strand of dark black, almost violet hair around her pointer finger. "Um...Asuma-sensei..." Hinata hesitantly raised her pale hand. "M-may I use the restroom?"

The older man chewed on the end of his cigarette—was it even legal to smoke in a school building?—before lazily nodding his head and waving his hand as if to say 'shoo'.

Hinata hustled out of the room and took out her phone to reconfirm the locker number. Locker 723...723... She trotted through the hallways, finger skimming the locker numbers. "Here." She stopped at her destination and looked it over. Combination 7-4-10... As she turned the dial, the last number making a small clicking noise, Hinata pried open the door.

And she squeaked.

Uzumaki Naruto tumbled to the ground, face first, bum up.

"W-w-what is...why..." she stuttered, backing away as the blonde groaned and sat up, rubbing his sore face.

"I'm gonna kill that bastard..." he muttered. Naruto turned his head to the side, and once he noticed Hinata standing there, he jumped to his feet. "H-Hinata-chan..." His big blue eyes were wide. "W-why are you here?"

"I...I..." She gulped and fished in her pocket for her phone. "Sasuke-san sent me this..." Flashing the text at him, she blushed bright red and backed away even further.

"This..." Naruto started, not exactly sure how to proceed with the awkward situation. "Teme locked me in here!" he shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at the accursed locker where he had spent nearly all of second period. "I was running from Neji—the bastard tracked me here—and then Sasuke just shoved me into the locker and locked it!" the blonde explained as he threw his hands around in the air, making crazy motions every few seconds.

"O-oh, I see..."

"Really!"

Hinata pressed her fingers together again, the nervous habit rearing its head.

"Boy, I was so glad to see you, Hinata-chan!" Naruto beamed, patting her arm. She nearly squealed and fell—Naruto was touching her, as in touching her. "Well," he chuckled awkwardly, patting again, "I'll see you later; I gotta find Teme..." Naruto tacked on a nervous laugh before spinning on his heel and turning to run.

Dammit...Hinata-chan probably thinks I'm some weirdo! He wanted to smack himself. Repeatedly.

"U-um, Naruto-kun..." she said as loudly as she could. Surprised, he looked over his shoulder. "I...I just wanted to...to say th-thank you..."

"Thank...you?" Naruto echoed, completely perplexed.

"Yesterday, when you...when you tackled my father...thank you." She smiled softly.

"But—but I tackled your father...in public." The thought made him shudder.

"W-well yes..." Hinata giggled. "But it means...well, it means that y-you were looking out for me...so, thank you." Her face was completely red, from her neck, to her ears, to her cheeks.

"Well you're welcome...I guess." Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously, and then, he impulsively said, "Call me anytime you need my manly services." As soon as the sentence came out of his mouth, he clamped it shut and placed his hand over it, horrified. Had he...had he actually just said that? "That's not what I meant!" he quickly covered. "I meant, call me any time you need me to jump strange men—no!" He smacked himself on the forehead. "Forget that too, what I'm trying to say is..." He took a deep breath, feeling a blush creeping up on him. "Just call me if you're in trouble...I'll save you."

Hyuuga Hinata could only stare in shock. Was this some sort of weird confession? Her face turned even redder at the thought. "Th-thank you..." she murmured—she really didn't know what else to say, it was like her brain was malfunctioning and refusing to process what had just happened.

"And, Hinata-chan..."

She turned her shy gaze to meet his.

"There's a special 'Lady's eat free day' at Ichiraku's tomorrow...do you...do you want to go with me?" Naruto hung his head, he was far too embarrassed to be facing her fully. He was probably red from head to toe.

"I—I'd love to," Hinata said in the most confident voice she had ever used.

Naruto's head snapped back up, his eyes sparkling. "You serious?"

"Yes."

"Seriously serious?"

"Y-yes, seriously serious." Hinata laughed.

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While Naruto was having a productive day, Uchiha Sasuke was going in reverse. Haruno Sakura officially thought that he was some kind of pervert. Great. It was lunch break and Sasuke wanted to impale himself with a plastic spoon—really, those things were actually quite dangerous, as proven by Naruto when he had cut his tongue on one.

"—and then, I asked her to go with me to Ichiraku's and she said yes, Teme, yes!" Naruto babbled.

"That's great," Sasuke said sarcastically, narrowing his black eyes in irritation.

Naruto frowned, his lips twisting down. "Someone's a mister grumpy gills…"

Sasuke's face contorted. "The hell?"

"Did you make Sakura-chan mad?"

"No."

"C'mon grumpy gills, you can tell me."

"Shut it, fucknut."

Naruto raised a blonde eyebrow in amusement. Fucknut? That was a new one. "So, I got it right?"

Sasuke glared at his lunch, which consisted of a plastic bottle of milk and various tomato dishes.

"I did, didn't I?" Naruto was pleased with himself. "What'd you do? Huh, huh?" He pressed his face closer to Sasuke's, trying to extract an answer. Sasuke merely smacked the back of the blonde's head, glare still very much intact. "Seriously, Teme, tell me," Naruto whined, rubbing his head with a wince

Wordlessly, Sasuke took out his phone and showed the text to Naruto, who promptly proceeded to laugh loudly like a hyena and slam his hands on the table repeatedly. "Oh, man, teme, God." The boy was choking on air, grabbing at his ribs. "Fail! Total fail!"

As if Sasuke weren't aware of that. The Uchiha glowered shrewdly before smacking his friend again.

"Sorry, sorry." The hysterical laughs turned to barely contained chuckles. "W-what did she do?"

"Nothing. She thinks I'm a pervert."

Naruto snorted and covered his mouth. "You're screwed man, screwed."

Sasuke let out an uncharacteristic sigh. "I'm aware."

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In third period, Sasuke received yet another text from Sakura.

Dear Sasuke, you're a sick pervert.

Love, Sakura.

He glared at the message.

Sakura, blame auto correct

His phone buzzed in his pocket after two minutes.

Sasuke, the error lies with the operator, not the machine itself.

Frustrated, he brought his fist down on his desk, causing everyone, even the teacher who was lecturing, to stare at him. "Spider," he stated, leaning back in his seat. After the attention was diverted he replied.

Dammit, woman, just come over to swim.

Sasuke smirked to himself when his phone vibrated again. He'd totally won.

Sorry, on my period :P

His face nearly went scarlet. What type of girl openly admitted she was on her...her business? And didn't they have...things for that? With shaky fingers, he responded,

So do something about it.

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But I'm out of tampons...

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So get some more.

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Uh, Sasuke, on my period, remember? Not going anywhere...buy some for me?

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Fuck no.

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Please?

He stared blankly at the message. Haruno Sakura...in all honesty...wanted him to buy her tampons?

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Sakura giggled. When she was home from school, her favorite activity was to make the Uchiha squirm—for some reason, it was enjoyable.

Suddenly, there was a knock at her front door and it made her jump. She stood up, brushing off her sweat pant covered legs, and threw it open with a yawn.

There, Uchiha Sasuke stood, disheveled, red faced and holding out a plastic bag with a stiff arm. Sakura blinked.

"Here."

She blinked again. "What?"

"Here," he repeated, forcefully shoving the bag into her hands.

Baffled, she peeked into the bag to see little pink boxes. Little pink tampon boxes. Uchiha Sasuke actually went out and bought her tampons...wow.

"Uh...Sasuke-kun..." Sakura murmured, glancing back and forth between the boy standing on her doorstep and the plastic bag in her hands. "I was kidding..."

His face went blank. "It was a joke," he clarified.

"Uh, yeah." Embarrassed, she shoved the bag behind her. "I'm not even on my...you know." Sakura coughed.

"Then why were you absent?" Sasuke crossed his arms, staring her down. How dare she lie to him—really, how dare she.

"Didn't Ino tell you?" She raised one of her cotton candy colored eyebrows. "I had my tonsils removed yesterday..."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"I loathe you."

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"Ha! She got you good, Teme!"

"Shut up, fucknut."

Well? Likey? Then review! Clicky de button! :D I'm open for requests, so, PM me, or write it in your review! Remember, Neena is happy when there are plentiful reviews.

Mahna mahna~!

Edited: 10/21/12