I'm improvising this because all my comedy writing seems to be better when I improvise

I have already submitted this to my dA quite a while ago, I hope you guys at like it too.

P.S it's supposed to be ridiculous, and Twilight fans if you get so offended that you want to explode please go to a empty field and do it there, this is a joke and not to be take seriously.

One day, in a place in Washington DC there was a vampire, well nobody knew he was a vampire, NOT EVEN HIM! He didn't know he was destined for greatness. His name was Special Agent Seeley Booth and he was an FBI agent who worked with Temperance Brennan, who little did he know was the princess of Hyrule Washington DC. She didn't even know herself, it's almost as if EVERYBODY has amnesia in this story!

Anyways, Booth was doing stuff FBI agents do when suddenly, Hodgins jumped out of nowhere because he can do that!

"Hello Booth, I am here to tell you you're true destiny!" Hodgins said in that creepy voice most characters like this have in video games.

"What! I'm just a normal FBI agent!" Booth said in disbelief and also slightly scared of that strange voice of his.

"No, you are actually a vampire! And it's your destiny to defeat HIM" Hodgins said still creepy.

(Okay, he should stop it with that voice now)

"A vampire! How can I be a VAMPIRE! I walk in the sunlight everyday!" Booth said starting to feel a little scared of the now creepy vampire obsessed Hodgins.

"Yes, but you feel like it's too hot don't you? SO YOU ARE A VAMPIRE AND YOUR REAL NAME IS ANGEL!" Hodgins yelled before throwing some sort of sword at him and almost cutting him in half.

"Really!" Booth asked.

"INDEED!" Hodgins shouted again in reply.

Booth (or Angel) picked up the sword and said: "I shall defeat HIM!"

Booth soon ran out the door with his very dangerously sharp sword which he could've killed somebody with if he happened to run into them. He soon froze then went back to the creepy Hodgins.

"Who is HIM!" Booth asked but too busy staring at how shiny his sword is to look directly at Hodgins (he was acting pretty creepy right now anyways).

"Edward Cullen, he is murdering VAMPIRE DIGNITY!" Hodgins replied in a dramatic tone.

"Oh no! I have to stop him then!" Booth said before running back outside again to look for the evil vampire.

"Remember where there is glitter, there is Edward!" Hodgins shouted dramatically as Booth fled to save the day.

Booth ran to the dark creepy forest, there was a crime scene! He saw a vampire lying on the ground dead, for some reason Brennan was there when she looks at bones not bodies with flesh still on them.

"Hey Bones, what happened!" Booth asked in the way all heroes do.

"It appears this vampire has died because his dignity has destroyed" Brennan said making Booth respond in the hero way.

"I shall destroy the sparkling beast before all the vampire dignity is gone!" He declared making Brennan look so very confused.

(Wouldn't you if your partner started declaring that he's going to kill a sparkling beast?)

Brennan paused for a second "I'll help!" She said also like a hero.

"That's great! The sparkling beast will not stand a chance against us!" Booth said happily "But wait, you don't have a sword!".

"I will fix that!" A voice in the distance echoed across the dark crime scene.

The two turned around to see the creepy Hodgins running up to them with ANOTHER sword.

(Does he have a secret weapon base or something!)

Brennan took the sword and saw how awesome it looked and took it. They were now able to fight the evil beast!

"But there is something I must tell you Brennan! You are the princess of Hyrule-: I mean DC and you have magical powers that Booth does not have!" Hodgins said in his recently usual dramatic voice.

"Wait, she gets magical powers!" Booth said getting a little jealous that Brennan has more power than him.

"YES!" Hodgins yelled "NOW GO! DESTROY THE GLITTER BEAST!"

Booth and Brennan went into the forest to find a very large dungeon, in this dungeon there were allot of strange puzzels that almost burned out Booth's head, luckily Brennan was super smart and she solved them all easily.

Then, the moment of truth happened, they stopped in the boss room to find themselves face to face with the GLITTER BEAST!

"What the hell it took me forever to lock that door from the outside when I was inside here!" Edward Cullen shouted angrily.

"We are here to stop you from destroying VAMPIRE DIGNITY!" Booth exclaimed pointing his sword at him.

"I don't see how he's the glitter beast he isn't even sparkling..." Brennan said a little disapointed.

"UGH! No! It's ANGELBOOTH!" Edward screamed "You will not stop me!"

Suddenly, a giant light turned on the boss room, making him sparkle so brightly, a bat would go blind.

"He really is the glitter monster!" Booth yelled before running towards Edward Cullen and stabbing him.

"HAHA! That thing won't hurt me! Only the pure darkness will stop me!" Edward Cullen said unknowingly telling the two heroes his weekness.

"We must somehow block the light!" Brennan said trying not to look at the sparkles. (no shit)

"I know! I will use the dark magic vampires use to destroy all the light!" Booth said proudly at the thought that he worked out something before Brennan.

Booth suddenly used the dark magic of a vampire and destroyed all the light in the room! Making it completely dark. YES! Edward Cullen cannot use his sparkle powers!

BUT! Neither Brennan or Booth could see through the darkness! They're in even more trouble now!

"I have an idea Booth! I can use my powers to lead is the way!" Brennan said before using her powers to give them NIGHT VISION! They saw Edward Cullen looking terrified of the darkness and Booth used the ultimite vampire power: BITING AND MAKING THEM BLEED TO DEATH!

(wait, why didn't he try this BEFORE they had to make the place dark!)

Edward Cullen bled out on the floor, but just to make sure Brennan used her sword to stake him in the heart.

(Doesn't that mean Booth could've done that instead too!)

After their very short quest was complete, Brennan and Booth wandered out the dungeon with the knowledge that vampire dignity was saved, and no more vampires would die of humiliation...

THE END

And also, for those who want it, Brennan and Booth made out okay? Just so the ending wasn't a COMPLETE disappointment.