Shoutouts: Chibari-Nii, kawaiinekochan16, ShareBearTheDeathBear, princessofpancakes, caelumnoctis23, Fire Princess21, leogirl321, HiBiRdEpIc

So I went on fanfiction and was like WOW…new look?

Chapter 11

Reflection

She was told to go home, but to what exactly? What kind of life was left for her back in Tokyo? One where she was lost, jobless and a burden to her family? She didn't want that, Mukuro was wrong, Hibari was wrong, they were all wrong! This was where she wanted to be, closest to Mori and beside his music. Within proximity where she'd be—hang on…why was she separating Mori and Hibari as if they were two different people?

The door opened, and Bianchi came in with a bag of goods in her arms. She set the bag down on the table and took out boxes of takeaway. "Sorry I went out to buy dinner, didn't think you would be up. Did anything happen while I was gone?"

Many things, actually. Mukuro came in and verbally abused her like he always did, except this time it actually sunk in like a knife. "I only just woke up," Kurara lied. She took the take-out box from Bianchi's hands and ate without another word. She wasn't sure whether she really was hungry or just trying to distract herself, but no matter how hard she tried Mukuro's words had left a deep impression.

Hibari's face starting seeping into her mind, what he'd done to her this morning and everything that preceded it. They both knew loss and agony, what did Mukuro mean by that? Was he implying that there was more to the man she thought she knew? Did it have something to do with the eerie claims Hibari had made about murdering someone? So many questions, so little answers. Life had become a game of snakes and ladders, she'd climb up a ladder and it would lead her closer to the truth, only to slide back down to square one courtesy of everyone around her in Namimori. She went back to asking herself why all of a sudden, Mori and Hibari seemed like two different people when really they were one and the same. Mori was who she came for, and Hibari was what she found. You'd think this was something to celebrate, but why did Kurara now feel like it was something to dread? That's right, there was so much more to this man – dark things (Mukuro had implied) that she was better off not knowing.

"I'm chasing fumes," she muttered.

"What was that?" Biachi asked.

"Nothing." Kurara put her chopsticks down and stared blankly at her food. "Hey Bianchi…?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I'm wrong, for coming all the way to Namimori?"

Bianchi scrutinized her, wondering if it was a trick question. "I think you're stupid for doing it."

Ah, Kurara thought so. No surprise there. People would look down on her for such rash decisions, and this was probably what Tsuna and his friends would think of her. Mukuro was right about how small-scaled her petty problems were, she really was just a self-centered human being.

Bianchi continued, "You're stupid but at the same time I admire you."

Kurara looked confused by this statement, "What do you mean?"

"We make decisions everyday Kura. Stupid ones, the right ones and the wrong ones, but who's to say only one kind of decision should be made? Most people look to make the right decision, avoid the wrong ones and completely ignore the idiotic and rash ones. I admire the courage you had to take the foolish road, and look where it has led you."

"To complete chaos and destruction," Kurara said with dry humour.

"To a new beginning," the nurse corrected.

"I beg to differ. I'm still working a shitty job like I did back in Tokyo."

"Is it really that bad with Hibari around? What about myself? I heard you're getting along with Kyoko and her friends."

"…" she took a moment to think, it was true since moving to Tokyo her circle of…mutual acquaintances had increased quite significantly. Plus she did feel a tad bit more excitement in her life, and she was smiling more often. "I'm not convinced Bianchi. I feel like I'm here for all the wrong reasons," she felt Mukuro's exact words spill from her mouth, "H-How can I love a person when I don't even know who they are?"

"Simple, you get to know him."

"Huh?"

"I'll let you on a secret Kura. A few years before you came, I made a wrong decision."

"What was that?"

"I fell in love with Rokudo Mukuro, and I was very much like you, infatuated but blind. But even though I hate him now and possibly forever, I don't regret it, it was a lesson well learnt."

Mouth agape, Kurara stuttered, "B-Bianchi…"

"Don't blame him, he's a broken man. If only I got to know him before he dragged me along with him, though."

…

…..

….

From that talk onwards and after days and days of slow and painful days, Kurara had come to the conclusion she would postpone packing her bags and taking the next bullet train home and attempt to repatch her brittle relationship with Hibari. If things didn't work out, worst case scenario he would kill her. But she was done with doubts and constant streams of consciousness about how difficult her life was, she would take baby steps into Hibari's world whether it be good or bad. Truth be told, she had no idea what she was getting herself into, but if it meant snuffing out her unhealthy obsession with the man then why not?

The first action she took was begging to change shifts for her morning job. She found out Hibari really was a client and usually hired for weekend afternoons. Kurara's excuse was that she had taken up astrology classes (she wasn't even sure those existed) and had to change shifts. Madam had become sick of her weeks and weeks of persistence so she reluctantly gave in – but only recently. If they weren't short on staff this would've been an entirely different story. "You chose a fine time to inconvenience us" she'd gruffly said.

Kurara also decided it was time she stopped poking Hibari endlessly and start getting to know him like a normal person. As a result, she stopped watching his videos and left it as a reward for every level of progress she made in life. It was hard for her at first, but gradually she learnt to control the urges and waited patiently. Kurara saw less and less of Hibari, occasionally he would walk by though he would ignore her, and other times she'd see him talking to staff or students and observe from afar. It bothered her at first, but now she was somewhat used to it. If anything she felt it was a good way to clear her head and see him as a normal individual rather than a blinding superstar that tempted her inner fangirl.

For now, she was working her Tuesday shift as a janitor. Every one once in a while she'd bump into Mukuro, who was still in disbelief she hadn't caught the first train back to Tokyo the day after his taunting, but Kurara would ignore him as Hibari did to her and move along. She was sweeping rubbish outside the business buildings when someone she hadn't seen since day one came strolling out the automated doors. Dino immediately took notice of the young woman and greeted her fondly. Kurara waved back and thought she might as well strike up a conversation.

"Yo haven't seen you in a while, been okay?" Dino said in a friendly manner.

"A lot has happened since we last talked," Kurara replied truthfully.

He eyed her curiously, "You do look substantially less confused than when I first met you, and older in some ways."

"I guess working here has its consequences." She wasn't lying in telling him that either. She found a new resolve and was working on piecing herself together.

"You should come around this area more often, I never see you on campus."

"They had me moved permanently to the central block, it's a long distance away from here, I'm just filling in for someone." She wasn't unhappy with her assigned area, since it meant she was often with Bianchi.

"Well we can change that, how about coffee sometime?" Dino suggested.

Kurara opened her mouth to refuse, but then she thought about the little opportunities she had to sit down and socialise like everyday people. It was a good time to let herself open up and make some new friends, with all the changes she was going through. She remembered tomorrow was Wednesday, and since her morning shifts as a cleaner had been moved to the weekend she would be free until the afternoon. "I'm good for tomorrow morning…my shift is at two" Kurara said awkwardly. Dino exclaimed quite enthusiastically he had no classes or lectures to attend to until two as well so they were free to converse all morning. For some reason this made her nervous, it was already a universal fact she was a terribly awkward person with no social skills whatsoever, so to be sitting in a café with a charismatic, good-looking foreigner would have her stumbling with words and making a fool out of herself. Nevertheless, they agreed to meet at a local café two hours before work and he insisted on giving her a lift to the uni since they were both headed there anyway. With a tense smile she nodded and bade him goodbye.

"Don't hold me up," he chuckled with good humour, and it scared her that she actually considered doing so for a moment there, not because she didn't like him or anything, but because of her nerves.

Later that day she received a message from one of the janitors that were rostered to clean the Humanities and Sociology buildings that he was ill and if possible she could take his shift. He must have been desperate since Kurara wasn't actually permitted to clean that area. About two and a half months earlier, the day after the double blow Hibari and Mukuro had given her, with the addition of falling into deep depression and having multiple epiphanies and finding her current resolve, Hibari had personally requested she be kept out of his premises which was the reason why she had been moved to the central block. What surprised her was that he did not sully her reputation and merely stated his reason for not wanting her cleaning Humanities and Sociology was that he felt she was too inexperienced compared to the older janitors. He could have gotten her fired if he wanted, and poof – that would be the end of her presence. Kurara firmly believed it was because there was even the slightest amount of compassion within him, even if no one (Bianchi) would believe her. Bianchi thought it would draw too much attention to him and that was the real reason he was merciful.

"Oh Kurara, Takuma asked you to take his shift," a middle-aged janitor named Chia said.

"Yes madam, I just got the message a short while ago."

"Chia is fine. Remember to work twice as hard, god knows why that arrogant Dean refuses to acknowledge you," she noted crossly.

"He says I'm incompetent and too inexperienced. Fair enough, I've only been here about three months."

"And you work like you've been here for years!" Chia cried, lifting her arms in exaggeration. "You know what my theory is?"

Kurara shook her head.

"I think he's just shy and he might be developing a crush on this young janitor," she put an arm around Kurara's shoulder. She began to blush madly and shook Chia's arm off.

"N-No way, we've barely talked. He definitely thinks low of me!"

Chia burst into laughter, giving the shy janitor a painful slap on the back. "Of course I was only joking, that Hibari doesn't seem to have any interest in dating! But if I didn't know, from the look on your face I think you might have a thing for him."

"I-I-I-I don't…"

"You're such a plain girl, with a reserved personality," Chia said with painful bluntness.

Kurara felt an arrow pierce right through her chest, she hung her head feeling rather hurt.

The older woman then cupped Kurara's chin in her small hands and tilted her head down, "But those eyes, though a bit gloomy, I rather enjoy looking at them. There's that kind and gentle glint I hardly find in youngsters these days. I think you would be perfect for that grouch, it's a magnetic mismatch." Chia smiled at her, wrinkles splintering across her wise face.

At this, Kurara felt a little happier, for no one has ever graced her with a compliment about her appearance, even if it was only vague. Chia gave her a pat on the shoulder before leaving, and she was left with a warm tingling sensation that she often felt whenever her parents would praise her for doing chores or something silly. Kurara packed her things so she wouldn't have to return to her locker once she was done with the shift.

Once inside the Humanities and Sociology building, she set to work cleaning with more effort than usual so that Hibari could not complain even if he wanted to. She was sure he would find another reason anyway, but if she did bump into him she would explain that she was only covering for a colleague and wouldn't bother him. Much to her dismay, Hibari was out of sight, and she was down to the last few floors. It was becoming quite clear that she was not going to have a chance to see him. She started into one of the lecture theatres which was presumably empty but as she peeked through the small gap of the slightly open door, she stopped at the sight of the handsome, sharp-eyed Dean conversing with a preppy student.

"Speak of the devil…" she muttered.

"So if I were to conduct a longitudinal study should I consider the possibility that my confounding variables would increase?"

"Possibly, but you're research is not being stretched over a decade so whether you decide on this method or not the results would still level."

It was strange seeing Hibari talk so civilly to a student, because even Kurara knew he was not a social person, but then again, this was his job and he had to be professional regardless. It would be nice to see him giving a lecture, she doubted it would be a humorous session but something told her he was an engaging speaker. She heard from Bianchi that Hibari only taught those in their final year, honour students and onwards, which I guess was to avoid younger years that were still enjoying their campus life rather than focusing on education.

After a few more words exchanged, the student thanked Hibari and hurried down the aisle with an enthusiastic look on his face. Whatever the Dean had said obviously satisfied the student. Kurara took a step to the side to make way for the young man, he barely glanced at her when he walked passed. She felt a sense of envy, would she have ended up just like him if she were able to study here? Past mistakes always brought her mood down, she shook her head with annoyance and boldly pushed the doors open to enter the theatre. Hibari was still organising his papers when he looked up.

Kurara dared not say anything. She held out her cleaning supplies anxiously to indicate she was here for no other reason than that. He didn't take his eyes off her, but she couldn't tell whether he was angry, annoyed, irate or plainly passive because she was too afraid to meet his gaze. She made every effort to lift her limbs and begin work. Slowly but surely she was beginning to manage, but from the corner of her eye, she knew Hibari had not stopped staring at her.