A/N: ...Wow. You people obviously liked this, even though it's complete nonsense.

Paris, who had decided that the weird glittery thing that hit him was pretty enough to keep, stared. It wasn't quite clear what exactly he was staring at; he was just staring. Mika waved a hand in front of his face, but Paris didn't budge. Larten spit on him, but that didn't earn a reaction either. Darren screamed tacos, but that did nothing once more.

"I think we broke him," Mika stated. "Years of pedophilia finally caught up with the poor guy."

Larten waved a hand. "Psh. Pedophilia was the only choice he had. What else can a 700 year old guy do?"

"Well, Seba's only about 100 years younger-"

"Mika."

"Yes?"

"Don't even think that."

Silence reigned, and even Darren didn't scream tacos. For some odd reason, they all started staring too. It was just a question of what they were staring at. (Though one could probably now guess what Paris was staring at - his eyes turned to Darren, whose jaw was dropped in awe, but his gaze seemed to be lower than it should for some reason. I wonder why.)

Of course, one didn't exactly expect Arrow to come barging in riding a horse.

"TALLY-HO!" he yelled. "I SEE SOMETHING STRANGE IN THE DISTANCE! CAPTAIN, PREPARE FOR COMBAT ON THE EASTERN SIDE!"(Just for you little kiddies who fell in love with Arrow.)

Vancha, who appeared out of nowhere, looked through his giant magnifying glass (so big it had to be held with both hands) and responded, "I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, GENERAL! MEN, GRAB YOUR ARMS AND TAKE AIM! THIS WHALE AIN'T GOING TO KILL ITSELF, YOU KNOW, AND TOD IS TERRIBLE AT TELLING STORIES! (1)"

Darren, who saw what was happening, shrieked and quite literally jumped into Paris's arms, who let out a dreamy sigh. Larten and Mika were just wondering what in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was going on.

"STEADY, AIM, AND... FIRE!" Arrow yelled at an army of vampires who decided to appear out of nowhere, and suddenly harpoons and rifles were shot, despite the "no long-distance weaponry" rule the vamps had. Darren screamed like a little girl in Paris's arms, who was daydreaming about... things that are very inappropriate for this T-rated fanfiction. Wait, is this rated K, K+, or T? I forgot. No, seriously, I really forgot. Can any of you tell me what this is rated?

Larten and Mika were yelling at the mentally challenged vamps that no, they really weren't whales and whales can't exactly live in these dry conditions anyway, though they can have Paris if they want. To everybody's surprise, though, the rifles and harpoons were aimed above their heads, and instead the ammo hit something from above. An odd noise was heard, and out of nowhere a killer whale fell from the ceiling, holes in its skin. The vampire army cheered, along with Arrow and Vancha. Darren started cheering too just for the fun of it, tacos completely forgotten, though Paris, Larten, and Mika stared in shock at the large ocean animal that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

It was in those circumstances that Desmond Tiny arrived.

(1) I've never read Moby Dick, but I've heard that it was very boring to read about a guy chasing a whale.

A/N: Sorry it's short. Hope you thought it was funny though. Now I need to go read me some TVF... (P.S. The part about the rating wasn't me joking. Seriously, guys, WHAT THE HECK DID I RATE THIS THING?)