Title: Naughty Bits
Author: Yarsian

Please read and review. Constructive criticism appreciated. Just a fun little romp I've had in my head for ages.

Naughty Bits

The Doctor usually liked the fact his TARDIS was a very friendly (and rather gossipy) ship. It told him many things he probably shouldn't know. However, sometimes there were things he needed to know, things he knew he shouldn't. For instance, he shouldn't know what Rose thought about him, but he needed to know Rose believed he was asexual.

He supposed this began with her Spock fascination or her fascination with Time Lords and other real species—he wasn't sure which. He assumed a while ago that she assumed Time Lords were asexual or had outgrown need for such animalistic tendencies; after all, all he ever told her about Time Lords was that they were far more advanced than any mere human, which was true in many aspects—but not this one.

Actually, this would explain Rose's shock when she found out he did dance, or make the beast with two backs, or—in Jack's words—'get it on,' or whatever the current metaphor for sexual intercourse was in that particular time and space. Which confused him now, she should know, but she still remained oblivious. He decided proving himself would most certainly be fun.

He had wanted to prove to her on many occasions that this was absolutely not the case. Though they had tried to convince themselves otherwise, Time Lords were very sexual creatures.

He had tried to find an appropriate time and place to tell her, and only her—because all he needed was Jack thinking he had a chance—that not only could he have sex, he'd love to try it with her sometime, preferably then and there, if she didn't mind that was. After all, she was a beautiful young Earth girl with a good head on her shoulders. He was a charismatic and fantastically brilliant Time Lord who was rather attractive himself. It would've all gone so perfectly.

Unfortunately, he regenerated right as he found the perfect moment; such was the luck of the last of the Time Lords.

However, the new Doctor was very lucky. He went from rather attractive to very attractive with this regeneration. He nearly licked the mirror when he first saw his new reflection. If there was ever a body to attract Rose in, this would be it. The blonde cricket one wasn't too bad though, and the curly brunette certainly wasn't beaten with an ugly stick.

Curse a Time Lord's racing mind. The focus now was find the perfect moment once again.

So what is a Time Lord to do when attempting to find a perfect moment to seduce his companion? Steal from her cheesy romance novels of course!

He had thought it out perfectly: a nice little picnic, in a beautiful park just outside of New New York. Well technically speaking it was the fifteenth city named New York which made it…He couldn't believe he couldn't shut his mouth. What was this? Operation Seduce Rose Tyler or Operation Bore Rose to Death? Fortunately an adventure presented itself; the Doctor and Rose couldn't resist just one quick adventure, after all, he wanted to get her blood pumping.

Which almost turned into that perfect moment, until he found out it wasn't really Rose at all. And that just wouldn't have been fun.

He tried again, this time at a Rock Concert. As they say "Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll" right? He'd probably leave out the drugs part, after all they wouldn't affect him, but the sex and Rock and Roll he could do.

Alas they didn't end up at the concert, much less in the correct century, and in fact landed in one of the most sexually repressed ages on Earth. He was convinced that not only was he rude and not ginger he was also not nearly as lucky as he previously assessed.

This is where time had left him, sitting in the TARDIS library in one overstuffed chair, Rose in another across the room, both of them physically and mentally exhausted after saving a famous monarch from a werewolf only to be banished for the trouble. Behind his copy of Temporal Physics for Dummies (44th Gallifreyan Edition) he had hidden a copy of the Kama Sutra, looking over the various pages and examining, for the 132nd time, which positions he thought he and Rose were capable of getting themselves into. Some light reading before Rose eventually went to sleep and the Doctor went to work planning for the next perfect moment. And if he were perfectly honest with himself (and didn't get distracted) he'd probably find some other activity that would relieve the tension he felt in his body.

"Doctor," Rose called. He looked up quickly, fearing he had been caught.

"Yes Rose?" he answered, swallowing nervously. She was still sitting across the room, but she seemed confused. He had always liked her confused face, and in that short little skirt-overall thing he liked it even more.

"I was just thinking, about how everyone kept calling me naked." Because that's just what the Doctor needed, that image back in his mind. He just hoped his reading glasses didn't fog up.

He took a deep breath and sighed, feigning indifference. "What about it?"

"Well, I realize I was wearing a lot less clothing than everyone else, that doesn't take much, but I was still decent. I had all my," she pulled up her hand, with two finger raised, curling them when she said, "'naughty bits' covered. Isn't that what matters when it comes to being naked?"

The Doctor swallowed hard. Putting his books down ever so carefully, he started, "Well, yes, in your culture and mine generally the only thing you need to cover would be our reproductive organs, or in your words 'naughty bits,' to not be considered naked. However, in that time everything but the face and hands were sort of considered 'off limits' and—" Apparently something the Doctor had said caught Rose's attention because she was staring at him with her head turned to the side and a furrowed brow. "What is it Rose?"

"You have naughty bits?"

The Doctor realized his speech on Victorian culture could wait: his moment was here and he had to pounce! Unfortunately, he is rude and not ginger and ever so good at mucking things up.

"Of course I have naughty bits! How do you think Time Lords survived for millions of years?" He cried indignantly.

"I dunno. I assumed it had something to do with a machine, you know test tubes or something," she said shrugging her shoulders. "It's not a big deal, really. I was just curious."

"Rose, let me assure you, Time Lords reproduced sexually, and let me reiterate, we had, and I STILL have, the equipment to do so."

"But Jack told me a million times that Time Lords are asexual! And, and..." she said exasperated and confused, turning away slightly, her face was red. Clearly, she must be angry.

"And what, Rose?" He asked, completely oblivious. Rose just shook her head.

The Doctor now felt the overwhelming urge to punch something, preferably something known as Captain Jack Harkness, or the members of the High Council who had started the rumor all those millennia ago. Seeing as how the council members were dead, punching Jack in the face sounded like a brilliant idea.

"Rose," he said taking off his reading glasses and rubbing his temples, "that was a rumor started by the Time Lords a long time ago to make us seem superior to other species."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Yeah, I know."

"… Doctor," She said standing, walking over slowly, oh so slowly with a kind smile on her face, her denim skirt on her overalls hiking up slightly with each step, damn those tights, "It's okay, really. Calm down." She sat on the arm of his chair. He couldn't help but notice the lovely contours of her legs, and chest, and just about everything. "I understand you're asexual. It's okay, really. You just need to learn to accept it." She muttered something under her breath, but the Doctor didn't catch it.

He stared at her dumbfounded, complete with a lowered jaw. He really couldn't comprehend that she honestly believed he was asexual. That idea seemed ridiculous to him; completely foreign! Well, no, he had heard of asexual races, but he certainly wasn't from one. He had to think of a plan to prove his sexuality and quick. Second, even if he was asexual, did she really think he wouldn't be okay with it? Really?

"Do you want to see it?" He found himself saying. This was not in his plan. In no way did this fit the plan. Too bad he had already said it.

"What?" Her face became completely incredulous.

"Do you want to see my penis Rose? I know Mickey changed me after I passed out on Christmas, so technically, I guess you could call him for confirmation but I don't think he'd like that conversation too much. So, do you want to see it?"

Rose took several deep breaths. "Doctor, really," she said gently touching his hands, "it's okay to be asexual."

"Rose, remember when we first met Jack? I told you I danced, remember?"

"Yeah, you dance. You know, two people moving around to music?"

"I thought you meant dancing as a metaphor for sex!" He shouted, standing up. His frustration, both sexual and otherwise, was growing at an exponential rate.

"Why on Earth would you think that?" She said also shouting and standing.

"Because Time Lords are sexual creatures. We want and crave sex. We need it. And there I was locked in a little room with an attractive human girl, my mind went…places." He tried to calm himself at this point. Scaring Rose off by getting angry would do no good. He took several deep breaths.

"You wanted to have sex in that hospital that night?" She said confused. "Our lives were in danger, and you wanted to have sex?" Well, she didn't sound exactly angry. That's a good sign, right?

"Along with several times before and after that night." He said looking her in the eye. She broke eye contact first, he wasn't surprised. Although… he saw some promise as to where her eyes wandered.

"Guess you are like every horny bloke out there," She added with a grin and a chuckle.

"Yeah," he mirrored her smile, "suppose I am."

"So, whenever we got close," she said taking a step toward him, "it was just as impossible for you to resist?"

"Well, I suppose I had more control than you," Rose smacked his arm playfully, "but yes I am very attracted to you, and can get quite aroused when the time is right."

"Like right now maybe?" She said examining the slight bulge in his trousers. She hadn't noticed the many times the same bulge had appeared throughout their travels.

"I'd have to get a little harder, but yes, right now," he paused, "if you want."

Rose looked up and back down, this time to the floor. "I'm sorry, but this is a lot to take in," she admitted. "I mean, I didn't think this could happen and, again sorry, but I'm still having a little trouble believing this. I mean, it's not that I didn't want this, it's just I didn't know if it was possible, and then Jack said it wasn't and I'm talking far too much."

"You talk too much? Look who you're talking to. Like I said earlier, do you want to see?" The Doctor asked playfully as his hands went toward his belt buckle. Why he even suggested such a thing, again, he had no idea. It was as if he was being controlled by the writer of one of Rose's trashy novels.

"Yeah, I guess that might help," she answered, attempting to look him in the eye, and failing. The Doctor began to undo his belt. "I've wanted this, I have, but this is so weird."

"What, a game of I show you mine, you…do whatever you need?" he asked as he removed his belt and began working on his trousers.

"I've never seen an alien penis before. I'm trying to prepare myself for anything."

The Doctor began to lower his trousers, "It's really not all that different," Rose looked up, that adorable confused expression on her face, "er, well, that's what I've gathered from text books anyway." His hands stalled over the boxers he was wearing. "Rose, are you sure you want this?"

She took a deep breath, "Yeah," she said quietly, she tried a little more forcefully, shifting on the balls of her feet, "Yeah. I'm ready. It's not like I haven't seen a penis before."

The Doctor lowered his boxers slowly. His intention was to ease Rose into it, though from her point of view it was probably making things much worse. He was finally fully exposed, and that's when he realized how stupid this whole idea had been. He'd probably scarred Rose for life with his antics. Oh well, he—quite literally—already had his pants down.

However, Rose was looking. That seemed to be a good sign. "Wow," she whispered with a little laugh. The Doctor's pride surged. Certainly getting a 'wow' was a good sign. "It's just like a human's, weird bits and all." And with that his pride fell.

"Weird bits?" He asked incredulously.

"Yeah, but they're not important," she explained, "The good things that it usually brings outweigh the overall weirdness." She was smiling now. Smiling again was good. Very good.

"Oh, that's good," said the Doctor, relieved that he hadn't scared her off. He took a few steps toward her, so that their feet were barely touching, noting how she didn't back away. "What sort of good things did you have in mind, Rose Tyler?"

"Oh, you know what every sexual species works for," she said with a grin, moving her face closer to his.

"Oh, so now you believe I'm from a sexual species?" he asked, moving his face so that it was nearly touching hers.

"Maybe, but just having naughty bits doesn't mean you know how to use them."

He moved his mouth to her ear, vaguely remembering a book that had mentioned humans found this erotic, "I take offense to that. However, I'm willing to look past that and give you a special offer. Would you like a personal demonstration, Rose?" He stood still for a moment, listening for Rose's heartbeat. It had picked up significantly from normal.

"I suppose that would be the one definitive way to prove yourself," she said, her head closer to his neck. She gave it a quick nip. "That is, if you're interested," she said pulling her face back to look him in the eye.

"Oh, I've been interested for quite some time," he whispered. He leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly. The kiss started off slowly, their lips moving over each others. The Doctor moved first, gently licking Rose's lips.

Gratefully, she allowed him to enter her mouth. They moved slowly like that for a while, lips gliding across lips, tongues waging very sensual battles until Rose finally needed air.

"You know?" she asked, trying to regain her breath. "I think I like you being a sexual creature."

"I think I like it too," he whispered, "but I think there is something you'd like more." He slowly backed up and lowered himself into his comfy chair, pulling Rose with him. He raised himself up slightly and kissed her neck, where he knew her pulse was racing just below the surface.

"Yeah," she breathed, trying to maintain some semblance of composure, "Think I'd like that." It was here the Doctor began to nibble on that same point. "I'd like that," she practically moaned.

If the Doctor's mouth hadn't been preoccupied with Rose's neck he'd explain that while Time Lords were sexual creatures, he could already tell they had far more control than humans. That was, until he felt Rose's hand grab his member. As she began to stroke him back and forth, he decided that maybe he didn't have as much control as he thought.

His hand slowly made its way up the side of Rose's torso. He gently began fondling her breast, his slow gentle squeezes coaxing her further into pleasure.

She grabbed his other hand, slowly bringing his fingers to her tights. She gently rubbed his fingers against the fabric, stimulating her clit until he caught on and she could use her hand to better balance herself.

They stayed like that for quite some time, locked in lust. The Doctor could feel himself getting far too excited for this and leaned back in the chair. Looking quickly to Rose's neck he noticed the very predominant red mark he had left her with. Part of him felt particularly proud; he had officially 'marked' Rose as 'his' but at the same time he was pretty sure humans still got embarrassed by physical marks of love.

"Rose," he whispered hoarsely, "you should stop if you want to finish this properly."

"Sounds like a plan," she replied. Rose stood quickly, heavily confusing the Doctor. His confusion was completely relieved when Rose reached under her skirt and pulled down her tights and knickers at the same time. She leaned forward grabbing his trousers and boxers and began to pull them further down.

"Impatient?" The Doctor asked as he lifted his hips to help her along.

"You're not the only one who has been waiting for a long time," she replied curtly. Once his clothes were out of the way, Rose settled herself back on the Doctor's lap, her knees on either side of him.

With a wry grin he whispered, "I thought you thought I was asexual."

"Still, one can dream," She whispered back.

Rose was eager. However, the Doctor had slightly different plans.

"Easy Rose, easy," he whispered into her hair. He slowly raised one of his hands and gently began stroking that same bundle of nerves. The Doctor felt her fingers thread into his hair. "Just making sure you enjoy yourself."

"Trust me," she breathed hotly into his ear, which was definitely as erotic as the books say, "I'm enjoying myself plenty. I've waited too long for this." With that she grabbed his penis and positioned it at her entrance. "You ready?"

"Oh yes," he whispered back, as he slowly entered her. The intensity of just being inside of her almost drove him over the edge.

He slowly began to rock back and forth, gently at first. She moaned deeply.

"Sorry," she whispered, "haven't been touched like this in a long while."

"Oh, I don't think you've ever been touched like this." He grinned and thrusted deeply into her. She gasped and her muscles clenched tightly around him. The Doctor felt a wave of pleasure engulf him and instantly decided that a change of position was in order if he wanted this to last.

He moved them onto the floor with Rose's back on the soft carpet and braced one arm behind her head, the other gripping her hip. He moved strongly against her, plunging in and out of her deep folds.

He made sure he responded to every little nuance her body demanded of him. He marveled at how instinctual being with a human could be. She accommodated him smoothly. The more sophisticated parts of his brain still functioning marveled at the beauty that was Rose. She writhed beneath him and let out another moan. His eyes screwed shut as he let out a soft moan, completely involuntary and entirely undignified for a Time Lord, but at this point he didn't care. She was tightening around him and getting louder by the second.

Rose dug her fingers into his back and her walls clenched around him with a shout. The Doctor tried to make things last longer, but to no avail. The ecstasy overtook him and he echoed Rose's shout.

His first conscious thought afterwards was that he had been too fast and that things hadn't been perfect for Rose. He slowly let himself down and rolled to Rose's side. When his eyes managed to finally open he saw her. Rose's smile was lazy and wide. She certainly seemed happy.

"Wow," Rose finally managed to whisper.

"Wow's good?" he asked.

"Very good, best I've had in," she thought about it, "in ever." The Doctor grinned and laughed. Rose continued, "Yeah, definitely ever."

"So," he began, pulling Rose closer to him, "I'm the best?"

"Yeah," she agreed with a wicked smile, "for an asexual being."