Disclaimer: Jo Rowling owns HP. I just torture her characters.

AN: This went in a bit of a different direction than I had /initially/ intended. So enjoy that. It's darker, kind of graphic. RW/HP slash.

Safety:

Harry lay on the camper bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling of Ron's bedroom. Even in the dark of night Ron's bedroom glowed like a faded neon sign. Shocks of neon orange calling out to the night sky, begging to be noticed. He could hear Ron's steady breathing not a foot from him. He had to get out. Now. He had to find the Horcruxes; had to stop Voldemort. But most of all, he had to make sure that his friends were safe. He knew Hermione and Ron had agreed to come with him, to help him, but he knew now he couldn't allow that.

Harry got up, quietly, found his glasses where he had left them and picked up his rucksack. He had his hand on the door handle, turning, when Ron's bed creaked and he froze.

"Going somewhere mate?" Ron asked, sleepily but alert.

"Bathroom, go back to sleep." Harry said hurriedly; he wasn't a strong liar at the best of times.

"With your rucksack?"

Harry sighed, dropping the bag on the floor.

"Where were you going?"

"Doesn't matter." Harry mumbled.

Ron sighed heavily and got up, sitting next to Harry on the hide-a-way bed. "Listen mate, I know you want to get started on our mission, but lets enjoy this small break before life goes to shit okay?"

"You don't have to go." Harry said half-heartedly.

Ron looked down at the carpet, blushing slightly, "I want to." he whispered.

Harry looked at Ron; studied his face, his expression, soft skin, long limbs, freckles, pale skin that glowed in the soft light. How could he put Ron in danger? Even harder, how could he leave him?

"What are you staring at?" Ron asked self-consciously.

"You." Harry answered honestly. "Fuck it." he said aloud.

"Fuck wha-"

Ron's voice was interrupted by Harry's lips on his own. If Ron said he was startled that would be an understatement. He was floored. Shocked. Enamored. Aroused. Needy. Desperate. Ron moved his lips against Harry's, taking their kiss farther than perhaps either of them intended.

Harry grabbed Ron roughly, leaving red marks on Ron's pale neck. Harry didn't care that his glasses were skewing, that his movements were abusive and not as tender as he wanted them to be; but they had to have each other. Harry had to feel himself in Ron; had to know just once what it was like to succumb to these desires. Harry pushed Ron hard into the bed, not hesitating to straddle the taller boy. Harry tugged at Ron's shirt, scrunching it up to Ron's chest, revealing a line of light hair trailing below Ron's waistband.

Harry devoted a moment to memorizing Ron's chest before forcing the shirt over Ron's head and recapturing his lips in a heated kiss. Ron did not remain idle during this time. Despite being dominated his hands roamed up Harry's sides and back down to Harry's hips. Following Harry's rough lead Ron raked his nails in Harry's hips, pulling Harry's heated body toward his own.

Harry grabbed Ron's hands and lifted them above Ron's head, pinning them together. He leaned down to kiss Ron's neck, he sucked and bit at the flesh causing Ron to moan in pleasure and hiss in pain. Harry reached down into the waistband of Ron's pajamas and groped hungrily at Ron's increasing erection.

Ron jerked eagerly against Harry's palm. Harry briefly released Ron's hands and forced Ron's hips still. "Stop." he muttered breathlessly. Ron did his best to obey.

Harry shimmied his body lower and relieved Ron of his pants. He saw Ron's erection and stared at it greedily. His head dipped low and his tongue flicked out, tasting Ron. Ron moaned audibly and his hips jerked upward in unrestrained need.

Harry sat up and slapped Ron. "Stop." He commanded, this time his voice held dominance and the tone thrilled Ron.

Harry's short temper had always caused Harry to be short with people at times, but using that tense energy into his new way was exciting. Ron controlled his wiggling and Harry sank low to taste the redhead once more. Ron fought his instinct to fuck his best friend's hot mouth but part of him - the rebellious part? - wanted to see Harry lose his temper again.

Ron moved his hands swiftly into Harry's untidy hair, gripping the boys scalp. Harry sat up and Ron ached at the loss of feeling to his throbbing hard-on.

"Turn over." Harry commanded.

Ron didn't obey. His eyes were wide - were they ready for this? Ron was thrilled by Harry's commanding dominance but nervous about the prospect of losing his virginity to his best friend so suddenly. They'd only kissed for the first time just now. Wasn't he supposed to have time to process all this?

Harry bend down to Ron's neck, licking his way up to Ron's ear. "Turn. Over." he hissed.

Harry's voice sounded dangerous and Ron obeyed this time. Turning awkwardly between Harry's unmoving legs - the small bed had never been more inconvenient. Harry stood and removed his jeans, they fell to the floor in a near silent whoosh. He tugged at his boxer brief's watching Ron's naked form trying to wiggle into a comfortable position.

"On your knees." Harry barked.

Ron wasn't sure exactly how his body should look and he felt more than slightly self conscious as he arched his ass toward a suddenly dominant Harry.

Harry knew what he wanted, knew he had to take Ron now while they had time. He couldn't express his love, but tension, anger, those were emotions he could show. Harry kneeled on the bed behind Ron, he pushed a finger into Ron's opening. Ron accommodated the foreignness without a word, but a soft intake of breath. Harry was forceful as he worked to stretch Ron - lack of proper lubrication was a negative but that didn't impede Harry in his mission to fuck his best friend.

Harry figured Ron was adjusting well, seeing as he hadn't protested. Harry continued to systematically add fingers until he was fairly sure Ron could accommodate him - then again he had no real idea as this was his first time too.

Harry wanted to savor this moment but dawn was approaching and this wasn't sincere. They couldn't be together after this. This… intimacy was a one night thing. Harry would leave, find the Horcruxes, save the world and probably die in the process. But he would do it alone. He was done risking his friends lives. But he could have tonight with Ron. He had to show Ron that he loved him - had to communicate in some way that Ron meant the world to him.

Harry kissed Ron's neck softly, sensually. It was different from his rough and furious behaviour.

"Mmm, Harry." Ron moaned softly.

That small sound snapped Harry out of his sentimental state of mind. He couldn't hear Ron moan his name in pleasure, or whisper loving words, sensual caresses… leaving would be so much harder if Ron moaned Harry's name in ecstasy or whispered an "I love you". Harry didn't expect that but he couldn't chance it.

He nipped Ron's neck hard, eliciting a hiss of pain. Better. He needed to be hated. Without hesitating he took his fingers from within Ron and positioned his needy cock at Ron's entrance; he was feeling as though he could come any second and knew he wouldn't last long once he entered Ron's tight hole.

Without any warning to Ron he slid himself inside. There was clearly not enough lubrication and Ron was not ready as he cried out in pain. Harry ignored this. He wanted to hear Ron say he loved him. He wanted to feel that they could take their time, be with each other intimately in a loving way. But Harry also knew that the longer Ron stayed with him the closer he was to danger. Everyone would be safer with Harry gone. He felt himself moving out of Ron and plunging back in and Ron cried out again.

"Harry - " he gasped. "Please. Please stop."

Harry heard the words and wanted so badly to listen. He wanted to kiss Ron and tell him he loved him and apologize for ever hurting him. Instead he hissed, "Shut up."

He could feel Ron's muscles clenching, rejecting him. Harry didn't stop. He wanted Ron to hate him, but he also wanted to have his first time with Ron (or with anyone) mean something. All tonight could mean was that Ron was safe. He would be so furious with Harry he wouldn't follow him, wouldn't worry about him. He could go on with life. Hermione would stay behind with Ron and everything would be fine.

"Harry, please Harry. I love you .. But please stop." Ron had tears in his eyes, and the pain he was feeling must have been far greater than Harry realized.

He stopped at once, pulling out and getting off the bed. He felt sick to his stomach. He had never wanted to hurt Ron. He had meant to kiss Ron, tell him he loved him and to be safe. He had meant to share love and a night of joy before he disappeared; but he couldn't. He ruined everything. But it was better this way.

Harry got dressed and grabbed his rucksack before Ron had even finished pulling on his pajamas.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his voice gravel.

Harry ignored him and turned the doorknob.

"Harry!" Ron hissed, not wanting to wake the whole house.

Harry darted down the stairs outside, if he could get past the barrier he could dissappparte and be gone. He heard Ron's thunderous footfalls behind him. He picked up his speed.

"Harry!" Ron shouted when they were out in the garden.

"What!" Harry shouted back.

"Where are you going?"

"Away. Away from you." to protect you.

"Why? Harry I…" he didn't know where to begin. He was sure he loved Harry. Was sure he wanted to experience Harry intimately but that… "What happened in my room… what was that?"

"What?" Harry stalled.

"You," Ron lowered his voice, "You practically raped me. And then you run away? What the fuck Harry?"

"God Ron, get it through your thick skull. I was sexually frustrated. You were there." Harry saw the look of hurt and confusion on Ron's face and he plowed on determinedly. His heart breaking with every word he lied. "You were convenient. I was using you. What part of this isn't getting into your head?"

"You're lying." Ron said confidently, despite the fact that he didn't feel certain at all.

"Am I?" Harry scoffed.

"Yea. You kissed me like you meant it. And… well I just know you love me too."

Harry forced himself to laugh, and he tried so hard to make it sound pure. "Love you Ron? Why would I love you? I'm Harry Potter… the chosen one. I can have anyone. Why would it be you? Just go away."

Harry turned back toward the road and started jogging down it, eager for the barrier to come. Ron was chasing him.

"Harry James Potter!" he roared, "You listen to me! RIGHT. NOW!"

Harry felt his legs give out from him and he was floating in the air, dangling ten feet above the ground. Ron held his wand up, pointed at Harry.

"Did you just curse me?" Harry asked, shocked and somewhat admittedly impressed.

"I did! And I'm not letting you down until you admit that you love me too." Ron said, his face red from anger and embarrassment.

"I don't love you." Harry lied. "You. Were. Convenient."

"That's a lie and you know it. Think about it Harry. Who sleeps in the room below mine? Ginny. Who's loved you since she was fucking ten? Ginny. Who would have slept with you in a second? But you didn't go use her did you? You used me. Why me Harry?" Harry couldn't come up with a fast enough response.

There was a short pause in which Ron calmed his breathing and lowered his wand slightly, lowering Harry a bit toward the ground. "It's because you love me. And you wanted me to hate you so that I would let you leave without me. You kissed me, hoping I would reject you. You might be able to find all the Horcruxes; hell, you might even be able to destroy them all and kill you-know-who by yourself. But you don't have to. Me and Hermione, we're here for you. That's what we do. Best friends forever right?"

Harry was ashamed of how it all sounded when Ron said it so sincerely. He felt tears prick his eyes.

"I kissed you… I didn't want you to reject me." Harry admitted. "I just… I had to tell you how I felt before I left. I had to let you know that I… I love you. You had to know that. But then I couldn't do it. I couldn't have a beautiful night with you and then disappear, I knew I wouldn't have the strength. So I had to make you hate me. So I had to hurt you." Harry was fully crying now and Ron let him gently down onto the ground.

Ron wrapped his arms around Harry, holding him close.

"I'm so sorry Ron. I… I love you. But I just… You can't come with me. You'll be in so much danger."

"Harry, if I'm away from you I'll be worried about you. Did you ever think of that?" Harry shook his head slightly. "We're safer together."

The pair was silent for a long while, holding each other in the lightening yard. Finally Harry broke the silence, his voice garbled. "Did I… I mean… are you okay? I didn't hurt you irreparably did I?"

Ron smiled slightly. "Well, sitting hurts like a bitch, but I'm sure I'll be fine in a day or so."

Harry squeezed Ron close, "I'm so sorry."

Ron kissed the top of Harry's head. "It's okay. You'll just have to make it up to me." he said mischievously.

Harry looked up into Ron's blue eyes. "How?"

"Take me with you."

Harry sighed. "Safer together?"

Ron smiled and kissed Harry softly. "Safer together."