Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER, I got seriously grounded. Anyways, new episode! Sadly, I'm going to skip the ThunderClan scenes from now on, they're just getting to hard. :(
Chapter 2: Hollyleaf
Swiftcloud: Hello, fans! And welcome to another exciting episode of TDAR!
Mintpool: SWIFTCLOUD! SWIFTCLOUD! SWIFTCLOUD!
Swiftcloud: That's enough Mintpool. Today we-
Eaglepaw: *from a distance* LEMME OUT! LEMME OUT! I'M GONNA DIE! OMG, THIS IS JUST LIKE HANSEL AND GRETEL! THEY'RE GONNA STUFF ME IN AN OVEN! HHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPP!
Snakebite: I'll go quiet him down. *walks backstage*
Swiftcloud: While Snakebite is gone, I will introduce our new crew members! You can all come out now!
*5 cats come out from backstage*
Swiftcloud: These are our new laborers! Honeyfur, Fogstorm, Woodclaw, Luckypaw, and Starlingpaw!
*everyone stares*
Swiftcloud: What? *turns to Hollowthoughts* Is my makeup running?
Hollowthoughts: *points behind her*
Swiftcloud: *turns*
Woodclaw: *is riding on Fogstorm's back, holding a plastic sword* Onward, noble steed!
Fogstorm: WHAT?
Honeyfur: IT'S A CLEVERLY DISGUISED SCREW!
Swiftcloud: Umm...you can go back to your posts now.
Starlingpaw: Come on guys. *leads them backstage*
Snakebite: I'm back.
Swiftcloud: Good, because I need you to kidnap Hollyleaf for me.
Snakebite: *salutes and runs off*
Shimmerpaw: *goes flying by in the background holding a broom and dangling from a rope* IIIIIIIIIIII'M DEFYYYYYYYING GRAVITYYYYYYY-*crashes into wall*
Dustcloud/Starlingpaw: *rush in and carry her away*
Hollowthoughts: That was a little weird.
Swiftcloud: I know, right?
Hollowthoughts: You know what? TELL ME!
Swiftcloud: What?
Hollowthoughts: What?
Snakebite: *drags wriggling bag* I'm back again! *dumps Hollyleaf out of the bag*
Swiftcloud: Good.
Hollyleaf: You idiots! This is a violation to the warrior code! Firestar will banish you for this!
Swiftcloud: I think its going to be the other way around when he sees what you're going to do today.
Hollyleaf: *censored*
Swiftcloud: Your first question is from Priceless Cat Lady. Priceless wants to know, why did you get a tattoo of Flametail on your stomach?
Hollyleaf: *blushes and covers the tattoo with a paw* How-how did you know about that?
Snakebite: *lowers voice even deeper* We have our ways. *creepy face*
Hollyleaf: *O.O* Umm...I...he...
Swiftcloud: Spit it out already or I'll tell Eaglepaw you're going to kill him.
Hollyleaf: I-I love him!
Machine: *silent*
Flametail: Holylleaf, you promised not to tell! It's OVER!
Swiftcloud: Wow. That answers three of our questions. Who she has a crush on and why she left. To be with Flametail.
Snakebite: Not anymore.
Hollyleaf: I hate you.
Swiftcloud: Squirrelflight already said that.
Hollyleaf: I don't care.
Hollowthoughts: Anyways, wait, what was I doing? *checks clipboard* Oh! Your next question is from Willow1720 and she wants to know, would you rather have the lake destroyed? Or have to kiss Scourge?
Hollyleaf: Umm...I'd kiss Scourge.
Machine: BEEPBEEPBEEP
Hollyleaf: Alright, fine! I would destroy the lake.
Clans: WHAT?
Swiftcloud: Alright, here's your hammer. I stole it from Amy the Hedgehog.
*in Sonic dimention*
Amy: Where the *censored* is my freakin' HAMMER?
*back in the studio*
Hollyleaf: Hold up! You mean, I have to do it? You didn't tell me that!
Swiftcloud: I know.
Hollyleaf: *-.-* *bangs up lake*
Clans: *censored* *censored* *censored* WHY HOLLYLEAF, WHY?
Hollyleaf: This is not gonna earn me any favors. *is teleported back to the studio*
Snakebite: Your first dare is from Priceless Cat Lady. Priceless has dared you to pretend to be the Nyan Cat from Youtube and run around the Clans singing that song.
Hollyleaf: That isn't gonna earn me any favors either.
Swiftcloud: Do it.
Snakebite: Starlingpaw has supplied us with gray washable fur paint and a cloth poptart costume. She also has created a serum that makes you fly while farting rainbows. But don't get any hopes that they won't know who you are. I've already sent Myranda to tell everyone that the Nyan Cat coming by in a few minutes is you.
Hollyleaf: Darn.
Swiftcloud: Do it.
Hollyleaf: Fine. *dyes fur and dresses in poptart costume while drinking the serum**shoots up and flies across the Clans*
Hollyleaf: NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN
Russetfur: HOLY TATER TOTS, MY EARS! THEY BURN!
Sandstorm: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHYYYYYYYYYYY!
Onestar: THE HORROR! IT'S SO ANNOYING!
Mistystar: MAKE IT STOP!
Hollyleaf: *is teleported back to the studio* Well, what's my next form of torture?
Swiftcloud: Priceless has also dared you to spread a rumor that Thornclaw has a forbidden mate then pick a random she-cat from the audience who loves him.
Snakebite: We will now take a vote. *camera turns to audience* Who loves Thornclaw? *about 15 of 25 cats raise their paws and cheer* OK, then.
Hollyleaf: *is teleported to ThunderClan**whispering to Daisy* Thornclaw has a forbidden mate!
Daisy: WHAT? *goes and tells ThunderClan cats who tell the other Clans*
Thornclaw: Why is everyone staring at me weirdly? Is my fur-do messed up? *pats head*
Hollyleaf: *is teleported back to the studio*
Snakebite: OK, Hollyleaf, pick a ramdom she-cat that has her paw raised.
Hollyleaf: Umm...that one! *points to a brown tabby she-cat with white paws*
Brown Tabby She-Cat: M-me?
Swiftcloud: Yes, come up here.
Brown Tabby She-Cat: *gets up on stage*
Snakebite: What's your name?
Brown Tabby She-Cat: Umm...it's Jenna.
Swiftcloud: OK then, Jenna, we're going to take you to see Thornclaw.
Jenna: R-really? *blushes*
Swiftcloud: Yeah, come on. *poofs away with Jenna to ThunderClan**shoves Jenna towards Thornclaw*
Jenna: H-hi, Thornclaw! *blushes*
Thornclaw: ...Do I know you?
Jenna: I-I'm your biggest fan!
Cloudtail: *gasps* She must be his forbidden mate!
Thornclaw: What? *cats leap at him* Wait, no! *censored* *censored* AAAAAAAAAAHHH!
*back at studio*
Hollyleaf: Now what?
Swiftcloud: *slaps Hollyleaf* I'm getting to that!
Hollyleaf: *rubs injured cheek*
Swiftcloud: Your next dare is from Leopardfire97, who has dared you to eat 15 Saltine crackers in one minute.
Hollyleaf: *censored*
Swiftcloud: Hollowthoughts, go get the crackers.
Hollowthoughts: OK...um...what was your name again? *checks clipboard* Oh! OK, Swiftcloud! *runs backstage*
Snakebite: Do you realize the huge mistake you just made there?
Swiftcloud: No, what was it?
Snakebite: *sigh* Nevermind. *walks backstage* *comes back with a box of crackers*
Swiftcloud: Thanks Snakebite. *dumps out 15 of the crackers and grabs a timer out of nowhere*
Hollyleaf: Oh, Starclan, no!
Swiftcloud: Oh, pain and torture, yes! *starts timer* GO!
Hollyleaf: *eats 3 crackers then gasps* NEED...WATER!
Swiftcloud: Not until you eat them all.
Hollyleaf: *keeps eating and finishes just before the timer beeps*
Swiftcloud: OK, go get some water.
Hollyleaf: *zips into the bathroom and the sound of rushing water and exsasperated sighs can be heard* *comes back* All better.
Swiftcloud: You might want to leave the bathroom door open for an easy entrance. Leopardfire97 has also dared you to kiss Scourge full on the mouth. And you can do that while doing your dare from Willow1720, which is to hug all the evil cats.
Hollyleaf: *censored* *censored* *censored* WHY ME? *censored* *censored*
Swiftcloud: Cursing doesn't change their minds. Off with you. *claps twice*
Hollyleaf: *is teleported to the Dark Forest*
*a little later*
Tigerstar: Can you believe it? She HUGGED me! Nobody HUGS me! Nobody!
Brokenstar: What is freakin' wrong with her?
Hawkfrost: She touched da fur! NOBODY TOUCHES DA FUR!
Scourge: *is sleeping quietly, in the middle of a glorious dream where he is playing with Firestar*
Hollyleaf: *wakes him up by hugging him*
Scourge: *leaps to his paws* What the-MMRRRFF! *is interupted by, to his horror, a kiss from Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: *backs away, blushing madly from embarasment and nervousness, knowing Scourge is gonna claw her pelt off. And its like she can predict the future*
Scourge: *stands there for a moment, then leaps at her* DIE!
Hollyleaf: *censored* *censored* *censored* *censored* *censored* *is teleported back* Heal me.
Swiftcloud: *claps once*
Hollyleaf: *is all better*
Swiftcloud: Has the realization come to you yet?
Hollyleaf: *eyes widen and her face flushes, not red, but green*
Swiftcloud: Snakebite, take her to the ladies bathroom PRONTO!
Snakebite: *salutes and drags Hollyleaf off*
Swiftcloud: And while they're gone, lets check on Squirrelflight. *camera moves to a video monitor of a backyard* OMG, Puffytail, look at this! She's breaking the rules!
Squirrelflight is shredding a plump gray tom in the corner of her backyard. "I'M SORRY! I TAKE IT BACK! YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT! AAAGGGHHHH!" the tom shrieks, wriggling under Squirrelflight's grip. Suddenly, Squirrelflight yelps and is frozen in mid-air, blue sparks can be seen coursing through her fur. The tom stands up and snickers uncontrollably. "See you around, idiot!" he cackles. Then he jumps over the fence and dissappears, leaving Squirrelflight twitching and cracklin with electricity.
Swiftcloud: Oh, how I love shock collars and their beautiful outcomes!
Snakebite: *comes back with Hollyleaf* She's fine now.
Hollyleaf: *nods* All better.
Swiftcloud: OK, then, because we have two dares left. Your first dare from Nina-teh-Kitteh, who has dared you to randomly walk up on Firestar in an awkward moment.
Hollyleaf: Anything else that will add to my torture?
Swiftcloud: Oh, yeah. After that, you have to Glomp Blackstar.
Hollyleaf: I shouldn't have even asked. *is teleported to ThunderClan* *walks past a group of warriors who are still beating up Jenna and Thornclaw*
Firestar: Graystripe, how many times do I have to tell you, we are NOT going to buy you a tuxedo!
Graystripe: But Firestar! If I don't have a tuxedo, how will I get the ladies to keep mooning over me!
Firestar: Graystripe, they never have.
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Graystripe: *awkward silence*
Firestar: *awkward silence*
Hollyleaf: Hi guys!
Firestar: YOU! *leaps on her and shreds her*
Hollyleaf: OMG! *is shredded and teleported back to the studio*
Swiftcloud/Snakebite: *are doubled over laughing*
Swiftcloud: *wipes tears from her eyes* That has gotta be the funniest thing I've ever seen!
Hollyleaf: *-.-* Shut up.
Swiftcloud: Woops, you forgot the Glomp Blackstar.
Hollyleaf: No, no, no, wait-*is teleported to ShadowClan*
Blackstar: *is sharpening his claws on his tree so he can claw the crap out of Flametail for loving Hollyleaf* *turns* What the-*is Glomped by Hollyleaf*
Hollyleaf: Bye! *is teleported back to the studio*
Blackstar: NO! First she destroys the lake, then she hooks up with my medicine cat, then she Glomps me? YOU ARE NOT GONNA GO TO STARCLAN WITHOUT SOME PAIN FROM ME, HOLLYLEAF!
Hollyleaf: Great, now Blackstar and my own Clan want to kill me.
Swiftcloud: Did you think we cared?
Hollyleaf: No, no I didn't.
Honeyfur: EXPLOSIONS! *sets a hand grenade on Hollyleaf's head and the whole set explodes*
Everyone(exept Eaglepaw, he's got a scarf in his mouth): HONEYFUR!
Honeyfur: Why do you always blame me? *goes to cry in a corner*
Swiftcloud: And on that note, thanks for watching TDAR!
Look below to see the studio's crew and their bios:
Hosts:
Swiftcloud-She is a white she-cat with black tabby markings covering her pelt and green eyes. She is sweet and kind, but if you rile her up, she can knock out every cat in the studio, including herself. She has a soft spot for Reese's Cups and will often snag a bunch from Littlebreeze's secret safe of DOOM. She also is a big fan of the Jonas Brothers.
Hollowthoughts-He is a dark brown tom with deep blue eyes that has a bad case of short-term-memory-loss. He has a little clipboard that he carries around to record things he needs to remember, like why he is carrying the clipboard. He is deaf in his right ear, so he tends to get instructions turned around backwards. If he doesn't forget them first.
Snakebite-He is a ginger tom with two large, brown dots on his shoulder that look like a snake bite and amber eyes. He has a very deep voice that he uses to creep people out, although it doesn't fit his personality very well. He is timid and shy, but for some reason wants to be a host. He carries a stuffed bear named Charles around with him at all times. Even in the bathroom, he is chatting and joking with Charles.
Eaglepaw-He is a white and brown tom with creepy yellow eyes. He's very accusing, and thinks everyone is out to kill him. He wants to host the show so he can fire all the "assassins", a.k.a. every living and breathing human being. (Or cat.) He likes to yell "WAS IT YOU?" All. The freaking. Time. If thinks someone is about to kill him, he launches himself at them. And tries to kill them.
1 adult female needed
Camera Crew:
Puffytail-He is a dark gray tom with a fluffy, white-tipped tail and stormy green eyes. He is utterly random due to the deformation of his brain when he was a kit in his mother's belly. If you ask him why he's filling the camera case with parmesan cheese and sprinkles, he will often respond with,"Because my Coca Cola pie nut wanted a mayo, parsnip, and marble sandwich to go to see the movie, 'Little cheese meat' with him."
Mintpool-She is a pale ginger she-cat with speckles of brown on her pelt and deep blue eyes. Her only goal in life is to get Swiftcloud's autograph; she thinks Swiftcloud is some kind of movie star. When Swiftcloud introduces herself at the beginning of an episode, Mintpool will clap and whistle and chant, "Swiftcloud! Swiftcloud! Swiftcloud!" She is insane.
Fogstorm-He is a gray tabby tom with yellow eyes. He is deaf and is always saying "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" He is very old and is always muttering to himself. Everyone paticularly ignores him.
2 apprentices, 1 male 1 female
Medicine Cats:
Dustcloud-He is a sandy-colored tom with faint black speckles covering his fur and amber eyes. He loves to heal cats and will often ambush a cat and injure them, only to heal them right back up again, good as new. He is very clean and doesn't like to get his paws dirty (literally). He is looking for a social, kind, (clean), and caring apprentice to teach his healing ways.
Starlingpaw-She is a tortoiseshell she-cat with bright green eyes. She is Eaglepaw's sister and is the only person he doesn't accuse of trying to kill him. He could run off screaming, and she'd be like "I'll go get him". She is really nice and helpful, and is trying to break through to Hyperpaw to lay off the junk food. She fails miserably.
1 male apprentice needed
FOEC (Felines Of Explosion Cooperation):
Halfleg-He is a pale brown tabby tom with half of his leg torn away. He is looking for an apprentice that doesn't mind his scars to pass his bombing skills onto. In fact, he lost that part of his leg in an unexpected bomb explosion. He is an expert bomb defuser and will often set off bombs in the middle of a show, and then defuse them just to practice his skills.
Sweetflower-She is a cream-colored she-cat with blue eyes. She's trying to get people to behave, and is like a mother figure. When people don't obey her, it's like Hyperpaw with 1,000,000 bars of Hershy, and 1,000 bottles of that Monster Soda thing he drinks. BOOM. She explodes, and has the biggest of tempers. She took the job because she thinks its 'a big kid' job. (A.k.a., she doesn't trust any one else with it.)
Honeyfur-She is a bright golden she cat with a silvery tint to her fur and bright green eyes. Honeyfur is deranged. She answers all questions with "It's a cleverly disguised screw!" and never bats an eye when she says it. Honeyfur is purely crazy. She looks completely normal and does everything normal but at the worst times she acts crazy. Honeyfur gets yelled at a lot and cries very often. She has a huge crush on Dustcloud and willingly lets him use her as a demonstration for his apprentices. She hopes to one day be his true love.
Luckypaw-She is a small black she cat with white paws and a mark on her chest that resembles a clover. She is nice, stubborn, and not at all afraid to defy anyone. She also can be very sarcastic. Luckypaw is convinced she can talk to plants and make them grow. Also she tends to randomly chase other cats tails.
2 apprentices needed, 1 female 1 male
Technicians:
Dogtooth-He is a dark brown tom with scars on his green eyes and a large tooth that pokes out from under his bottom lip. He loves repairing things and has a knack for technology. If you give him a remote control toy, some screws, and a paperclip, he could turn that into a supercomputer! He is in love with his apprentice but hasn't told her. Little does he know that his apprentice has a crush on him too!
Goldpaw-She is a golden tabby she-cat with green eyes. She's very shy and soft-spoken, especially around Dogtooth. She's only loud when someone is bothering her when she's working on the computer. She invented the Automatic Elder Helper, which helps the elders with their ticks, their old moss, and produces a hologram so it looks like a group of apprentices are always listening to their stories.
Electrician:
Oddeye-He is a dark gray tom with silver tabby markings and deep blue eyes. He has a lazy left eye that is always looking off in the exact opposite direction. He likes to creep the crew out by staring at them intently in the middle of a show. It works very well.
Plumber:
Stinkfrost-His pelt could be any color, but it's so dirty, you can see what it is. He has blue eyes. He's always playing in the dirt. And garbage. And mud. And he took the job so he could have an excuse to go into the sewer and 'check things out'.
Janitors:
North Wing:
Ryestorm-He is a golden-brown tabby tom with intense green eyes. He is convinced that Shakespeare was his father and is often running around acting like him. He can rob everyone of their sanity, and clean up the studio in the process. He loves cheesecake and will often eat some on his lunch break, or in the middle of a show. He likes Peanut Butter best.
Shimmerpaw-She is a pure black she-cat with bright blue eyes. She is the world's biggest drama queen, and has a temper shorter than Sweetflower's. She overreacts to everything, and thinks that Ryestorm is God. She is obsessed with Wicked, and the theatre.
East Wing:
Woodclaw-She is a spiky gray she-cat with amber eyes. She loves the Mid-evil times, and thinks her mop and broom are swords and her dust pan is a shield. She is always pestering Swiftcloud to buy her some armor and to call her, 'Madame Woodclaw'. She thinks that cats are jousting horses. And she treats them like jousting horses.
South Wing:
Jaybird-He is a plump pale gray tabby tom with a limp that never seems to go away and ice blue eyes. He believes that the bird's in the woods talk to him and is usually staring out a window making little, 'coo coo' sounds. The birds just ignore him every time. He just says they're not in the mood to chat.
West Wing:
Foxsong-She is a reddish-orange she-cat with black socks and white toes. Her amber eyes are always twinkling with an angry fire that no one seems to understand, considering her happy personality. She carries around a mop that has the words, 'Be Happy 'engraved on the handle. She never argues or gets mad at anybody. She is a little bonkers.
Security:
Littlebreeze-He is a black tom with silver tabby stripes and pale blue eyes. He is the master of sweets and is extremely hyperactive from sugar. He has a secret safe of DOOM filled with Halloween candy. He got this candy by trick-or-treating. Literally. He would play harmful pranks on the poor cat until he gave Littlebreeze all the candy he had.
Hyperpaw-He is a ginger tom with lime green eyes. He loves anything with sugar or caffeine listed in the ingredients. That's also why he loves having Littlebreeze as a mentor. He gets free candy whenever Littlebreeze is happy. His favorite energy drink is Double Super Extreme Monster Energy Drink, just because he loves sending the studio crew into a panic.
Fallowheart (Myranda)-She is a lovely pale brown she cat with a large bright red rose tattooed on her butt; slightly left of her tail. She has a peirced ear and always wears her diamond studded sterling silver earring. Myranda has dyed black tiger stripes all over her body and has one snowy white paw. Her natural eyes are a startling blue but she wears green contacts and sometimes puts in her amber, white, or purple ones to shock the audience. Myranda loves to beat people up and show her inner bad. She is the toughest cookie in town and loves to prove that she is a better security personel than Hyperpaw and Littlebreeze put together. Myranda hates being called Fallowheart or being called plain. She is always considering getting another rose on the other side of her butt (pink) but never really ends up doing it. One thing that Myranda won't stand for is bullying. She loves torture and inflicting pain and knows about the complex social society of cute or popular apprentices but will not stand for bullying or teasing. She's a real sweetheart and often says kindhearted things. But usually after a kindhearted thing, Myranda will feel too vulnerable and open as if she has just said something bad and quotes her favorite movie star; herself. What she says runs something along the lines of "if someone gives you a rock, throw it back at them and prepare to get either 1, mashed into a pulp, or 2, thrown off the edge of a cliff. It's good to participate in the violence of modern today. Besides, it's their fault for giving you the rock!" Sorry for the length.
1 adult female needed
Thank you so much Priceless, Willow, Leopard, and Nina! Your cats and dares are very much appreciated! The next contestant is Firestar, so send me some ways to torture him.