Summer 1975

Lily had gone out of town for a week following the death of her grandmother, Kathleen Evans. Severus knew that Lily was indeed very close to her but he did not feel genuinely sorry for the death of her muggle grandmother. He only felt troubled due to the fact that Lily was extremely grief-stricken and that he was unable to see her. As it is, he had never experienced the loss of a loved one himself, not that the loss of either of his parents could induce much grief to him anyway. He wondered if there was anyone at all in his life whose death could cause him so much sorrow...

He had never known his grandparents or extended family. He was certain that his mother had been disowned by her family upon marrying a muggle with their pure-blood ideals even though she rarely spoke about the issue. And he was least bothered about his father's parents.

He heard the clattering and the crash of plates downstairs.

'Watch it, you bloody witch!' yelled his father. It was only afternoon but Tobias Snape was drunk, as usual, letting his anger out on his wife and son.

Severus closed his eyes tightly in irritation with the desire to leave his home at Spinner's end but he did not want to be noticed by his cantankerous father upon doing so. He quietly opened the door and walked down the stairs to the clustered kitchen where his mother was washing dishes. The kitchen had a pungent stench, scattered cutlery was piled up by the rusting sink and the table which had never been occupied, for as far as he could recall, had a thick layer of dust. Severus wondered as to why it was even there in the first place.

His mother was reluctantly scrubbing a plate over the running tap, immersed in thought, her eyebrows furrowed. Apparently, she had not even noticed Severus' arrival into the kitchen, for he was very discreet. Upon his way towards the kitchen door however, the shuffling of his footsteps must have caught her attention for she spun around at once and looked at him sharply. Years of beatings at the hands of Tobias Snape and yet his mother never ceased to catch the smallest slight. It was only immediately after a row that she was completely disillusioned.

'Where are you going?' she hissed, her eyes anxiously darting towards the living room where his father was indulging in beer excessively.

He scowled at her.

'Out.' He said firmly and before she could open her mouth to say anything he swiftly opened the door and left.

There was still nearly an hour left before he was to meet Lily but he needed any excuse to get out of his house. He sat by the river, under the thicket of trees, their usual rendezvous point. His stomach was rumbling painfully with hunger but he would rather bear the pain than return to his home to find his parents fighting again, his father hurling abuses at his mother, throwing his fist in her face and ultimately receiving a beating himself.

He picked up a twig and broke it into pieces miserably.

But it wasn't before long that Lily came walking towards him slowly, looking downwards, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as if she where sheltering herself from the cold wind when it was in fact, the heat of the summer. He stood up immediately.

As she came closer, he saw circles beneath her eyes, her hair slightly unkempt but very beautifully so. She looked up at him and gave him a weary smile.

'Hi, Sev,' She said weakly, her voice hoarse and low.

He stood in front of her, observing her while she looked down at the grass, a frown appearing between her eyes. He was at loss of what to say. Never had he seen Lily looking so distraught and it troubled him as he felt clueless as to how he could condole her or make her feel better, as to how he could bring the spark back into her eyes, the glow reappear on her face. He certainly was not one with emotions.

And so he stood in front of her sheepishly until she finally sat down and patted the grass for him to sit besides her.

'Did you get the letter from school?' asked Lily as she fiddled with a twig.

Earlier this morning, he had received an owl from the school with the yearly letter which stated that he was to board the Hogwarts Express on September the first.

'Yes. Did you?' he asked and suddenly felt stupid. If she had asked him that obviously suggested that she had received it herself.

'Yes. This morning.'

Encouraged, he decided to continue the conversation in the direction it suggested.

'It's going to be a tough year.' Said Severus. 'With O. and everything …. '

His voice trailed away, she was not listening. He stole a look at Lily to see a single tear running down her cheek as she quickly wiped her eyes.

He frowned.

'Lily - '

'- The Doctor said she was fine!' she exclaimed in a pained voice. '… and then she just - '

She stopped and closed her eyes for a moment then took out a small, old photograph and handed it to Severus.

'This – this is her … when she was younger.' She choked.

He looked at the photo of a woman who faintly resembled Lily. She had Lily's eyebrows and her large forehead. Although he could not tell the color of Kathleen Evan's eyes, given that the photo was black and while, their shape was different than Lily's and so he finally came to the conclusion that Lily's eyes were unique, having already seen photos of her other family members.

'You resemble her.' He said.

'Thank you.'

She looked down at the photo lovingly as tears sprang to her eyes once again.

'I'm sorry, I just – '

And then she buried her face in his chest as she began to sob away. He almost fell backwards with her unexpected embrace but then gingerly put an arm around her. She then spread her hand over his chest and onto his shoulder and held him tightly as tears began to wet his shirt.

He felt a warm pressure on his chest where Lily rested her head, inhaling the smell of a hair, relishing the feel of her soft arms. His heart was pounding fiercely in his chest against Lily's cheek but he did not want to control it - he would rather she feel his heart beat so as to express himself. But yet, he also tried to steady his beat, not trusting himself with being in such close proximity to Lily. Slowly, she elevated her face from his chest and rested it upon his shoulder. He had to wrench all the thoughts that began filing his mind as her breath fanned his neck sending shivers of pleasure through his body, thoughts that were not appropriate at that moment for she needed him.

But to have Lily Evans against his body, holding him fiercely, being a shoulder to cry on, sent a warm wave of gratitude to his heart. He was appreciative enough just to have her so close to him, the closest to bliss he had ever been, holding onto the moment, not wanting to let go of her soft body.

Suddenly, a terrible thought struck him.

If there was one person in his life he could not bare to lose it was her. She was the only person.

He had to repress a shiver at the thought of losing Lily, it was unbearable. He tightened his grip around her.

Even once she had stopped crying, her head remained on his shoulder as she observed the sun setting on the horizon. They did not speak. The silence was comfortable, blissful for Severus as he too rested his head on top on hers.

It couldn't last for long, of course.

To his disappointment, she finally let go and began to gather herself.

'Sorry, I really needed to let that out.' She said. He stole a glance at Lily as she heaved a sigh of relief, looking considerably more relaxed now.

There was no need for her to be sorry.

'S'alright.' He mumbled. He could still feel the pressure of her head on his shoulder, the warmth of her body against his …

They sat in silence for a while before Lily began to speak again.

'How are things at your place?' she inquired.

'Fine.' He answered rather briskly, annoyed at the sudden change of topic.

'Won't be soon before we're back in Hogwarts anyway …' he carried on.

She gave him a warm smile.

'It's exciting starting another year yet again …' she said but Severus did not mistake the hint of apprehension in her voice. Maybe it was the constant news of recent deaths, disappearances, tortures – the reign of Lord Voldemort. But it was unlike Lily to be unenthusiastic about resuming Hogwarts. Perhaps the death of her grandmother had depressed her slightly.

They continued to talk about their upcoming year as Severus felt relieved that Lily was slowly returning back to her usual cheerful self, until it was finally time for them to part ways.

'Severus? ' asked Lily as she got up to leave.

'Yeah?'

'Thank you for everything, you mean so much to me.'

His heart stood still.

He was slightly surprised when she said this. Perhaps her grandmother's death had left her somewhat emotional but nevertheless her words had a powerful impact on him, so much so that it left him speechless. He knew of course that Lily was talking about their friendship but he could always imagine that she meant more than mere friendship. As well as this, she said it with so much simultaneous emotion and vulnerability that he had the sudden urge to hold her and express that there was no doubt as to his sincerity as well, that she to, meant so much to him, much more than she could ever imagine.

He looked into her face, his heart beating. He did not know what to say in response or whether a response was even necessary at all but he felt the need to return sentiment or rather, express his own.

His eyes flickered onto her lips for a brief second. Perhaps they were other ways of doing so.

He swallowed.

His heartbeat increased and he felt himself grow hot at the thought, it was either now or never. So sorely tempted he felt but was torn by the lingering possibility in his mind of rejection, embarrassment …. If he could only look away but it seemed as though his eyes had a mind of their own, fixed upon Lily's.

But before he could deliberate any further, she wrapped her arms around Severus' neck and pulled him into a warm hug. He did not hesitate this time at her contact and curled his long arms around her waist and held her tightly, not wanting to let go.

'Good night, Sev.' She whispered and with that she leaned in towards him, pressed her cheek against his and gave him a swift kiss.

It was a pleasant feeling and would do for now.

Good night Lily …