December 1977

Severus Snape was walking towards the castle courtyard as he absentmindedly put a finger to his thin mouth. He measured the pressures of the next few months – N.E.W.T preparation was well underway along with added demands of his membership to a particular group. He felt a wave of anxiety rush through him as he recalled the tasks that had been delegated to him but remained calm as it was unlike him to lose composure. And so, he began his way towards the Slytherin Common Room but was stopped in his tracks upon hearing a familiar voice.

Lily's voice.

'Thank you James. I had a great time.'

'Me too.' replied James.

Severus felt his heart sink.

So…so their dating now..they probably just got back from Hogsmeade he thought to himself bitterly.

For the past month he noticed – to his dismay- the amount of time the two were spending together and the 'change' in James Potter's behavior which only sickened him. He believed it was merely that ridiculous act he would put on whenever Lily Evans was around him; the suddenly mature voice and his pathetic attempts at appearing like a gentlemen. Although this 'act' seemed to have prolonged for a while now …

He watched as James glanced anxiously towards the sky, it was nearly nightfall. 'See you later, okay?' Lily raised her eyebrow quizzically. A familiar look – one she would cast Severus whenever he attempted to hide something from her, particularly something pertaining to his obsession with the Dark arts.

'Just some stuff – promised Sirius,' he added hastily. 'Look, I'll explain later, alright?' he continued and with that he held her face in his hands and gave her a swift kiss on the forehead.

An unpleasant sensation exploded in the pit of Severus's stomach as he watched from behind a pillar.

'Well.. I guess I'll see you then.' she said dismissively, however, still holding his hand. She flashed him one last feeble smile and left.

James watched as Lily walked towards the castle, running his hands through his hair as he did then turned on his heel and set off into a brisk walk.

It was inevitable. She's always fancied Potter. And now his fears were confirmed. He remembered the time he had tried to catch Lily off-guard over the matter and catch her off-guard he did!

'..Their not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are!' he told Lily implicitly as he gazed into her brilliant eyes. 'Atleast they don't use dark magic!' her voice rang in his eyes.

And the bastard just kissed her! Severus thought furiously. He felt his insides boil with jealousy and could contain himself no longer.

"Off to tame the wolf, Potter?" he spat viciously as he jumped from behind the pillar. James spun around. Severus instinctively curled his fingers tightly around his wand in his robes.

'You!' said James with a look of deep dislike. 'Always minding everyone else's business aren't we, Snivelly? Why don't you come along? Only keep in mind I won't be the one to save your arse this time.'

Severus froze and glared at him, the cold winter wind causing his long hair to whip his thin face. He would not take it, not after all these years of being ridiculed at the hands of these fools.

'Always playing the hero, aren't we?' he said through clenched teeth. He directed his wand straight at James, 'Impedimenta!'

'Protego!' retorted James as Severus staggered backwards and fell on his back. He pointed his wand in retaliation as he sent a stinging hex straight at James neck and watched, to his satisfaction, him yelp with pain.

'Sectum-'

'Expelliarmus!' roared James as Snape's wand flew out of his hands, inches away from him. And with that James turned around and rushed off hurriedly.

"What's the matter, Potter?" He shouted after James. "Don't have your cronies to back you up? Or are you aspiring to turn into an insufferable saint? She may think you have changed but I know better!'

James stopped and turned around to face Severus. He looked thunderous. Severus stood watching the man he loathed, breathing heavily, his heart burning with contempt. He did not flinch as James began to storm his way.

He clutched Severus robes, shaking with anger. 'If you ever talk about Lily again-' hissed James as the narrowed hazel eyes defiantly stared into the black.

'She's not yours to claim!' Severus spat. He was giving himself away, he was well aware but could not care less, and he was infuriated. James threw Severus onto the ground and pointed his wand towards him.

'I'm warning you Snivelly!' he roared. 'Don't-ever-' Severus reached to grab his want but was disarmed by James who sent an Impediment jinx at him.

'You never learn do you, you worthless death eating scum?' spat James who glanced anxiously towards the full moon which was now clear in the sky. He then set off in a sprint and was immediately out of sight.

Behind him the impediment jinx was wearing off as Severus struggled to stand up, panting heavily. He was not one to wave the white flag, least of all with someone like James Potter, his pride would not allow it but he could not help feel crushed.

He felt his heart sink and burn as he recalled how Lily and James parted, how she blushed as he kissed her forehead. She looked happy – She is happy with him. He placed one arm on his knee in an effort to stand up but his heart was heavy in his chest. He stared at the ground, his mind swimming with thoughts that constantly nagged him. He felt a mixture of pain, guilt and confusion.

He resented her.

And yet he longed for her. He missed her.

He had to let her go – but he couldn't.

He hated himself.

You've gone too far into this you fool. You pushed her away. He cursed himself inwardly.

But as he caught a glimpse of his left forearm, he felt a sickening pleasure. They were other pressing issues he had to occupy himself with at the current moment – it provided him an uneasy comfort, an escape from the emotionally draining conflicts between his mind and heart. He stood up, took one last look towards the spot where he watched Lily and James part and began his way towards the castle dungeons.