Liar, Liar

Summary: In which Sakura gets to be the damsel in not-so-much-distress, Itachi plays the hero, and one crazy missing-nin is convinced they're utterly in love. / ItaSaku / non-massacre / one-shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I only borrow Kishimoto-sensei's characters for my own uniquely twisted purposes of creative writing…muahaha.

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Haruno Sakura, had, once again, found her way into a rather sticky situation.

Not literally sticky of course, but rather the type of sticky that involved being tied up, gagged, and tightly chained to the wall of a dank cave that smelled a little bit like Naruto's unwashed laundry, if she had to liken it to something. She wrinkled her nose, scrunching it up high. Because if she was being honest, the gag tasted like his laundry too, and she could only fervently pray that someone hadn't decided to use old socks or, heaven forbid, underwear as a makeshift gag.

Gah.

Still, she really only had herself to blame for that. Maybe if she hadn't been spewing violent death threats and freely swearing at her captors (with quite an impressive vocabulary at that) they wouldn't have resorted to shutting her up in such a crude fashion. But then again, she thought, taking a moment to consider it, maybe if her lousy captors hadn't been so jerkish and utterly unfair as to attack her while she was dangerously low on chakra in the aftermath of a mission, bruise her body but her pride even more so when they managed to disable her in under five minutes, and then sling her exhausted heap of a person over their shoulders like a sack of moldy old potatoes and whisk her off to their evil lair, she wouldn't have been forced to fight back in the only way left to her: by annoying, outraged, verbal abuse.

Sakura sagged against the wall, more bored than frightened. From what she could tell from the limited snatches of daylight streaming into this tiny black hole masquerading as a cave, she had been rotting there for at least a full day's time, just sitting on the hard, rocky floor while a few people (who she was guessing to be missing nin from their haggard, wary appearances and the paranoid way their hands flew to their kunai every time they heard a noise) came in and out, whispering in rushed conversations.

"Oomph!"

Sakura grunted softly as someone stepped on her outstretched foot, leveling a menacing glare at the bony kunoichi pacing restlessly before her, loud footsteps thumping up and down the length of the cave. Sakura could only suppose that this sharp-faced woman was in charge of the whole master kidnapping plan, and the others were merely peons, if the manner in which they jumped at her commands was any sort of indication. Her cronies were idly resting along the walls and crevices of the dark place, nervously watching the black-haired woman irritably stomp around in an evidently bad mood. Sakura could only hope that whatever her little plot was, it wasn't going well at all.

The kunoichi turned at Sakura's little emission of pain, staring down at her for a second with a blank expression before her thin lips suddenly stretched into a wide mocking smile.

"Ah. You're still here, are you?" The lady's voice was just as sharp as her face—brutishly loud and irritatingly cutting.

Sakura rolled her eyes in response, as though to say, You idiot, where else would I be?

The other kunoichi crossed the space stretching between them, kneeling down so that she was face to face with her prisoner. "You've been so quiet, I nearly forgot you were here," she told Sakura with a grin. "I have to say, I was expecting a bit more trouble from the famed Godaime Hokage's apprentice, even if she does have pink hair. Really, we captured you so easily it was almost depressing."

Sakura narrowly bit back an exasperated groan. Of course—it was time for Criminal Stress Relief 101: Maniacally Taunting the Captive With Bad Insults You Can Cackle At.

If this woman thought she would succeed in psychologically attacking her with such stupid comments, then she had another think coming. After all, when Ibiki had been your chunin exam proctor two times in a row, all other forms of psychological torture utterly paled in comparison.

Still, it was unthinkable to receive an insult to her shinobi pride like that without some type of retaliation. A muffled sound came from the pinkette, most likely a string of words that were none-too-nice.

The kunoichi laughed unpleasantly, eyes falling on the cloth stuffed haphazardly into Sakura's small mouth. "I suppose it's rather difficult to speak with that in your gob, though, hm?" She mused, tapping her fingers in mock-thoughtfulness against her cheek. "But I'm bored, so why not pass the time together until your time is up?" She reached out and dislodged Sakura's oral discomfort with a hard yank, carelessly flinging it away—it hit one of her cohorts in the face in a glorious ball of squishy spit, making him squeal in surprise.

Wimp, Sakura thought contemptuously, before her attention was recaptured by her her…captor. No lame pun intended.

"I suppose you've been wondering why you're here?"

Sakura stared at the woman blankly for a second before replying. "Not really." Her voice came out less flippantly than she would have liked, hoarse and scratchy from a few hours of misuse.

The kunoichi cocked an eyebrow, clearly unused to her prisoners displaying such a lack of interest in their own kidnappings. "Oh?" She queried. "Care to share why, girly?"

A soft breath of air escaped Sakura's lips, and she mentally tallied how many times in her sixteen years of life she'd been through this same routine before. The number she came up with was rather disheartening. Was she really that much of a target?

"Because," she grumbled at the kunoichi, "It's not like this is the first time I've been grabbed. Therefore, your motives aren't that difficult to figure out, you know."

The black-haired ninja glared at her, fingers flexing as a sneer spread across her face. "Oh really? And I suppose Little-Miss-Genius is going to tell me why that is?"

She only got an emotionless shrug as an answer. Frankly, Sakura was tiring of this repetitive conversation. Right now, she just wished that Naruto and Sasuke would hurry the hell up and come get her; the chakra-sucking manacles snugly clasped onto her wrists were quickly and efficiently draining her of chakra and energy, both of which she needed direly right now.

Two hands shot out and yanked the pink-haired girl forwards, hard eyes angry at her silence. "I said, care to explain why you find me so predictable, pinky?" The kunoichi's voice was soft with underlying fury, nails digging into Sakura's skin with a biting pain. "I've been a kunoichi since before you were in the Academy, little girl, and currently hold your life in my hands. Don't mock me." She released Sakura with a hard push, shoving her back against the wall with a loud thump.

But years of being thrown into trees and smashed into boulders, courtesy of Tsunade's…unique training methods, hadn't been for nothing. Sakura barely winced as her body made contact with the hard stone of the cave, green eyes meeting the cat-like ones of the other. "I'm not mocking you," she said simply. "Just telling you it's a little too obvious why you've taken me. Who's it for?"

A flash of confusion rocketed across the kunoichi's face. Whether it was by Sakura's words or off-putting, nonchalant attitude remained to be seen. Was this normal behavior for a captured girl? "What?"

Sakura smirked at the befuddled woman, repeating herself. "Who're you putting on this show for? Tsunade-sama? Kakashi-sensei? Have some weird desire for revenge against Naruto or Sasuke? I've heard it all before, believe me."

Including that one highly entertaining incident involving Sasuke and a group of wandering minstrels with an age-old grudge against the Uchiha.

But that was a story for another time.

There was a few moments of silence as the two appraised each other, before the kunoichi let out a low laugh. "Obviously you aren't as bright as I thought you were." She reached out a hand to pat Sakura's cheek patronizingly, making her eye twitch in irritation as she tried to jerk her head away. All Sakura received for her trouble was a crick in her neck. "Close, but no cigar, pinky. It isn't any of those people."

"Well, it's obviously not for my own merit. And I can't think of anyone else you could blackmail who I'm overly important to," Sakura told her matter-of-factly. After all, her family wasn't exactly wealthy and were civilians to boot, and since it had been a group of ninja to snatch her, then she could only assume it was another shinobi whom they wished to use Sakura against as leverage.

Sakura's Rule Number One for Kidnapping: Don't waste time asking why you've been kidnapped. A little logic can go a long way.

"Is that so? I'll give you a little hint then." Sakura's tormentor leaned back, surveying Sakura with an air of relishing the pleasure of taunting the outspoken girl. "It is an Uchiha, one specifically, that I'm interested in."

Ok, so it was the Sharingan users that were the target this time then. "Sorry, I don't think they go for crazy missing-nins with delusions of power," Sakura shot at her with a saccharine smile.

The kunoichi remained unperturbed, smirking at Sakura's outburst. "Defensive, aren't we? I guess that's only to be expected, seeing as you're the best friend of an Uchiha. Isn't that right, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura gasped angrily at the words. "I knew it! You're after Sasuke!" What the heck, seriously? She scowled to herself. First Orochimaru, now some weirdo missing nin who looked like she'd been carved from chunks of wood? Sakura was beginning to think Sasuke's bloodline ability was a knack of attracting freaks that lusted after him in some way or another. Orochimaru hadn't managed to get his slimy snake hands on Sasuke-kun so far, and she'd be damned if she let this two-bit kunoichi do anything to him. Chakra or no chakra, if she found out this chick's plan involved Sasuke and his Sharingan in any way, she'd be spitting up blood for a week.

Damn straight, Haruno Sakura. Damn straight.

"No need to shout," her counterpart drawled, looking supremely unconcerned with Sakura's flushed-cheek ire. "It's not your precious little teammate I'm interested in."

Sakura inwardly frowned. What other Uchiha was there that she knew personally and that could possibly be of interest to someone like this lady?

"I must admit I was surprised though," the kunoichi continued on blithely. "At first I didn't understand, to be honest. What could one such as him possibly see in someone like you?" Once again, Sakura found herself being scrutinized with an expression of disdain. The kunoichi's gaze flicked derisively from her bubble-gum pink hair to her simple heart-shaped face, down the body which was hardly shapely and the manacled hands that were so tiny and slim that they hardly seemed to fit on a deadly shinobi's body. "It's confusing, to say the least. But if it leads to me getting what I want, I'm hardly complaining." Her eyes wandered to the entrance of the cave, as though she expected someone to come barreling in to save Sakura right that moment. "Yes, it's safe to say he will definitely come."

"One such as who?" Sakura ground out, highly infuriated at being left in the dark. "Who will definitely come? It's obvious you want the Sharingan, but I'm not even close to any Uchiha besides Sasuke!" Stupid Uchiha. Even when they weren't around they managed to mess up her life.

"Oh aren't you?"

"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about."

"Playing the fool won't work here, girl. We already know."

This was just plain frustrating. "Know what?"

A certain haughty smugness overtook the kunoichi's unattractive features as she paused for a second, as though to savor having the upper hand in the conversation again. Really, the girl was turning out to be more of a headache than she had previously thought. "You're Uchiha Itachi's lover. That's what. And in being so…precious to him, he'll come, and in doing so walk right into our trap." There was a manic glow within her eyes now, giving her an aura of craziness. Sakura was half-expecting a bout of villainous laughter. "We've been after the Sharingan for such a long time…" She sighed out longingly.

Wait a minute.

Eh?

Sakura blinked, trying to process what the other kunoichi had so triumphantly spewed out.

Her stomach was feeling a little queasy, though she couldn't quite tell whether it was from an overwhelming urge to erupt into a loud bout of laughter or barf her guts up due to this entire situation.

Her? And Itachi?

Her as Itachi's precious person?

Itachi being in love with her? She being Itachi's lover? EHH?

There was something inherently wrong about that train of thought, Sakura grinned, lips inadvertently twitching. It was like trying to say 1 + 1 equaled 5, or like Naruto suddenly loathing ramen, or Sasuke randomly deciding to spout raunchy love poetry at her. It just wasn't plausible.

Itachi…her insufferable team captain…and her…together like that? Psh. Most of the time she was wondering if Itachi even had a heart, given the know-it-all, exasperating bastard he could be sometimes. Where, or more importantly how, anyone could have gotten such an idea was way beyond her earthly comprehension.

After all, this was the man who Sakura was absolutely convinced found great entertainment in deliberately provoking her into one of her famous rages.

The man who, with one of those damnable, annoying smirks of his, could make her burst a blood vessel.

The man who, for all his pretty boy looks and knowing dark eyes, was actually an evil demon in disguise.

Not to mention he was the jerk that routinely forced her into near-daily, five-hour long, horribly torturous practices so that she would, quote, "Not constitute a liability during missions," unquote.

(And that was so unreasonable! All she had done, once, was clumsily thrown herself into the path of a kunai that had intended to imbed itself in fellow teammate Inuzuka Hana's neck in the midst of a fight, having no time for any other course of action. She still didn't understand why Itachi had been so incensed about it afterwards—she'd made sure that it had landed non-fatally in her shoulder; and it had taken her less than five minutes to heal it when all was said and done.

But Itachi had informed her, with an odd glint in his black eyes, that as the team's medic, it was her duty to stay free of harm.

She had then informed him that as the team's medic, it was her job to rescue her teammates from harm.

He'd ordered her not to make such ridiculous, self-sacrificing moves ever again.

She'd retorted that he shouldn't be such a chauvinistic male pig; she could fully take care of herself without any input from him.

And that was how she had suddenly found herself training under Itachi's thorough scrutiny and disparaging smirks three days a week.

Damn him.)

Itachi. Loved her.

Bwahaha. Ha.

…Ha.

She tried to imagine the handsome Uchiha giving her fresh flowers each day, as Asuma-sensei did for Kurenai-sensei; attempted to envision Itachi staring softly at her when she wasn't looking, like Jiraiya-sama did to Tsunade-shishou; strived to picture the taller man leaning down to gently kiss her cheek as Naruto did with Hinata.

Either her imagination just wasn't up to scratch, or such a reality could never, ever, in a million, trillion years exist.

To the black-haired kunoichi's great surprise, Sakura did not, as she had expected, burst into frightened tears or woebegone pleas at the mention of her lover being forced to trade his prized bloodline limit in return for her wellbeing, but instead emitted a loud snort and what sounded suspiciously like a "Yeah, right."

Clearly her reaction had fallen a little short of requirements.

Sakura was suddenly aware of receiving a none-too-pleasant glower from the female crouching menacingly before her, and quickly worked to swallow her emerging sounds of incredulous mirth. This woman was clearly unhinged to be under the impression that she and Uchiha Itachi were lovers (Of all things! Perhaps it was a good thing that Naruto and Sasuke-kun weren't here—they probably would have been killed from laughing too hard), so perhaps pissing her off wasn't the best way to go.

Quickly, she tampered down on Inner Sakura's urge to erupt in raucous giggles, seeing as it really wasn't the time or place, and following her inner self's spontaneous impulses tended to have rather negative consequences.

She was speaking from experience too—more than once Inner Sakura's temper had, perhaps unwisely, led Sakura to try and punch her beloved captain into next week…only to end up in an impromptu sparring match in which Sakura was ultimately kicked into next week, and her pride into the ground.

"And what is so funny, pinky?" The woman drawled, emphasizing her words with soft hints of anger. Evidently, her mood had soured from the complete lack of fear on Sakura's part. "I hardly think this is the time for laughter. Aren't you Leaf shinobi supposed to be loyal to the point of stupidity or some trash like that?" She hissed, "Maybe you didn't hear me right. I said, we're going to capture your Uchiha boyfriend and rip his eyeballs from his sockets. How's that for a joke?"

"Pretty funny, considering Itachi's not my boyfriend," Sakura replied with a snarl as her mood rapidly soured at the kunoichi's words, glowering darkly right back at her. Some part of her couldn't believe she was actually going to sit here and discuss her love life, or lack thereof, with a missing nin of all people, but there was no way in hell she was getting caught up in Uchiha Itachi's problems when she was a perfectly innocent bystander!

Dammit, that man always seemed to make her life ten times more complicated than it needed to be! She knew she never should have accepted Tsunade's seemingly innocent suggestion for her to become a part of Itachi's team as a valuable opportunity for experience with medical work on the field…

Valuable opportunity her foot. More like a valuable course in the anger management she regularly had to practice in dealing with her poker-faced, inscrutable captain.

"Captain yes, boyfriend hell no. We're not involved like that, and frankly I'd rather kiss a toad than that infuriating guy. So, if you don't mind, you can just let me go and we won't mention a word of this to anyone—"

"Be quiet!" The kunoichi had gotten up off the floor, suddenly tensing at Sakura's words. Then again, the prospect of one's entire plan going wrong did tend to be rather upsetting. "I'm not a fool—lying to me about your relationship won't help."

Sakura gaped, mouth dropping open at the incredible denseness of the person before her. What in the world was she supposed to say or do to convince this woman that she was in no way, shape, or form involved with Uchiha Itachi?

Clearly this lady hadn't done her research on him thoroughly enough, because Sakura was more than convinced that her team captain was thoroughly immune to all of female kind. The fangirls had been trying for years, Sakura knew for a fact that the Uchiha clan had been not-so-subtly attempting to pawn some poor innocent cousin off as Itachi's future wife, and the regular kunoichi conversation in the bathhouse (which she could only listen to in silent horror) usually centered on her long-haired, stoic captain…so if none of them had thus far succeeded in snapping up one of the most eligible bachelors known to Fire Country, then Sakura was pretty sure he was asexual.

"L-lying?" She spluttered. " I'm telling the truth you stupid, crazy bi—mmph!"

And the rag had been inserted back into her mouth, eliciting a loud gag from Sakura.

"I've had enough of your mouth, girl. It's too late to save your lover, least of all by denying it. We've been keeping an eye on him for months, just to find some weakness, any weakness, we could use against him." The kunoichi's fingers curled up into a ball as she stared down at her hands with a manic gleam in her eye. "All for the purpose of gaining the ultimate bloodlimit technique—the Sharingan." She glanced over at Sakura, lips curling up cruelly. "And what a weakness we found. In all that time of observing him, he seemed to spend the most time in a certain little pink-haired girl's company."

"Mm nmph limmphl!" Sakura exclaimed, only to find that her indignant I'm not little! came out rather incoherent, courtesy of the disgusting gag that had been reunited with her oral cavity.

Ignoring the resentful sounds coming from the captive girl, the kunoichi continued on gloatingly, "Yeees…the Uchiha heir never spent half so much time with anyone else as he did with you. Meeting up many days a week—"

So that he could kick me around the training grounds like a ball, Sakura finished in her head.

"Looking at you ever so often—"

So that he could find my flaws and satisfy his sadistic urges to criticize them. Or maybe he was just planning on eating me.

"Smiling oh-so-sweetly at you—"

This lady actually misinterprets Itachi's I'm-so-much-better-than-you smirks as sweet smiles? Well, that explains quite a bit about her, actually.

"Eating dinner with you—"

Where he routinely enjoys watching me choke on my food as he asks me intrusive personal questions on purpose. Besides, he has to feed me after we finish his demonically tough training—otherwise I'd collapse before I ever made it home. And dead Sakura equals very angry Tsunade, and very angry Tsunade means Itachi gets stuck with menial missions for the rest of his days.

"Heh, what else could it mean but that you two are most certainly lovers?" The kunoichi crowed triumphantly. "The Sharingan is as good as mine!"

Eurgh. The kunoichi may as well have been shouting victoriously, "His eyeballs are mine!" Sorry, but Sakura just found that unarguably disgusting and more than a little disturbing. In hindsight, she realized, the countless attempted kidnappings and battles fought over visual bloodline abilities were actually battles being fought over…eyeballs. Squishy, viscous eyeballs. Once again, she would have to say, Ewww.

Sakura could do nothing more than gaze upon the undeniably unhinged missing-nin. When she found herself inexplicably longing for the homicidal-brand of insanity of Gaara as opposed to this driveling craziness, she knew that couldn't be good.

A pounding headache was starting to drum its way through the confines of her brain. Sakura fancied that it was probably music to which she could cheerfully lose her mind to.

Pound pound pound.

Sakura going insane.

Pound pound pound.

Sakura going insane while already-insane kunoichi keeps babbling.

Pound pound pound.

Sakura's pink locks slid forward as her head drooped forwards and her eyes closed. She wasn't really listening to other woman any longer, though she kept catching random snatches of the one-sided rant which was mostly made up of a vocabulary consisting of "Uchiha", "Sharingan", and "MINE".

And then, wholly without warning, a blessed, blessed noise interrupted Sakura's descent into madness and the kunoichi's unbearably stupid suppositions about the romantic liaisons of her captive.

A resounding crash from the exterior of the cave caught both woman's attention, the green eyes of one lighting up in anticipation and the wary orbs of the other narrowing in confusion. The sharp-faced woman jerked her head towards two of her lackeys, barking out, "You! Go and check what that was!"

Sakura watched as five large men lumbered through the entrance, silence reigning for a moment after their departure. It was an eager silence on Sakura's part: a loud crash, showing a complete and utter ignorance of stealth by whoever had caused it? She had a gut feeling it could only be one person.

Then:

"You bastards! Give us back Sakura-chan!"

Sakura shook her head ruefully. Yup, that was Naruto all right. Her ever enthusiastic and unfortunately loud-mouthed friend to the rescue yet again. Joy.

Except…she couldn't even find it in herself to be too sardonic about his recuing methods. He had, after all, arrived right in time to save her sanity.

She heard something that sounded suspiciously like a smack and a resulting yelp, and off-handedly guessed that Sasuke had taken it upon himself to hit some sense into their blonde teammate.

Well thank goodness Tsunade-sama had apparently ordered Sasuke-kun to come along as well. At least Sakura now knew she wouldn't be in here for another five hours as Naruto listened to the life stories of all the missing nin and converted them to the side of goodness and puppies. She winced at recalling how many times that had actually occurred—usually ending up with an irate Sakura, a sheepishly apologetic Naruto, and a few punches thrown here and there (by Sakura, of course).

The black-haired kunoichi glanced worriedly at the tumultuous sounds outside of the cave, pencil-thin brows drawing together in concern. The tell-tale sounds of raucous fighting and yells of pain and attack were growing ever larger in volume and quantity ("Ow! Freakin' hell, teme, that was my foot!" "Then stay out of my way, dead last!").

Privately Sakura was wondering if there would ever come a day when her two teammates would manage to work side by side without bickering. Probably not.

She stirred from her inner thoughts as the kunoichi rose from the floor abruptly, giving terse orders to the remaining henchmen to watch the prisoner (The prisoner! Sakura thought indignantly. The prisoner has a name, you know! At this rate, I'm going to have an identity crisis before I'm twenty!) before striding purposefully towards the mouth of the cavern, clearly intent on joining in the battle raging outside.

Sakura temporarily considered warning her against such a thing, since Naruto and Sasuke tended to get a little carried away in their competitiveness while fighting…but then remembered all of the absurd accusations and conjectures regarding her love life that she had been subjected to, and cheerfully decided not to intervene.

Just this once, perhaps she would sic her two boys on someone rather deserving of it.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Sakura caught how, quite unexpectedly, the kunoichi had plodded to a frozen halt, a sharp gasp coming from the stationary figure.

Curiously, Sakura and the other occupants peeked over to find what had so obviously caught the dangerous woman off guard.

It required only a second's glance. And after comprehending what she was seeing, Sakura felt a chilling shiver slither down her spine. She was pretty sure that she'd heard one of the muscled missing-nin in the back issue a very un-missing-nin like squeak of fear.

For there, in the wide maw of the cave, stood a frighteningly imposing figure:

Uchiha Itachi, his eyes highlighted brightly with the Sharingan and face set in a cold mask of fury.

Unbeknownst to Sakura, everyone in the cave had the exact same thought trill across their brains: Oh shit.

"And?"

"And what? That's all that happened."

"Come on! This is making for a darn good story, Sakura!"

"Glad to know you were so worried about me, Ino. Really, I'm touched."

Sakura didn't bother to lift her face from the plush pillow in which it was currently buried as she spoke to her friend—as far as she was concerned, she could just stay there until the humiliating events of the previous day had faded from her mind.

However, Ino wasn't kind enough to recognize that her friend needed some solitary time, and forcefully poked her in the side.

"Ouch! Stop it, Pig!" Sakura curled up against the pillow further, holding tightly onto it as Ino tried to violently pry it away.

But unfortunately for Sakura, her best friend was an unstoppable force when confronted with the promise of a juicy piece of gossip for the taking. "Not until you tell me the rest of what happened!" Ino demanded. "You can't just stop there, Forehead! He arrived in the cave, and then what?"

"There's nothing else to tell! He disabled and immobilized the kunoichi, freed me, and then we left!" Sakura grumbled into the pillow, making Ino lean forwards to catch her words.

"That's it?" Ino ventured, feeling rather disappointed at the lack of story. She knew her friend was most definitely leaving parts out, from the disturbed manner in which she was acting. Suddenly her eyes gleamed as a thought occurred to her. "You know Sakura…"

"Mmph?"

The blonde innocently lowered her voice into a soothing tone. "You were in that cave for a while, ne?"

One green eye regarded her suspiciously from where Sakura's face wasn't being eaten by the pillow. After a moment, she shrugged. "Guess so. I wasn't exactly keeping track of time while a deranged kunoichi decided to run a commentary on my love life."

Ino grinned slightly at the inadvertent meaning behind the words. "And you told me they had chakra binders on you the whole time, yeah?"

"Don't remind me. I still have bruises."

"And it wasn't exactly like they were feeding you or anything," Ino mused out loud.

Sakura's innocent green eyes blinked at her. "What of it?"

"Weeeeeeell," Ino drew the word out slowly, with the air of a cat finally cornering the trembling mouse. "Coupling that with being captured right after a high priority healing mission, you must've been terribly exhausted."

Sakura frowned in confusion—she honestly had no idea what Ino was driving at here. Cautiously, she nodded her agreement. "I…suppose?"

Ino leaned forwards, her smile suddenly stretching into a sinister smirk in the span of a second. "So care to tell me how you were able to make it all the way back here to Konoha, only a few hours after Tsunade-sama sent Sasuke-kun, Naruto, and Itachi-san after you? Surely you couldn't have kept up with them after being rescued in that kind of state."

She watched in satisfaction as a red hue stole over Sakura's cheeks, and a surprised "eep!" slipped out of her mouth before the pink-haired girl could stop it.

Like a bloodhound picking up a scent, the blonde eagerly pounced.

"Ah hah!" Ino crowed triumphantly. "He carried you, didn't he! Which way, then? Romantic bridal style? Or on his back? Oooh, please tell me it wasn't over the shoulder…" She stopped suddenly, mild surprise written all over her beautiful face. "Wow, I didn't think Uchiha Itachi was even capable of being that nice to someone…"

"It wasn't like that! He didn't—I wouldn't—it wasn't—And how do you know it wasn't Naruto or Sasuke that carried me back!" Sakura snapped, trying to do damage control before Ino got any further ideas. "Don't just randomly assume things, Ino-pig—"

"I wasn't," Ino sang out smugly, standing up to leisurely stretch. She looked down at a fuming Sakura. "I mean come on, when was the last time you got so flustered over Naruto or Sasuke carrying you somewhere?" She sent another superior grin at the suddenly silent girl on the floor before spinning around and heading towards the door. "I'm gonna go get some snacks! And no leaving before I get back, Forehead! I've still got loads of questions!"

Sakura glared at her so-called friend's retreating back as she left, before the angry expression slid off her face and she hid it back into the depths of her pillow with a despairing moan. Honestly, the annoying thing about Ino was that on the rare occasion, she actually had a point.

One hand lifted to rub at her suddenly aching forehead as she recalled the events after being found by her captain…

Sakura looked on, wide-eyed, at the now-unconscious enemy kunoichi and assorted evil henchmen that were currently scattered helter skelter on the floor of the cave—courtesy of one Uchiha Itachi, who had dispatched the threat in under a minute.

She inwardly scowled. Of course she, Tsunade's own apprentice, would be helplessly chained to the wall while Itachi would have to show up, looking as sleekly dangerous as ever in his full ANBU Captain regalia, and effortlessly beat her captors to a pulp.

Stupid show-off prodigies.

How she hated them sometimes.

…and why in the world was Itachi even here anyways? Sakura didn't know whether to be impressed or highly disconcerted that the enemy kunoichi's insane plan had actually, in part at least, worked. Itachi had indeed come for Sakura, but the loosely organized group probably hadn't actually comprehended the depth of Itachi's abilities, despite all of their purported surveillance on the Uchiha.

Though she tried not to, she couldn't help but blink as Itachi appeared swiftly before her, oblique black eyes focused intently upon her. He said nothing, only stood there silently, eyes sweeping her probably very, very filthy form. She also tried not to picture what her hair probably looked like at this point.

"Itachi," she greeted, as though it was a common event to be meeting him, chained up, in a dark cave. She offered a weak smile. "Fancy seeing you here." She paused. "Why are you here, actually?"

The uncomfortable words of You're Uchiha Itachi's lover that she had heard earlier floated to the surface of her mind before she firmly banished them far, far away. There was no way that that three-kunai-short-of-a-full-pouch kunoichi had been right about that.

Itachi merely continued to stare at her, still not speaking, the red Sharingan unwaveringly blazing in his normally dark eyes.

No doubt he was thinking of the many creative ways in which he would lecture her for being so clueless as to allow herself to be caught, she thought sourly.

She sighed. "Alright then, if you're not going to answer my questions, Itachi, would you please get these things off me?" She jangled the chains securing her against the wall, before looking up at him with defiant green eyes. "Yes, I admit it—I fell into a stupid, quite obvious trap and got my butt soundly kicked by a group of moronic, muscle-headed missing-nin." Ah, she did love alliteration….and she was clearly going crazy in here. "But you can point out my weaknesses later…these manacles are really starting to hurt and—"

A soft click interrupted her as Itachi fluidly crouched down in front of her, wordlessly breaking the restraints attached to her wrists.

Immediate relief flooded her, though it was dulled slightly by the numb sensation currently inhabiting her body, courtesy of extensive chakra depletion. Flexing her fingers, Sakura clumsily rubbed her aching wrists, trying to massage them back into life.

"Did they harm you, Sakura?"

Startled at Itachi finally deigning to speak to her, she raised her gaze to where her captain was still perfectly balanced on his feet before her, his attention snared by the angry red marks creeping around her lower arms. His tone was as apathetic as it usually was, but something else was betrayed in the way his eyes were clinically sweeping the length of her body, searching for any overt signs of wounds.

A small spurt of warmth shot through her heart as she realized that Itachi was, oddly enough, concerned about her. She squashed it down immediately, however, and gave him a small grin.

"Any chance that if I say yes you'll have mercy on me and cancel training for the next month?"

Itachi quirked an eyebrow at the smiling pinkette, reassured by her gentle teasing. "Hardly."

"What about skipping the lecture on being more wary of my environment and therefore avoiding capture by crazy missing-nin?"

"I believe the answer to that is obvious, Sakura."

Aw, darn. She'd clearly given him ideas. "Then no," she sighed out, figuring that it had at least been worth a try. "I'm not hurt."

Sakura blinked as Itachi nodded, satisfied at her relative good health, and stood, stretching out a hand in front of her.

"Then it is best we leave. Can you stand?"

She stared at him in annoyance. What kind of stupid question was that?

"Of course I can—eep!" Sakura, ignoring Itachi's proffered hand, heaved herself off of the floor with a touch of overconfidence…

…only to find herself wobble dangerously, then careen sideways as her thoroughly asleep legs turned to jelly beneath her.

If it hadn't been for her captain's fast reaction time, Sakura most certainly would have found herself making intimate friends with the hard floor. Instead, Itachi, who, apparently unlike Sakura, was blessed with the knowledge that attempting to stand after nearly a day of cramped sitting wasn't going to end well, easily caught his flailing subordinate before she hit the ground.

It was only through sheer force of willpower that he refrained from commenting on the pink-haired kunoichi's unfailing stubbornness and independent streak, which was both admirable and a constant source of frustration for him as well. Arms curled firmly around her shoulders and under her knees, he lifted her before she could argue with him, as she was usually wont to do, and headed for the exit.

It was only through sheer force of willpower that Sakura was refraining from boiling angrily at the unspoken "I told you so" lingering in the air between them. Unfortunately, she didn't quite have the willpower to not let out a horrified gasp as she realized that her captain apparently had no intention of setting her back down.

"H-hey!" She yelped, wiggling self-consciously in his hold. "I can walk!"

He didn't even spare her a glance, though the corner of his mouth lifted into a faint smirk. "Yes, I believe I just witnessed your pitiful attempt at doing so."

She glared at him, though it was somewhat diminished by the fact that she had to squint hard to make out his features in the shadowiness of their surroundings. "I can!"

"Really." His tone was deadpan as he easily carried her towards the sunlit mouth of the cave.

"Itachi, put me down!" She was five seconds away from kicking her feet like a petulant child. Her captain was always so capable of bringing out the best in her.

"Hn."

Her eye twitched. The bastard was so obviously not even listening to her anymore. Oooh, if only she had sufficient control of her chakra…or any chakra left at all, really…she would bean him on the head with her fist. A happy chakra-infused fist of DOOM.

A-hem.

Then, to her shock, right before exiting the godforsaken rock formation that had served as her prison, he reached up and gently turned her face to rest hidden against his shoulder. A second later she heard him murmur calmly, "Don't open your eyes, Sakura."

The sudden jolt of astonishment at his actions caused her to move away jerkily from his hand, asking irritably, "Why can't I open my—aaaah!" Sakura couldn't help the yell that escaped her lips as she ignored Itachi and opened her eyes, which were immediately assaulted by the harsh brightness of the sun shining brightly up above. Sakura, who had just spent a good deal of time locked up in an exceedingly dark cave and whose eyes weren't quite up to coping with any sort of light, let alone that of the sun, immediately pressed her eyes shut and unthinkingly buried her face in the haven of Itachi's shoulder.

His soft laughter reached her ears, adding insult to injury. "I did warn you."

"Shut up! I think I'm blind!" She hoped her shriek had made him go deaf in his ear. Jerk.

She could just hear the almost palpable amusement in his stupid voice. "Your eyes will adjust in time. But keep them closed for the time being."

Sakura had the vague idea of irritably inquiring, "Who's the medic here, Mr. Genius? Me or you?" But her eyes still hurt too much for any snarky comment wars, and the only thing she could do was further seek shelter by worming her face even closer to the comfortingly dark black cloth of his ANBU outfit. She was, at the same time, trying to ignore the fact that it was Itachi's firm shoulder she was burrowing against, and instead focused on the fact that there was some alleviation of the burning needles plaguing her poor eyes.

Then, as though it weren't bad enough that her eyes were currently sore and on fire, her ears were assaulted as well.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

At the sound of her exuberant friend's shout, and his noisy footsteps as he clearly ran towards her, Sakura smiled, though she didn't change her position. "Sakura-chan! Are you alright? We came as fast as we could!"

Pressed against his body as she was, Sakura could feel Itachi sigh. Then again, that was most people's reaction to Naruto's blatant disregard of general mission rules such as "covertness" or "subtlety". She and Sasuke had learned to tolerate it through extended exposure over the many years of teamwork.

"Sakura." Ah, there was Sasuke-kun's voice. And how sweet, he sounded almost worried. She wished she could see his expression—it would make such wonderful blackmail material in the future. "Sakura? Nii-chan, what's the matter with her?"

"Her eyes have merely not accustomed themselves to the light."

"Sakura-chan! You're blind?" Naruto cried in horror, apparently having reached them.

Itachi shifted slightly, sounding amused when he spoke. "She is not blind, Naruto-kun."

"Says you," she grumbled lowly into his shirt.

"So you are blind?"

"Dobe, shut up. Itachi-nii just said she wasn't."

"Keh. Like I trust that guy…hey! How come you're holding Sakura-chan!"

Everyone ignored the future Hokage wannabe.

"Sasuke," Itachi addressed his brother quietly. "You and Naruto-kun will wait here for reinforcements from the village. I have already notified Ibiki-san of the situation."

There was no reply, so Sakura could only assume that Sasuke had instead nodded his assent to the plan.

"And what are you gonna do?" Naruto's less-than-pleased voice asked. Sakura would have rolled her eyes if she had been capable of keeping them open long enough to do so, so she had to settle for a mental eye roll instead. Really, Naruto's dislike of Itachi stemmed more from the fact that the Uchiha had essentially "stolen" Sakura from Team Seven when she had begun accompanying his team as a field medic than anything else.

"I will take Sakura back to Konoha," Itachi told the wary blonde.

Naruto obviously didn't think highly of that idea, beginning to protest, "But-!"

"Idiot, come on," Sasuke interrupted his best friend, cutting him off before he could gripe any more. "Sakura's fine, and we still need to tie up all of the missing-nin. We'll see you back in Konoha, nii-chan."

"Bye you guys," Sakura's perturbed voice was muffled. "I'll see you later."

Sakura felt Itachi nod briefly at her friends before turning, his grasp on her tightening securely, and disappearing into the surrounding forest.

.-.

.-.

.-.

They were both quiet for a short while, the only sound being that of rustling leaves and Itachi lithely leaping from tree to tree.

Though she was trying hard not to, Sakura was feeling rather fidgety—this was a combination of keeping her face still against her captain's shoulder so as to avoid any traitorous beams of happy sunlight, and desperately keeping her mind away from the fact that only an hour ago, she had been informed that the very person now carrying her through the woods (which Ino's romantic mind would turn into something more than what it was) was in love with her.

Why must her life be so complicated? She knew she should have listened to her mother and become a civilian schoolteacher instead. At least schoolteachers didn't have to worry about the daily threat of death or the fact that their handsome older captains might have slightly-more-than-platonic feelings for them.

Or maybe they did. Sakura didn't really know. She wasn't a schoolteacher, after all. But that was beside the point.

The point was, in fact, that the best way in resolving this entire little mess and granting herself peace of mind was simply to ask the person who was the cause of her headache about it.

She had to broach the subject carefully though.

After all, you couldn't just randomly spring questions like "Hey, are you in love with me?" on innocent people (except she wasn't quite sure about categorizing Itachi as 'innocent'. Kittens were innocent. Puppies were innocent. Itachi fit into neither of those cute, fluffy categories). It might give them heart attacks. That was another thing Sakura had absolutely no idea about, having never confessed or been confessed to in all her sixteen years.

Which was sort of pitiful when you thought about it.

But that was getting off the subject again.

Better to just plow forwards and hope that at no point in the conversation did she end up awkwardly sticking her foot in her mouth.

"Itachi…" She began weakly after a moment, trying to play on his softer side. After all, maybe if he felt bad enough for the lousy day she'd been having he'd actually answer her question, instead of being all cryptic and avoid-y as he was most of the time.

He glanced down at her, dark eyes quickly scanning her dirty face at her faint tone of voice, even if she couldn't see it. "What is it, Sakura?"

Success! She cheered to herself. Now, just to figure out how to phrase this without ending up looking like a complete fool…

Sakura debated about the level of stupidity of her next words, shifting uneasily in Itachi's hold, but eventually gave up, dire need of information winning out over a desire to retain any last remnants of pride. Here was her chance to ask him to verify what that enemy kunoichi had said, once and for all. If she let this go on any longer, she was sure to go mad without knowing.

She cleared her throat hesitantly, stalling for time. "Erm…"

Courage. Courage.

"Do you…" like me by any one in a million chance? Have the hots for me, despite the fact you're my team captain, five years older than me, and infinitely more mature and skilled? Love me, like one obviously crazy kunoichi seems to think you do, even though you've known me since I was a twelve-year-old genin and saw me go through my various awkward stages? Spill your innermost thoughts and feelings, I command you!

Right.

Like any of those things were going to go down real well with the Uchiha. Just hearing them in her own head made her realize how naively ridiculous they actually sounded. And what if she did ask him, and ruined their whole tentative relationship that was an odd mixture of indignant arguments on her part and comfortable teasing on his that they had built over the months she'd served as his medic? What then?

Somehow, for some strange reason, she couldn't bear the thought of things becoming uncomfortable between them, merely because she couldn't manage to keep her mouth shut and her curiosity in check.

And anyways, Sakura mentally chalked it up to being that it would take a far braver person than her to confront Uchiha Itachi about something insanely impossible like this without fear of consequence. Besides, he might go back to looking at her like he looked at Naruto and Sasuke sometimes—like they were a brainless paramecium species he couldn't quite believe existed.

So she really couldn't help it—she chickened out.

She sighed, before finishing lamely, "Do you…um…thank you." She exhaled lightly again, scowling at her own cowardice, her cheek bouncing against his arm as they traveled.

"What was that, Sakura?" Itachi's voice was mild and curious.

He hadn't heard her? She didn't want to repeat that! Still, reiterating her gratitude seemed like the better option than pursuing that other thought process. It was much safer territory. Gritting her teeth, she repeated, "Thank you. For coming to get me."

Yes, she reassured herself, that was a much safer option than the original "Was that cuckoo kunoichi right in thinking you have a preference for pink-haired girls with large foreheads?" she'd had planned.

"Hm?"

She was flabbergasted. He'd missed it again? Dammit, the least he could do was listen when she was letting go of her pride and thanking the insufferable bastard!

Minutely pulling her face back from his shoulder for a minute, she shouted irately, "Thank you!"

And then promptly hid it again, muttering darkly to herself about hearing-defective idiots of inbreeding clans.

Luckily for Sakura's already high blood pressure she missed the half-smile playing on her captain's lips, concealed mirth flickering in his eyes at the livid murmurs and killer aura emanating from the petite pink-haired girl safely ensconced in his hold. Unfortunately for Sakura, she really was so very easy to incite…and her spirited reactions were far too interesting to witness. Though she wasn't completely aware of it, Sakura wasn't quite wrong about her captain's sadistic sense of humor.

Itachi tilted his head faintly. "You are welcome, Sakura." A strange spark, that could only be described as mischievous, flashed through his eyes as he contemplated the younger shinobi innocently tucked up against him, who was childishly continuing to mumble insulting things about her impossible captain.

It was then that Sakura felt the barest hint of something brushing against her hair, tickling the top of her head lightly and only for a short little moment.

She stiffened abruptly at the sensation. It had almost felt like…

"Itachi, what was that? I think I felt something on my head."

"…I believe it was merely a leaf in your hair, Sakura. I assure you, it meant no harm."

She didn't think she was imagining the amused 'smirk smirk smirk' that doubtlessly accompanied his words.

She flushed, trying not to berate herself too much for freaking out over something so tiny. Well, in her defense, losing your sight, no matter how temporary, was truly a disturbing incidence. For a second she entertained pleasant thoughts of poking Itachi in the eye and seeing how he liked it.

But…a leaf. Hah. For a second, she had almost thought…it had very closely resembled…

She shook her head amusedly.

Clearly she had let the words of the missing-nin worm their way into her head a little too deeply, and had obsessively dwelled on this whole issue for way too long—she really knew how utterly foolish the very idea was. Her paranoia was getting the better of her, and most probably causing her to imagine things.

Sighing happily as she resolved to put the matter permanently out of her head, she allowed her mind to settle peacefully as Itachi continued to bear both of them towards home.

.-.

.-.

.-.

And for all involved, perhaps it was fortuitous that she had not been able to see the Uchiha who had slowed his pace for the briefest of moments, bent forwards, and brushed his lips against the crown of her head.

After all, it was such a very impossible occurrence.

.-.

.-.

.-.

This is what happens when school starts again and DecidedlyPositive sits around in the library reading manga, when she is actually supposed to be studying organic chemistry (ugh). It is also what happens (SPOILERS AHEAD) when she reads the latest chapters, and sees how totally awesome and cool Itachi is being. I think I just fell in love with his character all over again—he's so multi-faceted! Has anyone else kept up with the manga? The wise advice he gave Naruto, about remembering to rely on your friends and not allowing power to cloud your judgment, just completely knocked my socks off, especially considering who it came from. If Kishimoto kills Itachi off AGAIN, I'm going to start boycotting Naruto, for REAL haha. He seriously needs to meet up with Sakura during the battle, they need to fall in love, and they need to have cute little Uchiha babies while simultaneously rubbing their happiness in Sasuke's face.

A-hem.

I really hope you guys enjoyed the story though =)

I really appreciate helpful hints, constructive criticism, or just plain ol' happy comments, so please leave a review!