Chapter 5

Mom and Dad got a suite at half-way decent hotel, and now everyone's watching Dean, waiting for him to call in his angel. This time, Sam's determined not to blink. This is an angel—a warrior of Heaven. And his brother has him on speed dial.

Not that the angel's picking up, however.

It's been nearly an hour and there's been no response to Dean's weird-assed prayers. He's been at it so long his voice is going hoarse.

"Dean," Dad says and stops the litany. He's offering a beer from the mini-bar, an unspoken symbol of their dad's recognition that this Dean isn't their Dean.

Sam wonders if asking what the hotel has on pay-per-view would be considered untactful or if they'd figure out that it's a hint that Dean should just give up already. He doesn't ask because he's not sure of his motives. He could just be bored—he probably wouldn't be the only one. Or he could want to stop Dean's plan from working because, if it does, Sam's pretty sure Dean will want to go back to his world. He wants the plan to work, he does, it's just… He likes this Dean. He wants to keep this Dean, and the longer it takes the angel to respond, the more that teeny-tiny part of him that wants this to fail, jumps up and down in happiness. The more he feels like a traitor.

Three hours later, Mom and Dad are meeting with their insurance agent and their lawyer respectively. There's still nothing from Dean's angel and Dante's Peak is on pay-per-view.

As the mountain gets ready to blow, Sam wonders if it felt something like that in Dean's world, knowing they were being used by angels and demons to fight a war nobody would win. He looks at his brother who's hunched over himself. His hair is a mess. His eyes are red. His cheeks are white, and his hands are gripped so tight that Sam can practically hear the bones popping out of their joints.

"Dean?" he says then wonders what he's thinking. All he wants to say is 'stay with me', and he wants to be selfish enough that saying it is completely okay, but he's not that selfish (not quite) and he can't say it.

He is such a wussy…

The sound of wings fills the room, and the complimentary pad of paper flutters in the breeze that shouldn't exist. It's a 'blink and you've missed it' moment because Sam looks up and Dean's angel has arrived. He doesn't look so good is Sam's first thought. The messy hair is the same, and so are the too-intense-to-be-human eyes, but his trench coat is ripped and dirty and he looks… He looks used up—to the soul and beyond.

Something's happened, Sam thinks. Something bad.

Dean doesn't seem to notice. He just jumps up, instantly alert, instantly enthusiastic. "Cas, man! Finally!"

"I am sorry it took so long."

He was probably going to say something more but Dean doesn't let him. "No worries, Cas, but I think I have a solution; a way to stop the Apocalypse in this world before it even gets started."

"Dean," the angel tries to break in. His voice is even rougher than Sam remembers.

"You have to talk to Michael and get him to let Lucifer out occasionally."

"Talk to…" Castiel tips his head as if he's got water in his ear and it's affecting his hearing. "Talk to Michael."

"Yeah, turns out the bosses of Heaven have taken off in this world, too, and so Lucifer hasn't been able to visit with the rest of the family. Needless to say, he's a tad upset."

"Dean," Cas tries to stem the flow, but angel or not, it's beyond his powers.

"So, if you can just remind Michael that it's part of his duties as caretaker of all Heaven's angels, then they won't need Sammy to open the cage and be Lucy's vessel. Easy, right?" He finally stops to take a breath.

"Dean," the angel says in gentle protest, and now Sam's worried that something's seriously, seriously wrong in Castiel's world. He sits forward, ready to interrupt but Dean's already in motion.

"Cas, you're the only one who can do this," Dean pleads. He wraps his hands over the angel's shoulders. "You can bring this Michael down here to talk to me if you like. I'm supposed to be his vessel, right? But you can tell him, if he's planning on me saying yes anytime in the next century, he's SOL. I'm not saying yes, and I'm betting Adam's not around as back-up."

"He is not."

"Well then," Dean says engagingly. "I think we've got most of the cards this time. It should work. He'll listen to you, won't he? Michael, I mean."

"It is likely that he would allow me to speak as he will be able to tell that I am not from this reality."

Sam wants to yell at Dean to shut up and let the angel speak. Sam wants the angel to go back to wherever and keep whatever nasty information he has to himself. He wants Mom or Dad, preferably both, to show up and turn this conversation to more neutral channels. He wants Dean to be happy.

Dean has no such qualms, obviously, because he's still leaning into Castiel, trying to convince his angelic friend to go along with his plan. Dean's speaking faster, grinning at the angel and touching him, and Sam recognizes it as a similar technique to the one old Dean used when he's trying to talk a girl out of her panties or a friend out of his dope. It works just as well on angels as it does on the girl or the junkie pal. Pathetic, really.

"Very well, Dean. I will go talk to Michael," Castiel finally agrees. "I will try to negotiate an arrangement that will negate the need for Sam to be involved."

"Great! That's great, man." Dean is smiling, huge and carefree. Like he's done only rarely since he arrived here. It makes some unhappy, petty part of Sam twist in frustrated anger.

"After that, we must talk," the angel says ominously but he doesn't stick around long enough for Dean to get the idea that something bad's happened.

"This is great, Sammy," Dean says. "Isn't it great? Cas talks to Michael, maybe the guy didn't realize it was his job to open the door now that the folks are gone. Maybe it'll be that easy. That would be cool, wouldn't it?" Green eyes turn and look hopefully at Sam. All Sam can do is nod in agreement as his gut goes twist, twist, twist.

"Once I know you're safe then I can go back and help rescue Sam, my Sam. I know the angels are on it and all, but frankly, they're dicks. I wouldn't put it past them to hold Sam hostage once they get him out."

Sam swallows and his Adam's apple clicks hard enough to be audible. "You could stay." Just saying it hurts. He's never felt this nervous, not even when he asked Tina Phan to the spring dance, or rather, he asked Tina Phan's dad because her family was strict like that. "I mean, even if this does work, I mean. Because…" Because he's pathetic and just the thought of losing Dean makes him feel lonely.

"Sammy… Sam," he says solemnly and just those two words tell Sam that Dean's not going to stay.

Twist, twist, twist.

"It's okay, I get it. Your Sam needs you more." He ducks away from Dean's outstretched hand. "It's cool." He turns the sound back up on the movie and lets exploding mountains drown out whatever his not-brother might have said. He's very aware that Dean's frowning down at him, probably trying to figure out what to say (emotional limpdick) but before Dean can figure it out, the angel's back.

"Cas! That was fast," Dean says and this time he actually looks at his friend. "Holy shit, Cas. What did they do to you?" Sam rolls his eyes at Dean's complete lack of awareness. He uses the motion to stop him from begging Dean to stay.

Castiel looks at his ripped coat as if seeing it for the first time. "I am uninjured."

Dean nods slowly, as if he's not sure whether to believe him but then his mind swings back to his current preoccupation. "How'd it go?" he asks. "Did you talk to Michael?"

"I did," Castiel nods slightly. "The Holy Couple have, indeed, left Michael in charge in their absence. However, they did not give him a key to Hell so he was unaware that it was required of him. He assumed that, with their parents away, Lucifer no longer desired to visit with the rest of his family and that was why they hadn't seen him."

"So Michael decided that if Lucifer didn't want to see him then he didn't want to see Lucifer either?" Castiel nods in confirmation and Dean chuckles. "I guess it doesn't matter which world we go to, your family's as messed up as any humans. I don't know if that gives me faith or takes it away."

"Dean…"

Again, his brother cuts the angel off. "But he's going to let Lucifer out, right? So the demons won't have any reason to go after Sammy here, or any of the other kids?"

"He has the Garrison looking for the key or ritual that will allow Lucifer to visit his family."

Dean shouts and pumps his fists in victory. "Yes! Cas! You are awesome." Castiel tries to break in but Dean's turning away. He practically bounces over to the couch, he's so happy, and Sam keeps a wary eye on him in case the unusual emotion makes his brother-not brother clumsy. "Did you hear that, Sammy? I mean, Sam. You're safe. You and Mom and Dad."

"What if they can't find the key, or whatever, to get Lucifer out?"

Dean stops bouncing and frowns. Castiel answers for him. "I believe Michael is sincere in his desire to see his brother and will devise an alternate strategy to allow Lucifer egress from Hell. The dynamics here are completely different than in my reality." Sam's pretty sure he's not imagining the angel's wistful look.

"That's… That's excellent, Cas," Dean says enthusiastically. "So Sammy's safe, and Mom and Dad too. And the world's not going to have an Apocalypse anytime soon, so it's all good and you can take me back, right?"

"Dean," Castiel starts and his voice is even more serious than usual.

Sam hunches down farther, trying to bury himself in the couch. He doesn't want to hear this.

"It's not that I don't appreciate this, Cas, I do, really. It was great to see what might have been, but my brother's in danger and-and I gotta be there. I have to help, Cas. I can't…"

Again the angel tries to interrupt. Again, Dean speaks first. He speaks fast; voice ragged "I can help. Even if Lucifer's been working on him, I can reach Sam, convince him to come back. I can. I have to help, Cas. I have to. I can't leave him." Sam knows Dean's close to crying. He's heard it enough in the past week since this Dean showed up on their doorstep.

Castiel hangs his head, shifting slightly away from Dean. "There's no point," he says.

"Of course there's a point," Dean argues. "He needs me."

I need you, Sam wants to say, but he doesn't, because Dean's nearly begging and that's just wrong. Instead, Sam bites his thumb and pretends to watch the movie where something's in the lake… maybe. Whatever.

"My—the Garrison decided that the only way to… equalize the combatants, was to remove Lucifer's true vessel as an option, as Michael's vessel had been removed."

Oh, sweet Lord and Lady. Sam's stomach clenches and he has to grab the seat to stop him from leaping up and going to Dean.

"You mean they took Sam to some other reality?"

Castiel doesn't answer. He just looks at Dean with his penetrating, blue eyes that are so filled with compassion that Sam aches with it. It's not even directed at him.

Dean swallows and his voice, when he speaks, is small and about six-years old. "That is what you mean, isn't it?"

"No, Dean. It is not." The angel takes a half step forward and lifts his hand as if to grab Dean's arm.

Dean backs away. "Are you telling me… that the angels killed Sam?"

Castiel's silence is all that's required to answer.

"Fucking assholes!" Dean spits. "What the fuck, man? Why?" The last question is a wail.

"Because they decided that rescuing him was neither efficient nor necessary."

"They didn't think he was worth it," Dean says bitterly. Sam's chest is tight; it's hard to breath. This is going to kill Dean.

"I am sorry, Dean," Castiel says softly. "For what it's worth, I believe they were wrong."

Dean stares at his angel and the look is beyond upset, beyond betrayed. It's empty and devastated and alone,alone,alone. "Where were you?"

Again Castiel glances away, in shame and regret, before he resolutely brings his gaze back to Dean's. His eyes aren't any happier than his brother's and Sam has to press against his own eyeballs to relieve the pressure.

"I was not told that they had located Sam, nor what they intended."

"They didn't trust you," Sam says before he can think to keep his mouth shut and those eyes turn on him.

"They had reason," Castiel states calmly and Sam hears echoes of an internal conflict that nearly pulled the angel apart. Castiel looks back at his brother and Sam feels his shoulders relax. "I will not be returning to them," he says in the same even tone. "There is nothing for us there any longer."

Sam thinks it's the finality of it that makes Dean crack. His brother's knees bend and Dean's folding himself over his stomach as if he's going to throw up. There's this high whisper of sound that's formless and nameless but endless and deep. It's Dean keening—grieving for the brother he couldn't save.

Sam's hardly aware of leaving the couch and sliding to his knees beside Dean. "Whoa, whoa, Dean. Dean! Hey! I'm here. I'm gonna take care of you. Let me look at you," he murmurs as he grabs onto Dean and starts to rock them gently. "Hey, look at me. I've got you. I'm gonna take care of you. That's my job, right? I'm gonna watch out for my pain-in-the-ass big brother, and you're going to take care of me, too. It's the way it works, right?"

He feels guilty for that teeny-tiny piece of himself that wanted this—wanted Dean for himself, forever. He wraps himself around his brother-not brother, tucks his freckled cheeks into his shoulder and holds him tight, even though Dean's lifeless except for the horrible, broken noise that Sam's not sure his brother knows he's making.

"I'm here, Dean, and I need you. I need you. You make me happy. I want to be your little brother," he says then he says it again. He'll keep saying it until Dean's okay with it, until Dean's willing to take him as a substitute for his Sam. "You took care of me," he whispers raggedly. "You saved me."

And Dean breaks.

His body convulses in huge, silent sobs and Sam's shirt gets damp—whether from tears or snot, Sam doesn't care. He just tightens his grip and doesn't say anything. He doesn't say "it'll be alright" because that's probably a lie of epic proportions. He just holds Dean and rocks him and makes wordless, soothing sounds, and hopes that, someday, he'll be enough.

Slowly, Dean's endless keening breaks up into harsh gasps and tight moans, and still Sam holds him. It's not until Sam opens his eyes that he realizes he'd closed them. Castiel's standing there. If he weren't an angel, and incapable of feeling emotions, Sam thinks he'd be crying too.

"I can make it stop hurting," Castiel offers tentatively.

"You can't make him forget Sam!" Sam protests.

The angel gives him a small smile. "I think such a thing is beyond my power."

"Damn straight it is." The words are soft and harsh.

"Dean," Sam says in acknowledgement of his return to awareness. "Cas, can you get some water… and maybe a couple Tylenol." He lifts Dean's face, examining it. The skin around Dean's eyes is red, swollen and painful looking. "And a cold, damp wash cloth!" he adds before turning his attention back to his brother-not brother-brother forever. He rubs his thumbs over half-dried tear tracks and fresh.

"Jeez, you're a mess," he says soft enough that Dean should know that Sam's not judging him.

Dean's hand comes up and grips Sam's wrist tight, holding it still, making the bones ache. "I didn't save him."

As much as he'd like to, Sam doesn't look away. "No, but he saved you." Dean's about to argue so Sam hurries on "Isn't that his right, as your brother?"

"No, no." Dean shakes his head. "It doesn't work that way."

"Sure it does." Sam takes the glass of water from Castiel and pushes it at Dean until his brother gives up and drinks it all down and the painkillers too. "You rescue him, and he rescues you right back."

"Please tell me you did not just cast yourself as Julia Roberts." Dean's voice is weak and scratchy. His eyes are red and tear-swollen. Misery clouds his too-handsome features. Weariness and defeat weigh down his shoulders. He is the complete and total opposite of the Dean he'd replaced and Sam will fight for him anyway he needs to. So he smiles mockingly as he eases his brother onto the bed.

"At least she got a bazillionaire. You had to ask me for money to buy a pop."

Dean snorts and it's a good sign—a great sign. It means Dean might eventually be okay staying here, with him.

Sam's gonna take it as a good sign.

He covers Dean with a sheet before looking at his brother's angel. Castiel obediently steps forward, fingers outstretched, and places them gently on Dean's forehead. Dean slides painlessly into sleep and Sam gives him a soft kiss. "I'll be here when you wake up." It's a promise. Even if only one of them knows it.

Extras:

Amizpi amiran is pidgin Enochian for 'fasten yourself' or 'hold still'

Alternate History:

Originally, I was going to make much more use of this alternate world but I decided to keep the story focused on Sam and Dean instead. However, it wasn't wasted because it gave Sam's thought processes more depth because there's so much that he takes for granted that he's surprised when Dean doesn't. Anyway, I found it helpful. I hope you find it interesting.

In creating my alternate history, I started with the basic premise: "What if RFK had never been killed? If he'd been elected, what would that have changed?" Then I had to extrapolate that forward to 1997.

Robert Kennedy was elected in 1968:

1. Marijuana was legalized;
- Sale of alcohol, marijuana products and cigarettes all federally controlled
- Age limit set at 21 & strictly enforced
2. Set up universal, single-payer health care program
- Mandated minimum coverage to be provided
- Set salary and profit caps
3. He was unable to get a domestic gun control bill passed

Richard Nixon was elected in 1972:

1. Raised the age limit on drugs to 25
2. Couldn't dismantle Medicare but:
- Allowed private/for profit system to be set up
- Removed salary and profit caps for private/for profit system
3. Still went to China; still impeached after Watergate

Jimmy Carter elected in 1976 (over Gerald Ford):

1. Stopped space program entirely
2. Alternate fuel/energy research pushed
- US becomes a world leader in alternate energies
- Most advanced alternate fuel cars are built in the US
3. Economy booms

George H.W. Bush in 1984 (over Geraldine Ferraro):

1. Communist Russia collapsed from economic overload
2. Deregulation started but as soon as it threatened the US's alternate-fuel supremacy he was forced to back off
3. NAFTA talks initiated

Al Gore elected in 1988 (over Dan Quayle and Ross Perot):

1. NAFTA cancelled
2. Iraq still invaded Kuwait & set fire to the oil fields upon its retreat
- Green technologies & sciences are once again made a priority

Bob Dole elected in 1996 (over Bill Clinton):

1. US Armed Forces become embroiled in conflicts in Russia & Serbia/Croatia
2. Limited deregulation allows certain industries (clothing, appliances) to move to India, Mexico and China
- Economy starts downturn