Part One: Prologue
The engulfing scent of cherry blossoms reminded Matsuda of some folk song. Slowly, the car he drove progressed through the hectic traffic as he hummed the first verse of the old hymn. It was surprisingly bright weather for such a dismal day, and he couldn't help perceiving it as an omen. An omen indicating that perhaps the death of Kira was beneficial for the world. Blinking hard, Matsuda couldn't bring himself to believe this thought. From the beginning, he'd always had a certain feeling deep within him believing that Kira was not evil, but was, in fact, righteous.
However, the last moments of Kira had only let Matsuda's doubts consume whatever faith he had in Kira – Light Yagami. Light had used the remaining breath of life he had to scream only death threats against the people who bore witness, instigating a not only a pitying sentiment within Matsuda, but also a feeling of disillusionment. So, this is how the world of Kira will end, he'd thought, biting his lip and trying not to seem so childish. Damn it! As his hands clenched the steering wheel, he could feel tears prickling his eyes. Ide would definitely laugh at him for being so emotional, but it could not be helped.
His humming halted when he pulled into the driveway of a plain, but out-of-the-way, country house. It would be rather unorthodox of him to appear on the doorstep of a soon-to-be-mourning family while humming, even if it was in a less than cheerful. Parking his car, he couldn't help thinking if he wasn't feeling so serious, he would have forgotten about the humming. Shaking his head, he scorned himself for being such a foolish person.
It did not take as long for Matsuda to reach the doorstep of the Yagami home than he'd thought. The hour before, he kept envisioning himself taking an eternity for each step it took to reach the house. In reality, it took him only a few seconds. Nonetheless, it took moments to raise his hand to rap on the mahogany door. A quiet tock echoed through the house as his knuckles knocked against the wood.
"Who is it?" a muffled voice emitted from inside.
Rubbing his neck, Matsuda quietly replied, "It's Touta Matsuda."
"Touta... Oh! Matsuda, come in," the voice responded. From the other side of the wood, Matsuda could hear an audible click as the door unlocked. It opened to reveal an old, thin face; a ghost of the former wife of the respected chief. Guilt pricked his throat when he realized that she looked older and thinner than the last time he'd seen her – the chief's funeral. The death of her husband had taken a toll on her health, it seemed.
Why me? Matsuda silently begged Aizawa, an echo of his question from earlier.
"This is an order," was the reply, but it was an unsatisfactory response. Matsuda couldn't help but think it was because he'd practically killed Light himself was the explanation for his being sent to inform the Yagamis. It was a foolish thought, but he knew those were the only types of thoughts he could ever produce. To everyone, he was just a fool, an idiot, and/or a hindrance. There was no denying it. It wasn't simply unspoken thoughts; people told him this on a daily basis, and it could only be true.
Gazing into Sachiko's pain-filled eyes, he sensed that she knew what was going to come. Visions of thick, crimson blood spilling down her face like tears flashed through his mind – Light's blood. Holding back the overwhelming surprise of the vision, Matsuda proceeded to enter the country home.
"Uh, you should sit down, Sachiko-san," he said, toying with the cuffs on his suit.
"You wouldn't like any tea or beverage of that sort?" she asked, as she took a spot in the armchair. Matsuda took a place on the futon.
Matsuda shook his head. "N-no, that won't be necessary, Sachiko-san," he stuttered, focusing on the withering bonsai on the coffee table.
Before Sachiko could reply, the sound of heavy steps resonated from the stairs, indicating the youngest Yagami's presence, Sayu. As soon as her eyes met their visitor's, they brightened and a grin cracked across her face. "Hello, Matsuda, what brings you here?" she asked, her smile quickly faltering when she could see that Matsuda didn't have that characteristic goof of a smile. That frown was so aberrant to see the man without a careless grin on his face.
"You should sit as well, Sayu," Matsuda said. His voice sounded very strained. The stress and depression of the previous twenty-four hours had finally taken its toll upon his exterior, let alone his interior. "I..." His voice cracked and weakened.
Sitting down next to Matsuda on the futon, Sayu finally interrupted the silence. "What has brought you here, Matsada-sama?" she said, her voice softening.
Matsuda looked up from his cuffs in surprise at the term of address. No one had ever referred him to 'sama' before. While he was touched at the same time, the guilt continued to tear him apart. "Sayu, Sachiko-san," he said, the strain overpowering the strength of his words, "Your son, your brother, I'm regretting to say, has passed away."
The next few moments seem to pass by in slow motion. Sachiko's face crumpled as tears threatened to spill. Sayu's hands clapped over her mouth. She didn't seem to be crying, but it looked as though she was trying hard not to. Her mother, on the other, could not conceal the emotion, and began sobbing. "H-h-how...?" she choked out.
Matsuda smoothed out the wrinkled cuffs, and returned to playing with them. "He died of a heart attack." Watching the two helpless women pour out their emotions and become overwrought with the news of another death in their family. Yet, this time, this death wasn't instigated by some careless action or orchestrated by Kira; no, this time it was at the hands of Matsuda himself.
"Stop saying that," Aizawa told him whenever the young man would put himself at blame. Despite the fact that Light's true killer was the Shinigami, Matsuda was no less guilty, as well. He'd pulled the trigger not once, but five times. If Ryuk hadn't interfered, Light would have died of blood loss either way.
The silence was overbearing, but he did not dare break it. Fortunately (and unfortunately), it was Sayu. "A heart at-attack?" she asked, her voice far more steady than her mother's (or even Matsuda's, at that thought). Her wide, childlike eyes gazed at Matsuda, begging for answers.
As rehearsed, Matsuda replied with, "There was an incident. We were meeting with people holding information on the Kira case when he had the heart attack." He paused. "Kira had only one true opponent, and that was Light. He killed your brother." The statement was colored with an unintentional dramatic flare, and met with a pregnant silence.
Matsuda stopped playing with his cuffs. The lie felt like poison on his tongue. He was such a bad liar, which furthered his questioning of Aizawa's decision to have him deal with the Yagamis.
Sayu could not hold back any longer, and let out a loud sob. "I-I can't b-believe it!" To Matsuda's surprise, she grabbed his arm and began sobbing into his coat. This deeply shook him. The lie seemed to be eating him up, and he couldn't bear have the young women be so close to him — her brother's killer.
"I'm really sorry," he managed to say. "I'm really, really sorry." It was taking too much effort for him to avoid crying.
"D-don't apologize, Matsuda, this isn't your fault," Sachiko said, her face distraught.
But it was his fault. It was his entire, goddamn fault. No one but the SPK and the NPA members of the Kira case will ever know the truth, though, he thought, but knowing himself, he couldn't possibly live with the lie he'd fed the family, but it was finished. One day, all of this will be nothing but a memory.
It should be nothing but a memory.
Note: Good? Bad? Ugly? OMGWTFBBQ?