Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.

Author's note: This is my first fanfic, so please bear with me as I try to figure out the system. I really love reading Severus/Lily stories, so hopefully this will turn out well. Also, this hasn't been betaed, though I don't think errors will be too distracting. Word catches most spelling and grammar mistakes. Anyway, please let me know what you think! What you like, what you don't like, what I should add. I love feedback. :) Happy reading!

Prologue

The pair of green eyes was the last thing Severus saw before everything faded and went dark. Those eyes had haunted him for his entire life, and there they were, staring down at him with a mixture of confusion and curiosity. There was something else there, too. Sadness, maybe? Regret? Severus didn't know what the Potter boy had to regret. He would find out everything he needed to know from the memories. He would know how Severus had tried so hard to protect him, for her, and how he had failed. He would know that he was walking to his death when he went to fight the Dark Lord for the last time, and he would know that it was Severus who sent him there.

Of course, the dark-haired man thought to himself bitterly, he never trusted me, anyway. Maybe the memories will change his mind, but I'll still be the one who sent him into Death's embrace. The Potions master knew that he had never given the Potter boy a reason to trust him. Severus had been just another teacher, and a cruel one at that. He deserved to know the truth, at least.

The last thing that pounded its way through the dying man's head, repeating over and over with every heartbeat was a simple apology: I'm sorry Lily, I did my best. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… Severus took one last shuddering breath and closed his eyes, turning away from the brilliant green ones that had caused him so much pain. He didn't deserve the pity that filled them. The seconds ticked on agonizingly and the man could feel life draining from him as the snake's venom pulsed through his veins. Everything seemed to stop for a moment and his pain was lifted. There was a wonderful sensation of floating away from his body, away from the death and the haunting gaze of Lily Evan's son, away from everything that had once caused him trouble. Severus faded out of consciousness, gratefully accepting the soft, warm darkness that washed over his mind. I'm sorry, Lily…

. . . . . .

Suddenly, Severus woke up. The brightness was blinding at first and he squinted irritably, trying to make sense of where he was. He appeared to be laying on a flat surface of some sort and everything was white. He sat up gingerly, running his hand over the side of his neck where the blasted snake had bitten him. There were no gaping holes there, just smooth, unmarked skin.

I must be dead, then, he thought to himself wryly, getting to his feet. He felt wonderful, happier than he had been in many years. The former professor found that he was wearing his old robes, the ones he had worn while teaching all of his classes. He didn't hurt anywhere, he wasn't bleeding, and the persistent sting of the Dark Mark was no longer present. He slid up his left sleeve to see if it too had disappeared, but he found that it had merely faded into what looked like an old scar. Lovely, now Potter and I match, he thought to himself, his former dry sense of humor returning. Of course, magical scars probably wouldn't matter once one was dead.

After taking an inventory that all his body parts were present and intact, Severus decided he should figure out where he was. He wasn't in heaven yet, was he? He couldn't possibly be, because in heaven there would be the lovely Lily Evans running up to hug him and thank him for taking care of her son. Then she would declare her never-ending love for him and they would ride off together on a white horse into the sunset, right after trampling James into oblivion. No, of course not. That would be too much to ask for. Severus mused over the idea for a moment- after all, he had all the time in the world to think -and decided that he would love to see the look on James' face when his wife proclaimed his love for his greatest enemy. The dark-haired man sighed and shook his head, as if to clear it. He had more pressing matters to deal with.

The first of these was to figure out where he was and what in Merlin's name he was doing there. He surveyed the area he was standing in, turning in a full circle to spot something familiar, but it seemed like nothing more than an endless white space. The Potions master was starting to grow impatient and decided it would probably be best to start walking. He took off at a brisk pace in who-knows-which-direction, slowing only when he realized he could see shapes in the whiteness. There were what looked to be brick columns in varying shades of white and light gray. Peering closer in that general direction, Severus was startled to realize there were platform numbers on some of the pillars. 3, 4, 5… He started walking down the row, counting and checking the signs until he was approaching number 9.

He wasn't surprised at the figure standing between platforms nine and ten. In fact, he had been half-expecting something like this to happen. The tall, slim figure and long white hair and beard were all too familiar to Severus. "Well, hello there, Albus." The younger man spoke for the first time since he had appeared in this strange place. "Fancy meeting you here. Last time I saw you, you were falling off the tower, dead, just as you had asked." His voice was icy calm, hinting at the feelings of resentment and betrayal within him.

He also wasn't surprised when Dumbledore merely smiled and opened his hands, as if shrugging away the favor Severus had provided him. "Nearly everything went to plan that night, Severus," the headmaster informed him cheerfully. "Though, I admit that the wand possession didn't quite work out as I'd hoped. Harry fixed that slight problem for us, though."

Severus was aghast at the casual remark. "Fixed it?" he echoed furiously. "I died because the Dark Lord wanted possession of the wand! The power was supposed to end with you, remember? I never defeated you- we planned your death and you should have died as its master!"

Dumbledore merely inclined his head to acknowledge Severus' outburst, seemingly unaffected by the obvious accusation behind the words. "Ah, yes, that's the part that didn't work out," he explained, apparently deciding to ignore the younger man's seething. "You see, since Draco had disarmed me, he became the Elder Wand's true master. Harry took Draco's wand from him a few weeks ago, though, so everything will be alright."

"And yet, I'm still dead," Severus hissed. Everything was most certainly not alright! "Harry is going to die, just like you planned, and then what? He's dead! He can't do anything after that! The snake is still alive, anyway, and nobody can defeat the Dark Lord. He's too powerful."

At this, Dumbledore's smile grew wider. Severus hadn't thought that was possible. The old man must be senile, seeing as how he was taking delight in the fact that everybody was dying. "I'm afraid that's where you're mistaken, Severus," he replied gently, as if he were correcting a student in class. The dark-haired man simply stared at him skeptically. "In fact, I've already spoken with Harry. You took your time getting over here, so I figured I might as well deal with him first. He survived Voldemort's attempt to kill him again, the Horcrux within him was destroyed, and he is probably preparing for the final duel as we speak. He's quite a remarkable boy, you know. I'd explain the mechanics of Lily's enchantment, but, frankly, I'd really like to watch this last battle." His bright blue eyes twinkled over the tops of his spectacles.

Severus hated when he did that. It made him feel guilty, as if he didn't deserve the kindness Dumbledore was so willing to give. "So, what now?" he asked irritably, his anger dissipating somewhat. It really didn't matter much to him that he was dead. He didn't have anything to live for, anyway. "Are you just here to take me to heaven or wherever I'm supposed to go?"

Dumbledore merely shook his head, still smiling. "No. Actually, I'm here to give you a choice," he replied simply. "There are many, many ancient forms of magic that we are incapable of understanding. One of these is the afterlife process." He spoke delicately, as if death was a subject Severus did not wish to talk about. "Sometimes, when a wizard- or witch, for that matter -has experienced great remorse within their lifetime, particularly when dealing with emotions or bonds such as friendship or love, then are granted a chance to go back and fix their mistakes. Do you understand what I am talking about?"

As the words registered in Severus' brain, he felt his mouth go dry. "You mean- Lily…" he trailed off, wondering at the possibilities of such an option. Suddenly his cynical nature kicked in and he glared at Dumbledore suspiciously. "This isn't a joke, is it?" he demanded angrily. This seemed like the kind of thing the Marauders would do: offer him a chance to fix everything, to win Lily's heart and live happily ever after, and then rip it all away when he was most vulnerable.

Dumbledore's smile slid from his face, replaced by a look of hurt. "Do you really think that poorly of me, Severus?" he asked quietly. The younger man didn't know how to reply, but those piercing blue eyes were making him feel guilty again. "I don't quite understand how everything works, but if you so choose, you may return to an unspecified point in your life in order to fix or prevent anything you regretted in the future. Would you like that option?"

Severus nodded eagerly, unable to speak. His heart was pounding. He'd see Lily again, alive and happy… he'd be able to take back the things he so wished he could, he could change his life and be with her. "Yes, please…" he croaked, voice hoarse with the prospect of seeing his dreams come true.

The headmaster smiled slightly, and opened his arms again. "Before you go, I'd like to ask you something," he told Severus. The dark-haired man twitched slightly but he remained attentive. "Where do you suppose we are?"

The Potions master was somewhat taken aback. He had been expecting something about remorse or Lily or even Harry. "King's Cross, of course," he replied incredulously. "Can't you see the signs and pillars?" He trailed off slightly, confused. Where did Dumbledore think they were?

The elderly man simply nodded. "I can't tell, of course," he informed a bewildered Severus. "We're in your head, after all." He grinned at the alarmed look on the younger man's face. "I suppose we're in front of the barrier for 9 3/4?" Dumbledore guessed. When Severus nodded, he clapped his hands together once- another irritating habit, the Potions master thought. "Magic seems to have constants. Incidentally, Harry also found himself at King's Cross, though it always looks different to everyone. I suppose it's because you both found refuge at Hogwarts, and this was simply the means of traveling between the two worlds." Severus still looked a bit dazed and Dumbledore sighed. "I suppose you should get going now," he told the younger man. "This final battle will be most spectacular. The view of the world from heaven is quite incredible, you know." He winked at Severus, who looked slightly alarmed. "Ah, well," he continued, stepping back and gesturing vaguely toward the barrier. "I can't see it, but I'm sure it's in this general area. Just go through the barrier that would normally take you to the Hogwarts Express and you'll be sent back to the past, to your younger body. Have fun, and don't get into too much trouble!" He winked again at Severus and then faded away into the whiteness.

The dark-haired man merely blinked and shook his head again. He'd forgotten how odd Dumbledore was. Taking a deep breath, he stepped toward the barrier. This was it. This was the solution to all his problems. He just had to make sure he didn't mess it up again… Steeling his nerve, Severus stepped through the pillar and crossed into the world of magic, back into his past when everything was still alright.