(So the story behind this is that Dean wrote Cas a letter when he was preparing to say yes to Michael. Theoretically it takes place in a bigger fic where Cas finds out aobut the note and ~things~ happen.)

Dear Cas,

I'm sure you didn't expect this. Then again you've always seen through me, so maybe you did. I'm not good at saying words like these aloud. I suck at trying to deal with emotions. I wasn't raised to do any of this. I'm a soldier. That's what my dad taught me to be. It's my job to kill the bad guy, cover Sammy's back, and protect civilians who don't understand what I do.

And that's who you were too. Until I fucked everything up. It's my fault you're falling and it's my fault you keep getting hurt and it's even my fault the whole world is falling apart. I've done a lot of shitty things in my life, and you know what I did in hell. I'm a weak man. I am not the Righteous Man you seem to think I am. The only thing I have left to give of myself is my body, the vessel. If I say yes to Michael now he can take Lucifer down now so Sammy doesn't have to say yes.

I just want it all to be over. I'm ready for the pain to stop Cas. I'm tired of just bring pain and death everywhere I go. I'm tired of hurting both you and Sammy.

Do me a favor and take care of Sammy? Please. Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid like hooking up with another demon or getting himself killed? He's good some kind of bad luck that kid. Or maybe he just learned how to make bad decisions from me. Yet, more proof I've got nothing else to give. But he's my brother and he deserves a chance at the apple pie life. Or at least the chance to enjoy apple pie.

Just know that I'm trying to do what I can okay? I'm a soldier and I need the fight.

I love you. Sorry I wouldn't tell you before now. And that I couldn't tell you to your face. But I do. I love you more than I understand. Maybe in another lifetime we could have been together. Or maybe you would have hated me if I had told you. I guess it doesn't matter cause you won't get this until I've already said yes.

I do wish I could know if you felt the same, or even if you could have learned to love me. I wish I could have kissed you just once. But I have to finish this now. Take care of Sammy.

Take care of yourself.

Love,

Dean