"ITS RIGHT THERE!" The hell?

"Where's the mountain?"

"I SAID ITS RIGHT THERE!" I trudged down the stairs to find Hayley in my living room, sitting in front of my TV, screaming at the kids show that was currently on, which was Dora the Explorer. Shannon was sitting on my couch, watching not the TV but Hayley.

"So where's the mountain?"

"OH MY GOD! OPEN YOUR FREAKING EYES AND TURN AROUND! THE MOUNTAIN IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"Is this the mountain?"

"NO THAT'S NOT! THAT IS THE FREAKING HOUSE! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT? LOOK AT YOUR STUPID TALKING MAP AND YOU WILL SEE THAT THE MOUNTAIN IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Hayley was really getting worked up about this.

~Hayley Fun Fact~ She hates repeating herself more that once. Scratch that. She hates repeating herself period.

"Where's the river?" OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

"I'm not telling you..."

"Seriously Hayley? What are you, five? Its too early to be shouting like this!" I shouted.

"And good morning to you too sunshine," Shannon scoffed. (lol-xb)(beautiful sunshine indeed bwaha-oc)(neyhehee h rise and shine xD-xb)(u are my sunshine my only sunshine~oc)(. . . ?-pnc)(you make me happy wen skies r gray~oc)(you can shut up now-pnc)(u never kno jenna how much...i...uh... ok im stuck now-oc)(i love u...TAH! XP-pnc)(thx for the idea :P u never kno jenna how much i luv u...nicorns! please dont take my sunshine away~oc)(...I HATE U...nibrows-xb)(i luv u..nicorns ^.^-oc)(i love u...nicycles! :P-pnc)(i like you...tube xD-oc)

"Shut your trap."

"Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!" Hayley chanted along with Dora and Boots.

"I give up..." I sighed.

"Hey sorella! This guy with a big box showed up! So we let him in and big brother Francis signed the thing for you!" (YUEAH! CRUMPETS!-oc)

"Oh freaking joy... who did I get now?" I asked. I picked up the manual on the box.

Arthur Kirkland: User Guide and Manual.

"OH YEAH! I GOT ENGLAND! I GOT ENGLAND!" I cheered.

"When do we get America..." Hayley sulked. (bwaha more like protested-oc)

"Lets get him out! Hmmmm... okay... Hey Hayley!"

"What?"

"How well can you sing the national anthem?"

"I don't know the British national anthem!"

"I MEAN THE AMERICAN ONE DUMB ASS!" (I CAN SING IT! I SING RLY WELL! I SING AWESOMEFULLY-oc)

"Ohhhhhh well you see... I didn't exactly take singing lessons."

"Does anyone in this room know the national anthem?"(ME! ME! ME!~oc)

"Why don't you sing it?" Hayley asked.

"All I know is "Oh say can you see, by the dawns..." and that's its." I explained.(ME DAMN IT-oc)

"Now, who can answer my question?" I ignored Shannon jumping up and down, waving her arm around vigorously. How fun...

"ME DAMN IT!"

"Who said that?" I looked up(:P) and around the room. Shannon started jumping up and down.

I looked at Shannon, who had a 'You are SO lucky I'm too short to reach your neck right now' look on her face. "Yes? Do you want something?"(i cant totally reach ur neck!-oc)

"I CAN SING THE FREAKING NATIONAL ANTHEM!" She yelled.

"Oh really now?"(*strangles u officially over the internet*-oc lol wtf. googledocs is stupid. it dusnt kno how to spell internet :P)(*is invincible* ikr? its weird...-pnc)(bwabahah its hilarious xD-oc)

So then Shannon started singing to the box. It was kind of weird, watching Shannon sing to a box. France and Italy were the lucky(or not, whatever floats your boat) bystanders. (YEAH! WAT NAO XD-oc)(lol singing to a box-oc) Soon the box began to shake. We were all used to this by now.

"ALFRED! WILL YOU SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" An angry voice came from the box.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! HE THINKS YOUR ALFRED!" I laughed.

"I-I I don't think I sing that low! Or-Or OR MAYBE AMERICA SINGS LIKE A GIRL!" Shannon exclaimed.

The box exploded with a giant POOM! (poom...?-oc)

Hahaha just kidding. The box exploded and it started raining bunnies.

Hehehe no seriously. Ask anyone. Ask Shannon. Or Hayley. I swear, it rained bunnies.

*No bunnies were harmed in the making of this Fanfic...*(bwahah of course-oc)(BUNNIES! xD-xb)

"YOU BROKE THE BOX!" I shouted to the person closest to me, who happened to be France. But France was out in his own La-la land to notice me blaming him.

And the England stepped out. And I squealed. And hugged him.

"IIIIIGGGYYY!"(ahem, 20 letter rule-oc)(XP-pnc)

"Ali! Don't suffocate him! He needs to be alive!"

"Ali, I think you're killing him."

"ALI! THE AWESOMEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO ALI! DO YOU READ ME? OVER!" Hayley yelled.

"Ja? What you want?" I asked looking up.

"You're killing the nation of Great Britain and Northern Ireland," Shannon remarked. (rly? northern ireland?-oc)(hehehe yes... i had to-pnc)

"Oops." I let go of England, who collapsed to the floor, breath heavily and gasping like a fish out of water.

After just standing there for two minutes, he actually said something.

"Its... the latter actually," He wheezed.

"Huh?" All of us, including France, cocked our head in confusion.

"When... I told... your friend..." He pointed at Shannon.

"Shannon," She said.

"Shannon," He continued. "To stop singing, you started talking about me calling her Alfred and then she said something about her singing low or Alfred singing high..."

"Why are we still on this topic?" Hayley asked.

"So your saying that Alfred sings like a girl..." I clarified.

"Yes. I am." (TROLOOLOL ALFRED FAIL JONES SINGS LIKE A GIRL! *sighs in relief* i thot i sang unnaturally low...-oc)

"Weeeeeell, let me greet you better. Hey! I'm Ali! This is Hayley and you've already met Shannon." I shook his hand.

"Pleasure."

"And you already know Feliciano and Francis."

"Ahhh yes Italy and... HOLD ON A BLOODY SECOND! DID YOU SAY FRANCIS? AS IN THE NATION OF FRANCE?"

"If I say yes will you kill me?" I asked.

"Where the hell is he? I have to defend myself!"

"He's right behind you..." Shannon trailed off.

"Ohonhonhonhonhon~"

XXX

"If we're all going to live(more like survive-oc) in this house, notice I'm emphasizing LIVE , we need some rules. Let me just make it clear that anyone who disobeys the rules will be dealt with by Hayley, Shannon and I. Hayley!" We were all sitting at the table, holding a little meeting.

"Yeah?"

"Get America," I addressed. I turned to France, England, and Italy. Shannon and Hayley were standing behind me. Hayley came back holding a bat with the words "America" written in red, white, and blue. "Boys, meet America. My brother lent us the bat and let us color on him. You guys screw with the rules and your face gets to meet America first hand. Got it?"

They all nodded vigorously. "Good... so the rules... lets see... rule number one..."

"No raping people," England suggested, glaring at France.

"Really? No raping people? There are plenty of better rules!" Hayley scoffed.

"Like...?" Shannon asked.

"I got another one," I proclaimed. "Alcohol is off-limits! That includes wine, beer, whiskey-WHAT ENGLAND?"

"Rum?"

"NO RUM EITHER!"

"Awww... but sorella... why can't I have just a little wine?"

"Oui, why not let big brother Francis have wine?"

"Okay, Italy normally I wouldn't mind, but a drunk France is not what I want. Or a drunk England." I explained.

"Or a drunk England and France!" Shannon included.

"In the same room," Hayley slyly remarked.

"Okayy... moving on... another one! We will not kill anyone. I do not want bloodstains on the carpet or having to phone the police or the ambulance or people like that." All the nations nodded in agreement. "Last rule, you are not allowed to bring other people home. Clear?" They all nodded again.

"Good. Now, who's hungry?"

XXX

"No way!"

"You must be crazy!"

"Are your taste buds dead?"

"Ve~ what's the matter with Italian food?"

"Listen punks," Hayley growled. "We're going to In-N-Out and that's final!"

"It has the best burgers ever! They aren't greasy, they're clean, and they're CHEAP! LETS GO!" I pointed to the garage and started a mini-stampede.

"How are we going to get there?" Francis asked, noticing that Shannon, Hayley, and I were taking out bikes. "There aren't enough bikes for everyone."

"True," I agreed. "So which one of you has the least dignity?"

"Pardon?" Arthur was shocked.

"Well there's only one bike left. Hehehehe... two of you have to take the wagon." I smiled mischievously.

"Well," Arthur stated. "I'm the most dignified out of all three of us, so I shall be the one on the bike."

"But I beg to differ, mon cher." Francis challenged.

"Shut up frog! You lost your dignity eons ago!"

"That's not true! I still have some dignity! At least I can cook well enough!"

"Shut up wanker! My cooking is fine!"

"Your cooking can kill any living creature!" England lunged at France, and they proceeded to strangle each other. Letting those two attempt to kill each other, I pulled out the wagon. (if u want, i can draw a picture of this xD like uknow... France smugly riding a bike, England in the wagon scowling, in Italy with his dreamy look :3-oc)(OMG PLZ CAN U! IT WOULD LOOK SO FUNNY! XD)(X3 ill draw it as soon as i have time. once im done, imma copy it. u can has the original. i just want a copy to laugh at all day XD-oc)

"I think for Italy's safety, England will ride in the wagon with him. France has wandering hands." Shannon decided. (i...i didnt even kno they had humans names until u told me...! wats the point in even saying them wen id say their countries instead!-oc)(THANK YOU.-oc)

"WHAAAAT?" Arthur hollered in protest. (i think england hates me even more now xD-oc)

"Three words," Hayley held up three fingers. "Suck." One finger down. "It." Two fingers down. "Up." She raised her fist to Arthur's face.

"Ahahah burn!" Shannon giggled.

"Bad Roy pun!" I exclaimed.

"Now that that's settled, lets go!" I hopped onto my bike and pushed off, Hayley and Shannon close behind me.

We were distracted though, because behind us, where Francis was biking, we couldn't help but laugh at the scene.

"Ahonhonhonhon!"

"THIS IS UNJUST! I DEMAND OFF THIS WAGON AND ON THAT BIKE! STOP LAUGHING YOU BLOODY WANKER!"

"Ve~" (i actually wrote this down on the picture im drawing :P. fanart~?-oc)(:D-pnc)(AHAHAHAHA at first i thot u said fart :P-xb)(wow... not again *facepalm* like remember tht essay from band wen i wrote forte? even mrs. bice thot i wrote fart-oc)(ohh yeah!-xb)

"If you don't want to be in the wagon, then get off and freaking walk, punk!" Hayley called over her shoulder. We didn't hear anymore complaints from Arthur, so I anticipated he understood that if he made one more peep Hayley would go over there and throw him out of the wagon. Smart choice my friend, smart choice. (BWAHAHA XD-oc)

When we showed up, though, all hell broke loose.

"I have a great idea!" Shannon exclaimed. "Instead of ordering and waiting inside, lets go though the drive through!"

"So basically your saying 'Lets not be like the normal people and go kill ourselves!'" Arthur sneered.

"If you have a problem, I am not afraid to lock you to the bike rack and throw away my bike lock key. We didn't ask for your opinion, so just shut the hell up before I will give you a reason to whine and complain!" I ranted. France gave his perverted laugh. "AND I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!" I barked and he shrank away.

"So... can we like, go to the drive through? Please? Please? PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!" Shannon begged.

"Yeah! Lets go through!" Hayley chimed in.

"Fiiiiine," I sighed. "Lets get in line."

"YAYZ!" Shannon squealed, jumping around happily, causing a few people to stare at her awkwardly. Feliciano started mimicking her, which caused the people who weren't staring already to stare at them.

"Yay! Sono felice! Sono molto molto felice! Pasta e pizza e gelato e altre cose deliziose!" Italy started singing.

"Lets go before everyone here thinks we're nut jobs." We then proceed to the end of the line for the drive through. Unfortunately for us, we were on bikes(and a wagon) and everyone else was in giant, American sized cars.

"YEAH! THIS IS GREAT!" Shannon exclaimed in excitement.

The car behind us, well, the driver behind us, was staring at us as if we were some kind of psycho's.

"Hello, welcome to In-N-Out. What can I get you?" The static voice asked.

"Okay, you guys come up over here and tell the lady... man... the she~man what you want," I instructed to the dumbfound countries.

"Ve~ Okay. Can I have some pasta?" Feliciano asked.

"I'm sorry sir, but we only serve burgers."

"BURGERS?" Feliciano looked distraught. "Only BURGERS? NO PASTA? DON'T YOU DIE?" I shoved him out of the way.

"Heh heh heh... sorry about that... just my um... cousin. He'll have a regular burger and fries please, with a chocolate milkshake." I ignored Italy's shouts of protests. "Actually, make that three regular burgers, three french fries, and one chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry milkshake. Oh! And I'll have a cheeseburger, no tomatoes but WITH onions, fries, and a coke." I motioned Hayley and Shannon to come over and place their orders.

"I WANNA CHEZ BURGER WITH NO SPREAD, NO ONIONS, NO TOMATOES, AND STUFFS LIKE THAT! And also... also... A NEAPOLITAN SHAKE!" Shannon shouted loudly. (mwahahahaha-oc)

"First off, please don't scream. I can heard you loud and clear," the she~man said. "And also, lettuce only?"

"Yep!" Shannon squeaked.

"So that's-"

"We're not finished yet," I hissed. "Let us finish."

"Y-y-yes, of course." ( MWAHAHA XD-oc) I frantically signaled Hayley to place her order, who was in deep thought.

"A hamburger."

"Would you like onions on that?"

"I want a hamburger. Period."

"And would you-"

"JUST. A. HAMBURGER." (AHAHAHA! cracking up here XD-oc)

"R-Right. Just a hamburger..." We finished our order and rode up to the front widow for our food.

"Good afternoon, here's your... food..." The guy at the window trailed off and started staring at our little party. France and England were in the process of arguing/strangling the other person with Italy waving around his little white flag and begging that he shall be spared. "Uhm... if you don't mind me asking these questions but... Why are you using the drive through using bikes instead of just going up front and why didn't you take your mental pills today?"

"The answer to your first question is you try dragging those three into a civil place and expecting to behave..."

"Which no one ever does anymore!" Shannon chirped.

"And the answer to your second question is... we don't take mental pills. We're as normal as they come. But I'm not sure about those three," I said pointing to the three arguing countries.

"I can see that..."

"Then why did you ask?" Hayley asked, sticking her tongue out.

The In-N-Out dude shook his head and handed us our food. After paying, we biked away.

"I wouldn't be surprised if we get taken to the mental ward," Shannon said.

"One of these days..." I muttered. "Either that or we wind up in jail."

"I'm too awesome to be mental or get arrested," Hayley commented.

"It wouldn't be the fifth time for that frog to go to jail!" England scowled. We pulled up in my driveway and dashed inside because I don't know about them, but I was starving! Britain crinkled up his nose in disgust. "Disgusting American food," he spat, glaring at his burger, fries and milkshake.

"LIKE YOURS IS ANY BETTER!" Shannon retorted.

"MY COOKING IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"You wanna bet?" Shannon challenged, smirking smugly.

"Ve~ England, you're the only person I know who can burn water!" Italy stated cheerfully biting into his burger. "Its not pasta, but its not bad either! Try it big brother France!"

"It's awesome," Hayley said. She eyed her unusually thin burger and unwrapped it.

"HAHAHAHAHA! They really did give you just a burger!" I laughed, pointing at the single burger patty.

"You think that's funny?" she asked, glaring angrily at me.

"The she~man at the window probably got pissed at us, so she decided to be a smart ass with your order."

Shannon unwrapped her burger. "WHAT TEH FRICK? I ONLY HAVE THE BUN." She sipped her shake, irritated. "Hey, Hayley, I'll give you my bun if you but your burger in it and we split it in half."

"Sure. Whatev." Hayley shrugged.

I unwrapped mine.

"S/HE PUT NOTHING BUT TOMATOES IN MY BURGER! I WILL GO DOWN THERE AND STRANGLE HIM/HER!"

Shannon wagged her finger while eating her half of the burger. "We can always go on their website and complain on their bad service and failure of giving us food. They purposely did it, didn't they? Is it possible to sue them for that?"

"Awwww... that's no fun.." I whined.

"Well if we strangle them, we could go to juve," Shannon pointed out. "Unless you wanna get bushy brows and the rapist to do it for us."

I turned to them with puppy dog eyes. "Pwwweeess Engwand and Fwance. Pweese can you go and stwangle the she~man?" I begged.

"WHY WOULD I DO ANYTHING WITH THAT?" England shouted in protest.

"I could say the same, bushy brows!" France spat back.

"SAY THAT AGAIN, WANKER? MY EYEBROWS ARE PERFECTLY FINE!"

"Hey, just be glad it's not a unibrow. Because a bushy unibrow is worse than bushy eyebrows," I pointed out. Of course, at this stage of their argument my comment falls upon deaf ears.

"YOUR COOKING SUCKS SO MUCH THAT YOU CAN WIPE OUT MORE PEOPLE THAN A NUCLEAR BOMB!"

"YOU BLOODY RAPIST!"

"BLACK SHEEP OF EUROPE!"*

"CHILD MOLESTER!"

"PERSON WHO FAILS WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING A LITTLE BROTHER."

"OHHHHH BUUURN!" Shannon, Hayley, and I chorused.

"Bad Roy pun!" I exclaimed afterward. "Hey... where'd Italy go?"

"I AM BACK WITH MY MILK~" He skipped into the room cheerfully.

"When did you get milk?" I questioned. "And... why?"

"Ve~ Well I got thirsty-"

"We bought you a freaking milkshake."

"I was thirsty, and I shouted real loud that I was going to go to the kitchen," He started drinking his rather tall glass of milk.

"They're so loud we couldn't hear Italy shout... that's LOUD!" I exclaimed.

Shannon stood up and kicked the two countries that were still arguing, disregarding my angry glares in their direction.

"SHUT. UP. URUSAI. URUSAI. SABAT! TUMAHIMIK KA. AND AGAIN, SHUT. UP," she screamed, now kicking their stomachs.

"...what?" The countries looked at her dumbfounded.

"She's Asian... that was Japanese.." I whispered to the European countries.

"And then two dialects of Filipino," Shannon added, chirping. They nodded, understanding the situation.

XXX

The rest of the afternoon was pretty mellow. Shannon, Hayley, and I retreated to the couch to watch Fairy Tail, and we were soon joined by Italy. France was sitting on the armchair, half reading his book, half watching the television. That peace was short lived.

"Hey... is something burning?" Hayley asked, sniffing the air.

"Oh yeah, I smell smoke too," Shannon turned her attention away from the screen and started sniffing around too.

"U-um... excuse me... Ali," Britain came into the room, flustered.

"Ja?"

"What's the fire department's number?"

"Whhyyyyy?"

"Your kitchen is...um... on... fire..."

"...SAY WHAT?"

XXX

Partner in Crime: Hey people! I'm back from the dead! Sorry about not updating for a while, its just my inspiration for this chapter came in short little outbreaks followed by long stretches of uninspiredness... so if it seems a bit more cracky than usual and switching topics a lot, that's because I got lots of little ideas over the long stretch of time. I apologize for this crap! Who shall come next? If you haven't already, go check out my poll and submit your votes! Or review with your choice! Have a happy 2012!

R&R~