The Things I'll Never Get To Say

A/N: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or it's characters (c) Square Enix. I watched Zack Fair die and I just... needed to write this. And yet, it doesn't seem like it's enough, y'know? He deserved to live, not some freaking fanfiction commemorating his honorable death. Zack Fair was a freaking hero... And I have this on-going sense of wanting to cry because god, Zack was so freaking amazing and Cloud's scream after Zack dies is just too emotional and I swear, my soul fucking SHATTERED... That and my sister is still sniffling beside me... Anyway, this is to honor Zack Fair, 1st Class SOLDIER, and a true hero. Here you go, R.I.P.
Warning: Character Death
Rated: T for character death, angst etc
Pairings: Erm, none, unless you take this the wrong way...

I wasn't much of a talker like you
You knew that, accepted it
But that gave me no excuse to not say these things
Especially at a time like this
I crawl toward you
Weak
Every movement
Harsh and unforgiving
I see you're not moving at all, sword still in hand
I keep trying to reach you
Finally I make it
Reaching your side, sitting up
You look so broken
Bloody, bruised and shot
"Z-zack..." I manage weakly
Even in this terrible state
You smile at me, "For both of us."
I don't understand
I don't understand at all
"For... both of us?" I ask
You nod, "That's right... You're gonna..."
"You're gonna..." I prompt you to continue
You grab the back of my head
Your fingers grasping my blonde, rain-soaked hair
You pull me down
Pressing my face against your chest
Pressing my face into your blood
"Live," you breathe quietly.
"You'll be..."
You pause to take a breath, slowly getting weaker
"My living legacy..."
Your hand releases me
I sit up
Not wanting to hear you breathe so fragilely
Not wanting to know what I know
Your blood covers the right side of my face
I don't care, I leave it there
I can only stare
As words gather in my mind
But can't seem to push past my lips
You look over at your Buster Sword
And with every ounce of strength you can muster
You lift it up and drag it towards you and me
It physically hurts me to watch you
To watch you struggle
To watch you bring it over
Because I know how weak you are
Because I know what this means
And I'm too numb to say anything
Too in denial to want to admit this to myself
"My honor, my dreams," you tell me now
As you push the sword to me
"They're yours now."
I reach out and grab it with one hand
In silence
In reluctant acceptance
I take it with my other hand too after a moment
To lift this heavy burden from you
To display that I accept this
Your honor
Your dreams
As my own
Your hand briefly touches mine
A comrade-to-comrade move
With a friend-to-friend meaning
I don't want to pull away
Because I know
Beneath this numbness
That it's the last time you'll touch me
Before it's... you're...
I pause for a moment
The way you say living
Shows you accept you're dying
In a way that I can't
Not yet
But this,
This is what you wanted
I'm... your living legacy, I murmur back
Pulling your sword
-Now mine-
Close to me
You close your eyes
And you smile
I wait a moment
Thinking you'll have one last remark
A sign that I can still say my share
But I watch, struggling to find words
As your chest stops moving
As your lungs stop working
As your mind stops thinking
As you leave me behind
You leave me to be your legacy
But I'm not ready!
This isn't right
This isn't fair
This can't be how it ends
I can't do this...
I look up to the skies
And I scream
A primal, gutteral howl of agony
A heart-wrenching sound of undying affection
A soul-shattering cry of misery
An echoing embodiment of pain
A howl, a cry, a scream
In a way I didn't know I could
But that was mine
My scream
For you
My grief
My agony
My loss
Your sacrifice was noble
You are a hero
You are my hero
You were more than that
More than a comrade
More than a hero
More than a mentor
More than a SOLDIER
More than a friend
You were my best friend
I feel empty
Seeing you there
Your body so motionless
Dead
No, I can't
Think it
Say it
It makes me want to scream again
I stand
Slowly,
Painfully,
"Good night," I whisper
Because goodbye
Would just tear me apart
As if your sacrifice didn't already
Do just that
And if I let myself, I can pretend
Your chilling stillness
Your closed eyes
Your peaceful smile
Is just because you're sleeping
I walk away
More like I trudge
Battered and weary and hurt
All over
Inside and out
I drag your-my-sword
As if it's too heavy to carry
Holding onto it
Is more than its own weight
It's all my memories of you
When you taught me to be a SOLDIER
It's all the good times
When we laughed and smiled
It's all of the times you were there
When I needed you
It's when you carried me
When I wasn't strong enough
It's when you saved me
When I couldn't do the same for you
And besides all of that
I'm dragging beside me
All of what I never did
The things I never said
The things you'll never know
The things I didn't tell you
I'm sorry
So sorry
For not telling you
My mentor
My comrade
My hero
My SOLDIER
My best friend
Please
Understand
That I always have
That I always will
Even though I never said it
Not to you
But still,
Forever and always
I love you, Zack Fair

Another A/N: I'm probably going to write another Zack-centric songfic, to the song Broken by Seether ft Amy Lee. Not exactly Cloud/Zack, more of their close friendship because damn, his death is really, really making me suffer and depressed. And I write when I'm depressed... Reviews would be nice but y'know, you don't have to...