The nightmares started the night he left.
Having no one in the bed on the other side of the room did something to his mind at night, when he tried to sleep and found himself completely and utterly… alone.
It terrified him.
Not to have someone there, to laugh with, to have long conversations with that lasted until all hours of the morning.
No one was there as he lay awake, drenched in sweat and tears, staring into the still-black room, regretting every harsh word that had passed his lips that last day.
It was more than a nightmare - it was a terror.
He would find himself in an empty black void, watching as the only light faded away.
Then the ground was water and he was sinking, under and deeper, and he tried to call out, but he was alone—and he was running out of air.
Just as he felt his dream-consciousness slipping away, he woke, drenched and gasping for breath, tangled in his sheets.
At those moments, he hated Roger for leaving.
There was no comfort to be found in those early hours, no solace, no way to calm his racing heart or still his reeling mind enough to sleep again. He was too wide-awake now.
Day after day, he woke. Day after day after day, he survived, dreading the night that always came, because night always comes after day.
He barely ate. He barely spoke. The dark circles became as pronounced as bruises, and his clothes were only hanging on his thin frame.
A month and a half passed like that.
A day came unexpected – a familiar face returned.
A tight hug and a few tears - and days went on as if nothing had happened.
But the nights were the same.
He woke, listening to the light snoring across the room, reminding him that the fading light was back, he wasn't alone – but it was hard to convince his mind of something other than what it believed so completely.
He would go to the roof every morning and watch the sun rise. Oftentimes, he was joined by his roommate, looking as if he'd had a hell of a night himself. Neither ever spoke, just sat side by side and watched the light appear.
It was another while when the dream changed suddenly, and in the middle of his crying out a light appeared and took his hand, dragging him to the surface – and then he woke, staring wide-eyed into the face of his worried roommate.
Roger's fingers were digging into his shoulders, and his eyes seemed to glow in the half-light. His face looked as if he'd had his own tough night, but here he was, kneeling on Mark's bed, shaking him awake.
"Mark!"
Mark sat up, breathing heavily, tears still spilling from his eyes.
"You were calling me," Roger said softly.
Mark bit down on his fist to stifle his growing sobs as Roger held him tightly, rubbing Mark's back as his own tears started.
"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here now, I'm not going to leave you," Roger whispered. "Oh, God, Mark, I'm never leaving again."
"I missed you so much," Mark whimpered, clinging to Roger as his sobs subsided to simple tears.
"I missed you, too," Roger whispered, his arms tightening even more.
Eventually, Roger held Mark at arms' length, studying his face, from the terror that was much lessened but still present in his eyes to the dark circles that had never gone away to the way his skin stretched across his cheeks.
"Are you alright now?" he asked softly, searching Mark's eyes for the truth, no matter what answer he gave.
"I'm alright," Mark said quietly, casting his gaze downward.
"Are you sure?" Roger held Mark's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Because if you're not, I can stay."
There was a pause.
"Stay?" Mark asked, nearly inaudibly, even in the silence of the room.
"Of course," Roger said softly, hugging Mark close for a moment before sliding fully onto the bed, sitting with his back to the wall and his legs curled to his chest. "What do you want me to do?"
"Could you… hold me?"
Such a simple thing to ask, and his face was so heartbreakingly pleading. Roger slid under the covers, wrapping his arms around Mark and resting his chin on his head.
"And… sing?"
It was barely a whisper.
"Any requests?"
"Just… something of yours."
Roger smiled, softly singing as he felt Mark relax into his chest and slowly drift to sleep again.
"I'll be here from now until forever;
When the rain falls,
When the thunder rolls,
When life tries to pull you under.
I'll be here for you; I'll be your shelter;
Always
And forever,
I'll protect you from the rain and thunder.
Don't be afraid,
Don't shed a tear;
Just remember, I'll be here.
Just call my name
And I will be there;
When you're all alone and scared,
I will be here."
He paused, hearing Mark's breathing, steady and soft. He smiled softly, kissing Mark's hair, and snuggled into the pillow.
"Good night, Marky. Sleep well." It was a whisper too soft to wake him, but Roger felt it needed to be said anyhow.
It wasn't long before Roger, too was asleep, snoring softly as the two of them, for the first time in nearly two months, slept past the sunrise.
