Disclaimer: All copyrighted material does not belong to me.
A/N: Well this part of the story is researched, which is probably why it took so long. There actually isn't a lot of info out there about Vietnamese orphanages (that I could find) that isn't as depressing as all get out and just factual. So I took a bit of a creative licence. Honestly I didn't want this to end- I still don't. This was really fun to write and I just loved the idea, which is so weird because I generally hate baby!fic (unless it's done really well) but here I just wrote some. Anyway, please enjoy the last installment. (:
A Single Step
Day Three
That morning he's absolutely decided on what he's going to do. He has to give Lian up, he has to. It's for the best. And as Lian Harper's father he has to do the best for her, so he will.
For what he knows to be the last time Roy feeds Lian breakfast, and they watch the sunrise. For the last time he changes her diaper. For the last time she falls asleep on his chest after he walks a while.
It's just a morning of lasts and he honestly doesn't know what to think about it.
"I'm going to miss you," he tells her, unable to help himself.
Lian sleeps on, not aware.
.x.
He hears the airport before he sees it, the hum of the airplanes making their way to the ground. The airplanes that he saw yesterday must have been coming here.
The airport is small, the only planes being the kind that can only fit a few people. He can easily picture why people come to this airport, it's only a branch of a larger airport. But why would people want to come here is what Roy can't understand.
He's walked for three days in this general direction, and there isn't anything particularly beautiful. Sure the foliage is pretty, but it isn't anything spectacular and Roy imagines that you can see this sort of thing anywhere in Vietnam.
It's when he sees the signs inside the airport, written in both English and Vietnamese, that he understands. For a minute he can't comprehend what he's reading- all he can feel is the air conditioning and Lian breathing on his neck. Vietnam Child Welfare, 5 kilometers.
And then he gets it.
This was the reason that Jade sent him this way, to this particular location. All of the pieces fall together then, and everything makes a sick sort of sense.
This was why she wanted him to take Lian, for him to be the one that took care of her for three days, only to give her away. Jade must have known what he would have thought of doing, and she wanted him to do it because neither of them could keep Lian and she knew it. Roy was just there to do her dirty work.
A sort of white hot rage takes over him then and he's never hated another person as much as he hates Jade right in that moment.
Her plan all along was to get him to take his daughter- their daughter- to an orphanage because Jade couldn't bear to do it herself.
Jade is a lot of things, but Roy never took her for a coward.
.x.
The five kilometers, roughly about three miles, seems shorter than normal. He holds Lian close in his arms, tighter than he ever has before, and he doesn't know why. He tries to hold her looser, but he can't figure out how.
He's pathetic, really.
Time moves faster then, mocking him, and before he even realizes that he's taken a step he's there. He can't read the writing on the door, it's in Vietnamese, and the place is plain. Not scraggly or dirty, there isn't even a weed in sight, but just white and blank.
It's not a very warm place. His apartment, his shitty apartment with the crack in the wall that can't even fit his crappy couch and crappy TV in the same room, has more personality than this place and that's saying something.
He reaches out and knocks on the door, one hand arm still wrapped around Lian. He can feel her soft breathing on his neck. She has no idea what's about to happen, what he's about to do, how her life is about to change. All she knows is that she's fed and changed and comfortable wrapped in her dad's arms.
The thought hurts.
A woman comes up to the door, surprised at first and then her face hardens when she realizes what he's about to do. She asks him something in Vietnamese, and Roy has to fumble around a little bit before he manages to get a grasp on what she's saying. He listened to tapes for Jade, but there's only so much that he remembers.
After all, he never thought that he would need to use it.
Is it yours?
Yes. His pronunciation is atrocious.
She opens the door for him to come in, looking annoyed before her face smooths. He passes several kids as he walks with her, and they all stop talking when they see him walk in, a baby in his arms. They all look clean and well fed, varying in age.
Something in Roy's stomach clenches before releasing as he sees their faces.
The woman stops in front of a door, allowing him to go in first again. It's an office. He lets her sit down first before following in suit. Lian wiggles then and he knows that she's awake. He wonders if she's realized what's about to happen.
She's been talking for several minutes before Roy realizes that she's waiting for him to go on. He nods, smoothing his hand over Lian's head. Her hair is so soft, baby soft. He takes in every inch of her then, her dark eyes and hair, the way she blinks and makes quiet noises in the back of her throat.
The woman's voice is sharp then, and he doesn't understand what in the world she's saying, but her arms are reaching out for Lian, the universal sign for give me.
Roy hesitates for a second, squeezing Lian tighter, before he realizes that he has to let her go. He made the decision last night and he can't give her the kind of life that she deserves.
This is killing him and he doesn't know why. He shouldn't be this attached to Lian, except he is. She's beautiful and she was his.
And now she's just beautiful.
He releases his hold on his daughter and give her to the woman. Lian's eyes are wide open and he imagines a resigned look on her face.
The woman asks him something else, and he answers because this time he knows what she's saying. He nods, gets up, and walks out the door.
He can't forget Lian's face.
.x.
She won't remember this.
That's the first thing that Roy thinks when he's out the door, walking down the road. For the first time in three days there's no extra eight pounds in his arms, no bag to carry because he left it at the orphanage, nothing but him.
Lian won't remember how he found her, note by her head and the supplies that he would need for her all in a basket, like a gift. She won't remember how he carried her for practically three days straight, except when he had to rest.
Lian won't remember falling asleep on his chest, the way that she felt like the whisper of a person as she breathed against his neck and her hair tickled his cheek when the wind blew. She won't remember how the watched the sunrise together, how he had panicked because he never truly knew what in the hell he was doing.
That's what kills him, what undoes him.
Lian won't remember Roy, but he'll never be able to forget her.
It's at that second that he turns around, not being able to get any further away from Lian. He wants her in his arms again.
Roy doesn't have an hormonal imbalance after birth to blame by this selfishness. He's just selfish. He just wants Lian. And maybe he's not the perfect dad- he's not a perfect anything anyway.
All he knows is that he loves Lian, and he likes to think that she loves him too.
He'll be getting his daughter back, and he won't be taking no for an answer.
.x.
Roy Harper is a fucktard.
But he's also a father.
A/N: Aaaaand that's all folks! This is done, though probably not completely. There are so many things that I want to explore in this universe, and I will most likely do so (I've even written this whole little summary on all of the things that I think will happen next, haha). On tumblr, though, not on here. But any way, please review, I'd really appreciate it!
Note: For all of those who care, the sequels will be up soon, on FFN, in a story called 'Look At Me Now' so if interested in a sequel-ish thing then check out my profile.