If you're reading this
There's gonna come a day
When you'll move on
And find someone else
And that's ok
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace
And angels sing Amazing Grace
-"If You're Reading This", Tim McGraw

Lieutenant Andy Flynn

It had been 15 years since Andy had bought a six-pack of beer, but he knew that this one time, an exception could be made. It wasn't for him, anyway.

He made the drive with the radio off and the windows rolled up, lost in his own thoughts. He knew what he needed to say, he just wanted to make sure that he said it the right way. Which was a foolish concern, he knew, but this was important.

He hadn't told Sharon where he was going. He told her he wouldn't be home in time for dinner. It seemed strange, somehow, that in the last few months, he'd come to think of her home as his, in a way. He knew better, knew it wasn't his to claim, but being there with her, and the kids, it felt right. It felt peaceful.

He pulled into the graveyard, and got out, carrying the beer in one hand and some flowers in the other. He got more than a few strange looks from the others gathered there that day, but he didn't take the time to worry about what they thought. This was not about them.

He realized as he began to wander the meandering paths that he had no idea where, exactly, he was going. He just walked up one strip of concrete and down the other until he finally found the one he was looking for.

Juan "Jack" Ravera
1958-2008
Beloved father, husband, and soldier
Who gave his all for those he loved
May he rest in peace

Andy laid down the flowers in front of the tombstone, and set the beer on top of it.

"Jack," he said quietly, feeling just a little bit strange about talking to a slab of stone. He had to do it, though. There were things he never got to say to the man in life, and he could not deny them in death.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. You were more than good to me. You saved my life, even if you don't know it. And I don't want you to think I took her away from you. She's yours, and she always will be. I just want you to know that I love her, I really love her, and I'm going to do everything I can to take care of her. And the kids, too. Emma's decided to go away to school, like she wanted. Chloe and Lily are happy, and they remind me more of you everyday. And I promise, Jack, I promise Tommy will know who his father is. He will know what you meant to all of us. He will know what you did for us, and for him. I don't want to take them away from you. But someone needs to be there for them. They were hurting when you left, and they're still hurting now, but I'm trying to be what they need."

He fell silent, staring at the stone, wishing not for the first time that he could talk to the man himself. There was still a part of him that felt he deserved a good beating from Jack Ravera, but he knew he would never get it.

"I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can forgive her. She never stopped thinking of you. She hated herself for what happened. Sometimes I think she still does."

He stopped again. It was hard to talk about Sharon, even to a man who'd been dead for three years now.

"Anyway, I'm sorry for what I did to you, and I'm sorry you never got to beat the shit out of me. I brought you some beer. Your favorite. If anyone deserves a good drink, it's you."

He couldn't think of anything more to say, but he lingered there a while. It wasn't redemption he needed, exactly, but confession. He needed to tell the truth.

Finally he reached out, and touched the stone for a long moment, before he turned and walked back to his car. Sharon would be waiting, and he'd promised to read Tommy a story before bed tonight.