{Insert Mousetrap Name Here} closed in on Sev, who was conveniently still
unconscious. Rene leapt forward.
"Not Severus! Please, not Severus!" She cried.
(A/N This is a humor fic. It's starting to sound like a bloody late-night drama. Ok, blind-boy, let's see what this mousetrap can do)
Sev suddenly regained consciousness but still couldn't see. The mousetrap (Random A/N I decided to call it Snappy) pried into his brain but the mental images it saw were so disturbing that it decided to leave Sev for last.
(A/N What the fuck was going on in his brain anyhow?)
"That is my business and mine alone!" Sev snarled indignantly before clothes-lining into Sirius's outstretched arm.
"Got him!" Said Sirius. The he noticed the mousetrap clinging on his nose trying to brainwash him.
"Get the fuck off my nose, you mousetrapasshole!" He yelled, swinging the irate mousetrap round in circles until it was dizzy enough to say 'I've been drinking tequilas for 3 hours but I'm not yet unconscious! *thud*'
"Siri! Watch it!" Cried Daniel (Dan) Slatero Quirrell.
(A/N Funny full name! Funny full name! Funny ... ok, I'll shut up now. *mumbles* spoilsports*)
The Cheesemaster, standing behind Black and concealed in shadow to everyone but eagle-eye Quirrell, bludgeoned the future-Azkaban-resident into unconsciousness with a blunt object much resembling a spoon.
"He was annoying me anyway." The dairy-product commented to his mousetrap, dragging the prone figure away to his not-so-long-lost-converted- girlfriend.
Sev chose that moment to wake up but not recover his eyesight. The recovery was much hindered as the hairpin was currently sticking out of his eye.
(A/N I'm surprised he hasn't noticed yet. Mind you, he is pretty thick...)
"Shut up, you. Anyway. What have I missed?" The prat head asked brightly. He assessed the silence that followed as 'Ha ha ha. Really funny joke. Asshole'
(A/N in a sarcastic tone, of course.)
"Of course" said Sev, for once agreeing with the author.
(A/N! OH GOOD GOD! WHERE'S THE CAMERA! I NEED A CAMERA!)
Sev tried in vain to think up a witty comeback but in the end settled for
"What's a camera?"
While the author was regaining her sense of direction, time, sight, taste and humoressness, Snappy the really annoying tequila-addict mousetrap came back and did a three- in - one combo, taking Lily, Rene and Justine to oblivion.
"That is one hell of a strong mousetrap." Stated Remus sadly, watching James clinging to Lily's foot, screaming something about mallets, cult memberz and lawsuits.
"You spelt members with a 'z'." Sev 'helpfully pointed out'
(A/N Yes! I KNOW! It's supposed to!)
"Jesus Christ! Keep your hair on! Or you'll be... uh... bald!"
For some reason the author did not drop dead with shock or start crying on the floor because of this amazing and stinging comeback, so Sev let it drop.
(A/N I knew you'd see sense)
Silence.
(A/N Oh, yeah, you let it drop, didn't you?)
Silence.
(A/N... let's get on with the story)
So now, there were only Dan Quirrell, Sev Snape and Remy Lupin left to be brainwashed. Peter Pettigrew, the slimy backstabbing bastard, had been hypnotised by the divine smell of cheese and enticed away somewhere near the first chapter. Ok, I just don't like him! Happy now?
"The mousetrap's gonna come back!" Quirrell whimpered, kindly performing a charm that healed Sev's eyes in this moment of extreme tension. Sev actually thanked the cute twitchy dude before clothes-lining into the wall in jubilation and earning a splitting headache. He staggered around aimlessly, clutching his head.
"Bit early for hangover, isn't it?" Asked Remus absent-mindedly, peering closely at the wall and tapping various stones with his wand.
"Shut up, Lupin. Why are you cursing the wall?" Sev sneered. "I mean, what's it ever done to you?"
Remus ignored him so Quirrell answered.
"Existed."
Before Sev could strangle the cute stuttery twitchy guy, (Random A/N I ADDED ANOTHER WORD! I mean, I've widened my vocabulary!) there came a yell of happiness from the direction of the wall. Remus appeared from over there somewhere, looking flustered, muddy-to-the-extent-of-swallowing-the-stuff and extremely happy.
"I've done it! I've found a way out!"
"Not Severus! Please, not Severus!" She cried.
(A/N This is a humor fic. It's starting to sound like a bloody late-night drama. Ok, blind-boy, let's see what this mousetrap can do)
Sev suddenly regained consciousness but still couldn't see. The mousetrap (Random A/N I decided to call it Snappy) pried into his brain but the mental images it saw were so disturbing that it decided to leave Sev for last.
(A/N What the fuck was going on in his brain anyhow?)
"That is my business and mine alone!" Sev snarled indignantly before clothes-lining into Sirius's outstretched arm.
"Got him!" Said Sirius. The he noticed the mousetrap clinging on his nose trying to brainwash him.
"Get the fuck off my nose, you mousetrapasshole!" He yelled, swinging the irate mousetrap round in circles until it was dizzy enough to say 'I've been drinking tequilas for 3 hours but I'm not yet unconscious! *thud*'
"Siri! Watch it!" Cried Daniel (Dan) Slatero Quirrell.
(A/N Funny full name! Funny full name! Funny ... ok, I'll shut up now. *mumbles* spoilsports*)
The Cheesemaster, standing behind Black and concealed in shadow to everyone but eagle-eye Quirrell, bludgeoned the future-Azkaban-resident into unconsciousness with a blunt object much resembling a spoon.
"He was annoying me anyway." The dairy-product commented to his mousetrap, dragging the prone figure away to his not-so-long-lost-converted- girlfriend.
Sev chose that moment to wake up but not recover his eyesight. The recovery was much hindered as the hairpin was currently sticking out of his eye.
(A/N I'm surprised he hasn't noticed yet. Mind you, he is pretty thick...)
"Shut up, you. Anyway. What have I missed?" The prat head asked brightly. He assessed the silence that followed as 'Ha ha ha. Really funny joke. Asshole'
(A/N in a sarcastic tone, of course.)
"Of course" said Sev, for once agreeing with the author.
(A/N! OH GOOD GOD! WHERE'S THE CAMERA! I NEED A CAMERA!)
Sev tried in vain to think up a witty comeback but in the end settled for
"What's a camera?"
While the author was regaining her sense of direction, time, sight, taste and humoressness, Snappy the really annoying tequila-addict mousetrap came back and did a three- in - one combo, taking Lily, Rene and Justine to oblivion.
"That is one hell of a strong mousetrap." Stated Remus sadly, watching James clinging to Lily's foot, screaming something about mallets, cult memberz and lawsuits.
"You spelt members with a 'z'." Sev 'helpfully pointed out'
(A/N Yes! I KNOW! It's supposed to!)
"Jesus Christ! Keep your hair on! Or you'll be... uh... bald!"
For some reason the author did not drop dead with shock or start crying on the floor because of this amazing and stinging comeback, so Sev let it drop.
(A/N I knew you'd see sense)
Silence.
(A/N Oh, yeah, you let it drop, didn't you?)
Silence.
(A/N... let's get on with the story)
So now, there were only Dan Quirrell, Sev Snape and Remy Lupin left to be brainwashed. Peter Pettigrew, the slimy backstabbing bastard, had been hypnotised by the divine smell of cheese and enticed away somewhere near the first chapter. Ok, I just don't like him! Happy now?
"The mousetrap's gonna come back!" Quirrell whimpered, kindly performing a charm that healed Sev's eyes in this moment of extreme tension. Sev actually thanked the cute twitchy dude before clothes-lining into the wall in jubilation and earning a splitting headache. He staggered around aimlessly, clutching his head.
"Bit early for hangover, isn't it?" Asked Remus absent-mindedly, peering closely at the wall and tapping various stones with his wand.
"Shut up, Lupin. Why are you cursing the wall?" Sev sneered. "I mean, what's it ever done to you?"
Remus ignored him so Quirrell answered.
"Existed."
Before Sev could strangle the cute stuttery twitchy guy, (Random A/N I ADDED ANOTHER WORD! I mean, I've widened my vocabulary!) there came a yell of happiness from the direction of the wall. Remus appeared from over there somewhere, looking flustered, muddy-to-the-extent-of-swallowing-the-stuff and extremely happy.
"I've done it! I've found a way out!"