2014

"I'm not going to hurt you," my twin said softly. The cabin's windows were boarded up, and only let through a sliver of light. It was enough to see a dark outline of her as she moved further into the cabin.

"You just killed someone," I said, my voice breaking on the third word.

"Yes. It's, well, someone has to do it. Might as well let the demon get her hands dirty. Or would you rather it be Dean who kills all the Croats?"

"What? No!" My twin made a sound that was too short to be called a laugh. "Okay, maybe. But that man was normal. He didn't – "

"Got infected while we were out," she interrupted. "Dean saw the signs, made the call, didn't want to scare a good man with the fact that I was going to kill him."

It took me a few moments to find my voice. I heard my twin moving around and the muffled thud of something being thrown onto a bed. "How many people have you killed?" I finally asked.

"Before or after I became a demon?"

A small click sounded, and the room flooded with light from a dirty overhead lamp. I winced and blinked my eyes a few times to clear them. My twin looked at me, waiting, but my attention was focused over her shoulder.

I could see what was covering every square inch of the walls.

The vast majority of my drawings were of my Hershey Man, even after I went back home. All of them based on little moments that we shared where he was grinning, or concentrating on a magazine, or just smiling at me like I was beautiful. These were a very different kind of drawing. One showed him hanging in chains while dark, indistinct shapes tore at his wings. The one above that showed another dark shape cradling his head in its lap as the hilt of a sword stuck out from his chest. The worst ones, the most common ones, were just of his face, bloody and tear streaked as he screamed at something just off the page.

"Oh, my God."

"Aren't they beautiful?" my twin asked. That content smile was back on her face. I hated that smile. I never, ever wanted to make that smile. "Chuck wanted to use them as toilet paper about a year back, but I wouldn't let him. I miss him so much. But that's okay. I'll see him soon."

I could only shake my head. I only drew stuff that had happened to me, stuff that I actually, physically saw, and the thought of seeing any of this made bile rise in my throat. Yes, I was furious and hurt and upset that Hershey never told me that he was a freaking angel of the Lord. But I still loved him, and no version of me would ever be able to think that him being in pain was beautiful.

"What the hell happened to us?" I asked, unable to decide where to look and eventually settling on the floor.

"You really don't want to know."

"You're right," I admitted, "but I don't have the luxury of ignoring this anymore. Not if I want to stop it."

"After TV Land, I walked out of that warehouse, grabbed Mom, bought a gun, and ran away. Ended up somewhere in Kentucky." My twin stopped and waited for me to look at her before continuing. "Three months later, I blew Mom's brains out while she was asleep before putting the gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. Do you want me to go on?"

She quirked an eyebrow at me as my mouth opened and closed without making a sound. Blood was roaring in my ears, making me lightheaded. Was the room tilting? Breathe. I needed to remember to breathe. "You're lying," was the only thing that I could say. "You're lying. You – you're a demon. Demons lie."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, it took me a few days to actually work up the courage to do it. But the end was nigh! Better to put her out of her misery before things actually got bad. What? It wasn't like she was going to survive this. Stel and Marcus didn't. Sammy didn't. Hershey didn't. I just made it so that she didn't have to suffer."

My visions blurred as my twin stalked back and forth across the cabin. She was so certain of what she did. There was no remorse or regret. None. How could I become that person in three months? How could I…

"No," I said, my voice thick with tears that wouldn't fall. "No." My twin grinned.

"Oh, you precious thing. I haven't even touched on what happens in Hell."

"I'm not going to Hell."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not!" The tears finally spilled over. "I'm not! I won't let that happen! And I'm not going to kill Mom. Or myself. And I'm not going to let Hershey die, because we are going to stop this. Me and Dean, we aren't going to let this happen."

"You're from November of '09, right? I guarantee that you'll be dead and in Hell within a year." My twin sighed. For a brief moment, her expression was almost kind. "That's just destiny for you. Sure, maybe you can change a detail here and there. But, somehow, we're all going to end up right here."

Present

"I don't like future me very much," I said. "I'm pretty sure that most of you agree with me. I don't want to believe that she was telling the truth, that despite everything Dean has sacrificed, Team Screw You Satan will lose. And don't look at me like that, Dean. We both know that you paid the higher price here. And I know that you like to think that you have," I said, looking at Hershey, "but in a hundred years, you're not even going to be able to remember our names." He shook his head, but I didn't give him a chance to speak.

"I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I really, really don't want that version of future me to happen. But I'm scared. I'm scared, because I made a decision that can definitely put me on that path. It's not that I regret the decision. I don't. I never have. I guess I'm just scared of the consequences. I can be scared, right? It's normal to be scared."

"I was scared," Dean said quietly. I could barely hear him from the stage. Becky violently shushed someone who was behind her.

"Wow, I didn't know that was even possible," I said with a smile that felt fake, even to me. Dean didn't return it.

"You're an idiot," he said instead.

"Agreed." Hershey shrugged unrepentantly. A red drop of blood formed in the corner of his eye and moved slowly down his cheek. I blinked, and it was gone.

"Yeah, maybe you guys are right," I said. "Anyway, we don't have enough time for tangents. My twin brought me back over to Dean's twin's cabin a few minutes after I calmed down, and left me in left me in his oh so tender, loving care. I got the Colt explained to me, I dodged questions about why my eyes were puffy, and the three of us waited for the rest of the inner circle to trickle in. Dean and I found a corner to tuck ourselves into. I… I'm trying to find the right words to describe how I was feeling. Numb immediately comes to mind. Hollow. Like someone had come along and scraped out my heart and lungs and ribs. My head was heavy, and I let it rest on Dean's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me."

"I told you that everything was going to be okay," Dean said. Again, I could barely hear him.

"Do you still believe that?"

"Yes."

2014

"So, that's it? That's the Colt?" Risa asked. I had the distinct feeling that she was less than impressed with the 19th century gun. Dean's twin shrugged.

"If anything can kill Lucifer, this is it."

"Great," she said. "Have we got anything that can find Lucifer?"

"Are you okay?" Dean's twin asked. Castiel glanced back at me and smirked. He had waved at me when he first entered the cabin.

"Oh, we were in Jane's cabin last night," Dean helpfully told his twin. "And, apparently, we and," he paused for a moment to remember the name.

"Risa," I told him.

"Yes, thank you, Risa. We and Risa have a connection."

"You two want to shut up?" Dean's twin asked pointedly. My twin rolled her eyes. She was stationed on Dean's twin's right, and I don't think that she had left that spot since the meeting started. "We don't have to find Lucifer. We know where he is. The demon that we caught last week, he was one of the big guy's entourage. He knew."

"So, a demon tells you where Satan's gonna be, and you just believe it?" Risa asked. I liked her. She asked the same skeptical questions that I was thinking.

"Oh, trust me, he wasn't lying," my twin said with an overly sweet smile. Castiel's chin dropped to his chest. Risa looked like she didn't want to ask, but she did so anyway.

"And you know this how?"

"It's amazing the art forms one learns in Hell," Castiel said. The smile slid off of my twin's face, replaced with a look at Hershey wore whenever he was talking to his marks.

"He's talking about torture," she said without taking her eyes off the ex-angel. "We're a natural at it. It's kind of like painting. One of the few fun things that you get to look forward to."

"Dean, if you ever see me as a demon, promise me that you'll kill me," I said. My voice was much steadier than I expected it to.

"Okay."

"I'm not joking."

"I know."

"Lucifer is here," Dean's twin said, drawing everyone's attention to a marked spot on a map. "Now. We know the block and we know the building."

Castiel finally broke eye contact with my twin. She smirked as if she won something. "Oh, good," Castiel said. "It's right in the middle of a hot zone."

"Crawling with Croats, yeah," Dean's twin said. "You saying my plan is reckless?"

"Are you saying that we walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and Croats, and we shoot the devil?"

"Yes."

"Okay, if you don't like reckless, I could use insouciant, maybe."

"Wow, that's a big word for you, Cas," my twin said. Dean's twin silenced her with a look.

"Are you coming?" Castiel sighed, turning his eyes skyward as if to ask his missing father what he did to deserve this.

"Of course," he said. Dean's twin nodded once, relief bursting over his face, before turning his attention back to my twin.

"How about it?"

"Nope," she said. "Someone has to be here in case you all die before someone can pull the trigger. She's staying here too." She gestured to me with her head.

"What? Why?" I asked. It had already been determined that Dean would go out on this mission with everyone else. I had assumed that I would be too.

"For the same reason that Dean's taking him. You need to see something," my twin said. I glanced up at Dean. I really didn't want to split up from him. He had kept me alive so far. And what could be so important back at camp compared to facing down Lucifer himself? It didn't make sense. Dean caught my eye and gave me a small, reassuring smile. It didn't make me feel better.

"Okay," Castiel said. "Well, I'll get the grunts moving."

"We're loaded and on the road by midnight," Dean's twin told him as he and Risa left the cabin. It was quiet while Dean got to his feet.

"What is it that I need to see?" Dean asked. My twin busied herself with the Colt. Dean's twin watched her for a few moments before drawing himself up to his full height.

"I want you to see our brother," he said.

"Sam? I thought he was dead," Dean said. His twin shook his head.

"Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes.'"

"Yes?" I echoed. To what? … Oh.

"Wait," Dean said. Evidently he reached the same conclusion I did. "You mean?"

"That's right. The big 'yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom," his twin said.

My twin flinched again. Again, neither Dean seemed to notice. She refused to look anywhere but the Colt, her fingers fiddling with the edge of the cloth that it sat on.

"Why would he do that?" Dean asked. His twin shrugged.

"Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we're going to kill him, Dean. We have to. And you need to see it. The whole damn thing, how bad it gets. So you can do it different."

"Trust me, that's already the plan," I said. Dean's twin looked like he didn't believe me. My Dean suddenly looked like a lost, confused boy. "I'm not going to let this future happen."

"Sorry, Nicky, but that isn't up to you," Dean's twin told me. "It's up to him. He's the one that needs to say 'yes' to Michael." Dean immediately shook his head.

"That's crazy. If I let him in, then Michael fights the devil. The battle's going to torch half the planet!"

"Yeah, because this is so much better than half a planet," my twin said. She finally looked up from the Colt. "The angels left, Dean. They gave up. Most of the demons are dead. It's too late for us. But not for you."

"Hold on! You were just telling me how I couldn't change this future, that I was 'guaranteed' Hell within a year!" I told her, stepping forward so that I was finally even with Dean. "But suddenly Dean can fix everything?" My twin just looked at me before she burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, this really isn't that funny. Nicky, you honestly think that after everything you've done, you'll ever see Heaven? We've killed people. We've broken essentially every single commandment in the Bible. Whether the world burns or not, you're damned. There's no changing that."

"No," Dean said, stronger than I felt. "There has to be. There's got to be another way, a way to change this."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Dean's twin said. "I was cocky. Never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong, Dean. I was so wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes."

"He's not going to, Dean," my twin said quietly. "Look at his eyes. It's just not in you to give in." Dean's twin smiled sadly and picked up the Colt. It was a rather pretty gun, but it made me uneasy. This whole situation made me uneasy, but the gun especially.

"Is that really going to work?" I asked.

"It can kill anything," my twin said. "At least, that's what they say."

"It can kill him," Dean's twin said firmly. I couldn't tell if he really believed that or not. I suppose that it didn't really matter either way. The gun was either going to kill Lucifer or it wasn't. There was only one way to find out.

The camp had come alive in the half hour it took for us to leave the cabin. I mostly stuck to Dean's side and tried to stay out of the way. I expected people to stare at us, and some did, but a lot of them just went about their jobs. I would catch glimpses of my twin as she coordinated with Chuck on what exactly was going into the trucks. It seemed like the team was taking way more guns and ammunition than they could ever possibly need. Sure, they could be overcompensating in case they get stuck in a bad place, but still. There were less than ten people going. They did not all need three rifles each.

Midnight came a lot quicker than I expected it to. Castiel just appeared behind us and told Dean that it was time to go.

"Be careful," I told Castiel. "Don't die."

"Not in the plan, Nicky," he said with a soft smile. "I kinda want to give you a hug, but I'm not sure if we're at that point in our relationship yet."

"I think that we can make an exception just this once," I said, already holding my arms out. I fit perfectly under his chin.

"Don't die," he said quietly. "I like you as a human. You're much better this way."

"I don't plan on changing, " I said.

"Good." He gave me one final squeeze before taking a step back. "I'll, uh, let you two say good bye." Dean and I watched in silence as Castiel climbed into one of the waiting trucks. Our twins were standing in front of another truck, their heads bent close together in conversation.

"You sure that you'll be alright here?" Dean asked.

"Hey, I'm not the one going on a suicide mission," I said. That got a smile. "I'll be okay. Just be careful out there. I don't care if that asshole angel is watching your back or not."

"Hey," he said, bumping his shoulder into mine. "I'll see you in a month, okay?"

"I'm going to be different," I warned him. "This won't have happened to me yet."

"Anything I should know?"

Yeah, Hershey is really Gabriel.

"Not really," I said instead. "Oh, I've had some bad experiences with fire. And explosions. Or loud noises in general, I guess."

"I've noticed," he said.

"Yeah. So just watch out for that, I guess. And I'll be happy, the next time that you see me. Let me have that." The line of trucks started up. "Guess that's your cue to leave."

"Yeah," Dean said. He hesitated for a moment before giving me another smile and climbing into the truck that Castiel got into. I waved when they both looked in my direction. I looked back over at our twins. Dean's twin said something that made my twin roll her eyes. She shooed him away and into the waiting truck, but not before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. Dean's twin looked at her for a long time before finally closing the door behind him. She took a few steps back as the trucks pulled away. Chuck joined her side, his clipboard clutched to his chest.

"They'll be okay, right?" he asked.

"Probably not," she told him before turning her attention to me. "Come on, I need to show you something."

I followed her to the outer gates of the camp, and we watched the trucks' taillights disappear from view. She was wearing that content smile again. It instantly put me on edge.

"I love him," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Hershey. Gabriel. Loki. Whatever you want to call him. I love him. Demons aren't supposed to be able to love, but I do. We belong together. You understand this, right?"

"I'm not sure that I like where this is going," I said. My twin continued as if she hadn't heard me.

"When you love someone, you'll do anything for them. I made a mistake last time. I didn't help Hershey understand that I'm still me, that I still love him. I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident. I swear."

"What?" At this point, I should probably stop being horrified at the things my twin has done. But what she had just said made my throat close up. "What do you mean by last time?"

My twin didn't look at me. She was still smiling as she watched the road. "Lucifer found me and he made me a promise. He promised that if I helped him, I would get to see Hershey again. Hershey would get to come back to me. This time, though, I'd finally make him understand that we're the same, that we're both tainted." Her smile faded. "Lucifer never lies. He doesn't need to."

"The Colt doesn't work, does it?"

"No, not on Lucifer."

They were going into an ambush. Dean. Castiel. Castiel, the stoner hippie who wants me to stay human. I didn't want him to die. I didn't want any of them to die.

"Why are you telling me this?" I finally asked. I needed to find a way to warn them. Maybe there was a spare truck or something that I could take. They couldn't have gone too far. I could catch up.

"Because you understand why I'm doing this."

"No, I really don't."

My twin finally looked at me. Confusion flitted across her face. "No, you don't, do you? That's okay. You will soon enough. We just need to do one more job, first."

Almost as if on cue, a man in a dirty, red coat came into view. Even from here, I could see that he was a Croat. He stood in the middle of the road into camp. My twin waved at him. He didn't wave back.

"Who is he?" I asked. My twin shushed me. The man looked behind him and started to walk towards us. It soon became apparent that he wasn't alone. More people than I could count were following him. Most of them were splattered with dried blood.

Croats. These were Croats. Dean wasn't the only one walking into an ambush. I had to warn Chuck.

My twin didn't try to stop me as I stumbled over my own feet and ran back into the heart of camp, screaming that we were under attack at the top of my lungs. But two minutes isn't enough of a warning to prepare when a demon leads a horde of zombies straight towards you.

To be honest, she didn't need the Croats. My twin danced from one camp member to another, her knife a blur. She wasn't just smiling, she was grinning. Blood stained her teeth. I didn't want this. I didn't want to see myself laugh as I gutted someone. I didn't want to hear people screaming as they were slaughtered.

That's not to say that they didn't fight back. They did. Gunfire rang out constantly as Croats stumbled and collapsed to the ground. There were just so many of them. They just needed to flank you, and it was over.

I could barely move. Not a single Croat targeted me. They parted around me like I was in some sort of bubble. So I just stood there, powerless to do anything, while Camp Chitaqua was decimated. What else could I do? I didn't have a weapon. I couldn't fight. I was useless. Nothing. My twin wanted me to see this. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to.

I watched as the man in the dirty, red coat followed my twin through the camp. My twin didn't notice the sword in his hand. The man didn't kill anyone. He just followed my twin as if he was waiting on some signal from her. She paused as a now headless woman slumped to the ground to catch her breath, and turned to check where I was. But her gaze skidded over me and settled on something directly behind me. The grin on her face was immediately replaced by a look of wonder and adoration.

"Hershey!" she screamed, and took a step towards me. That's as far as she got before the man in the dirty, red coat shoved his sword through her throat. My twin stopped her in her tracks as an orange light flashed underneath her skin. I think that I screamed before a pair of arms wrapped around me and the ground disappeared from under my feet.

Present

"Well, that's probably a good place to stop for lunch. We ran a little bit over on time, sorry. I'll see you guys back here in about an hour, okay?" I said as I stood up. My knees creaked as I did so.

"Yeah, about that," Hershey said. "Sorry, folks, but you'll have to catch the thrilling conclusion some other time."

No. This was it. Whatever he and Dean had planned over breakfast. The plan that could screw everything up.

"Hershey," I started, but then he grabbed my wrist and we were gone.

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