(WARNING! Dark tone, death, and gore ahead. Read with caution)

Something breached Earth's atmosphere. A small child peered through his bedroom window to see it.

"Holt cow!" he cheered. "An actual meteorite! Those things are supposed to have diamonds in them!"

"KEEF!" yelled an elderly woman from the floor beneath him. "Stop talking to yourself. Your giving me the creeps."

"Screw you hag!" Keef yelled back. "I'm gonna be rich!" The small red haired teen darted down the stairs and ran outside. He opened up a tool shed where his bike was held. He grabbed a pick axe. He needed it to get to the diamonds. The comet landed near the abandoned nuclear facility.

The facility was closed after some safety issues but no radiation had been detected afterwards.

Keef rode his bike behind one of the old reactors. To hi surprise, there was no meteor. There was a large crater and a few fires, but no rock. Keef bent down to investigate. He saw bizarre marks on the ground. They looked like footprints.

Suddenly, rustling came from the bushes.

Keef screamed and readied his pick axe. "I warn you! I'm like royalty. Attacking me might start a war."

A red beam of light shot from the bushes and went around Keef. It moved upwards then back down. Keef heard the sound of metal clanking together and suddenly, a robot hopped out of the bush. "Nity Kired Vedreb." the robot emitted. It stood still. Being humanoid in shape, it looked friendly enough.

Keef lowered the pick axe. "Can-can you talk?"

The robot shifted it's head a little and its optics flashed. "Native language acquired." stated the robot in a metallic manner.

"My name's Keef." said the teen nervously.

The robot's optics flashed again. "My name's Keef." it repeated in Keef's voice.

"Oh boy!" Keef cheered.

"Oh boy!" the robot repeated.

"This is great!" Keef smiled. "I have my very own alien robot! Oh everybody's going to be so jealous! Hey are you in some sort of civil war? Are there more robots? Oh, can you transform? Can you transform into a yellow camero? Oh boy that would be so co-"

Suddenly the robot grabbed Keef's neck and slammed him to the ground.

"Hey that hurt!" Keef yelled.

"DNA needed." the robot said in it metalic manner. He transformed its arm into a suringe and gained some of Keef's blood. "DNA acquired."

"Good for you." growled Keef. "Now let me go."

"Negative." said the robot. It transformed its arms into a some sort of guna and fired. Keef was pinned down with a net.

"Further information will be needed." said the robot. "Subject will remain hidded."

The robot grabbed Keef and carried him into the facility. "Subject will remain here."

"Hey you can't do that!" shouted Keef. The robot ignored him and tossed him into a room.

The robot ignored Keef's shouting and suddenly shifted its appearance.

"My name's Keef."

(EDIT due to confusion: The robot is supposed to be the probe sent by Spork to investigate Zim. )

(Edited from original to make it less graphic.)

88

Zim had moved on from Miss Bitter's class. He was now in a class called Biology. The Dib-monkey wasn't in this class. Nor was that strange purple haired girl. However there was something much worse. Zim had to sit next to a really scary, shorter purple haired girl. Zim was beginning to hate the color purple.

"Hey class!" cheered a fat, bald man. "Guess what! In celebration of the Homecoming Dance, I've decided to give a choice. One, free period or two, we watch Planet Earth."

"OOOH!" yelled Zim raising his hand. "TEACHER UNIT! TEACHER UNIT! TEACHER UNIT! TEACHER UNIT! TEACHER UNIT! TEACHER UNIT!"

The old man lost his cheery disposition. "WHAT?" he yelled at Zim.

"What is this, Coming of the Home dance of which you speak?" asked Zim.

The rest of the class laughed. "SILENCE!" Zim yelled.

"The Homecoming dance is a worthless mating ritual created by small minded losers." hissed Gaz, the shorter purple haired girl.

"You mean you hold a public event to attract a mate?" asked Zim.

Now the class was rolling out of their chairs.

The teacher as well was holding back intense laughter. "No Zim. It's just a dance."

"Occasionally there is some 'mating'." laughed another student.

"Yeah, like Sarah and Mike last year!" cried another one.

The glasses kid was not laughing. "Listen, Zim was it? The Homecoming dance is just a time when boys and girls get together and dance in celebration of our first home game of football. (I'm not entirely sure if this is true so don't quote me on it.) If you don't want to look like a loser, you need a date." The glasses kid leaned towards Zita. Zita rolled her eyes and pushed him away.

88

Dib desperately looked around the schoolyard when his last class ended.

"Where's the alien?" he shouted out loud. He spun around, nearly hitting another student and saw him.

Zim was sneaking through the flood of students. This was the moment Dib had waited for his whole life. He was finally going to catch an alien. Suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder.

He emitted a high pitched scream and looked behind him. It was the new girl.

"You seem to have taken an interest in him." laughed the girl. "It's okay if you swing that way. I won't judge."

"What?" said Dib.

"HAH!" laughed Tak. "I'm just messing with you. Now listen. This may sound crazy but I think that new kid is an extra-terrestrial and I need your help."

"You think so too!" smiled Dib.

"Yeah. I mean look at him. He must be an alien. A horribly disguised, stupid, ugly alien." said Tak. "Now listen. I have a plan to expose him. It will work out as long as you do exactly what I say."

Dib nodded.

"I need you to figure out where he lives. What are his defenses? Where does he eat? Where does he sleep? Got it?""Got it." said Dib excitedly. "In the meantime, I'll.. Uh… get close to him."

"Huh?" said Dib questionably.

"What I mean is, pretend to befriend him. … To learn his motives." said Tak quickly.

"You got yourself a deal!" Dib cheered. "Imagine. The Headlines will say Dib Membrane and Tak Find Alien In Classroom! We'll be famous! We'll be- huh? Tak?"

Tak did not hear any of his speech. She walked up to Zim, clenching her fist and grinding her teeth. She took an inhale to calm down.

"Hey there!" she smiled to Zim. Zim screamed, fell to the ground, and covered himself.

"I come in peace!" Zim screamed. He cowered on the ground for a while longer and opened one of his eyes.

"You done?" asked Tak angrily.

"Uh, yes." said Zim. "That is a typical greeting in Europe, where I am from."

Tak rolled her eyes. Suddenly Zim got up. His face was just inches from hers. For some reason, she blushed and it showed through her disguise. Confused, she backed up.

She cleared her throat. "Uuh. Okay listen. You and I are both new here so I think we should stick together. We can help each other out. You know, be friends."

Zim thought for a moment. His mind began to wonder from the subject and began looking around. Suddenly he saw Tak who was standing under a light. Zim was surprised. He found the human girl before him, pretty? Impossible.

"I will deliver my response tomorrow." said Zim quickly before running away.

88

Zim ran to his base, not knowing that Dib was close behind him. Zim ran to his door quickly opened it.

"Hello son." said Computer through holographic parents.

"There is not time for this!" Zim growled as he shut the door.

"Oh come on." whined Computer. "I worked all day on them. The female is based on an actual female named Megan Fox. There was lots of pictures of her on this marvelous thing called the internet. The male is based on someone who I'm going to assume is some sort of supernatural being called Chuck Norris. This guy's tough. Did you know every time this planet rotates, it's because he wants to sleep? Of course he doesn't actually sleep. He waits."

"ENOUGH!" shouted Zim. He looked around. "Where is Gir?"

"Oh." said Computer. "Well, he learned about this restraint that served tacos. He ordered a ton of them. It's not pretty."

In the kitchen, Gir was dancing around in a pile of mashed up taco shells, meat, cheese, and condiments. He shoveled the mush in his mouth and laughed before flopping down and rolling in it.

"Computer, this is urgent!" growled Zim. "I must know what these things called dates are."

Computer showed Zim a screens with many pictures.

"Dates: A meeting of two sentient organisms where each judges the other to indicate whether or not he or she is worthy of a romantic relationship."

"Humans are weird." said Zim. "Anyway, apparently I need one of these 'dates' to blend in. Show me a list of the humans in my class so I may choose one to fool."

"Well if you want the least amount of attention then you must go with a female." said Computer as he showed Zim a list of females in his class.

"Name: Zita. Social Status: Popular. Asking her will just give you more attention." said Computer.

"Agreed. Next!" shouted Zim.

"Name: Gaz Membrane. Social Status: Outcast."

"AAH!" screamed Zim. "NO! Of all the filthy humans, she is the scariest!"

Computer sighed. "Okay. Name: Tak. Social Status: Unknown."

Zim scratched his chin in thought. The Tak girl did approach him earlier.

"Her." said Zim. "Yes. She'll be perfect. It is with her that I shall blend in."

Dib was across the street in a bush, looking through binoculars.

"What are you looking at?" asked a red headed kid.

Dib almost screamed again but calmed down.

"Oh, it's just you Keef." said Dib.

"That is correct." Keef smiled.

"I'm looking at that new kid." said Dib. "I think he's an alien."

Keef looked at the house with a bland look. "Interesting."

"Yeah, I know right." said Dib. "Hey could you.."

Keef had disappeared.

IRKEN FUN FACT: The second tallest rank of the Irken race is the Brute class. Althugh they are taller than most, Brutes are not respected in society. Mostly because they are as dumb as rocks. Sizzlor is a member of the Brute Rank. Though he is smarter than the average Brute, he is pretty dull.