Congratulations!

The Akatsuki is out for your blood! You were/are either a member — or very stupid. Here is a list of possible reasons why!

Introducing: 101 Ways To Get Killed By The Akatsuki

By the fabulous CherrySmoothies!

Standard disclaimer applied: I own nothing but my bunny rabbit slippers.

1.) Switch your partner's toothpaste with wasabi. 'Nuff said. This would also work with Vicks Vapo Rubs.

The Problem: Hidan had bled all over Kakuzu's first dollar bill.

The Solution: Kakuzu switched Hidan's Colgate toothpaste with wasabi. He had never been more delighted to hear his partner's screams of pain.

"Kakuzu, you motherfucking son of a bitch, may all of your intestines rot and dribble out through your nose while your non-fucking-existent soul watches in agony from a cactus field!"

Good times, good times.

2.) Hide Pain's pain medicine, preferably the Tylenol.

Truly, it was quite amusing when you looked past the fact that you were freaking dead. Six feet under, departed, pushing daisies, whichever you preferred to call it. The fact still remained that Pain had just eviscerated you.

3.) Assign everybody theme songs.

Tobi decided, in a fit of boredom one day, to assign everyone theme songs.

Deidara = Dude Looks Like A Lady (Deidara contemplated suicide.)

Tobi = Lollipop (Naturally.)

Sasori = Bring Me To Life (Sasori was rolling over in his grave.)

Kisame = Blue (Da Ba Dee) (Kisame was too busy laughing at this to comment.)

Itachi = Psycho Killer (Itachi was considering another murdering rampage.)

Hidan = Tubthumping (You shoulda seen the look on his face, but the members had been

hearing very…unusual, for lack of a better word, sounds coming from the upstairs bathroom when it was his allotted bath and/or shower hour.)

Kakuzu = Baby You're A Rich Man (Kakuzu suffered five simultaneous heart attacks.)

Zetsu = Mean Green Mother (Half of him was giggling and the other half was furious. It made for some very amusing blackmail later.)

Konan = Paper Planes (No comment.)

Leader-sama = You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Have you ever heard that song? It is freakin' hilarious! But still, Pain was not amused.)

4.) Reveal a secret that no one really wanted to know.

Let your imaginations run wild with this one.

One example: Tobi revealed that Itachi's neck and calves were ticklish. No one cared to know how he discovered this interesting factoid.

5.) Start an aquarium.

Kisame is not amused. Contrary to popular opinion (coughHidandamnyoucough), he could not breathe underwater. Nor was he part fish. He was still finding fish food in places he thought it impossible to find in.

6.) Leave dirty socks strewn on the ground.

The conversation between Leader-sama and Hidan went something like this:

Setting: Infirmary

Leader-sama: "Hidan, the next time you do that, Kakuzu will not help you reconstitute yourself. You should know better by now. Konan is very emotionally unstable. You do not tick off the emotionally unstable. They are violent."

Konan: *sticks her head through the doorway, clears her throat dramatically and gives the spontaneously generated chainsaw in her hands a few pointed revs*

Leader-sama: "…"

Hidan: "…"

Leader-sama: "I rest my case."

7.) Give Tobi explosives.

First off, Tobi (no offense) is a moron. And a good boy, but that's beside the point. And for the record, he isn't really a good boy, but this is getting all confuzzling and contradictory, so I'm going to stop now. Anyway, the point is that you will have one explodified, top-secret, really expensive Akatsuki headquarters, one very angry Deidara, one very, very, very angry Pain and one inconsolable Kakuzu.

8.) Cancel the soap opera subscriptions.

This was a recipe for disaster. Deidara was in tears, Hidan was considerably quieter and Itachi and Kisame were on strike. Finally, Konan convinced Pain with a new paper jutsu that this was a very bad idea. A very, very bad idea. A very, very bad, painful idea.

Taking away the soap opera subscriptions from a group of deadly, homicidal men with nothing to do beside missions and training all week long… plus Konan… is just a recipe for disaster…

9.) Question the will of Jashin

Oh, I think I just went there.

10.) Eat the last Oreo cookie

Sasori's scream of rage still vibrated throughout the entire hideout. He was shortly joined by Deidara (one of the five occasions where he and his blonde partner had agreed on something) and Konan.

TBC...

What horrors will await our favorite, psycopathic organization...?

And, as usual, reviews are good for the soul... ; )

I always appreciate suggestions and critiques!

Doctor's Warning: Updates are sporadic and inconsistent and thus require your patience.

CherrySmoothies