1st Drunkard: Darren Shan

It was time for the Festival of the Undead and every vampire within Vampire Mountain knew that this festival called for one thing: ale. There were barrels filled to the brim of ale stored especially for this event. They were practically untouched, and were not touched because of the vampires who only wished to gulp them down within the 4-day range of the Festival. Strangely enough, the vampires only bothered with wine when they wanted to relax or look sophisticated. If they wanted to drink themselves senseless, they immediately went for the ale. They skipped all other alcohol beverages. There was something about ale that vampires especially liked.

Today was the first day to kick off the Festival. The barrels were being brought out and the bar fights and drunken games began. Almost every vampire within Vampire Mountain was lugging around a full barrel of ale on their shoulder. Since the ale was fresh and of good quality, everyone rushed to the bar to acquire a barrel of their own. Among these vampires, was the youngest of them all.

Darren Shan, the new addition to the league of Vampire Princes, was also one of the vampires with a barrel of ale on his shoulder. The only difference was Larten Crepsley, his vampire tutor, was sharing the barrel with him. In a few minute's time, the two had washed down three whole barrels of ale together.

"Hey, hey Laaaarrtenn," Darren slurred, putting his hand on Larten Crepsley's shoulder. "Duuude, why'd ya quit on bein' a prince? It's friggin' epic!" He tried not to trip over his own feet.

"Princes are chumps," Larten said bitterly as he gulped down even more ale.

"Nahh, duuude, it's da best!" Darren boasted, smiling droopily. With that, he handed the barrel that he'd been holding to Larten and pounced on the table. "Hey, yew guys!" he yelled. "Check out ma mad skillz!" With that said, he pranced around the table like a knight on his horse in an attempt to dance. He kicked all the mugs off the table and bellowed, "Mugs are for losers! We got barrels!" He pranced around the table multiple times for a few minutes. Then, he attempted to rip his shirt off but had such bad coordination due to the ale that he kept letting go of his shirt before he could tear it off.

After a while, when he got bored of dancing, he hopped off the table and skipped out of the bar like a little girl. He jumped over drunk vampires wrestling on the floors, dodged flying wine glasses, and still managed to keep his rhythm. It was quite surprising since just a few minutes ago, he couldn't even rip his shirt off.

Not being able to control himself any longer, he began to sing:

"Yes, I am a prince!

But not just any prince!

I'm the Prince of Aaaaaale~!

The best kind of prince.

The prince the ladies love.

The Prince of Aaaaaaale~!

The prince don't need no princess but if so

then she'd be the bestest

she'd be the princess—Princess of Wiiiiine~!

But the prince, the prince of Ale's gonna be single toniiiight~!

That don't bother me! I got ale!

Even better yet, yes I'm the prince of it. Prince of Aaaaaale~!"

Maybe if there really was a "Princess of Wine", she'd be singing, too.