Three years after starting it, it's time to rap this loose end up. Here is the second to last chapter, enjoy.

Cartman

The wind blew hard, hard and icy as trillions of snowflakes attacked anything in sight. Cartman opened his house's door and entered, Wendy followed him in before he slammed it shut, rejecting the cold outside from entering the house.

"I'm gonna call Stan and tell him to get his ass here. Fucking good luck after he finds out about you" Cartman told her bluntly.

Wendy's cold face became a frown and she crossed her arms over her winter coat.

"Us"

"You what?"

"Not just me Eric, you as well. He'll be pissed at both of us. So we'll need to work together to reassure him and comfort him"

Cartman tutted in a sarcastic manner.

"Or… he could man the fuck up…"

She just rolled her eyes at him and huffed in frustration.

"Fuck you too bitch" He muttered.

He inhaled a gulp of air.

"Mum! You home!" He bellowed.

No answer.

"She must be at work" Wendy mused, taking off her wholly hat.

"Or she's too busy sucking black cock to answer" Cartman hissed under his breath, and it wouldn't have been the first time either.

"Jesus Eric….that's your mother you talking about" Wendy commented, shaking her head.

"Bitch fuck you. You try living with her, see how long it takes for you to walk in on her getting pounded by some Mexican prick" Cartman counted.

The lack of light in the house however did tell Cartman that his mother was out at least for now. He decided to use the time wisely to avoid complicating this matter of breaking the news to Stan further.

"I'll ring him; you know where my room is"

Wendy stood motionless for a few minutes and shot him a worried glance. For 30 seconds her pale blue eyes stared long and hard into his harsh brown eyes.

She then started up the stairs without a word.

"What?" He demanded, lowering his phone.

She stopped on the fourth step and turned to him, looking down on him. Her worried look had intensified. Cartman, much to his own anger, suddenly felt uncomfortable with the way she was looking at him.

"I need to say something to you. And I really need you to listen to me; I need you to really hear what I'm going to say"

Cartman huffed in irritation and crossed his arms.

"Jesus woman! why can't you just shut up and go upstairs"

"Just shut up and listen" She snapped.

He held her gaze.

"Stan's sensitive. Please Eric, I know this is hard for you to understand or even comprehend, but Stan is your friend…fuck he's like your brother. You…we…can't just expect him to be over me in a heartbeat. We were together for eight years. He is going to take this hard"

Cartman opened his mouth to retort.

"Cartman!" She interrupted "I'm fucking serious! It's your job to care about his feelings. It's your fucking obligation to make this as easy as possible for him. I know you have a genuine emotional disorder that renders you almost incapable of understand or caring about the emotions of others, but this is Stan Marsh. You know? Stan? one of the only four people in the whole fucking universe that can actually be around you and stay sane. One of the only people who hasn't given up on you!"

After she stopped talking Cartman could see her worried expression turn to outright fear.

She had gone too far, and they both knew it.

Cartman was about to throw a mouthful of hateful venom at her when he checked himself and decided she, in her own cowardly, pathetic way, had a point. If Cartman simply faked that he cared about Stan's romantic feelings he might not have to worry about having to fight him (which was what he was really worried about).

But then again …fuck it. Maybe this was in Stan's best interests.

Cartman believed that Stan was long overdue for a wakeup call in how the minds of women worked. At last he had poof that they could be just as selfish and dickhead-ish as men, and the fact that his proof was Wendy Testaburger herself would really hammer it home. As far as Cartman was concerned, it would be for Stan's own good.

That's what friends did right? They helped out their buddies, and by hardening Stan's approach to women and romance, Cartman knew he was helping Stan.

So what the hell was Wendy's problem? Why hadn't she figured this out? It was plain as day.

"The reason Stan's so fucking sensitive is because you, Kyle, and that batshit crazy family of his have spent the last eighteen years shielding him from pain, and you know….. The real world. So if he gets a little upset, which he will, it'll be on you, not me. I'll deal with it my way; you do it your way. Other than that, just shut up and get upstairs"

Wendy stood there, just staring at him as her mind processed his unsympathetic words. She stared at him for a long time, to the point Cartman opened his mouth to tell her to move before she beat him too it.

"Ok Eric" Was all she said back in a heavy exhale.

Cartman found her tone hard to read.

And with that, she turned and resumed walking up the stairs. Cartman raised his phone, hit Stan's contact number, and waited for several seconds.

"Stan bra! The batmobiles here! No dude seriously the batmobile is right outside my house! Get the fuck over here!"

[Stan Marsh. 15 Minutes later. Outside Cartman's house]

Stan looked around in disappointment before knocking on the door. Cartman had used a lie to get him to go somewhere…..again!

By Stan's own count, that was approximately the 346'942 time Cartman had done that.

The door opened, revealing the man himself, Eric Cartman.

"Sup dude" Cartman said casually.

Stan frowned up at him un-amused.

"Dude you lied to me! The batmoblie isn't here"

"Huh? Oh yeah it left" Cartman muttered half heartedly and then curtly added "Get in"

Stan exhaled, rolled his eyes, and did as instructed. He could go with hanging out with Cartman actually, while it could get tiresome after long periods of time, it did have its up sides (Not that anyone would believe that). At least around Cartman Stan could speak his mind.

"Yeah whatever dude" Stan muttered, walking in.

Cartman offered him a coke to which Stan refused. He then followed Cartman to his room.

It took a moment for Stan to note that Cartman was quieter than usual. As his lifelong friend and enemy, Stan knew a quiet Cartman was often a Cartman that was about to royally screw him over. Also, Stan detected a hint of…what was it? Awkwardness?

Whatever Stan made of that immediately disappeared from his mind as all thoughts and feelings of the moment were wiped away in an instant after he entered Cart's bedroom. Wendy Testaburger sat on the bed, her slander legs crossed. She smiled warmly up at him, although the expression of fear and dread were all too clear.

"Hay Stan" She greeted softly in a whisper.

It was clear she was expecting him.

Her cheeks were bright red, and her long raven hair had been twisted and hung over her right shoulder, suggesting to Stan she had been wrapping it around her hand. She did that whenever in deep thought, one of the many things he loved about her.

"W-Wendy? What in the hell are you doing here?" Stan asked dumbfounded, glancing over at Cartman briefly before looking back at her.

Cartman just walked past him as if nothing was wrong.

While surprising to see in the house of her worst enemy, she was a good surprise none the less.

Cartman then turned to them, wearing no emotion on his face. He then seated himself on his desk chair, and then looked over to Wendy expectedly.

A pause.

"How are things?" Wendy asked him after a few seconds of silence, her voice oozing with nervousness.

"Umm yeah, cool. Weather is pissing me off though"

"Yeah, it's supposed to be snowing all day tomor….."

"Oh jesus Christ! Grow a pair and get it over with!" Cartman snapped suddenly, placing his head in his hand and leaning his elbow on the chair arm.

Stan blinked in surprise and frowned at him, confused.

"Get what over with?"

"Would you shut the fuck up and let me do it!" Wendy snapped back, her nervousness converting to anger.

"You're taking forever bitch!"

"He just fucking got here! I'll take all night if I feel like it!"

"Wanna fucking bet?"

"Dudes! What the hell's going on?" Stan interrupted "Wendy why the hell are you here?" He added, confused.

"Because we're fucking each other dumbass!" Cartman screamed at him.

Wendy's eyes became as wide as an owl's and she froze in horror. Stan suppressed a laugh.

"Sure Carts, I'm being serious"

There was a long…..long…..long silence as Cartman stared at him, long and hard. Stan then felt a deep sinking feeling in his gut.

"So am I" Cartman said finally.

There no empathy in his voice.

Stan looked over at Wendy, she didn't meet his gaze.

"Me and Eric are…" She began "We're…..um….dating…..sort of…..I think"

"Dating? Ha! We doing more than that" Cartman snorted, thrusting his pelvis to hammer the point home.

Wendy's hand shot forward like a bullet and slapped Cartman's fat cheek, causing the much larger teen to tense up in shock.

"Shut the fuck up!" Wendy yelled at him.

But Cartman's grin quickly reappeared.

Stan felt like he was falling into a blackhole. He was torn between pure disbelieve that Cartman and Wendy would even think about each other sexually and overwhelming despair that Wendy had moved on from him in the space of a week.

"Stan" Wendy began again "I….I didn't plan this….I can't actually explain it…..but I….We thought you had a right to know as soon as possible. Keeping secrets from you all this time has already hurt you so….well….I didn't want to repeat history"

Stan didn't reply, he couldn't. He had no words. He just stared at her, jaw open.

Wendy rubbed her hands together, clearly trying to think of something else to say. Stan slowly turned his head and looked at Cartman. He was regarding Stan with interest, his brown eyes scanning Stan's face and the emotion on it.

Finally Cartman got up and tied his hands around his back.

"You know, one day you'll be thankful for this moment" Cartman told him quietly.

Stan blinked.

"After all those years defending it all, I was always right" Cartman added coldly.

Wendy's head snapped to Cartman and her angry frown returned.

"The hell is that supposed to….."

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Stan bellowed.

Wendy jumped up at the sound of his voice, terror in her eyes. Cartman didn't even blink.

Stan felt his overwhelming pain, depression, and sorrow turn into pure anger and hate. Anger directed at Wendy, hate at Cartman.

"First you cheat on me! Then you cover it up! Then you go off and start banging fat-tits after a fucking week!"

"Hy!" Cartman shouted back.

"Fuck you!" Stan yelled at him.

"I know none of this is good. I know how selfish I was…..I am. But I promise its not to hurt you, you know me Stan. I'm not like that"

"I don't know you Wendy; you've been lying to me for years. You may have not wanted to hurt me; you just didn't give a shit if you did! Sounds pretty Cartman-like now that I'm thinking about it"

Stan grabbed his hair and pulled.

"You assholes deserve each other!"

"All right all right" Cartman soothed "Stan, follow me"

"What? Why?"

"Just trust me"

"Trust you? Fuck you!"

"Fuck you too asshole! Now follow me dickhead!"

Stan stood on the spot for a few seconds as he watched Cartman leave the room. Confused, and with his head still pounding with rage, Stan followed. He wanted to be in the same room as the fat fuck, so he could throttle him. Wendy followed too, also confused.

Cartman led him to Ms Cartman's bedroom where he placed Stan in the middle of the room. But before Wendy could enter Cartman grabbed her shoulder and pushed her back slightly.

"No ho. This is a guy thing. Wait outside" Cartman ordered.

"What? Why? What are you do….."

Cartman cut her off my slamming the bedroom door in her face and locking it. The overweight teen then turned to Stan and made eye contact with him.

That's when Stan knew…he knew what was about to happen.

Good. Stan wanted to do this more than anything.

"Bring it Marsh…" Cartman whispered.

[Wendy Testaburger]

Wendy pressed her ear against Ms Cartman's bedroom door as she struggled to hear what was going on. She could hear a mumble that she identified as Stan's voice. And a big booming voice that was Cartman. But the door was surprisingly thick, she couldn't make out words (Though she did recognise the word "fuck" which both boys were using a lot).

Suddenly there was a big crack and thud noise.

"Hy! Soccer throwing bitch!" She heard Cartman yell.

"I'm gonna kill you fat boy" Stan's voice growled.

"Kill me? Coming from the faggot who gets all torn up about dead whales that's fucking hilarious!" Cartman boomed.

And so, the seemingly endless sounds of punching, throwing, and insults continued for minutes at least. Wendy felt so helpless, just standing there like a pathetic little girl while two best friends attempted to kill each other over…her?

For a few seconds she couldn't help but feel a little…..exited by that.

The sound of glass crashing over something and Cartman screaming "That's cheating asswipe!" brought her back to reality.

More cracking sounds followed by Stan grunting and then whimpering "damn it Cart that was too fucking hard!"

"Said the prick who's trying to kill me over some slut!" Cartman hissed.

"Hay! I can hear you!" Wendy yelled, slamming her fists onto the wooden door.

"Shut up!" Both voices told her.

She huffed in frustration and growing irritation.

The sound of something plastic snapping re-focused her attention on listening to them.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" She heard Stan exclaim.

"Dude you started it! Fucking take it like a man!" Cartman retorted.

"I'm the one who's pissed off at you! It should be me shoving that up your ass!"

"Ok enough!" Wendy shouted and slammed the door with her shoulder "Open the fucking door now!"

"Wendy we're sorting this out! Go get…ouch! Asshole that hurt!" Cartman's voice sounded like it was closer to the door now.

"Good! I hope the pain fucking cripples you! You back stabbing cunt!"

More grunts, more yells, more breaking sounds.

Eventually Wendy, just leaned on the door and stilled herself as she listened to her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend batter the shit out of each other.

"Male retards" She muttered in frustration.

"Fuck you too bitch!" Cartman bellowed back from the other side of the door.

Eric Cartman

Cartman panted as he sat with his back to the door, nursing his arm. Stan had damn near broken it. Stan was lying on his back, staring at nothing in particular also trying to catch his breath. Blood ran down Stan's nose where Cartman had punched him in the face.

"So…..we're good?" Cartman asked, sucking in air.

"You….you really think….." Stan began, inhaling as much oxygen as his lungs allowed "You really think we can just fight and it's ok again?"

"Why not?" Cartman shrugged.

"It's not that simple Carts"

"Why the fuck not? You broke up with her remember? And it's not like you told me never to sleep with her"

Stan let out a somewhat bitter laugh.

"I never knew I had too"

Cartman shrugged again.

"Me neither"

There was a silence.

"Who are you more pissed at?" Cartman asked.

"What? I'm pissed at both of you!"

"Yeah but who are you the most pissed at? I mean, its not like I've done anything out of character and in any case I was the one who forced her to tell you as soon as possible"

Stan turned his head and looked over at him. Cartman couldn't quite put his finger on the emotion he was looking at in Stan's eyes.

"That doesn't make it ok…."

"She. Isn't. Your. Girlfriend" Cartman stated slowly, trying to spell it out for him "It's not like I'm cheating on you, is it? So why go through all the tiresome trouble of trying to make a big deal out of it?"

"Because I'm still in love with her dickhead" Stan growled.

"Then way break up with her?"

"Are you serious? She cheated on me!"

"Then why love her?"

"I can't help it…."

"I don't fucking get it"

Stan slammed his fist onto the ground.

"That's because you're emotionally autistic!"

"Fuck you" Cartman muttered.

"It wasn't an insult…..it's a fact" Stan groaned tiredly.

Cartman crossed his arms.

"So what now? Your just gonna stop hanging out? Sit in your room and just be depressed? What's the fucking point?"

Stan looked him in the eyes again.

"I'm…..not actually that angry with you Cartman….its…it's just that this month has been totally fucked, from start to finish. My best friend has had a mental breakdown, I found out my girlfriend cheated on me two years ago, and to top it all off, my other best friend is now fucking her!"

Stan sat up and leaned on the end of Cartman's mum's bed.

"How the fuck did that even happen? I mean….are you actually dating or are you just fucking? I don't think I can't take it either way"

"Why?"

"Quite asking me why!"

Cartman huffed in irritation and just sat there silent. Stan also fell into silence.

"Does she love you?" Stan asked after two minutes.

A pause.

"Don't know"

"Do you care?"

A second pause.

"I don't think so, no"

"Do you love her?"

"I don't love anything"

Stan grinned and muttered "Liar" before adding "Could you love her eventually?"

A third pause.

When he did reply, it was in the lowest whisper.

"I don't know….I wouldn't bet on it"

Stan nodded. His sad expression returned but it was different this time. It was pity, but not self-pity.

"I'm glad I'm not you" Stan whispered.

Cartman grinned.

"That's because your weak"

"So…what the hell am I supposed to do? Cartman I'm still in love with her"

"Me and Wendy aren't planning to marry you know"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means there's probably only a matter of time before one of us does something to piss off the other. After that, she'll go running back to you…..probably"

"And that makes it ok?"

"Pretty much, Beats being angry and depressed about it"

"I….I'm not that strong"

"I know. But you of all people should know that hating me won't get you anywhere"

Stan nodded and said.

"Let's just…..never talk about it. Never even mention that your with her…pretend you aren't"

Cartman considered it for a moment before nodding.

"Fine by me"

The two shook hands, got up, and exited the room

Wendy

"Well?" Wendy asked desperately as her ex-boyfriend and boyfriend exited Ms Cartman's bedroom.

Both looked battered. There fight quite clearly had been rough.

"Me and him are good…..sort of" Stan mutterd "But we need to talk"

He gestured to himself and her. Wendy paused for a moment and looked over at Cartman.

He shrugged.

"Ok" She said quietly "When?"

"Another day, right now I need to go home and put an ice pack on my face" Stan told her.

"Sure…see you soon?"

"Yep"

And that was that. Stan bided them farewell and made his way down stairs. Wendy just stood there in the hallway until she heard the front door open and close. She turned to find Cartman no longer standing behind her. She heard water running in the bathroom.

She entered the bathroom to find Cartman splashing water onto his face.

"Are you hurt?" She asked.

"Nope" came a surprisingly happy reply.

He lifted his head and Wendy saw his wide grin through the mirror above the sink.

Despite herself she could help but grin back.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

"Cuz that shit is over and done with" He told her.

"For you maybe…." She huffed "I feel terrible. He hates me, I know it"

Cartman nodded

"Yeah…probably" He muttered, clearly not really caring.

He turned to her, wiping his face with a towel.

"Look on the bright side though"

"Which is?"

"You've now banged two out of us four guys …..just two more to go and you're on your way to a five-way"

Cartman chuckled at his own joke, Wendy grinned and rolled her eyes.

"On that subject" Cartman continued "Wanna try it on the kitchen table?"