He Shouldn't Have Done That

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing... Obviously. Just playing in someone else's sandbox for a bit.

Summary: Brennan ends her partnership with Booth after she considers his confession to Hannah about her the ultimate betrayal. AU.

Epilogue – The Hope in the Future Telling

My Christmas this year was very similar in some ways to last year. In some ways, it was very different. This year, this year, Angela and Hodgins were there. But, so was Michael. This year, we weren't at Jack and Ange's, but at my place. This year, my apartment didn't look like it did on any other day. True, it didn't look as festive as it had two years before, but I did have a tree and my Christmas ornaments didn't sit in boxes, purposely forgotten and unwanted. Instead, they hung on the tree branches, shining prettily next to colorful blinking lights, shiny gold garland, and reflective silver tinsel. This year, I wasn't drinking red wine to put myself into a drunken stupor, although I did have a glass or two throughout the course of the evening to partake in the ritual of social drinking and being festive. This year, when Angela and Jack decided it was time to leave, I didn't cry myself to sleep with hopes of wanting nothing more to fall asleep so that I could dream of Booth. This year, all I had to do was sit on my couch… and wait.

At about quarter after 1am, a knock came softly on my door. Expecting it, I went to the door and barely took time to glance through the peephole to confirm my suspicions before I pulled it firmly open. Booth stood there, in his suit and long black overcoat. Snowflakes still sprinkled his hair and coat. He was brushing as many of them as he could off when I opened the door. Booth smiled in greeting when he saw me, and I returned it.

Coming forward, he nodded, "It's cold."

"Come inside," I said as I inclined my head in the direction of the Christmas tree. "It's warmer here."

He nodded. When I had shut the door and locked it behind us, I noticed he was already shrugging out of the coat. I then glanced at the bottle of wine he had set on the table. Smiling again at me, he said, "Here. I thought… maybe a glass to toast the holiday?"

I looked down at the label. It was an expensive vintage… and red wine. I chuckled at this and said, "Let me get a couple of glasses."

Going into the kitchen, when I returned, he was already sitting on the couch in front of the tree. I was caught for a moment, seeing Booth like that… seeing him as I had in my dreams ago… almost. That night on last Christmas Eve, he hadn't been wearing a suit, but the image was extremely reminiscent nonetheless. Setting his glass on the table, I reached for the corkscrew and the bottle of wine.

"Was attending midnight mass an enjoyable experience?" I asked, as I opened the bottle of wine, and handed him a glass after I had poured a respectable amount into the goblet.

Booth nodded. "It was… I've always liked going to midnight mass on Christmas… it's the single most peaceful time I think I ever feel during the course of a year. I can't really explain it, but I do. I feel very content. Peaceful… and hopeful, no matter what's happened or not happened in my life. For one night during the year, the past, the future doesn't matter. It's almost like the pause-button on living has been hit for twenty-four hours. Good stuff, bad stuff... it's all there when you wake up on December 26th. But, for now, there's just peace and hope and contentment."

I considered his words for a moment and then said, "And, good will towards men, isn't it, how the saying goes?"

"Yeah, something like that," Booth said.

"Well, peace and hope and goodwill are positive things, Booth, no matter who you are or what you've done or where you are. They're things the world is woefully short on, and could always use more of, at least, I think so. Peace and hope and good will... they're things I think are always things we could always use a little more of…."

Booth looked at me for a moment as he took the glass, and said, "Yes, they are."

Suddenly feeling a weight shift between us, and hearing Booth's stomach growl, I changed the subject immediately. "Are you hungry?" I said. "I saved you some food from earlier. And, if you want something sweet, Angela and Hodgins brought these really amazing cookies."

At that word, Booth's eyes brightened and his ears perked up. "Cookies?"

"Yes," I nodded. "And they're dipped in milk chocolate."

"Completely?"

"Yes," I replied, still smiling. "Does that sound appealing to you?"

Booth gave me a deadpan look as I saw him almost begin to salivate in front of me. Chuckling, I went back into the kitchen and brought the tin back with me. Setting it in front of him, I then sat down and began to sip my own wine. Booth grinned gleefully and began to munch on the cookies. We sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the atmosphere of the lights and tree and the soft hum of the Christmas music that was still playing on the radio. At some point, Booth shrugged out of his suit jacket and kicked off his loafers, and I slipped out of my heels. I curled up on the couch, and he sat next to me, a few inches away. We each had a blanket draped on us. We weren't touching, not really. However, after a time, and I'm not sure how long, at some point, a single hand reached out from Booth's blanket and one escaped from under mine at almost the same time to join it. It wasn't the clasp of lovers, or even the closest of friends. It was a touch of reassurance. Booth was there. I was there. We were alive. And, we were doing our best to try to live.

We were quiet for a long time. The lights had a mesmerizing effect on me. Booth, too, I think. I started to doze off at some point, but was pulled back into the land of consciousness as, at last, Booth turned to me and said, "Merry Christmas, Bones."

I nodded at him with a smile. "Merry Christmas, Booth."

At that, Booth's hand clasped mine a little tighter in a reassuring gesture of support. I smiled down at it as I said, "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you came."

He considered the words for a moment, and then Booth nodded. "So am I, Bones. I glad I came… that we could come to be here tonight, too."

We both wanted to say more, but now was not the time, nor the place, and neither of us was ready. I'm sure this is the point where some people would love for me to confess that Booth yanked me into his arms, we made passionate love until dawn, and exchanged meaningful Christmas gifts before we lived happily ever after. However, that's not what happened. Much as I had in my dream, eventually we simply fell asleep on the couch in front of the tree, watching the lights.

Why did he come that night? Why did I let him? Why did either one of us want to, especially given what had happened over the past year? Those are difficult, difficult questions to answer, and even if I could answer them, I'm not sure anyone would understand anyway. Was it a coincidence that Christmas Eve was a Thursday evening that year? Did it matter that we had spent each of the past Thursday evenings, no longer going to the pub, but coming to my apartment each night just to spend hours talking? Is that why he came, and I wanted him to come? I don't know the answer to any of those. I do know that when we had seen each other the prior week, I had asked if he was coming without remembering what day it was at first. Booth, who never forgets such things, reminded me... and asked me if I still wanted him to come. It didn't take me any time at all to respond. Yes, I wanted him to come... if he wanted to be there. And, so, after a slight detour at midnight mass, Booth came, and I let him in.

And, perhaps... that was my... no, *our* happy ending for the year... because sometimes... sometimes the happy ending is knowing that no matter what life has thrown at you, you know you're still standing at the end of it. It may be a shaky stance, and you could be at risk to topple over at any moment. But, the actual happy ending is when you keep pulling yourself back up and wait for the next thing to happen.

After Jack and Angela left, but before Booth got there, I had a fair amount of time to think about the past year. I've been doing that a lot - thinking. I'm getting better at not being as emotionally bi-polar as the past year would seem to indicate I actually am... but, I still have a lot of work to do to find permanent balance. In that search for balance, navigating my way between positive and negative, I've had to reflect a lot on what's happened this past year... the past year I've spent... well, I spent it in a free fall of emotion. I realized it began the night of the Lauren Eames' case and never really stopped until the night last month when what happened between Booth and I happened.

Do I regret what's occurred over the past year with Booth and Wendall and all of it? I know that I regret the amount of pain I suffered, and in certain ways, there are some choices that embarrass me in hindsight more than others. But, this is the path I traveled, and I know that's happened for some reason that I don't know yet. Ironic statement, and more than a bit contradictory, coming from someone who still can't concede things like a divine plan or fate, right? But, I'm not a Buddhist or a stoic. Suffering does happen for a reason. I am supposed to gain some piece of knowledge from all of it, that I know. So, no I can't regret what's happened to me. I have good days, I have bad days, but there it is.

And, so, on that one night where Booth aptly described life as having hit the pause-button, we simply sat watching the tree, saying nothing before it was time for such words to be spoken. Neither one of us was quite sure what was happening, how, why, and in what way. That was the one thing both of us knew the morning I woke up on top of him a month ago, and he had wrapped me tight in his arms. We couldn't explain why it had happened... completely. And, we didn't know what it meant, but we did know what it didn't mean. When I woke up, and he woke up, and both of us looked at one another, neither one of us ran in shame or embarrassment or regret. Neither did we make grand claims of love and endless devotion. We didn't discuss it's significance from an interpersonal relationship point of view. Both of us needed time and space to deal with what had happened and what was changing and why. We weren't in a relationship. We weren't dating. We had barely begun to reestablish our friendship. But, we were getting to know each other again, and the door stood open. Even if it was just opened a crack, the metaphorical door between us was finally open. As Booth said, there was hope. Who knew what would become of it? I didn't see myself being ready for a relationship at any point in the near future, even if I thought I would be eventually capable of it. Booth felt much the same. But, the door was open... for a time when we might be able to be together. We might be able to be together when I wasn't so angry and emotionally unsettled... and when Booth wasn't as confused by both of our reactions to one another over the events that had transpired between us over the past year.

But, as I said, there was hope, there was a chance. One day at a time, we took one day at a time, just sitting, just talking… just passing the time... and continuing to *live*... to proceed forward, one step... one day at a time.

~The End~

A/N: For those who are unfamiliar with my normal style of ending a story, this is the point where I take the opportunity to share any thoughts/acknowledgements, etc. I'll try to be brief.

First, this story was *incredibly* difficult to write as, for the most part, it was an extremely dark fic. It was never, ever going to be hearts and fluff and warm fuzzies. If you want that, there are many, many other stories where you can find it (including several of my own - even a happy Christmas scene as I mentioned in slight mocking with B&B ending up pretty much as I described, tee hee. Inside author's joke. Sorry. I digress.). By their very nature, these stories are hard to create, let alone finish. But, if you've read my work before, you know that *telling* the story is what I'm always about... some people are annoyed by that, but oh, well. Then... this story also decided to be extra difficult when it was already difficult by it's very nature. This story bounced me around a lot as an author as it refused to confine itself to the outline I made, and at some point, Wendall kind of jumped in when I was so totally *not* expecting him to do so. One of the reviews commented that it seemed as if B&W were Booth and Hannah in reverse, and yes, there was a certain intention there on my part. When I started writing this story, I knew I needed to have some male counterpoint to Booth for Brennan, and I didn't particularly care for any of the usual suspects (Sully, Jared, Hacker, etc.), and I normally don't like to use OCs for secondary romantic complications since I don't think I ever have enough time or space to properly develop them into the complex type of characters they need to be to be even semi-worthy of Brennan or Booth. So, that left.. Wendall. Like I said, he kinda just jumped in there of his own volition. I also really, really didn't want to do Wendall in, but it was necessary, and he did, sadly, have to take one for the team. But, in the end, I do think it worked for the purpose it served.

Anyone who writes knows that you have to listen to what the characters tell you so that you're true to them while not letting them run away with the plot. I tried, but it was a real, real difficult thing to achieve. It was told from Brennan's point of view, purposely left Booth out of things for at least half the story, and extremely emotional. This stopping point for the story (note: I don't say resolution, because there really isn't one) took a bit of doing, and I have purposely left some threads of this story unattended (Booth's father and family issues, Brennan's miscarriage and potential alcoholism, ramifications of their act in the final chapter, and several others not named) on purpose. I believe there is definitely enough material there to work with in the creation of a sequel at some point if I wanted... maybe. And, if there's reader interest. Stats and review numbers of this story have skyrocketed higher than any of my others so I know - love it, hate it, indifferent - lots of people *have* been responding to it with some type of reaction. That has been highly gratifying to me for an author, but didn't make the story an easier to write. I will only say for now, writing a story that is as angsty as this one was is a real drain... probably because you know when you've written a decent angsty scene if, when you reread it, you've made yourself tear up. That's the nature of the beast, I suppose. However, again, this is not a happy story. The characters as I've established them are probably the most flawed versions of B&B that I've ever written. They are consistent in their flaws, but that's about it. I am particularly amused when I get comments that always say 'such and such are OOC' because it just goes to show that A.) people are ignoring that AU tag for what it *really* means and B.) they really aren't looking at how characterization shifts over time.

Last, I would also like to thank all of those who responded with comments, reviews, critiques, PMs, etc. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we didn't, but I always read and consider ALL the comments I get... even the ones that took the time to let me know they would no longer be reading the story or that they didn't agree with a plot twist because they merely didn't like it. Huh. Yeah, still not sure about the significance or purpose of those, as I wasn't going to change something because of that, but I did read them and there you are. Also, to she who shall remain unnamed (she knows who she is in her wonderful awesomeness), many thanks to someone who let me bounce some drafts of the last few chapters off of her. The last four or five chapters were particularly hard to bring to a stopping point of some kind, but there they are... I'm not sure how it turned out, but there it is. I really wanted to put this story to bed at last which is why everyone's getting the last two chapters and epilogue in one foul swoop. So, now, if anyone is still here, as I know people have come and gone with this story for various reasons, thanks for sticking it out, particularly to read this final part of the note. Take care!~