[A/N] Hey guys. It's the holiday. And I suck. SO badly. I hope this makes up for it though! I sort of lost track of this story, but I'm back and better than ever! Ok enough of the cheesy movie lines, and more of the story! I hope you enjoy!

PS: I don't own South Park or anything... if you were wondering ):

KYLE'S POV

I sat on the bed being bombarded with question after question concerning my previous fall. My ears were ringing with my mother's shrill voice, but I wasn't taking any of it in. I could only feel the terrible longing for the blonde boy who had just disappeared. The way he had been looking at me; I could see it, he wanted to stay with me! I just couldn't admit to myself anything else. Why did I have such a deep ache in my chest? I just wish my parents would quit bothering me!

"Kyle! Are you even listening to me young man?" My mother tutted at me with her hands on her hips. She didn't seem the slightest bit concerned for my health. I decided to go for the easy option, and attempted to persuade them that I was too tired for anything. Finally satisfied, they bade me farewell, and left for home again. I had had to tell them this through gritted teeth; because really, I was full of energy. So full of energy that I could have ran a marathon! Only because I had finally said it. I told Kenny that I loved him. Ok, so maybe it wasn't to a conscious Kenny, but it was difficult nonetheless! Don't chastise me!

To my dismay, the doctors were keeping me overnight, and I could only return to school by lunchtime the next day. I felt so confined. How could I possibly do anything from here?

"Can I… can I come in?" I started in surprise, and looked to the door, only to my surprise to see Stan there. His voice, usually filled with lazy familiarity, was tense and rigid. Suddenly, I felt bad for him. I couldn't have imagined what it would be like to be in his position. I beckoned for him to come in, and he came straight to my bedside. Stan hated hospitals.

"Listen man, I just wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting this past week… It wasn't ri-"

"No Stan. It was my fault. Full stop." I cut him off, but I couldn't say these words with any emotion. It was like I didn't mean them at all. They were the echoes of the emptiness I felt. Stan's mouth fell open in an 'o' shape; of course he didn't understand, I was his best friend after all. Why was I suddenly acting like this?

"It's time for me to confess to you, Stan. I should have said this a long time ago, and there is no point to lie to you any longer. I love Kenny. I'm in love with him. And whatever you say, I can't do anything about it."

Why the hell did I just decide to tell him that? Crap, these meds were not doing good things to my brain. Well, I guess I said it, so there's nothing I can do about it now. I could feel this energy giving me much needed confidence. Apparently though, I wouldn't have needed it anyway.

Stan looked down and fiddled his fingers. He let out a long deep sigh.

"I know. Actually. It's so obvious even I know. If I were Clyde, I would know. I've just sort of needed to wrap my head around the idea, and it's not been easy, you know?"

After he said this, there was a peaceful silence; one that was neither awkward nor comfortable. It gave me some time to think about his words, but all I could think about was, 'How lame must I look to everyone?!'

"I…" he continued falteringly, "…why Kenny? Of all people, why go for the most messed up one?"

I know he said this with absolute honesty and neutrality, but I felt such rage at the fact that he could speak about such a close friend like this. I felt offended that he would even think about this sort of thing, and question my tastes. I knew I shouldn't have been angry, but a bad mood just does this to humans, and I could do nothing but glare at Stan. He got the hint, and made hasty exit, muttering something about Wendy, or was it tacos?

I lay awake, thinking, the energy prohibiting me from the dutiful bonds of sleep. The huge, dull emptiness in my chest longed for a body beside me. I wanted to have him here, not as anything, not labelled, I just wanted him. I wanted him to lie in my arms, so I could stroke his strangely soft hair, and feel his beautiful skin. I'd seen it torn and ragged with scars, but it was his skin, and so it was perfect. I left behind all my worries, and imagined a world without responsibility. I imagined myself lying with him like this every night. This clouded and warm image took me away from the cold and harsh reality and helped me to drift into the land of beautiful dreams.

I saw a lake; pure and calm. Not a single ripple was disturbing the beautiful clear surface. Suddenly, a huge sound rang in my ears. What was this? Smoke made me dizzy? What was happening? I ran, but I didn't move anywhere. The world was still. I could see in front of me, the school was burning down! It was sickly melting into the flames, and there was nothing I could do about it. The screams of my friends were fading in and out of my head. I heard a noise behind me and spun around. There was Kenny, in the lake, laughing. He wasn't laughing. He was drowning. I tried to move towards him, but once again found that I was unable to move. I couldn't save him! I couldn't save anyone! I was useless! Useless!

Useless…

I started awake, in my bed. Something was wrong. My head was still ringing, and frankly, I didn't know you could get headaches from dreaming. Nonetheless, I remembered that I would be free to go today, and I didn't want to miss any school. I sighed, and remembered my dad lecturing me about the importance of a perfect grade average. It was still rather early, I asked the nurses to help me out so they would be here soon.

I pondered about my strange nightmare. I hadn't had any nightmares since I was a child. But this one seemed… bizarre. It was the like fate was telling me to give up. I didn't know what to do anymore! Clapping my hands over my ears, I tried to calm down, but to no avail. I wailed to myself, just in the sheer despair of not knowing. Eventually, the nurses came and they calmed me down, but I was still stuck in a foul mood.

The grey cloud followed me to school, and I could feel people keeping clear of me. Not like they wanted to talk to me anyway. I met Stan at the lockers, and in a split second, I decided that I hated this tension. The solution was simply to act like it had never happened.

"Hey Stan," I said with a forced smile, "I'm not feeling so great still, so you'd better not go tackling me or anything."

Obviously, Stan felt this new atmosphere, and responded by happily giving me a noogie, "Why of course not, 'your majesty'." He laughed and suddenly, I felt a knot in my chest unwind, if only a small one. Although was still concerned, because I still had yet to see Kenny today, and until then I would keep that nagging worry at the back of my mind.

Stan and I walked to homeroom together, like we used to, when there was never any of this drama going on. I felt as if it were some happy ending to a cheesy movie about finding a lost friendship. I wasn't satisfied. 'If this were the end to a movie, then why is there still a big aching hole where my happiness should be?'

Suddenly, I realized. I was angry. I was terribly and painfully angry. I was angry with Stan, because he had treated me horribly when I needed him. I was angry with myself because I was too cowardly, and too useless to do anything with myself. I was angry with Kenny! I was so, incredibly angry with Kenny! But for the love of God, I couldn't figure out why. I felt this huge passionate energy that roared for me, as soon as he came within sight, so punch the living daylights out of him. But I don't even fucking know why!

Mostly, I was angry because fate had turned out like this. Maybe it was destined to be like this. Maybe I'm supposed to get over Kenny or something. He doesn't need a feeble redhead. I'll find a nice little wife someday, and we'll live in a big house in the city, and I'll make lots of money as a lawyer, and she'll follow her own dreams... It'll work out great; as soon as I get over Kenny it will all be great. However much I said this to myself, I just couldn't stop the feeling of ultimate self-pity flood into me. Maybe…

At this last maybe, I thought to myself. I've been so worried about Kenny and my own future that I had never stopped to think about the present. The time was now, and the present can't come until we do something about the present. I've been thinking too much; it was time for me to do something! But what?

The first step is for me to actually talk to Kenny. Nothing can happen until then. I should take the advice I gave to Craig and tell Kenny how I feel! Yes! This sounded like a good plan in my head. I could just imagine it now! I saw myself, telling Kenny, going incredibly red. He laughs at how red I am. Then he confesses to me too, and goes the same shade I was a second ago. We both laugh. And then we kiss. Since I can't feel it, I can only imagine how brilliant it would be. However, I can't imagine the time, or the place. I can only imagine the process, and it doesn't seem to come to my mind how I will actually go about doing this. At least it was a start.

Having decided this, I sat down in my chair. Due to this new determined feeling I had, I turned to my left, out of old habit, to see whether Kenny was in school today. He wasn't there, and although I wouldn't admit it to myself, I was disappointed. I heard Mr Garrison stroll into the class, late as usual.

"Good morning everyone," he drawled, obviously bored, "today is another, meaningless day. I hope you all starve to death. Now for the morning announcements."

He yawned while shuffling through his papers. Suddenly, his eyes widened. He leapt out of his chair and yelped happily. It was strange to see Mr Garrison anything but hell-bent, so I did a little double take as he turned to the class with an ear-to-ear grin on his face. He proceeded to realize how much of a fool he looked like, and coughed subtly, and sat back down.

"It seems, children, that our class has surpassed all other classes this year, by grade standards. With the addition of another perfect grade average student," here Mr Garrison stopped, and stared at the paper, "Kenny McCormick, you have won the annual contest, " He continued the notice a little more pallid than when he started, and by then, the whole class had turned to look at the empty chair, where Kenny usually sat. However, Mr Garrison was not concerned over his student's tardiness. He finished the notice, "and you will be receiving your cash prize shortly, " with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wherever that motherfucker is, I was always glad he was in my class." Mr Garrison happily lied to everyone.

So, Kenny had taken my advice and lived up to his true potential. I always knew he was capable. I just wish he were here, so he could be happy that his achievements were worth something, unlike he believed them to be. Monotonously, I waited until the rest of my class had left, and headed off to Calculus, my favourite class; at least I could forget about my worries and float away in the sea of maths…

If only.

A huge shadow loomed over me. I was alone in the corridor. I turned around, just in time to…

KENNY'S POV

I sat upright. I was just lying in my bed a second ago, when my stomach dropped suddenly, and I became cold. Then I sneezed, and vaguely wondered if someone was thinking about me, and laughed at myself for actually knowing strange Japanese superstitions. The cold feeling soon passed and I lay back down.

I stared up at my ceiling. It was peeling terribly, and I could see millions of tiny chinks in the cheap plaster. I wouldn't be surprised if it suddenly collapsed on me. No matter, I would come back anyway. I grimaced. That thought was so terrible. If I could commit suicide and just be gone from this world, I would do it without hesitation. But alas, my curse binds me to this damn world.

I reluctantly climbed off the bed and paced the room. The reason why I wasn't at school today is because I overslept, and while running to catch the bus, I was run over. By the bus. Ironic, huh? Anyway, I could vaguely remember the excruciating pain in my legs when they were being crushed by the wheels. However, I felt absolutely nothing in them now. This was a feeling I could never get used to. When I'm simply injured, there's always slight pain in the area afterword, but when I die, it's like I'm wiped clean of the pain. I'm a new white canvas. It's too bad that doesn't last long.

Glancing at my watch, I realized that it was only still the morning. Maybe I could sneak into school at lunch? Just so I can see that beautiful face… No! I couldn't think like that. The urges deep within me were desperately trying to overpower my shallow determination, but I stayed strong. Skipping school was for the better anyway. Letting out a deep sigh, I decided to take a nap, and lay back on the hard mattress. It was a while since I had slept well. I slunk into the shadows of sleep. I found myself in a huge white place. I couldn't see the end of the white. There was a pounding beat that sounded strangely like Token's bass guitar and every time a note was played, the entire place shook, as if they were giant speakers. I looked around. The beats came rhythmically and in time.

In a deep dream, one has no emotions. You are just a spectator in the world of your subconscious. You can't do anything, and nothing can be changed. I could only watch as my dream self started walking confidently forward. I didn't think about it. I didn't wonder why he would do so. It was just a simple steady continuous walk, which led nowhere. I just walked forward, and forward, and forward. My feet hit the ground just as a beat sounded, and this was how it was.

When I finally woke up, I was filled with a strange sense of satisfaction, despite everything that's been going on. I was now able to ponder about why I had been dreaming about such a thing in the first place, but I didn't. I simply left it at that. I changed into some clean clothes. My watch told me it was already 5 PM, and this left me rather content. I had slept for seven long and blissful hours, and I had forgotten all of my problems. I remembered why I used to like parties so much…

A loud knocking sounded through my house. Since it was quite cheap, sound resonated quite thoroughly throughout it. I waited a few seconds, hoping that either of my parents would be responsible enough to leave their drunken stupor and answer the door. However, this did not happen, and the person knocked once more. Reluctantly, I lifted myself out of my warm covers, and trudged through the few rooms my house had to offer.

"Hello? Oh hey Stan," I said as I opened the door. He wore an unreadable expression, but I decided to be friendly. He hadn't done anything wrong, right?

"Hey bud, mind if I come in?" He said, stepping through the threshold. I guess that answered his question. I led him to my room, and he flopped down on my (warm) covers. I pouted jokingly, and he laughed. There wasn't any tension in his voice. Something had happened. I was glad for him.

"Anyway dude, have you seen Kyle around? He kinda' disappeared on me at school. I was wondering if he came to see you," Stan informed me, but I could see that he wasn't that worried. They'd stopped fighting finally. I vaguely wondered if Kyle had come to my house while I was sleeping, but if he had, and no one had answered, he would have climbed through my window.

"Nah man, he didn't come see me. I wonder where he went… So, did I miss anything important?" I glanced at Stan, who was flipping through some magazines he had found on the floor.

"Oh um, Garrison flipped because you won him the annual teacher award thingy. Congrats by the way. I think he's in love with you now."

My heart literally skipped a beat. Really? I had never thought that my grades would achieve anything!

"Um… you ok Kenny? You on Earth or what?" I snapped back to look at the concerned face of my friend. I didn't reply.

"So, anyway. Token's beginning of February party tonight… if you had forgotten. He told me you hadn't got back to him about being able to make it, so I took it upon myself to personally come get you!" Stan happily told me.

"Oh, I don't know man… I was kinda busy…" I lowered my gaze to the dirty carpets. Suddenly, I felt ashamed to have Stan in such an unclean place. I felt a little obligated to have a bit more hospitality towards a person who was supposed to be my best friend.

Stan only laughed at this, and responded cheerily, "None of that bullshit Kenny! You have got to loosen up a bit! You deserve it, man." I smiled a little, and realized that I really was deceiving myself. I didn't have any reason not to go. And wasn't I just reminiscing about my old party habits?

"Why not?" As these words left my mouth, I knew that what awaited me was long missed.

And those two words had decided my fate for the night. This was it.

As Stan and I walked towards the rich part of town, I sorely imagined waking up in a random bathtub in one of Token's many bathrooms, but that didn't bother me.

"Hey Stan." My friend turned to my slightly, a questioning expression on his face. "Is Kyle going to be there?"

"Good question. He was invited, like always, and he was saying something about wanting to come, so he might just be there actually."

This was rather unusual. Kyle loved parties as much as the next guy, but his study habits and obsessive parents left him with some harsh limits. Furthermore, he was a severe lightweight, so when he drank, it was truly a wild night. Kenny couldn't even the last time Kyle was drunk. Maybe tonight would be more fun…

As we approached the huge house, I could already feel the sounding bass of Token's massive speakers. It reminded me of my dream, and the sense of satisfaction I had when I had woken up washed over me again. I was actually looking forward to this. Vaguely I thought about 'Token's beginning-of-February' party. He took anything as an excuse to throw a party; whenever his parents were out of the state or whatever. I was glad there was at least one rich kid we were friends with. Ok, I'm not just friends with him for the money, if that's what you're thinking! I'm just saying, when you're poor like me, friends with money is like an extra benefit… Ok, you can think poorly of me now, if you weren't already…

Anyway, I could feel myself getting nervous at the prospect. I know! Kenny McCormick? Nervous for a party? I guess I was worried about what people would think of me. If I didn't impress, like I so easily could do when I was younger, then would I lose my reputation? Then again, did I really want that kind of reputation? I laughed at the fact that I was worrying over the smallest of my problems.

We entered the huge hall, and I could already feel cold stares in my directions. They had the right. I hadn't been to a party in a long time. While Stan went off to chat with the entire house, I headed straight for the alcohol. Well, what did you expect? Knowing Token's house like a second home, I quickly arrived at the kitchen and grabbed a beer for myself.

"It's only 6 and you're already drinking?" The familiar and monotonous deep voice resonated through my back. "My my, McCormick. You really are the drinker aren't you?"

I turned to find Craig watching me with a slight smirk playing across his lips. I have almost never seen him so happy. His demeanour was… somehow different to the last time I had seen him. I glanced at his hand, and saw that he was holding his own beer.

"Damn straight Craig. You can't have a party without us." I slapped him on the back and we headed to the enormous living room. "By the way, have you seen Kyle around?" Craig shook his head nonchalantly. He didn't care. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Stan and Wendy run upstairs hand in hand. I had long since figured that he wasn't after Kyle. I wasn't quite sure why he had lied to me, but I'm sure he had his reasons; otherwise he wouldn't have lied to me.

I could already see the crowd separating into the usual party groups. My knowledge on the subject was rusty, but I still knew my way around. There was first a huge group in the middle who were simply starting off with nice conversation and banter. These would soon break out the alcohol and start playing truth or dare, or spin the bottle, or whatever. Then there were the gossipers; situated in the edges and corners of the room, they held the crowd in plain sight so they could talk to each other about others while pointing them out. I, personally, had always hated gossipers, so I usually and purposefully interrupted their conversations with the ruse of casual conversation. Then there were the couples. They usually started out apart from each other, but it was obvious whom they were; just a simple smile one way, a blown kiss. I could only imagine what they get up to after a few shots. Finally, I could just see a few people slinking outside to start their acidic adventures. The usual suspects, Bebe, Clyde, Tweek. You would never think they were into getting high, but it's not that surprising. As soon as Craig spotted them, he hurried to join them, masking the excitement on his face with his mouth in a straight line. I could see through it, I knew him too well.

I decided to join the big group in the middle, where Clyde was busy telling everyone about his latest adventures in detention. I stepped in beside Red; I had always liked her. She had never judged me, to my face at least.

"Hey Red, looking nice tonight." I gave her a smile. It sure was nice to mingle again.

"Thanks! Same for you of course." She said, even though I was still wearing the clothes I had thrown on after my long nap.

"Say, you haven't seen Kyle around here, have you?" I couldn't hide the hopefulness in my voice, but she looked at me pitifully and shook her head.

"Sorry Ken, he's probably studying. His parents are monsters when it comes to school work, huh?" Her attempt at making me feel better didn't work at all. So he wasn't going to come after all…

"Kinny! My man! I didn't know you were coming tonight!" A rough hand slapped my back; right on an old bruise, and I winced at the foul voice.

"Cartman," I said with failing enthusiasm. He didn't notice and grinned maliciously like he always does. He turned to the rest of the circle and told everyone, seemingly warm-heartedly, "You guys should be glad Kinny decided to show today. Otherwise he would be at all of your houses, fucking your moms! Hahaha!" He roared with laughter, but I was ashamed. If this were maybe two years ago, I would have laughed with him, but I could see it now. I was a disgusting, foul creature. Of course what Cartman said wasn't true, but his implements were right. I was a tragic excuse for a human.

"Kenny? Snap out of it, honey." Red patted me on the back, and I realized that I had been spacing out again.

"Yeah, sorry…" I turned to look at Cartman again, who was happily conversing as if he'd done nothing wrong. "Yo! Have you seen Kyle anywhere? He came to school today, right?"

He turned to look at me, and for a split second, a terrifyingly cold shadow flitted across his face, but then he was once again, the grinning monster that he always was. "Oh naw, Kinny's worried? Jewfag came to school today, but he's not here. Pfft! More fun without him anyway!"

That was it. Kyle wasn't coming. My heart dropped like a broken lift, hurtling towards the ground. For a second, my world went black. But then I remembered why I was here again.

'I'm going to get drunk, and forget everything!' I thought. And that was all it took.

….

"Maaaaaan, Craig. When did ya get here?" I swirled my beer around, questioning the raven haired boy.

"I dunno. I sort of just… appeared, if ya know what I mean," We both looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Suddenly, Bebe stood up, wobbling slightly. When did Bebe get here? Why was everyone suddenly just appearing?

"Oh My God Craig. I figured it out!" I lent over to whisper in his ear, but it came out much louder than I had intended, "We're at Hogwarts!" As I said this, Craig couldn't suppress his laughter and completely interrupted whatever Bebe had started to say. She looked rather irked.

"You twoooo! Shh! So anywayyy, as I was saying, now is time to play a game." Strangely, her sweet voice had melted into a stiff British accent. She emphasized every word and rounded them with her mouth. No one said anything. I noticed that we were all actually sitting in a neat circle. When the hell did that happen? We were all just chatting in various places… when… Stan! Stan was here! Why was everyone here at once? I couldn't think anymore so I just flopped on my back. I could still hear Bebe's new British voice, explaining how to play, although I don't understand why. Everyone had played this game a million times. I sighed and sat up again. Glasses full of beer were being passed around. We were playing 'Never have I ever'.

"Sooo, you take a sip every time you've done something! It's easy peasy!" Bebe chirped happily, and I vaguely remembered that she had been taking drugs earlier. Suddenly, I felt cold and feared for safety. Then again, she may have skipped on the drugs in the first place.

'Ahhh, never mind!' I thought, I'd just go with the flow.

Bebe was apparently starting. "Never have I ever… cross-dressed!" We all turned to stare at Stan, who had gone even redder than he was before. He sputtered and shouted back, "Don't be mean! It wasn't my choice!" He sobbed a little into his shirt before taking a sip. I remembered the time Wendy had made him cross dress… I quickly glimpsed an embarrassed Tweek taking a silent sip. Probably Craig's doing.

The game quickly continued with all sorts of embarrassing stories being retold to the circle. Surprisingly, I didn't take too many sips. Usually I could down the entire glass, but people were not asking the right questions… This made me feel a little better. Controversially, Craig was actually losing, and although he didn't seem to mind now, I knew that when he was sober, all of these stories would come back to haunt him… I felt bad for anyone who tried to spread rumours about him...

"Never have I ever stripped to be naked at a party!" someone said. I couldn't help but laugh as I lifted my glass to take a sip, but everyone was laughing with me, and I was filled with content. I felt so joyous, so open! Craig had already fallen asleep beside me.

"Never have I ever been in love with someone of the same gender!" Finally! Someone had asked this question, and I felt the need to admit openly of my feelings. And surely there were others besides me to feel the same. Yet, it was not like this at all. I had finished drinking, and with a loud sigh, I plopped my glass down on the floor. The room, however, had gone abnormally silent. Everyone was staring at me. The smile vanished from my lips. How can it go from booming in volume to silent in just a millisecond? The silence itself was villainous. I felt crushed underneath its huge weight.

I could barely hear someone whisper, "Kenny McCormick is capable of love?" I had never felt so embarrassed. Not embarrassed like Stan was when his secret story was revealed. I was red in the face, and down right humiliated. There was no way out. I had just revealed it to everyone. I suddenly realized that there was something in my head. It was a pounding bass. The rhythmical beats that had calmed me so much before were now beating me down with every sound. I stood up, way too fast for an inebriated teenager. I felt dizzy. I felt so dizzy. I had to get out somehow. I ran in any direction, and soon found myself heading towards the garden. I ran and ran, and suddenly, my head was in contact with the glass door! The pounding got louder, the dizziness got stronger, and I grabbed my head in agony. Each time I blinked, the world got blurrier. Suddenly, all I could see was red. Red and nothing else! Why couldn't I see? I fell harshly to the ground.

Time stopped. I looked up only to realize the red had become soft cushions of billowing hair. I reached out to feel the hair, but my arms were simply too short. I kept reaching forward, but the hair was just getting farther, and farther away…