Hi everyone! Look, I wrote a chapter! Anyway, this one is a little out of sequence, so it's kind of a stand-alone, as at the end of the last chapter we were in early spring and this is a holiday story. So if you wanted to put it anywhere, I would stick it right before the chapter about Haruka's birthday with the Kaiohs. Anyway, hope you like it!

&&&&&&

Don't Do It, Michiru! A Short Holiday Fable

"Haruka!"

I turned my head from the television to look at Michiru. "What is it, love?"

My lover had her hands on her hips and a familiar scowl on her face. It was the look of death. The look that screamed, 'Haruka isn't behaving.' Michiru moved another foot towards me and I sunk just a little lower in the sofa. "Well?" demanded Michiru.

I took a risk. "Well what?"

Exasperated, Michiru threw up her hands. "Well, why aren't you helping? We have to get these Christmas lights up!"

I sighed. It had been like this all day. Michiru was very keen on celebrating Christmas, which wasn't really a bad thing. I figured we'd get each other some cute little presents and have some eggnog and a Christmas cake in front of the little tree that Setsuna had decorated yesterday. So that wasn't the issue. The problem came in because Michiru's ideas for the perfect holidays were different than mine. In order to properly celebrate we had to sit in front of the tv for several hours watching subtitled "Martha Stewart Living" episodes, order a turkey, get out the good china, decorate our house with about a hundred strings of lights, convince Setsuna and Hotaru to spend an afternoon meticulously cutting out paper snowflakes for our abundant windows, invite the Kaioh Parents, Professor Tomoe, Sushi-San and Dad, and probably that blasted Seiya Kou for Christmas Eve Dinner, cook in the kitchen all night and all day, comfort Michiru when she finally caved and started to cry in the bathroom, make strained conversation with the parents all through dinner, and then finally have indigestion all night long.

Setsuna also apparently had other holiday ideas, as she was conveniently nowhere to be found. But I, as The Girlfriend, had nowhere to run.

Figuring that Michiru was waiting for an answer, I gave a bad one. "We've already pulled out and polished enough good silver for ten people, set up that huge nativity scene in the backyard, complete with life-like sheep, and spent forty-five minutes trying to get the angel on the top of the tree adjusted just so. Later you have me going out to search for an automatic snow-generator in case we don't happen to have a white Christmas. I love you, but this is my day off and there's no way I'm going up to the attic to dig around for a bunch of twisted light strands!"

"Haruka Nao Tenoh!"

I cringed. She had pulled out the big guns.

"Japanese girls don't have middle names," noted a muffled voice.

Confused, I leaned over and pulled up the flap of the sofa. Setsuna and Hotaru, both a little dusty, peered out at me. "I'm not even going to ask," I said.

"How can you have a middle name?" Setsuna pushed. "Hotaru and I don't get to have middle names."

"I've told you before that my mother is nuts," I said. "Besides, she's only half Japanese. She has a middle name, too."

Michiru let out a cry of frustration. "While you two are under there, you'd better do some dusting!"

Having realized that Setsuna had given away their position, the girls hastily grabbed the sofa flap from me and pulled it shut in terror.

Michiru glared at me. "And fine! If you won't help me, I'll just do it myself! I'm the only one who cares about making this Christmas a success, anyway!"

Once she was gone, I put my feet up on the coffee table. "She's got that right."

"Can my middle name be Yuhko?" the muffled Setsuna asked.

&&&&&&

A little while later, I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. As I listened to Michiru's footsteps up on the roof, I battled my feelings of guilt. "Well, she should be the one to handle this!" I reasoned with myself. "This is her gig. But I can at least make her a cup of coffee and try not to complain too much about the automatic snow-generating errand." I sipped my coffee as a noisy plane flew over our house. "Wow, that was pretty loud! Must have been close." I put my empty mug in the sink and started to fill one for Michiru. "Hopefully she's ready for a break. She must be cold up there."

The back door suddenly banged open, which made me jump. Hotaru came tearing in and grabbed me by the sleeve. "Ruka! Michiru-Mama's in trouble!"

"What?" I set down the coffee mug and ran out the door after Hotaru. I followed her around the house to where Setsuna was standing in the front yard, a group of concerned neighbors starting to gather around her. "What happened?" I demanded, looking up at the roof.

Michiru was there on her knees at the top of the roof peak, trembling, her hands tightly clutching the fabric of her blue jeans. She was looking all around her with a wild expression. "I can't...! I can't...!" she was crying in a breathy voice.

Setsuna stared up at her. "I was around back in the garage, looking for some extension cords that she wanted when she suddenly screamed. And now she's like this. I sent Hotaru to get you."

"I didn't hear her," I said, still looking at Michiru. "But...she looks like she's going to jump!"

Hotaru pressed her hands over her mouth. "Oh, don't let her!" she wailed through her fingers.

Setsuna scoffed a little. "Why would she do that? Doesn't she know that she doesn't have to put up all those lights? It was her decision."

I had to admit that jumping off a roof in front of the whole neighborhood in response to being overwhelmed by the Christmas season didn't seem very in character for Michiru, but then again... I looked at Setsuna. "No...I'm not sure if she does know that it's optional. She thinks all these people are expecting miracles from her. And you know she freaks out. You've seen what Christmas does to her. Don't you remember last year? The exploding fruitcake? And we're just getting started!"

Setsuna looked at me with fear. "We have to get her down!"

"No...no...NO!" wailed Michiru. She looked like she was starting to cry.

"Michi, baby! Come down, please!" I called, ignoring the fact that half the neighborhood was standing there watching me and listening.

Michiru ignored me, but continued to kneed the fabric of her jeans and hyperventilate.

"Michiru, now!" I yelled. "It's just Christmas! Don't do this!"

"Please come down, Michiru-Mama!" wailed the teary Hotaru. "You might not be reborn if you jump!"

"Heh heh," laughed Setsuna uneasily as she eyed the curious crowd and covered up Hotaru's mouth with one hand. "Ix-nay on the eborn-ray."

I didn't have time to figure out if that was really Pig-Latin or not, as Michiru teetered dangerously. "No!" I yelled.

"We're coming up for you!" called Setsuna. "Don't move!"

We three ran towards the ladder that was propped against the house, but were cut off short when Michiru gasped out, "NO! Leave me alone! You beasts!"

"What did we do?" cried Hotaru."We should have dusted under the sofa!"

Setsuna shook her head. "She's terrified of something. Look at her face."

Michiru's face was indeed livid with terror. "What could have set her off like this?" I choked. My throat was closed from fear.

"Haruka!" Setsuna shook me by the arm. "We have to go up for her whether she likes it or not. Since she won't let us use the ladder, we'll distract her, while you climb up the side of the house."

"Climb up the side of the-" I hesitated, but bit my lip in determination. I would not let the holidays kill Michiru! (Or at the very most break her legs. We only had a one-story house with a small storage attic.)

I snuck around the house as Setsuna and Hotaru started distracting Michiru by singing her a soothing song (which sounded to me like a very poor rendition of "Silent Night"...not the best choice for someone on Holiday Suicide Watch). I, meanwhile, started to scale the drainpipe. I figured this was another one of those moments that the Inners would love. Haruka Nao Tenoh, alias Sailor Uranus, professional drainpipe scaler. Well, it was nice to know I had something to fall back on if my racing career flopped.

By now the singing of "Silent Night" had reached a fevered pitch as the neighbors had all joined in as well, no one bothering much with intonation. I paused for a moment, thinking that if I were Michiru and this singing was the only thing standing between me and leaping off the roof to my doom, Setsuna and Hotaru would already be crying over me.

I poked my head up over the side of the roof and quietly surveyed Michiru. She was still trembling and looking wildly around her, and now she had added a crazed back and forth rocking to the mix - probably in response to her loved ones shrieking that song below her. But what were those things lying all around her?

They were dark and squishy and recently wet. They might have been moving at one time, but now they were mostly frozen. And Michiru was looking from one to the next, muttering, "You beasts! You horrible things! You SEA CUCUMBERS!"

I stared blankly at the sea cucumbers that covered the roof, forming a circle of horror around Michiru. "Huh?" was all I could muster.

Snapping out of it, I snuck up behind Michiru and in one smooth motion, I swooped her up into my arms. She gave a blood-curdling shriek, probably thinking the biggest one of them had finally sprung and was going to drag her down into the murky depths of the nonexistent ocean, but just as quickly clasped her arms around my neck. "SAVE ME! SAVE ME!" she cried, burying her face against my shoulder.

I tottered along the narrow ledge at the top of the roof, Michiru in my arms and ignoring the gasps from below, until I had put some decent space between us and the sea creatures. I then sat down on my butt, Michiru in front of me, still clinging to my neck, and slid down the sloped part. I painfully stopped our decent by jamming my feet against the rain gutter, which brought out more exclamations from the audience. I was then able to take Michiru's wrists and lower her off the side of the roof where Setsuna reached up and grabbed her around the waist, letting her slide down to the ground. I then climbed down the ladder and joined my family to the sounds of applause.

Michiru was clinging to Setsuna, and trembling. "Are they gone? Are they gone?" she was asking over and over.

"Are what gone?" asked Setsuna. "What happened up there?"

"Let's go in the house," I said. "I don't think Michiru would appreciate the neighbors knowing about this one. It's so random and all-together irrational."

&&&&&&

A little while later, I peered out through the curtains in the front window at the stragglers, while Michiru shakily drank some tea. "I wish they'd all go home. Don't they have anything better to do?" I wondered. "We're not coming out!" I yelled through the glass.

"It was sea cucumbers," said Michiru, suddenly. "Tons and tons of horrible, slimy sea cucumbers!"

"There were at least ten," I added.

"Are sea cucumbers scary?" Hotaru asked. "I didn't know they were."

Michiru squeezed her hand. "God help you should you run into one."

"But how did they get on the roof?" asked Setsuna. "They weren't up there when you climbed up. You were up there for quite awhile before you screamed."

"There was an airplane," said Michiru with a shiver. "The airplane dropped them. I don't know how. But they fell from the sky like a great plague!"

Setsuna gasped. "How irresponsible!"

"Michi..." I said gently. "You do know they won't hurt you. They can barely move. And if they landed on the roof, they were probably squished to begin with."

"Poor things..." said Hotaru, her loyalties switching sides.

"But they could have hurt her!" remarked Setsuna, outraged. "If one had hit her, it probably could have killed her. Haven't you ever heard that thing about dropping the penny from the Empire State Building in the United States? Someone should get on the phone right now and complain to the airlines!"

The side of my mouth quirked up. I knew the person doing that wasn't bound to be Setsuna herself. "Anyway," I said, "I think we're going to try something different for Christmas this year. Michiru is officially off the preparations committee. If the relatives are going to come for Christmas Eve, they're going to have to be content with eating sea cucumber for dinner. Setsuna, Hotaru, you can go on up onto the roof now and scrape those things off the shingles."

Michiru leapt up from the sofa, and ran screaming for the bedroom. "Haruka Nao Tenoh! You'd better not!"

No. Haruka Nao Tenoh would not.

&&&&&&

Happy Belated Holidays, Everyone!

Oh, for those of you who don't know, in Michiru's profile in the manga it says that her weakness is sea cucumbers. What this really means I figure is anyone's guess.