Soli Deo gloria

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Phineas and Ferb—though it is hilarious and I wish I did, I don't. Boohoo.

Linda was busy vacuuming the house as Phineas and Ferb ate cereal, Candace was busy at the table with her cellphone, Lawrence was busy with his crossword puzzle, and Perry was motionlessly sitting in his bed.

"'Four across, meaning silky embroidery'— what is it, luv?" Lawrence asked Linda as she switched off the vacuum.

"Lace. Phineas, Ferb, Candace, I invited my cooking club classmate Charlene and her family over for dinner tonight. I'm cleaning the house and I don't want to have to clean it twice, so don't make messes today," Linda told them as she started the dishes.

"Oh, joy. I get to make sure that Phineas and Ferb get busted and I get to do my hair before some boring family comes over," Candace answered sarcastically as she fiddled with her cellphone's buttons.

"Oh, come on, Candace. Vanessa's your age. Aardvarks," Linda answered Lawrence, who'd inquired about another word for his game.

"Vanessa? Wait, isn't that the Vanessa who went with us around the world? Cool," Phineas exclaimed to Ferb. Ferb just played with his spoon in his empty cereal bowl. Phineas knew how he felt about Vanessa and he didn't tease him about it; he rather liked the idea.

"They're coming at five—legumes," Linda replied as she finished the dishes and dried her hands—to Lawrence, again.

As the boys left the room, Perry walking beside them, Ferb turned to Phineas and said, "Phineas, I know what we're going to do today."

"Cool! Hey," the boy looked around, "where's Perry?" The two looked about the hallway of the upper story, and when they didn't see their pet, they shrugged and headed to the office. Phineas threw open the door. "This is the room where the one-hit wonder 'Gitchee Gitchee Goo' was born," he remembered as he rubbed his hands together. "Let's get to work!"

Perry walked slowly at the bottom of the staircase; he hadn't bothered to follow the boys. Once he was sure they were gone, he slipped on his fedora, took the top of a stair off, slipped into the hidden entrance, and replaced the lid as he slid down the chute, landing on his chair.

Major Monogram appeared on the giant screen. "Good morning, Agent P. Today, our sources have caught Dr. Doofenshmirtz doing nothing, and when he's doing nothing, that means he's doing something!"

Perry gave him a grim and bored glare.

"Well, I know that he's done nothing before, but you need to check it out. Good luck, Agent P!" Major Monogram ordered.

Perry yawned as he pressed the button on his chair. It sprouted propellers and he left headquarters.

"Wow, Carl, do you think that Doofenshmirtz really IS doing nothing? Maybe that's why Agent P is mad," Major Monogram asked the unpaid intern.

"I wouldn't know, sir. I don't really like my job, maybe Agent P doesn't like his?" a nasal voice said from the corner.

"It's not a job, Carl! It is the valuable opportunity to be influenced by such an accomplished mentor!" the major stormed as he turned his back to Carl and folded his arms.

"This is coming along great, Ferb!" Phineas exclaimed as the boys pasted and colored. "Isabella called to say that she had a Fireside meeting, so she and the girls won't be coming," he said, searching through the drawers of a desk. "Found more glue!"

Candace was passing by the office door when she heard the noise caused only by her brothers. She pressed her ear against the door and smiled evilly.

"Ha!" she yelled as she threw the door back and barged in. "What are you doing?"

"Making crafts," Phineas said casually. Ferb nodded in agreement.

Candace peered about the room. The floor was littered with paper, glitter, and photos. She noticed stickers and colored markers strewn about the desk.

"No, no, there is something here that is sinister," Candace murmured as she gazed about the room. "Aha!" she screeched as she lifted a page. "This must be code! 'Noose noose somes amusement a Paris?' This picture is of the Eiffel tower, meaning that there is a secret spy base underneath the beams?"

"First of all, Candace, it's pronounced, 'Nous nous sommes amuses a Paris.' it means 'We had fun in Paris,'" Phineas explained as he cut a piece of decorative paper.

"You mean you're not doing anything bust-worthy? Unlikely story!" Candace stepped out of the room, pointed her fingers from her to the boys and said, "I'm watching you!"

(We now use TV magic to make the time go faster, so it is now . . . 4:15.)

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Perry parked his chair next to a SUV and entered the building. He entered the elevator where a middle-aged businessman asked,"Level 26 work for you?" Perry answered with a growl. The man smiled and punched in the number. When they reached the level, Perry tipped his hat at the man as the elevator closed again. He knocked on the door to Doof's apartment.

"Coming, coming," came the voice from behind the door. "Norm, can you get that?"

"Of course, si.," Norm the robot opened the door and said, "Hi, Perry the Platypus, come in!" Perry walked in and sat down in the Dr.'s 70's style living room. Dr. Doofenshmirtz came out of his bedroom, fumbling with a tie. To Perry's surprise, he was wearing dress clothes.

"Oh, Perry the Platypus, can—can you give me a minute? This dumb tie!" he fumbled as he finally got it to a state of being presentable. "Now, Perry the Platypus, how unsurprising, and by unsurprising I mean, completely surprising! I mean, seriously, I don't have time for fighting you today! Charlene is dragging me to one of her friends' house for dinner and I agreed to come!" he informed Perry as they both walked into the kitchen. Perry gave him his annoyed glare.

"Oh, come on! Don't give me that! Here, um," Heinz glanced about the kitchen and grabbed the nearest appliance. "Here, I give you, the Caffiene-Inator! It makes abundant amounts of coffee, causing the drinkers to have to drink it all before it gets cold, and then they get all jittery, and they stay awake all day and night and turn into zombies and then I can take over the Tri-State Area!" yelled Dr. Doofenshmirtz maniacally as he patted the coffee machine. "Not a bad idea for a moment's notice. Here, destroy it while I get my jacket." He walked out of the room, leaving Perry to knock the coffee machine onto the floor.

"There, you see? You defeated me! Now you owe me a new coffee machine!" Heinz said. "Curse you, Perr—" A knock came from the door. "Oh, who is it? I need to curse Perry the Platypus!"

"Heinz, are you ready?" the Dr.'s ex-wife said as she entered the apartment with Vanessa in tow.

"I was about to be when—"

"Oh, Heinz, is this your new platypus? You got a pet? Maybe you won't be lonely anymore," Charlene noted as she bent to pet the platypus who had resumed his lifeless pet profile.

"WAIT! Wait, where's Perry the Platypus?" yelled Heinz as he looked about the apartment.

"You named him Perry? Heinz, he's right here!" Charlene replied as she picked up the platypus.

"No, no, that's, well, maybe Perry the Platypus, but still!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz moaned.

"Well, if he's not yours, let's take him with us. Linda keeps telling me their platypus keeps disappearing—maybe this is him. Come on, Vanessa," Charlene said as she walked out the door with her daughter and ex-husband trailing behind. "And, oh, Heinz, fix your tie."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz mumbled angrily as he fussed with his tie on the way down the elevator. They all walked to Charlene's sedan. Charlene placed Perry in the backseat and took the driver's seat as Vanessa slipped into the passenger seat. Dr. Doofenshmirtz went about in odd angles trying to see his tie in the front mirror which made Charlene and Vanessa sigh and wait impatiently for him. On her last nerve, Charlene reached back and fixed the tie much to Heinz's dismay.

"There. NOW can we go?" Vanessa grumbled as she scrunched into her seat.

"Yes," Charlene answered as she started the engine.

"Say, Vanessa, wanna see my new bumper stickers?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked as he peered into the front.

"No," Vanessa said quickly.

"Okay, this one I got at an old timey store, see, see? It says, 'I'm a road hog and proud of it, now move over!' And—and this one says, 'I'll save puppies, not you. Watch out for me and you on the road,'" Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as he pointed to the bumper sticker in his hand. "See, see, it's me with a bunch of puppies. You know I loathe cats, after Mr. Fluffypants and the gift basket. . ."

"I have a bumper sticker," Charlene said as she peered in the mirror to see Heinz at a red light. "It says, 'If you're reading this, you're on the road to your grave—eyes on the road.'"

"That's boring," Heinz whined.

"No, it makes perfect sense. It's why I don't like bumper stickers," Charlene pointed out.

"Oh, so you went and made one? That's actually kinda evil and genius. I like it!" said Heinz.

Vanessa sighed as she slipped further into the seat and looked out the window. After her parents' divorce, they argued about everything.

"How much longer?" she moaned.

Thanks for reading this first chapter! Review?