Celebwen Telcontar: Hi, all! Another update! Sorry about the wait. Real life had to stick its nose in.

Balrog: Free virtual s'mores to all who review! Special mention to anyone who identifies the Victor Hugo reference!

"Severus Marcus Aurileus Snape!" Airiin snarled. "You have a lot of gall coming here!"

"You're alive," Snape whispered, ignoring what she had said, falling forward and hugging her. He broke down, weeping on Airiin's shoulder, until Ebisu grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and threw him into a chair. The bizarre horse-bat thing forced its way in and shoved itself between Ebisu and the new arrival, growling at Harry's Sensei and unfolding its wings wide. Nag and Nagaina hissed, and the female cobra bit the thing on the leg just above its hoof. It shrieked, flailing its hooves, wings and tail. "Odysseus, stop!" he snarled, shooting a jet of red light at the horse-bat hybrid and it fell unconscious.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? That's my mother you were groping!" Ebisu hissed maliciously after the horse-bat thing had been removed from the small room.

"Your mother? She's my mother!" Snape yelped in what sounded like confusion.

"You are no son of mine!" Airiin declared, her voice ringing with magic. The Prince Family ring on her finger glowed with a blue light, and the concentrated luminescence erupted towards Snape, who was thrown against the wall and slumped down on top of the horse-bat thing. He struggled to a seated position and raised his right hand, wand drawn, and pointed at the ceiling in a position Airiin recognized as a Wizard about to take an Oath.

"I, Severus Marcus Aurileus Prince Snape, do so swear on my life and magic that I am uninvolved with the Forces of Darkness known as the Death Eaters or under the rule of the self-stylized Lord V-Voldemort. Furthermore, I have since removed myself from their employ before the destruction of the aforementioned Dark Lord by the hand of the child of Lily Rose Evans Potter and James Tiberius Augustus Prewett Potter." He cast a spell, letting his wand's tip to glow brightly.

"I see," Airiin said firmly, narrowing her eyes. "What caused this sudden change of heart?" Her voice was downright glacial. "And why did you bring that… thing here?"

"Odysseus is my Familiar."

"How did you manage to get a thestral as a Familiar?" Itachi asked. "It looks like the herd stallion."

"He was the first mode of transportation I could find that would know where Mother was."

"How did you know we were here?" Itachi asked.

"I didn't know it was Mother, I just knew a Prince family member was alive after she Disowned and Disinherited me. I understand fully why you did that; I would have done so to myself."

"Back to the topic," Airiin snarled. "What happened to change your views?"

"The Dark Lord was going after Lily. I couldn't let that happen."

"Ah. I should have known. You always did chase after that poor girl as though she was Brigid come again. What happened afterwards?" Airiin asked.

"I became a spy for Dumbledore. I…" His voice broke, and tears streamed from his eyes. He bowed his head and began sobbing.

"I vouch for him," McGonagall said after it was clear that Snape was having an emotional breakdown. The Transfiguration Professor knelt and allowed her fellow instructor to cry on her shoulder, gently soothing him and wiping his tears with her arisaid.

"Why did you join your so-called 'Dark Lord' in the first place?" Airiin asked, coldly ignoring McGonagall's attempt to comfort Severus.

"Power. I wanted enough power to kill Tobias and free you."

"Great," a female voice interrupted, laced with sarcasm. Everyone looked up to see Harry with a female sidewinder perched on his neck. The snake continued to speak. "An older version of Sasuke before Cottonmouth and Diamondback convinced him to play nicely."

"He is nothing like my foolish little brother," Itachi stated.

"Oh, you're deluding yourself. He's just like the revenge-obsessed brat. I wish Diamondback were here so he could bite some sense into this man!"

"So do I, Wind," Anko grumbled.

"And you're not alone," Nag hissed.

"I… am I a parselmouth for Asian languages?" Snape asked, his voice at least an octave higher than normal.

"No, these are Summons," Anko explained. "They speak the Human languages."

"This is confusing…" Snape said softly.

"What's so confusing about it?" his mother asked.

"Everything."

"I see." She sat on a bed, beckoning Snape to sit across from her on the other bed. "There's only one way I know to be certain of your allegiance and reasoning." She raised her wand and pointed it at his face. "Ligimens!"

Sarutobi Konohamaru sat, dripping, under a doorjamb. A bucket of something very sticky, smelly and fluorescent green had somehow been propped over a door, and he was the result.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Konohamaru-kun!" a voice called. He looked up to see a fox standing there. "I meant to get Benihime-chan!"

"Shikkou," Konohamaru grumbled. "Why were you trying to prank Benihime? She's a good dog."

"She keeps teasing me. Last night I was going to have a midnight snack of dango, but she ate all the sweet bean sauce!"

"Boss' dog ate the sweet bean sauce?" the Hokage's grandson asked, trying to confirm what he was hearing. That dog had the strangest appetite. At least sweet bean sauce was edible.

Flashback

Konohamaru ran into his grandfather's office, trying to get away from Ebisu-Sensei. The Special Jonin had tasked him with fifty pushups, eighty sit ups, and one hundred crunches before his homework, and the Hokage's grandson wanted only to play with Udon and Moegi.

"Hey!" a voice cried as Konohamaru ran headfirst into a blonde boy wearing a blinding orange jumpsuit. "Benihime! Don't eat that!" A small brown and white puppy was gnawing on a stack of Sarutobi Hiruzen's paperwork, some of it scattered about and other papers shredded. The blonde boy picked the dog up and started trying to rearrange the filing.

"Konohamaru-sama!" Ebisu's voice echoed down the hall. The jonin came barreling into the room, then stopped short. "What are you doing in here? Get that dog out of here before it eats another pair of my glasses!"

"She ate your glasses?" the blonde boy asked incredulously. The white and brown dog looked chastised. "What else have you eaten this past week?"

*whimper, whine, bark, moan*

"You ate Iruka-Sensei's chalkboard erasers? What about the medic's son? His profile cards are missing. Did you eat those, too?"

*whine*

"Great. What about Huuga-sama's missing special candlesticks?"

*emphatic bark*

"They were stolen? By who?"

*bark, whine, moan*

"John Johnson? Who's that?"

*whine, bark, growl*

"A thief from the Outside?"

"Uh-huh. Right. Let's go home. Sorry about the mess and your glasses. Er… who are you again?"

"I am Ebisu. This is the Honorable Grandson of the Honorable Third Hokage."

*bark, growl, whine*

"He's a pervert? How can you tell that from scent?" the blonde yelped.

"The dog's right!" Konohamaru put in. "I caught him peeking at the hot spring!" Ebisu pinched the bridge of his nose. The puppy howled.

End flashback

"Hey!" Shikkou cried as he spotted Sasuke coming into the room. "Care for a game of Shougi?"

"Hn. No. Cottonmouth is more challenging than you," the Uchiha grunted as he put a plate of onigiri together. "Why is Konohamaru covered in… whatever that is?"

"Don't ask," Shikkou said as Konohamaru explained that the Fox Summon had pranked him by accident.

"Hn. Get your targets right." Sasuke abandoned his lunch as he grabbed a scraper from the utensil can and began trying to get the green goop off of the Hokage's grandson.

"I'll try next time," Shikkou said with a flourish and a bow. Benihime bounded through the door, took one look at Konohamaru and barked several times at Shikkou.

"Why did you eat all the sweet bean sauce?" Shikkou asked her point blank. What followed was a bizarre half-understood conversation between the fox and the dog, Naruto coming in mid-conversation and putting his opinion in from time to time while trying to help Konohamaru and Sasuke clean up the mess.

"You know, it would be better if you helped for once," Naruto said to Shikkou.

"Okay, fine. Cleaning jutsu!" Konohamaru was encased in a bubble which popped rather loudly, spraying soapy lemon scented water everywhere.

"SHIKKOU!" Naruto roared, the Kyuubi's chakra leaking slightly from his eyes.

"A-aunt Akahoshi-sama?" Shkkou asked tremulously.

"What?" Naruto asked, confused, letting go of his anger.

"You… aunt Akahoshi-sama…"

"The Kyuubi is your aunt?" Sasuke asked to try clearing up whatever was going on.

"Yeah. She disappeared over half a millennium ago. I think we found out where she went."

:You did, nephew.: The voice was a low feminine growl, heard everywhere and nowhere at once.

"Holy Shit!" Naruto yelped. "Is that her?"

:Of course it's me, Mortal! Who else would it be? Of all the people the Yellow Flash had to seal me into… what a pain in the tails. Nephew, what happened to my son?:

"Aunt Akahoshi-sama, he lived. The last I heard he was being raised by the Priestess of the Ages."

:Priestess of the Ages, eh? I've never heard of her.:

"She is said to be able to control demons with a single word."

:Interesting. Tell me more about her.: Naruto groaned, it looked as though he was going to have to put up with his tenant demanding information from his Summons. And he was going to have to try to get the… stuff off of Konohamaru while he was at it. Some days were turning out to be really annoying…

Celebwen Telcontar: What did you think?

Balrog: Uh-huh. What was that stuff on Konohamaru?

Celebwen Telcontar: Frankly, I'm not quite sure myself. I got the inspiration from a marshmallow a friend of mine microwaved for a full five minutes. The marshmallow didn't turn green, though it did explode. We had to throw the microwave away.

Balrog: What was she trying to do? Indoor s'mores?

Celebwen Telcontar: She was bored and found the marshmallows.

Balrog: Was this the same friend who filled your dishwasher with liquid hand soap when you ran out of detergent?

Celebwen Telcontar: Yes. The carpet smelled like Liquid Dial for at least three months.