Warnings: Angst filled, depressing at times, and contains sexual content.

Disclaimers: I own no part of the Stargate world, and I make no money from this, so on and so forth, only my ideas are mine etc…

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Note: Instead of writing a single short fic for one of the prompts at the Beya Summer Break Prompt Battle, I felt a pattern to several of them and decided to write a fic with each chapter being inspired by a different prompt, but telling one story overall. The title of each chapter is the prompt that inspired it.

Note2 and Warning: The premise of this fic is to look at Teyla's relationship with Kanaan in season 5 and beyond, and consider what if her choice in staying with him was ruled more by Athosian tradition. Family values in traditions and expectations might be far stronger for Athosians than was seen on screen. This idea, and historical movies I have seen recently, inspired this fic. Also, I've clearly been listening to far too much Johnny Cash lately. Please make sure to note the warnings above and the rating of this fic, it is M for a good reason.

Also: As this fic is complete and the chapters are quite short to begin with, I'm just going to post it as quickly as possible, but please be aware that each chapter stands alone and was drawn each from a Beya prompt. I humbly ask that any reviews could be on each chapter in turn, because the story will unfold dramatically with each following chapter.

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Unfair

He knew it was his own fault.

It hadn't been important years ago, they had simply been teammates and friends, and he hadn't wanted anything to complicate his life.

Danger, yes, violence and daring rescues yes, but he hadn't wanted anything else.

Life had finally made sense to him in Atlantis - life was about work, about making a difference, about killing monsters and protecting innocent people.

That was all he had wanted and, for the first time in his life, he had been contented.

He should have known that wouldn't last.

Maybe it was because he finally felt happy, that his life was rewarding, that there were no family pressures, no expectations, and no guilt from past mistakes or failures. The clean slate he had craved had been offered to him and it had worked out better than he ever would have expected.

Thing was, it had changed him in turn. His new life had snuck in under his skin and suddenly good friends, laughter, trust, and family had actually meant something and he had needed it. It had made him begin to wonder about more.

He had no idea when he had fallen in love with her, but by the time he had realised, it had been too late.

She had told them she was pregnant.

She had been seeing an Athosian guy and hadn't told anyone about it. Except Ronon hadn't been all that surprised to find out it had been Kanaan.

John hadn't had a clue, but then he had been too focused on enjoying his new working life, yet clinging to his past ideals and denials.

He had tired to be a good friend, to help her find her kid's father, and then Kanaan had been in the city and they were all happy together.

He had done his rescue bit, played the hero he tried to be, but this time the victory hadn't felt the same. Instead, he had wished that the new baby in his arms was his, and for the first time in his life, he had felt that deep vulnerability he had been trying to run from all his life. Losing Mom had been painful enough, being rejected by his family, divorced from Nancy who hadn't understood him and his choices, every friend and fellow soldier lost in the line of fire, every mistake, and the guilt of Afghanistan…they had all left a scar and now Teyla had left one just as deep.

He wished it didn't matter so much. That it was a passing phase, except that he spent so much time with her at work, spent so much time helping look after little Torren. Why couldn't he just get over it and move on?

Yeah, because it was likely that he would get two chances of a clean slate in one lifetime. He had been lucky to get the first one.

Truth was that the pain he felt at seeing them sitting together wasn't something he wanted to let go of just yet. For some sick reason he buried into that pain as he watched them smiling together across the Mess Hall, watched them pass Torren lovingly between them.

He would say life was unfair, but he knew he was just a coward, that he had run from the possibility of a connection with her. It was just unfair that he had realised what he wanted far too late to do anything about it…

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TBC