This is a gift fic for The-Lady-Smaell who is the very definition of the word 'fabulous'. She made me the most amazing art to accompany my story An Unfree World which is completely brilliant and has totally cheered me up during my rotten year. So, massive hugs and big thanks sweetie, this one's for you.

Warnings for lots of smut.

The Oldest Joke in the Book

It was getting late and the sun was already beginning to set, lighting the sky with red and orange flames. Iruka looked up to admire the view from the classroom window as he saw the trees silhouetted against the glow. He was working late at the Academy, marking essays in order to be able to give the pre-genin their half term reports the following day. He wished he could have been at home, Kakashi had returned from his latest mission the previous evening and there was nothing Iruka would rather have done than to get home to his jounin and spend the evening making up for all the time they had been apart. Still, it couldn't be helped. He was as conscientious as ever and determined to finish the work. After all, the kids would be on holiday after tomorrow and that would give him an entire week to be with Kakashi. Thinking about it, he wasn't entirely sure he'd cope with a whole week with the Copy-nin. At least not enough to be able to return to the new school term with any energy left at all.

As Iruka reached for the final couple of exercise books he realised that he hadn't yet marked little Taro's work. The kid tried hard, but he really was struggling. He flicked through the remaining books. Yes, there it was. Iruka could have done with marking this one earlier, it was going to take some time. He opened the workbook, picked up his red pen and started to make a number of corrections. As the light was beginning to fade, Iruka was having trouble reading Taro's appalling writing. And his red pen was finally running out of ink.

Dammit.

He left the classroom, walked down the corridor to the Academy storage cupboard, unlocked the door and opened it. It was a large walk-in cupboard, very tall and long but quite narrow. It was the place where all the stationery and equipment for the entire academy was stored. It was lined with shelves from the floor to ceiling and it smelled musty, of old exercise books, wooden pencils and weapons grease. Iruka walked inside a couple of steps and flicked the light switch so that he could locate the shelf where the pens were stored. The light did not come on.

Double dammit.

He moved further into the cupboard, hoping that the light from the corridor would give some illumination as he searched for a replacement pen. Suddenly he felt a rush of air behind him and the door slammed shut. A strong arm grabbed him from behind, pinning him to his assailant and he felt a kunai knife at his throat.

He froze.

"Don't you teach the pre-genin to be on their guard at all times, sensei?" drawled a smooth voice.

Oh, that sound was familiar.

Iruka started. "Kakashi! What the hell are you doing in here?" he hissed.

"Shh, we don't want anyone to hear us, do we?" Kakashi released the knife from Iruka's throat, placed it back in its holster and continued in a soft, deep whisper, "I was bored, so I decided to come and see you at work. How much longer were you going to be?"

Iruka bristled, "I was almost finished but my pen ran out of ink, then the stupid light bulb in this stupid cupboard failed and I was groping around in the dark to try and find a replacement before you jumped me and started molesting me."

"Mmm, I like the idea of groping in the dark. Tell me, how many shinobi does it take to change a light bulb, Iruka?"

Iruka took a deep breath. "I don't know. Look, Kakashi, I only have a little more work to do. Can't you let me finish and then we can play at home?" He just wanted to complete his work but Kakashi was clearly feeling mischievous and he knew that there wasn't going to be much the chuunin could do to stop him. Iruka offered his boyfriend an incentive. "I'll let you get the toys out."

"Aw c'mon. I was so lonely at home waiting for you. How about we have some fun now? And there are plenty of things to play with in here."

Iruka groaned inwardly. He didn't dare imagine what his eccentric lover might do with the plethora of objects inside that cupboard.

"Now, now, " Kakashi whispered, as his free hand gripped Iruka's waist tight and slowly started massaging his belly. "I promise I'll do things I know you'll like." Iruka exhaled slowly and nodded.

Kakashi pulled down his mask and licked the nape of Iruka's neck. "Good boy. Now I want you to do exactly as I say. The first rule is that you need to be completely silent for me, otherwise someone might find everyone's favourite academy teacher in a very compromising position with the village's top jounin." Iruka gulped at the thought. "Everybody knows I'm a pervert, but they don't seem to have cottoned on to you yet, and I wouldn't want to ruin your squeaky clean reputation." Iruka shuddered.

Kakashi's warm breath ghosted against Iruka's sensitive neck. He whispered into his lover's ear, "I want to have some fun. Will you let me?"

Those words burned their way straight to Iruka's groin. The Copy-nin knew exactly how to get to him. Iruka nodded his assent and Kakashi released him from his grip. But what if they were caught? There was a parents' evening for the younger pre-genin starting in about an hour's time and he knew he'd never be able to live it down if someone's mother or father saw him being molested by his boyfriend in a store cupboard of all places.

"I want you to lock the door then turn to face me." Iruka complied. "Now I'm going to sit on one of these chairs at the back of the cupboard and watch you."

Kakashi walked to the end of the room and pulled a chair from the stack at the rear of the cupboard, placed it on the floor and seated himself before addressing Iruka. "Turn around for me."

"Let down your hair."

Iruka could hardly see a thing because the cupboard was so dark but he knew that Kakashi's sharingan could see perfectly, even in the pitch black. It shouldn't have, but it really turned him on. Well, if Kakashi wanted a show, then a show would be exactly what he would receive.

Iruka turned slowly and lowered his face. His eyes looked up directly at where he thought Kakashi was sitting. He pursed his lips into a pout and, as he did this, he could hear Kakashi's breathing starting to quicken in pace, just very slightly. If the Copy-nin was going to play games, he could play too. Slowly, Iruka brought his hand to his neck. He grasped at his throat and slowly started moving his hand to the back of his head and up to his hairline. His actions were leisurely as he reached upwards and gently pulled back the constraining hair-tie to release the silky chestnut hair which fell to his shoulders. He threw the hair-tie to the floor and raised his face, again looking up in the direction of his lover, then shook his head, letting his hair fall naturally to frame his face.

Kakashi let out a low whistle. He had never seen anything as beautiful and seductive as this gorgeous man. Oh kami, Iruka knew how to turn him on.

"Take off your vest."

Iruka leaned forward a little and began to undo the buttons on his flak jacket. One by one they opened up, revealing his black shirt below. He opened the vest fully then let it slip over his shoulders and rest at his elbows, just for a moment, before he lowered his arms and let the green jacket drop to the floor.

Kakashi hissed with pleasure and continued his instructions. "Now your shirt."

As Iruka began to loosen the from shirt around his waist, pulling it up from the trouser waistband that it was tucked into and lifting it slightly to reveal his firm, taut belly, he heard a zipping sound. He froze. Was that Kakashi opening his flies?

It was.

Was he going to...?

He was.

Oh kami, they really had better not get caught. Iruka stopped briefly and stared into the darkness only to hear an insistent whisper.

"Carry on."

"Are you touchi...?" Iruka hissed. Immediately the jounin was upon him. He grabbed the chuunin, covered his mouth with a gloved hand and whispered in his ear.

"What was the rule?"

"Mmmnnffnotalkig," Iruka mumbled from beneath the glove. Kakashi pulled his lover's body closer to him and Iruka felt the jounin's hardness push against his arse cheeks.

"That's right," his voice was low, almost dangerous. Iruka was released from his lover's grip and cool hands brushed beneath his shirt, barely skimming the warm skin of his belly underneath. That soft, warm voice continued, "Now I'm going back to that chair and you are going to continue for me. You were looking incredibly hot there so I want you to carry on. Right now."

Iruka glared at Kakashi and started removing his shirt. He couldn't see the Copy-nin's expression of amusement but Kakashi was thoroughly enjoying himself. "Just let it go, my love. Relax." Iruka slowly lifted the shirt right above his head, revealing first his lean belly, then his bare chest and finally his well defined arms and shoulders. He pulled the shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. Kakashi hummed appreciatively.

"Now touch yourself. I want you to run your hands all over your body. Mmmm, that's good. You look amazing."

Iruka relaxed and smiled. His eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness of the cupboard and he could just make out the shape of his lover at the far wall. Looking directly at Kakashi he started gently rolling his hips as his hands began to move across his body. He licked his fingers and massaged a nipple with his fingertips, gently rolling and rubbing it. It felt really good. Within no time at all he was at ease and becoming increasingly aroused.

Kakashi meanwhile was enjoying the show immensely; he loved to watch Iruka. He'd been feeling horny all day and this seemed to be the perfect way to have some fun. Doing it in a public place made it all the more risky, all the more dangerous, and so much more exciting. He brought his right hand to his burgeoning erection and slowly began to stroke it. His cock twitched as he grasped it in his cool hand. He loved the feeling, it was exquisite. But he wanted more.

"Iruka, come to me." The chuunin looked downwards and slowly walked forward to where Kakashi was seated. He ran his hands along the edge of one of the shelves so that he could be sure that he was heading in the right direction and wouldn't bump into anything. And he looked so sultry - his hips swayed provocatively as he walked and he had a glint in his eye.

"Hold out your hands." Iruka obeyed and, as he drew near, Kakashi reached out and grasped his fingertips, guiding the chuunin towards him.

That low, smooth voice continued. It was so damned sexy it was making Iruka's abdomen turn cartwheels.

"Kneel down in front of me. Now take me into your mouth and suck me, Iruka, suck me hard."

The chuunin did as he was told. As he knelt, Kakashi guided his lover's hands to his awaiting erection. Iruka grasped his boyfriend's penis and leaned forwards. He carefully lowered the waistband on the jounin's trousers, further freeing his lover's erection. He could smell Kakashi's arousal and it excited him. Kakashi had always told him that he gave fantastic head; the chuunin knew exactly how his lover liked to be touched. He paused briefly, then slowly licked Kakashi's arousal from balls to tip, letting his tongue swirl over the head. Then he relaxed his throat and swallowed the jounin's large erection as though he wanted to devour it whole.

Kakashi groaned. His elegant fingers ran through Iruka's chestnut hair, caressing his head, as his lover pleasured him with skilful finesse. It was impossible to describe quite how amazing Iruka was making him feel. The chuunin licked and sucked Kakashi, his tongue gliding over his lover's arousal. The Copy-nin could quite easily have let Iruka take him to the most delicious climax but that would be far, far too easy. He had promised Iruka a good time and would absolutely be good to his word. And eventually he wanted to be inside his lover, making love to him whilst giving him pleasures. He reluctantly moved his hands round from the back of Iruka's head to caress his face and then lifted the chuunin's chin. The younger man raised his head; placing a final lick and a kiss upon Kakashi's erection, he followed to where Kakashi's hands were leading. Kakashi lifted the chuunin up and pulled him towards his seated body. Iruka straddled his lover and the jounin pulled him in for a kiss.

Their tongues battled and, as they kissed, Kakashi could taste traces of himself on Iruka's tongue combined with his lover's all too familiar flavour. It was intoxicating. The jounin held the chuunin tightly and they continued to kiss and touch each other. Both shinobi ground their groins together, Kakashi's bare cock twitching every time it made contact with Iruka's still clothed erection.

They were so engrossed they didn't hear the distant echo of footsteps approaching the cupboard from the academy corridor. But at the sound of a key fumbling in the lock, Iruka started. His eyes opened wide and his heart sank to his belly.

They were so caught.

Quick as a flash, Kakashi leapt up, planted Iruka firmly on his feet and then rushed to the front of the cupboard to gather his boyfriend's discarded clothes and chucked them onto a high shelf. Then he scooped up his lover, placed Iruka's arms around his neck and leapt to the ceiling. There was an iron beam running along the length of the cupboard, supporting the floor above, and Kakashi moved them both to the far side of this. His feet rested on the rear wall right in the far corner and his back was flush with the ceiling, held in place by his superb chakra control. Kakashi's arms gripped Iruka tight; he was facing his lover so that their foreheads touching and Iruka wrapped his legs around his lover's ankles to make sure that he had a good grip. They were pretty well hidden, Kakashi easily supporting the chuunin's weight, as old Kenji the caretaker opened the door and a small crack of light materialized in the doorway.

Kenji flicked the light switch and cursed as the light failed to come on.

Iruka's heart was beating so quickly inside his ribcage that he was convinced that the caretaker would hear it. He was doing his utmost to remain still and quiet but his body was trembling with nervous anticipation. Kakashi, on the other hand, was finding the whole situation enormously amusing. He knew that he could teleport them both away if Kenji were even to think about glancing upwards. The sharingan was focussed on monitoring Kenji's every move. There was almost a thrill in getting caught and it excited the Copy-nin. Both ninja were huddled so close together that their erections were brushing. Kakashi grinned and rolled his groin, very gently, into Iruka's only to receive an angry glare from his lover. Iruka was beginning to find the situation just a little stressful.

Kenji muttered to himself and opened the door wider, hoping that the light from the corridor would provide enough illumination for him to be able to find what he wanted. He only needed to grab a couple of extra chairs, so he shuffled to the back of the cupboard and found that the seats were where he expected them to be. He noisily removed two from a stack and shuffled back to the doorway.

Iruka held his breath.

As Kenji shut the cupboard door and locked it behind him both shinobi gave a sigh of relief.

Kakashi was sniggering but Iruka's heart was racing. "How did we just get away with that?" he hissed.

"You know I wouldn't have let you get caught," declared the Copy-nin, confident as ever. Iruka exhaled. He knew that, deep down, his lover was just too good to let them get found out. He was elite, after all. Kakashi pushed off the back wall with his feet and flipped to the floor bringing Iruka, who was still clinging tight, with him. He held the chuunin tenderly and gave him a chance to calm down. He kissed his lover and gently caressed the chuunin's back, brushing his fingers gently up and down his Iruka's spine. It felt good. Iruka tentatively kissed him back and began to relax once more, allowing himself to deepen the kiss as he pushed his tongue inside his lover's mouth. His hardness returned to him as he became aroused once more.

Eventually Kakashi broke this kiss and held his lover tight. He glanced around the room. He was certain that there would be a plethora of things to play with in that cupboard and wasted no time checking it out.

"So, my love. What have we got to play with in here? Hmm, a wooden ruler. How about a spanking? Or… I see there's some rope in this old chest here. How about I tie you up?"

"How about I kick your arse?" Iruka was still nervous about getting found out. He may have been a lower rank, but when he was really pissed he would have no hesitation at taking on the jounin. He wouldn't necessarily win, but he could certainly make Kakashi back off.

"I promise we won't get caught. Come on, it'll be fun." Kakashi turned the chuunin around so that he was facing away from him and kissed the back of his neck. He began to move his hands across Iruka's bare chest, gently brushing his nipples. Iruka sighed, relaxed and let the Copy-nin touch him. It felt so good. Kakashi pushed out his hands to reach Iruka's shoulders then gently massaged them, his nimble fingers stroking Iruka's supple flesh. He could feel the tension in the chuunin's muscles melting away. He then turned his boyfriend round again, this time to face him. Kakashi's hands slowly moved down both of Iruka's arms, caressing them softly, until he reached the wrists. He brought his hands together and grasped both of Iruka's wrists in his left hand, holding them firmly. He looked directly into his lover's eyes to ensure assent. Iruka blushed slightly, then nodded and closed his eyes, a small smile on his face.

Kakashi removed the rope from its storage box with his other hand, shook it to unravel it and brought it to Iruka's wrists. He was an expert in knotting techniques and knew how to tie them together to ensure that his lover wasn't bound so tight that the cord could hurt or burn him. He looked upwards and noticed that the iron beam on the ceiling had a number of holes running through it. That would be perfect. He slung the other end of the rope through a hole in the beam and leapt up to catch the other end, pulling it through, which raised Iruka's bare arms above his head. Kakashi then secured the loose end of the rope by tying it to the stack of chairs behind him and turned his attentions to his lover.

Although Kakashi's skills with a rope could be quite elaborate he decided to keep things simple – he figured that Iruka might find a complicated technique too stressful. The chuunin could swing and rotate his body, but had no control over his arms. Kakashi stood back and admired him. Iruka's upper body was something to behold, he was in terrific shape and his well-defined abdomen and smooth chest had Kakashi practically drooling.

The jounin brought his arms around Iruka's waist and held him for a moment, running his hands over the chuunin's bare torso, caressing his body and gently kissing and licking at his neck. Iruka tested the rope's strength by pulling on it firmly – it was solid and secure and would definitely support him. He relaxed his body and pushed just slightly away from Kakashi, beginning let himself to spin slowly, around and around. Kakashi watched in awe as Iruka's lithe body rotated, his flyaway hair brushing Kakashi's face with every turn. Kakashi hummed appreciatively. His boyfriend was the epitome of seduction.

"Spread your legs." Iruka complied. "Keep them there."

Kakashi was aware that the room was completely darkened and that his boyfriend could not rely on his vision at all. It meant that his other senses would be keener and the Copy-nin intended to make full use of this. He walked away to examine the contents of another box. It contained shuriken.

He picked up a couple of throwing stars and threw them up and down in his hand a couple of times, just to get a feel for them, then approached Iruka silently. The chuunin was swinging slowly on the rope, gyrating his hips in an altogether sultry manner, knowing full well that while he could hardly see a thing in that damned cupboard Kakashi was most definitely keeping a lustful watch on him. Suddenly the chuunin felt something cold and sharp touch his back. Kakashi began running a cold metal shuriken up and down his spine, gently following the contours of his back with just enough pressure to provide a thrill every time the point of the star made light contact with the chuunin's body. The feeling was intensely pleasurable and Iruka arched into his boyfriend's touch. Kakashi then placed another shuriken, flat side down, against one of the chuunin's nipples. He gasped as the cold metal made him shiver, his nipple hardening instantly and his cock twitching at the sensation.

Kakashi loved how responsive his boyfriend was but couldn't hold back any longer. He turned Iruka to face him once more and kissed him deeply. He closed his eyes as his explored his lover's mouth with his tongue and carelessly tossed the shuriken over his shoulder. They clinked together as they joined the others in their container; even though the box was located behind him and he was concentrating on kissing Iruka, Kakashi's aim was perfect.

Kakashi eventually broke this kiss and whispered "Iruka, my love, you are the most gorgeous creature I have ever had the pleasure of molesting in a stationery cupboard and I would really like to fuck you right here and right now. Will you let me?"

How could Iruka resist? He lowered his head and smiled before nodding. Kakashi grinned.

"Have you got any lube?"

What? The famous elite, the world class Copy-nin had forgotten to bring lube? Iruka tensed immediately and hissed. "Of course I don't have any lube. For fuck's sake, I'm a schoolteacher, why would I carry that stuff around at work?"

"I thought it was part of shinobi training that ninja should always be prepared. Oh. Well, I guess we'll just have to find an alternative."

Iruka squirmed.

Kakashi continued, "I've been looking around in here today. There are all sorts of substitutes in this cupboard that we can use. Weapons grease, correction fluid, glue..."

"Iruka turned his head and glared at Kakashi, who looked straight at him with amusement, his eyes arching into a smile. "You're so funny. Do you really think I'd lube your delectable arse with glue? Of course I have lube..."

"Then get on with it, Kakashi. I want you. Now." Iruka was tired of being teased, he wanted satisfaction and he was determined to get it. Kakashi loved it when his boyfriend was demanding.

Kakashi wasted no time. He lowered his lover' trousers, carefully releasing his constrained erection and revealing his beautiful pert arse. Iruka heard a click and a small squelching sound as Kakashi coated his fingers. He let the cool fluid warm up a little, then brought his hand to Iruka's puckered hole and gently pushed a finger inside. Iruka moaned softly at the sensation. He leaned forward and let the rope take his weight once more, his hips swaying seductively to encourage the jounin. "Mmm, do you like that?" Kakashi murmured, his soft breath warm against his lover's neck. Iruka nodded and then inhaled sharply as Kakashi added another finger, scissoring him gently, preparing him with the utmost care. Occasionally Kakashi would let a finger brush his lover's prostate. He loved watching the way that Iruka responded to the wonderful sensations that were washing over him. All the while, the jounin's other hand was massaging Iruka's belly and he would lick and nip at his lover's sensitive throat and whisper in his ear, telling him how desirable he was and how much the Copy-nin loved him. By this time Iruka's world had been reduced to two things: Kakashi and pleasure. He didn't care any longer if anyone caught them together, all he knew was that he wanted more.

When Kakashi was certain that Iruka was ready, he removed his fingers, dropped his trousers and quickly lubed himself.

He gave the rope some slack and sat back down on the chair again, grabbing Iruka's hips and gently guiding the chuunin onto to his waiting penis. Iruka sank down slowly and forced himself to relax his muscles as Kakashi's sizeable erection penetrated him slowly. Iruka loved being stretched and filled and Kakashi never ceased to be amazed by the feeling of that hot, tight warmth that was gripping him. When Kakashi was fully sheathed he gave Iruka a moment to relax. The chuunin nodded to indicate that he was ready and slowly Kakashi began to move inside him.

As Kakashi moved within Iruka he pressed his hands firmly downwards on the chuunin's thighs, determined to fill his lover as completely as possible. He thrust deep and strong, and Iruka shuddered as every stroke brought him new and wonderful sensations. Then pale hands worked their way around Iruka's tan body, each one intent on taking a nipple between calloused thumb and fingertip to rub, roll and pinch, all with the aim of increasing the pleasure.

"Ride me, Iruka," Kakashi whispered. It was the prompt the chuunin needed. He tossed his hair back, wrapped his legs around Kakashi's ankles then gripped the rope with his hands to give himself some support and started moving his body up and down the jounin's shaft. His pace was slow at first he gradually sped up until he was riding his boyfriend vigorously and energetically. Kakashi couldn't believe it was possible to experience this much pleasure. The sight of his boyfriend gyrating on top of him was the stuff his wet dreams were made of. Both bodies joined as one, both devoted to giving each other as much pleasure as they were able.

Eventually the pressure was building up for both of them and they were beginning to find it difficult to maintain control. Kakashi thrust into his lover, hitting his prostate every time. Iruka arched his back and forced his body closer to Kakashi, as close as he could manage. Until now the Copy-nin had ignored Iruka's own erection, but he realised that that the chuunin was close to release. Knowing that his lover would often cry out with pleasure – and Kakashi always loved the sounds his boyfriend made when they made love – he had to ensure that the chuunin could keep quiet. He placed one hand into the chuunin's mouth. Iruka clenched his teeth on the leather glove, into the fleshy part of Kakashi's palm at the base of his thumb. The jounin's other hand trailed downwards to grasp his lover's erection and slowly began to pump. Kakashi usually liked to stroke Iruka with his bare hand, to contrast the softness of Iruka's skin with the hardness of his arousal, but somehow keeping his gloves on felt right for this occasion. It was all the chuunin could do to suppress the noises that he wanted to make, the sounds of sheer bliss.

Kakashi's hand squeezed his boyfriend's cock hard. Iruka groaned at the sensation. A husky voice whispered at his ear, "Do you want to come?" Iruka nodded.

"What if I don't let you come? I can keep you like this for hours, right on the brink." Iruka closed his eyes. The pressure was building and he wanted release badly.

Kakashi increased the pace of his thrusts inside Iruka. He was getting very close himself and wanted to ensure that they came together. As the feeling built up, he relinquished the vice-like grip on Iruka's cock and pumped it hard and fast. Both lovers were drenched with sweat as they thrust harder and harder.

Iruka bit down on Kakashi's gloved hand as he came hard into the other, the hot, sticky liquid spurting into the Copy-nin's palm. At that very instant Kakashi himself found release. Kakashi continued to stroke Iruka with his fingertips and his touch became increasingly gentle as he brought Iruka down from his high. Then Kakashi moved his other hand up to Iruka's mouth. It smelled of sex, musky and hot.

"Lick it." Iruka's tongue flicked out and licked at the salty fluid in Kakashi's hand, tasting himself, and savouring every drop.

"Now turn around and kiss me." As Kakashi slackened the rope once more, Iruka lifted himself up off his lover and turned to straddle the jounin, raising his still bound hands above Kakashi's head and wrapping them round the jounin's neck so that he could embrace him, then he plunged his tongue into Kakashi's open mouth. The Copy-nin groaned at the sensation, both at the feeling of Iruka's tongue and the taste of his lover. He loved it. They kissed for the longest time, their tongues intertwining, passionate initially, then they slowed down, becoming increasingly gentle and tender as they bathed in the afterglow of their orgasms.

Eventually their lips parted and Kakahi held his lover close. He ducked from Iruka's hug and quickly undid the rope, releasing the chuunin from his bondage. Iruka responded with a warm embrace, running his hands through Kakashi's silver hair. He could still barely see anything inside that cupboard but he loved just being close to his boyfriend.

"Mmm, that was fun." Kakashi murmured.

"You were waiting for me all along?"

"Yep. I noticed that your red pen was running low when you were packing your things for work this morning"

"What would have happened if I had had to replace that pen while I had been teaching?"

"It would have been fun listening to your excuses when you returned to the class." Kakashi grinned.

Iruka shifted slightly on Kakashi's lap. He sort of knew the Copy-nin was joking.

"Remind me why I love you?"

"Two reasons. One, you get the most amazing sex in the whole of Fire Country."

"And the other?"

Kakashi paused. He raised his eyelids to look directly at Iruka. Even though the teacher couldn't see his loving expression, the tone of his voice was utterly sincere.

"You know that I can't live without you."

Iruka shifted around to hug Kakashi closer and, as he twisted, his arm knocked the shelf close to where Kakashi had been sitting. His elbow brushed an object that was lying close to the edge of the wooden ledge and inadvertently knocked it. It rolled in a small circle, then teetered on the edge of the shelf before falling to the floor, the sound of glass tinkling as it made contact with the wooden floorboards. They both froze briefly, then sniggered.

"I know the answer to your question now."

"So how many shinobi does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Two. One overstressed academy sensei to replace the perfectly functional one that had deliberately been removed by a jounin pervert."