Why?

By the Almighty SporkGoddess

"I love you, Erik… I love you in so many different ways… but my love is the love of a child afraid to grow up… Children run away and hide when they meet a situation they can't face, when they see the dream is over and a terrifying reality beckons instead. My love is just a shoddy, broken toy that I'm too ashamed to own. Don't cry for my loss, Erik… I've never been worthy of your tears."

- Christine, Phantom by Susan Kay

Why does he love me?

… I ask myself that very question everyday.

Ten years… just ten years, we've been together. Feels like twenty…

Why does he love me? Does he even love me?

The answer would be no.

He doesn't love me. He loved the empty shell I once was. Pretty, but devoid of emotion and thought. He wanted a pretty little woman for a wife. And that was what I once was.

Key word there… was.

I was exactly that before … he fashioned to do exactly what I was avoiding doing: live.

Erik, you were so remarkable. You were so gifted, so inspiring… you taught me not only to sing, but to live. After my father's death, I simply ceased to live. I didn't die, but I couldn't be classified as living. You breathed life into me… you made me cherish my existence, my very being…. My music… because through me you lived your life as well. I was too stupid to know at the time, but we needed each other. Through you I flourished, and through me you lived. I didn't appreciate our dependency on each other until it was over, and then I felt as though I had lost a part of myself. Sure, I had Raoul by then… but I had matured, and he had remained that same impulsive little boy who ran into the sea to get my scarf so many years ago. The boy who didn't know the price of his victory… who had ran into the sea as if expecting to emerge bone-dry. He had done the same with you, Erik, only this time his victory in winning me over hurt you. It hurt you more than if he had impaled you with a knife. It hurt more than if he had locked you in your own torture chamber, where the only escape is suicide.

You had given your heart… your very soul, to me. And I crushed it with a stiletto heel of a new shoe Raoul had given me.

I'm sorry Raoul, that I used you. But you also used me.

The only one I owe a thousand and more apologies to is to you, Erik…

Author's Note: I wrote this when I was really, really depressed. Can you tell? Heh. Anyway, I'm trying to redeem Christine. Key word: trying. I love Erik to death, and am very pissed at Christine for giving up such a great guy just because of a stupid deformity. Raoul sucks! Er… back to the fic, it's kind of short and I'm sorry about that… but I hope it redeems Christine a tiny bit. Even if she doesn't DESERVE… ehrm, I'll stop now. ^_^ Please r/r!