Nymphadora Tonks glanced around the now deserted bedroom, and her eyes rested on the door her husband had just gone through. He was gone. Actually gone. She didn't know if he would ever be coming back. He had never yelled at her like that before, and if he truly believed their marriage had been a mistake, then maybe Tonks did not want him back.

What was she thinking? Of course she wanted him back. Tonks loved Remus more than anyone she had loved before, and it was killing her to know he was so upset. She should have realized. She should have sensed that something had been bothering him for ages. But Tonks had been so happy about the baby. . . . Remus had seemed happy, too, but Tonks knew now she had been imagining that happiness in his eyes. Of course he wasn't happy. He had always been so reluctant to begin every part of their relationship. A baby was merely another giant step that Remus hadn't been willing to take. In all honesty it wasn't surprising he had left, and Tonks was slowly beginning to understand that she had pushed him too far. She would never see him again. He didn't want to be with her, and he didn't want to help raise their child.

With tears in her eyes, Tonks sat down on his side of the bed. Remus hadn't even stopped to take anything with him. Everything was exactly as he had left it. His pillow was still dented from his night's sleep. There was still a drink of water left in his glass. All of his books were still on the night stand. Tonks carefully took his pillow in her hands and hugged it to her chest, breathing in his scent and wishing he would come back to her.

There was something relaxing about the smell of his pillow and, all at once, the tears stopped. Tonks blinked. Her reasoning was returning to her. Remus was gone and, even though she was sad, even though she knew he wasn't planning on coming back, Tonks realized she had to go on. With or without him, Tonks was still pregnant. She was still a member of the Order. There were certain things expected of her, and it just wasn't sensible for her emotions to take over. Tonks took another deep breath, wiped her eyes, and stood up again.

She motioned to put his pillow back, but she paused when she looked down at the bed. There, where the pillow had been concealing it, was a book. The cover was plain brown leather, and there was no title. It seemed odd that Remus would have hidden this nameless book under his pillow, and Tonks, her curiosity piqued, dropped the pillow and grabbed the book. She opened it to the first page and stared at the words, confused.

It was a diary.

Tonks had never seen Remus writing in a diary, but the words written on the pages were in his handwriting. Flipping through the pages, she saw mentions of James Potter, Sirius Black, and a few names of old teachers at Hogwarts. It had to have been Remus' diary. Swallowing, she turned to the first page again and looked at the date. 'August 13, 1971.' This diary had been started well before he had met her––well before she had even been born. This diary was sure to contain his childhood, his school days, his friends, and his family. All of the things he never wanted to talk about, all of his secrets, written down for her to discover.

She glanced up at the door one last time, to remind herself that he wasn't coming back, and then she started to read . . . .

Entry #1: Friday Aug. 13, 1971 – Seven Days After

Today I bought this notebook because, just a few days ago, something truly remarkable happened. An owl arrived in our yard carrying a Hogwarts acceptance letter in its beak. The letter was for me, and I couldn't have been more surprised. I had been expecting—and almost hoping—that Hogwarts would reject me. Not many institutions want to knowingly endanger their other students by letting someone like me even near their campus. I was fully prepared to be home schooled. It would have been easier to be home schooled. But I am going to Hogwarts, and now I have to worry about not making friends, and failing all of my classes, and people being afraid of me after they find out what I am.

People being afraid of me is what I worry about the most, actually. I can live without any friends. I haven't had a real friend since I was four. But I don't want to be stuck at this new school after everyone finds out. I'll have to pretend to be normal while all the other students stare at me like I'm some kind of freak.

I guess I am a freak.

But . . . the Headmaster at Hogwarts doesn't consider me a freak. He doesn't want me to consider me a freak, either. His opinion is that every wizarding child has a right to the best education available, no matter the circumstance, and he insists that I am as normal as any other student at his school. I just have a "condition" that requires some special attention. He says he would do the same for any other student with special needs, but I think he is being too generous—a little unsafe even—because my special circumstance isn't the usual "I can't afford the books" circumstance. It's much more dangerous than that, but he doesn't seem to have as many worries as I do. I suppose one of us has to be calm about the situation.

I owe this Dumbledore fellow an awful lot for believing there's more to me than my condition, and I should be thankful that he was around the year I needed to start my schooling. He believes I can do well if only someone would give me a chance, and he wants to be the person to give me that chance. I'm not just my sickness to this man, which I can't say I hear very often. No other Headmaster at any other school would accept me, knowing what I am. All of the other schools my parents were in contact with sent a letter back explaining that they did not have the means to care for someone like me.

I know what they meant by that. They could have the means. None of them had the will.

From what he wrote in his letter, Dumbledore is not just allowing me to go to his school. He has made a lot of changes to the campus, specifically for me, so I can go to school safely. He said he brought in a Whomping Willow tree and planted it over a hidden tunnel. The tunnel leads off school grounds to a shack, which was also built for me, in the nearby village. Once a month, that shack will be my private sanctuary. When the full moon comes out, the nurse will lead me to the tunnel and take me to that shack to be alone. I won't be able to hurt anyone while I'm locked inside. The other students will be safe, and no one should be the wiser to what's going on.

My parents say they will be eternally grateful to Dumbledore for this wonderful opportunity he has given me. Now I just have to live up to his expectations. If this Headmaster has invested so much in one particular student, he obviously expects that student to do well. I need to succeed in all of my classes if I want to repay him fully. To prepare, I've already read through all the books from the school supply list. That might have been excessive, I'll admit, but I think if I already know what's going to be covered in each class, it will be that much easier to learn about it from the teachers. I should be able to keep up and I shouldn't have to worry about falling behind when I start feeling sick each month.

I have to do well. This is my chance to be normal. I don't want to have to pretend to be normal, but this is my chance to try. Maybe I won't fail. Maybe I will make a friend. Maybe no one will find out. Maybe they won't be afraid of me.

Until September, I have to keep thinking about all of these 'maybes' and tell myself that it is all possible. I can succeed. I can make friends. I can keep it a secret. I can be normal.

At least, I hope I can be normal.

Entry #2: Wednesday Sept. 1, 1971 – Three Days Before

I got on the Hogwarts Express this morning, which was more nerve–wracking than it ought to have been. My mother was crying and my father had a grim sort of smile on his face as they bid me goodbye. I knew what they were thinking. Mum wanted me to stay. She was more worried about my fitting in than I was. Dad was just happy something was finally going right in my life. It meant he was allowed to stop feeling guilty for a few days. I would miss them.

When I got onto the train, I slowly made my way down the corridor trying to find an empty compartment. I had very little success. Most spaces were full. I tried to give a friendly smile when someone made eye contact, but that didn't happen often. I felt rather invisible. Eventually, I peeked through a window and saw that one compartment only held two girls that looked like they were first years, too. It was a long shot, but I figured they didn't have to talk to me. All they had to do was tolerate sitting near me for a train ride's length of time. It was still a long shot.

I cautiously slid open the door and leaned into their compartment. "Sorry to bother you," I began quietly. They both looked up, and I hesitated. "Um . . ." I hadn't really talked to someone my age before, let alone a girl my age. "Would it be all right if I . . . uh . . . sat in here with you? Everywhere else is full and . . ."

"Why wouldn't it be all right?" the girl with lighter hair said. "It's just sitting."

I mumbled my thanks as I sat down on the opposite side of the compartment. The girls started talking again, as if I weren't sitting there. I had expected as much, so I shrugged and pulled out my Transfiguration book to reread.

I tried to tune out their conversation, but I could still hear what they were saying. The darker haired girl was complaining about someone named Molly, and the blonde girl was pretending to agree with her. I could tell she wasn't really paying attention to her friend by the bored looks she kept giving me. I wanted to say something back, but none of the words I thought of seemed right.

I wasn't really having a conversation with the blonde girl, and I don't know her name, but she was the first person to be nice to me at Hogwarts. It made me feel less isolated for her to acknowledge me, even in such a small way.

Eventually, the darker haired girl decided she needed to confront this Molly person, so both of the girls left the compartment to find her. I hadn't expected a friendship to develop from a train ride, but I was a little sad when I was left alone.

I didn't see either of the girls again until it was time to change into our school robes. The blonde girl gave me a smile but didn't say anything as the two of them found their robes and quickly left me alone again. I only thought to smile back after they were gone.

The train finally reached Hogsmeade Station. I didn't realize how late it had gotten, but it was dark when everyone stepped onto the small platform. My initial impulse was to follow the crowd of older students, but I stopped when I heard someone shouting gruffly for the first years. "First years, follow me! I need all of the first years!" I looked around for the voice and spotted him right away. The shouting man was at least ten feet tall with a great barrel of a chest and a giant beard. He was hard to miss.

I changed course and filed towards the giant man with the other first years. It was a relief to see so many other nervous faces. All the first years gathered around him and, once he was sure everyone was present, our guide led us to the edge of a very large lake. Rows and rows of rowboats were waiting for us and the giant man made it clear that we were supposed to ride the boats to the school. The darker haired girl from the train ended up in the same boat as me. I smiled when she looked at me, but she didn't smile back.

The ride was quiet and eerie on the dark lake. I was relieved when we finally reached the school on the other side. The giant man led us across the grounds to the front doors and passed us off to another teacher who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall. While the teacher explained the sorting process, I looked around for the blonde girl who had been nice to me earlier. She was talking to her brunette friend again and didn't notice me.

We were shuffled into the Great Hall and told to stand together until our name was called. A stool with a pointy wizard's hat was brought out and placed in front of us. I watched it for a moment before deciding to look around the amazing room, trying to take everything in. I was finally going to a normal school with normal kids. Someone had already been nice to me. The importance of what was happening started to sink in as I stared up at the floating candles and cloudy ceiling.

The sorting hat started singing, which brought my attention back. It sang about each of the four houses and implored all students to set differences aside and stand united, lest troubled times seek to divide us. It wasn't a very uplifting tune, but after it was done, McGonagall dutifully pulled out a scroll and started reading names.

I watched the other students walk forward when their names were called and each of them were given a house to belong to. It seemed to take forever for the teacher to call my name, and my stomach grew a little more uneasy each time someone else put on the sorting hat. "Lupin, Remus," the teacher said finally, and I cautiously walked up to the stool. I sat down on the edge and couldn't help worrying that the hat wouldn't have a place for me.

McGonagall positioned the hat on my head and I sat very still while it contemplated what to do with me. "It is very brave, what you're doing," somebody said suddenly, and I looked around. It took me a moment to realize that the voice belonged to the hat. Startled, and not sure if I should talk back, I didn't move. I wondered if I was the only person who could hear what the hat was saying to me. "All alone with such a heavy secret . . . Don't be worried. I think you have more courage than you give yourself credit for. It's not easy to be in your shoes. Stay strong. I know exactly where to put you." I held my breath, and when I heard the hat's voice again, it was louder, and clearer, and I knew it was speaking to the rest of the room. "Gryffindor!"

A little shaky, and telling myself that the feeling in my stomach wasn't nausea, I got off the stool and made my way to the table of cheering Gryffindors. I smiled and found a spot on the bench. They were cheering for me. A few older students patted me on the back, telling me "Welcome to Gryffindor!" They were happy to have me in their house.

I watched the rest of the first years, wondering how many of them would be in my house and amazed that I could refer to it as "my house" already. Then I noticed that the blonde girl from the train was at my table. I had been too nervous before I put on the hat and hadn't heard her name, but I suppose she had to have been sorted before me. She was sitting with the other girls who had been sorted into our house. She was laughing. Her face fell a little when her darker haired friend was sorted into Slytherin.

Soon, every first year had found a house and the banquet could begin. Food magically filled the platters covering the tables, and I tried to keep the surprise off my face. It was a school for magic, after all, and I shouldn't have been so impressed. Each and every student grabbed their plates and started piling on the food. The only thing any of us had eaten all day was sweets off the trolley cart. I took plenty, and I didn't leave any on my plate.

When it appeared that most everyone had finished eating, the Headmaster stepped forward to say a few words to the incoming and returning students. I couldn't really listen properly because I was too busy marveling at the man who decided to be so generous to me. I had never seen Dumbledore before, and he looked every bit as kind as I had imagined him.

The only part of his speech I managed to hear was the part about the Whomping Willow. He claimed it had been a gift from another school and it would have been insulting to not plant the tree, but he warned everyone that it was dangerous and students shouldn't go near it. I tried not to smile. For once in my life I knew something that everyone else didn't. That tree hid a tunnel. It led all the way off school grounds. I was allowed to go near it.

Dumbledore stepped down from the podium and announced that everyone was dismissed to their dorms. I motioned to follow the Gryffindor prefects, but Professor McGonagall appeared behind me and tapped my shoulder. "Hello Mr. Lupin," she greeted warmly. I liked her, even if she seemed stern. "Would you mind coming with me? I think it's time you met the Headmaster."

I nodded and stood to follow her. I thought she would lead me up to the teachers' table, but a quick glance showed me that Dumbledore was no longer there. Instead, I followed her out of the Great Hall and she took me up to the seventh floor. We came to a stop when we reached a gargoyle statue that was guarding the Headmaster's office. McGonagall mumbled a password and the gargoyle sprang aside, revealing a spiral staircase. The stairs started spinning upwards and I hopped onto a step with McGonagall, letting the stairway carry us up to see Dumbledore.

He was waiting for me at his desk with a smile on his face. There was a tiny woman wearing a white hat waiting with him and I tried to smile at both of them in return. "Welcome Remus Lupin," Dumbledore said cordially. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. This lovely lady is Madam Pomfrey." The woman in the white hat nodded to me. "She is the school nurse and I thought it would be appropriate to introduce the two of you, considering what is to happen in just three days time."

I found myself looking at my feet instead of the nurse. "It's nice to meet you," I mumbled.

"Likewise." Her tone was sweet, like a nurse ought to sound. "You are a brave boy, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you." She looked at Dumbledore. "Has he been shown the way to the Hospital Wing, Albus?"

"I daresay he hasn't, Poppy," Dumbledore replied with a slight laugh, looking at me. "As I have a few things to attend to, it would be splendid if you could show him where it is. And I'm more than sure you can relay the information I was going to give him. Minerva, would you accompany them so that you can lead Mr. Lupin back to his house when he is through?"

"I would be happy to, Headmaster," McGonagall said.

"Terrific," Madam Pomfrey said determinedly. She stepped over to me and put her hands on my shoulders. "Come now. Let's see where we'll fix you up each month."

The three of us left the Headmaster in his office and took another long route of hallways. I tried to pay attention to exactly where we were going, as I knew I would need this information not very long from now. As we walked, Madam Pomfrey explained everything Dumbledore hadn't written in his letter. I would meet her directly at five o'clock in the evening every night before the full moon came out. She would make me as well as she could, and then she would lead me down to the Willow, trying her best to keep people from noticing us. She would then stop the tree and lead me halfway down the tunnel so I could transform safely. The next morning, she would find me in the shack and smuggle me back so I could spend the day recuperating. I nodded my understanding, hoping I wouldn't forget anything.

We eventually found the Hospital Wing. I vaguely remembered how we had gotten there from Dumbledore's office, but I wouldn't have been able to make the trip by myself. Madam Pomfrey gave me a quick tour, told me I needed to rest up for my first day of classes, and sent me on my way. McGonagall took over then and again we were wandering down hallways and up staircases. I wondered how anyone could find their way in such a big school with so many tricky passageways.

After we had gone up many floors, and down many corridors, McGonagall came to a stop in front of a large painting of a very fat lady. The woman in the portrait greeted us pertly before asking, "Password?" I frowned and looked to the teacher. I hadn't been given a password.

McGonagall looked back at me. "Each common room entrance requires a password to get in," she explained. "It keeps students in their correct houses. The Fat Lady takes the password for Gryffindor. Now, Mr. Lupin, I will only tell you this once, so listen closely. The password to get into Gryffindor tower for now is 'Bowtruckle.' I expect you to remember it. Otherwise you'll have to ask for it from your fellow housemates."

"Bowtruckle," I repeated, which caused the portrait to swing open, revealing the entryway to the Gryffindor common room. It looked warm.

"Very good," McGonagall commended. "Now, I'm sure you can find your dormitory. It is up the stairs to the right. Your roommates will be wondering where you've gotten to." With that, she walked away, leaving me alone.

"Are you coming in or not?" the portrait asked, a bit impatiently, and I hurried inside.

The common room was filled with other Gryffindors talking to their friends, catching up after long summers away from each other. I only lingered long enough to look around before I found the staircase that led up to the boys' dorm rooms. "First Years" was written on one of the doors, so I assumed that was the right room and I stepped inside.

Several other boys were already in the room getting settled. They all turned to stare at me with questioning expressions. "Where've you gone?" one of them asked suspiciously. He had round glasses and exceptionally messy hair.

I saw my trunk at the foot of the only remaining bed. "I had to see the Headmaster," I said, making my way to my things.

"It's the first day of school," another implored. He had dark hair that went past his ears, and he seemed to be smiling even though he wasn't. "Tell me how you can get in trouble on the first day of school. It has to be some sort of record."

I knew lying was my only option. I thought for a second before coming up with the perfect response. "It's easy when you know what you're doing," I said.

The boy with glasses started laughing. "I like him," he said to the second boy before turning back to me. "What's your name?"

"Remus Lupin."

"That is an amazing name," the boy with glasses said with conviction. He seemed to be somewhat in charge. "I'm James Potter."

"Sirius Black." The long haired boy raised his hand as he introduced himself.

"It's nice to meet you all," I said to them. I'm not sure what was funny about my saying that, but all of them started laughing. Not at me, I hope.

The other four boys weren't as forward with their introductions, but I managed to learn all their names before we went to bed. My other housemates are Daniel Tanner, Owen Burbage, Wesley Kingston, and Peter Pettigrew.

None of us stayed up much longer. It was late so we all got into our pajamas and settled into bed. I guess we all wanted to be awake for the first day of actual school tomorrow. That was my reasoning, anyway. The other guys might've just been tired.

Quick Note: I am of the opinion that there cannot possibly be 5 of each gender in each house per year. It's kind of impossible for exactly 5 of each "type" to be born every year... So that is why there are a few more boys in the Marauder-era Gryffindor house than Harry's year.

Anyway. I've been writing this for a while, so I'll update pretty often. Please tell me what you think with a review!