The Demi-Dude Code
Entries by Percy Jackson, Travis Stoll, Connor Stoll, Nico di Angelo, Grover, Chris Rodriguez, Malcolm, among others
Hello fellow demi-dude! To read this manual is sacred…no seriously it is. Hermes and Apollo started it a few millennia ago and the other male gods added their wisdom to this book until it was passed on to their mortal children. No female has ever glimpsed the vast amount of information that has been written down over the centuries. In fact, all advice about love and relationships is from Eros (aka Cupid), Aphrodite's son.
You might have heard of mortal versions of this code, the Bro Code, the Guy Code…but this contains more than just how to deal with over-emotional crying girls. This teaches you how to deal with over-emotional crying girls who can wield dangerous weapons, whose fathers are immortal gods, whose idea of a tantrum is calling out the cleaning harpies. In the case that you can handle this without our advice, we suggest you leave now.
Entry #1 (as of 'The Next Generation'): What to Do When you See a Pretty New Girl
Grover: Run away! And then later shyly engage in a conversation about nature.
Nico: Why are you such a loser? Show off your super amazing Powers of Death.
Percy: You both fail; take her for a romantic walk underwater.
Nico&Grover: We're rolling our eyes here. The only girl who likes being underwater is Annabeth.
Percy (defensively): Exactly.
Malcolm: YOU BETTER TREAT MY SISTER RIGHT OR IMMA KICK YOUR A –
Chris: K, Malcolm! Point made.
Percy: Well if you're so clever, what would you do?
Malcolm: Engage her in an intellectual conversation about science or math or something equally interesting.
Connor: …no wonder you haven't had a girlfriend in ages.
(All others snicker)
Malcolm: I resent that.
Travis: Prank 'er!
Grover: That never works…
Travis: Sure it does!
Nico: No it doesn't. You just end up pissing off Katie, not impressing her.
Travis: …who said anything about Katie?
Connor (rolls eyes): Dude, are you serious? The eleven consecutive pranks on the Demeter Cabin isn't a coincidence?
Travis (shifty eyes): Um…
Grover: Anyways back to point!
Percy: Right. Impress her with your excellent swordsmanship!
Chris: What if she's a better fighter than you?
Nico: Like Clarisse?
Chris: Cl-cl-clarisse? What are you talkin' about?
Connor: Remember that contract you forced us to sign?
Travis: Yeah, the one where you made us agree not to prank the Ares Cabin for a month?
Connor: He's pathetic really…in love with a girl who can kick his a –
Chris: We draw! She never really…beats me…that badly anyways…
Nico: Dude, you're deluding yourself.
Chris: At least I'm not in love with my cousin!
Nico: EWW WHAT?
Percy: Hm…does that mean Nico's technically my cousin?
Malcolm: I guess so, but DNA doesn't really count with the gods. That means you can date anyone who doesn't share your godly parent
Percy: OH MY GODS ATHENA'S MY COUSIN…
(All others): Weird.
Nico: Erm, anyways…I'm not in love with Percy. Sorry, bro.
Percy: None taken.
Chris: We weren't talking about your Poseidon cousin
Connor: We're talking about your Zeus cousin
Travis: You know? Starts with a T, ends with an A, is goth and scary
Nico: Thalia's not scary!
Grover: Ha! So you do admit to being in love with her!
Nico: I never said that! Besides, you're the one who can't land a date with a tree!
Grover: Juniper isn't a tree. She's a beautiful dryad.
Percy: So am I the only one here in a successful relationship?
(All others): No.
Percy: ? Annabeth's totally into me!
Travis: Have you guys kissed?
Percy: Uh…no…
Malcolm: GOOD.
Connor: Sucker! We're all in the same boat here.
Travis: We should make a pact.
Grover: Why?
Travis: To prove our place in this world as men.
Connor: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinking bro?
Travis: Hell yeah
Percy: Care to fill the rest of us in?
Travis: You know that dance thing? At the end of August?
Nico: Prom?
Travis: Yeah. That's in three months
Connor: And by then we should all have either girlfriends or dates
Travis: Agreed?
Percy: Fine. But we should establish our prospective dates now, just so no two people pursue the same girl.
Travis: Fine. Shawty Katie.
Nico: I call Thalia.
(all others): HA! WE TOLD YOU!
Nico: …
Percy: Annabeth.
Connor: Seriously? I was going to call her!
Percy (growls): Grr
Connor: Dude I was joking! Drew from Aphrodite!
Travis: She's an airhead…
Connor: She's hot…
Travis (glares)
Connor: Fine! Kim from Demeter!
Travis (squeals): Katie's sister? OHH WE CAN DOUBLE-DATE!
Nico: You sound like a girl.
Travis: Sorry..
Grover: Juniper!
Chris: Call Clarisse
Malcolm: Jennifer
(All others): Who?
Malcolm: She's Katie's sister! The brunette!
Travis: Ah. I see. Excellent choice.
Nico: I swear, if you say 'TRIPLE DATES' I will kill you.
Percy: So if we can accomplish this, we'll be men?
Travis: Yup.
Percy: This has nothing to do with the Demi-Dude Code…
Connor: Sure it does! Flip back to the Hercules/Theseus page! They did practically the same thing!
Grover: It's true. If we get dates, we'll be men.
Nico (snickers): Grover, you can only be half a man.
Grover: Enough with the half-goat jokes!
Nico: Sorry, man.
Grover: Hmph.
Eros: You'll be consulting me soon.
Percy: When did you get here?
Poseidon: Good luck, my son!
Hades: My son doesn't need luck. He has the genes.
Zeus: Break my daughter's heart and you'll never have children again. Understand?
Nico (gulps): Yes sir.
Apollo: Oo this is so cool!
Hermes: I can't believe they're pursuring Demeter's kids…
Hades: Demeter has good looking daughter…Persephone ;)
Nico (mumbles): TMI…
Hades: What was that?
Nico: Nothing!
Ares: What's that punk's name? Cam?
Chris: Um, it's Chris, sir.
Ares: Hurt my daughter and you'll be facing the same fate as Death's Kid.
Zeus: It's nice to know we agree on something.
Percy: How did the gods get here?
Apollo: WE SEE EVERYTHING.
(All others): Uh…
Mr. D: If this interferes with my camp activities, I promise you Peter Johnson -
Percy&Poseidon: Percy Jackson
Mr.D: - you will regret the day you were brought to camp.
Zeus: We all regret that day.
(All but Percy and Poseidon snicker)
Poseidon: Brother, at least I didn't turn my child into a tree.
Zeus: …
(all others laugh)
Zeus: Whoa is that Hera calling me? I gotta roll
Hades: As do I
Poseidon: Me too
(Everyone leaves)
lol this was fun to write. review! :)