Title: Five Times Charles And Erik Met At Speed Dating and One Time They Didn't Have Too.

Prompt: "a cute or cracky fic where Charles and Erik meet at a speed dating event. Are they eager or reluctant to be there? Do they date, resulting in adorable funtimes? Do they immediately rush to the nearest bedroom and fuck like bunnies? Do they suck at first impressions and hate each other? Or maybe all of the above?"

A/N:First fanfiction ever, yadda yadda, I live and breathe constructive criticism, praise is good too. I am Australian and not very good at picking up on American or English slang, so if anyone has suggestions for alternate word choice feel welcome to speak up! And clearly, I do not claim to own the character.

Warnings: Rampant comma abuse, slight OOC behaviour, implied homophobia, mentions of bondage and a singular use of the 'f' word.

one.

To be honest, Erik wasn't quite sure what he was doing here. Okay he'd been having a dry spell as far as his sex-life was concerned but he didn't really need to result to anything quite this drastic. He didn't. In fact, he was going to leave right now. Any moment. Although there was a free bar and really, free booze and the promise of women who wanted to have sex with him wasn't that bad. If he didn't like it, he could just walk out - no one knew him in this city, no one could prove he was here. So with that in mind, Erik decided to get started on the free alcohol.

After Cheryl, dear, just call me Cheryl had announced that the women were to be joining them in five minutes the man on his left decided to make his presence know by promptly spilling his drink all over Erik's phone which he'd sat on the table.

"Oh, I am terribly sorry. My hand slipped, here," the man began throwing napkins on Erik's phone, "sorry, I really am."

"It's fine," Erik pushes away the man's hands and shoves the phone back in his pocket, "I was looking for an excuse to leave anyway." He doesn't look back as he walks through the doors, only stopping to give a so sorry, family emergency to the Cheryl woman on his way out.

two.

Three weeks after the failed attempt with Cheryl, dear and Erik is once again finding himself at another speed dating event, this time run by a man with a very large moustache that reminds Erik somewhat of Doctor Watson (if Erik is amused at learning this man's name is 'John' then he doesn't show it).

This time it's the men who enter into the room and so Erik waits in line between a red-haried kid who looks about sixteen and an overweight man in his forties with a seeming aversion to personal hygiene.

He speaks to fifteen women, none of whom interest him, but, he ends up bringing one back to his apartment anyway and spends the night half-concentrating on the woman harderharderharder and half-wondering why the blue-eyed man who was also there that night winked at him from across the room and what it could possibly mean.

three.

One month after Cheryl, dearand one week after Doctor Watson, Erik is once again at a speed dating event and really he should just admit that he's going to spend the rest of his life alone except for three dozen cats - because he may be a bad-ass but people who don't like cats are clearly insane - and if he's going to be a hermit he may as well go all out.

He has a brief conversation while waiting with a fellow speed dater named Alex who fancies himself a bit of a bad boy, there's a lot of posturing and bragging on the younger man's part and it doesn't take long for Erik to figure out the kid is more interested in the nerdy man sipping water than any of the potential ladies.

At the end of the night, Erik pulls Alex aside and tells him that doing what society expects of you isn't the way to live your life, I should know and that if you want someone, you should go for it and be honest otherwise you're signing yourself up for a lifetime of misery. Alex nods once and exits as quickly as possible. Erik swears he can hear the nerdy man's moans coming from the alley next door when he leaves. He doesn't notice a blue-eyed man smiling sadly in his direction.

four.

Three months since his last venture into the world of speed dating and Erik might actually explode if he doesn't get laid any time soon so he signs himself up for the next session Doctor Watson has on and mentally prepares himself for the feeling of shame he gets as soon as he enters the building. Watson greets him like an old friend and Erik resists the urge to punch the man in the face, because, seriously, strange men hugging him tightly is not something he is prepared to deal with in this sex-deprived state.

He overhears a familiar looking man introducing himself to Watson (Xavier, Charles Xavier, pleased to see you again, John.) but gets distracted when he spots his new boss among the other men and decides to make a run for it. It was okay to keep coming to these places so long as no one he knew found out, that was what he decided, sex or no sex.

Erik stopped on the way to his apartment to buy lube and some magazines (and if one of the magazines had no women in it then he must have picked it up by accident, or possibly for a friend).

five.

It took another six months before Erik was desperate enough to sign up for another round of speed dating, at this point he didn't care if his entire workplace was there - he needed to have sex with someone and this was the easiest way.

There were thirty women and thirty-two men due to a pair of twins dropping out at the last minute and that was how Erik found himself standing at the bar with a blue-eyed, familiar looking man while everyone else did round sixteen. The man introduced himself as Charles Xavier, sorry for spilling my drink on your phone that one time and Erik thought he was the most wonderful person in all of creation. He wanted to marry this man, he wanted to build them a house by the beach and raise five children and twenty cats, but, most importantly Erik wanted to throw Charles Xavieragainst a wall and fuck him until he was sure the man would have a limp that would last a week.

Round seventeen he spoke with a woman named Moira who he was sure he annoyed because he spent the entire two-minutes thinking about how flexible Charles looked and wondering if he liked bondage.

At the end of the night Erik's mobile rang and his step-father started hassling him about not providing his mother with any grandchildren yet and people are going to think you're queer, son. He went with Moira to her place and tried to forget the look of confusion and hurt on Charles face when he left.

one.

It doesn't matter how old you are, Charles reflected, buying lubricants and magazines never ceased to be a judgemental experience. Everyone knew that you weren't getting any, everyone knew from a look at the cover of the magazine what you were into, and everyone failed at pretending not to notice. It was perhaps the first time in ten years that Charles had actually needed to buy some porn, he was, by any standard, a bit of a slut. If he wanted to find someone to get off with then he could easily turn on the charm and this had served him well right up until the point he fell in love with the man he kept seeing at speed dating events.

Erik Lenhsherr, if that was you - you owe me a new phone. Charles would gladly buy him a new phone, he'd buy him a house and the most expensive wedding rings and anything else Erik ever wanted because Charles wanted to spend the rest of his life with that man (in the short term, he hoped for being tied to the headboard - blindfolded and gagged - while Erik had his way with him).

But Erik had gone home with a woman that night and the look on his face as he left the building confirmed what Charles had been thinking since their third meeting: that Erik was painfully in the closet and too afraid to come out. Lost in his own thoughts as he was, Charles didn't realise someone was standing in front of him until he had literally walked into him (and promptly crashed to the floor).

From his position on the ground, it seemed to Charles that the man he walked into was an angel - the man's head haloed from standing under a light (and also he was stunningly handsome). The man crouched to Charles' level and picked up the magazines, one was gay porn and the other on bondage, before meeting Charles' gaze.

"Erik."

"Charles. Interesting magazines you have here."

Well maybe if you didn't freak out and take home that woman I wouldn't need them. "Anything you're interested in?"

Erik, angelic being that he was, licked his glorious lips and oh God, I sound like a teenage girl -

"Perhaps. Maybe we could discuss them at my apartment?"

"With pleasure." Charles leant in close, "Though I have to warn you, I'm a real screamer."

"I think I have some gags at home."

(Charles insisted on inviting Cheryl, dear to the wedding six months later even though Erik maintained that they would have met anyway and as they weren't even meant to be meeting each other, rather women, it wasn't even any of her business; it only took one weekend in bed - against the wall, on the table, in the shower, in Charles' car, in Charles' sisters' car and on the kitchen floor - for Erik to be convinced to just let Charles deal with the wedding preparations.)