Roughing It or: The Camping Catastrophe

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of S. Meyer.

Jacob Black could be heard whistling as he strolled from his vehicle to the house that he and his wife shared. He whistled a lot lately—he and Bella were expecting a special delivery in two months' time. He was so excited he could hardly contain his joy. He didn't care if it was a girl or a boy, just so long as the baby was healthy, and Bella was all right.

"Hey, Bells, I'm home!" he yelled from the doorway.

Bella rushed to the door—as fast as a lady who was seven months pregnant could rush— to greet him. There were still stars in their eyes as they kissed and hugged all the way into the kitchen.

Jake grinned from ear to ear. "Sit down, honey, I've got something to tell you."

He pulled out a kitchen chair for her to sit on. Leaning over her shoulder, he pressed his cheek against hers and wrapped his arms about her, clasping them in the front. "The Black family reunion is happening in two weeks, and we're going."

Bella's eyes shone brightly. "That sounds like fun. I've never been to a family reunion before. Where's it being held?"

"Grey Mountain National Park. It's beautiful up there, Bells—you'll love it. Nothing but fresh air, trees and yours truly."

"I like the yours truly part the best." She craned her neck around and smiled at Jake.

God, she was so beautiful. How did he get so lucky?

"Charlie and I drove by there once. I didn't know they had cabins up there. Are they going to be able to accommodate all of us?"

"No, that's the fun of it. We'll be camping."

Bella's facial expression went from elated to deflated in two seconds flat.

Jake released her and sat down at the table facing her. "Hey, don't give me that look; it'll be fine. It's not like we'll be roughin' it out in the open. We'll be snug as a bug in a rug, in our own little tent."

"Be serious, Jake. We can't go."

"Why the hell not?" He had money set aside. He even had a tent already lined up to borrow from one of the guys at the rehab center where he worked. He didn't understand her logic, but then, did he ever?

"Well, just look at me. Do I look like I'm in any shape to go camping? I'm pregnant for Pete's sake!"

Her mischievous husband winked at her. "I know, I distinctly remember being there when it happened." He let out a low whistle. "We really connected that time, didn't we? Makes me crazy just thinkin' about it! It was like our wedding night all over again."

"Don't remind me about that night; it was horrible," she grumbled.

"Ouch! I'm mortally wounded here. I wasn't that bad, was I?"

"You were sweet, and you did try your best to be gentle. But it was still a teensy bit more painful than I was prepared for, Mr. Big!"

"Stop—rewind. We're getting off the subject here. The point I'm trying to make is—the whole clan will help you—you won't have to lift a finger." He tried giving her his famous puppy dog eyes, but she wasn't buying it this time. "Jeez, we'll be the only couple not going," he whined.

Bella knew this was a real disappointment to him. She looked down at the floor, feeling like a shrew. "I'm sorry, Jake—maybe next time."

"You're serious. You won't go with me? Damn, it won't be any fun without you."

"Wait a minute—are you saying you're going to go without me?" Now she was feeling hurt.

"Get real, Bells—I'm the Alpha. I have to be there. I was hoping that you would be there too."

Letting out a big sigh, Bella relented. "I know I'm going to regret this, but okay, I'll go."

The chair was pushed behind her as she stood, reaching out to him. "Come here, you irresistible fool, you."

Jake pulled her as close as possible with the obvious obstruction in the way. As he gently kissed her, he felt the baby kick in her womb. "Hey, little one, don't be jealous—you'll get your chance soon enough. For now, your mother is all mine."

Bella laughed. "Isn't that cute? The baby knows your voice and can feel you—he or she quivers every time you touch me, Jake."

"That makes two of you," he said with a smirk.

Everyone had a good time renewing acquaintances, looking at picture albums—and in Jake's case, eating like there was no tomorrow. All in all, things were going better than expected, up until bedtime that is.

Jake laid the bedroll down on the air mattress and helped Bella into the down-filled bag.

He slid in beside her, wearing nothing but an intoxicating smile. "You know, if you took your clothes off, I could keep you a lot warmer."

Gosh, his tone was low and husky—and oh-so-seductive.

"I'll bet you could—nice try though."

Without hesitating a beat, Jake began nibbling on her ear and nuzzling along her jaw with his nose, softly moaning all the while.

He wasn't fooling anybody; Bella knew exactly what was on his mind. Ordinarily, his subtle advances made her melt. She wasn't embarrassed to admit that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. But not tonight. "Down, boy, down," she said.

"Oh, c'mon, Bells, this will be the perfect ending to a perfect day." His mouth was now inching up to her sweet lips. She had to put the brakes on fast or her resolve would crumble like a week-old cookie. It was so hard for her to resist his charms. And her stupid body was responding to him, and—damn him—he knew it too. Stupid acute wolf senses! It was next to impossible to outwit a wolf, especially this one. Ugh! He knew her as well as his automobile manual.

She put on a steel exterior. "Yeah, this is the ending—right here—right now," she muttered.

Clueless as usual, he asked, "Why? You know I can tell you're ready for some one-on-one. So—what's wrong, honey?"

Bella sat up on one elbow, moving away from his insistent lips. She gazed into his questioning brown eyes. They were so warm and big and liquid—no, no, no, she had to look away before she became undone.

"I'll tell you what's wrong. There are all these wolves with their supersensitive hearing surrounding us. They can hear every little thing going on in here—that's what's wrong. The whole camp will know that we're making whoopee in this tent!"

Jake mouthed the word—whoopee? Had she been reading those novels from the twenties again? "Are you kidding me? What do you think is goin' on in their tents? It's no big secret." He placed his hand on her swollen belly, tenderly tracing circular patterns there. "They kinda pree-eety much figured out how that baby got in here. There are no Quileute myths about the stork, Bells."

"I don't care. Can you do me this one favor just for tonight? I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"Meanie . . . Okay, but I'm warnin' ya. You're not gonna get a wink of sleep for the next two nights."

"Is that a promise?"

"Scout's honor," he deadpanned.

Lying back down, Bella tousled his hair. "Go to sleep, sunny boy."

"Not without a goodnight kiss first. Bring it on, honey, and don't be stingy. After all, this is the crappy consolation prize."

Bella left her hand in his hair and wrapped the other about his neck, bringing their faces a hair's-breath away from each other. She touched her lips to his and wished she hadn't. Jake's kisses were a secret weapon designed to destroy her. Resistance was futile—corny—but nevertheless true.

His lips were always so warm and soft. They molded to hers perfectly. And that wicked tongue of his drove her crazy. She loved how his hand covered the back of her head, so that she was held a prisoner in his arms—not that she ever wanted to leave his embrace. He was making this so difficult—the rat!

Butterflies were assaulting her stomach, and she was beginning to feel lightheaded. How did he do that to her? He always left her moaning for more. "Jake . . . That's so unfair. You can't start kissing me like that."

"Why not? I just wanted to see if you might change your mind. I love you, Bells, now and forever."

"I love you too. You know that, don't you?"

"I better, 'cuz that's my child you're carrying around." Jake rolled his eyes. "Okay, I can see that I'm losing the battle here. I'm retreating for now, but I've got an offensive planned for tomorrow night."

Smiling, Bella retorted, "My guard will be down by then, guaranteed. Goodnight, Jake."

"Night, Bells."

Putting her head down on the pillow, she lay there awake—but being pregnant and lying flat, she could barely breathe. Feeling like the walls of the tent were suffocating her, Bella scooted halfway out of the bedroll and unzipped the tent flap.

It was Jake's turn to sit up. "What are you doing? You're gonna let all the bugs in—not to mention the cold air."

"I can't stand it. There's not enough room in here. I can't breathe." Bella began to hyperventilate.

Jake leaned over and closed the zipper. "I don't want you to get sick, honey."

Bella unzipped it again. "I've gotta leave it open, Jake. I'm telling you, I can't breathe. Please leave it open."

Suddenly, Jake roared with laughter. "You mean we've known each all this time, and I never knew you were claustrophobic?"

"Go ahead and laugh—but don't you dare touch that flap—leave it open."

"C'mere, Bells. Put your head right here on my chest." He bundled the sleeping bag up over her ears. "I don't want the cold air blowing on you."

They slept snuggled up to one another, but pretty soon, nature called. Bella shook Jake's shoulder to wake him. "Jake," she whispered, "I've gotta pee really bad."

"Okay, let me find the flashlight." He wasn't gonna chance Bella tripping over a stray root in the dark. She was even less coordinated in her present state. Lucky for him, his wolf vision located it quickly. He pulled on his shorts, and they were hiking up to the porta-johns in a few minutes' time.

When she finished, Jake decided to take advantage of the john also. Bella refused to get out of it though.

"It's dark outside; I'm staying in here with you." She was adamant. She stood there like a statue behind his shoulder—with the flashlight trained on the gaping hole—and wouldn't budge.

"Do you have to stand over me like that? I can't go with you staring at me. Turn the other way at least."

"Gosh, Jake, we're married for Pete's sake. I have seen you naked before."

"Yeah, well I'd like to pee in private if you don't mind. Jeez, a guy's gotta have some privacy! How would you like me to watch you inserting a tampon?"

"Oh, all right, but hurry up. It's freezing out here."

They marched back to the tent and climbed back into the sleeping bag. Settling down, the two campers drifted off for a while.

Two hours later, Bella was waking him up for the second time. "I'm sorry, Jake. I've got to go pee again."

"Already? You just went five minutes ago."

"I hate to break it to you, but it's been two hours."

"That's the last time you drink a Dr. Pepper before going to bed."

"Okay, I admit it, but still—it's your baby pressing on my bladder. I can't hold onto my water like I used to."

They made the trek to the johns and back, hurriedly this time. The wind was whipping up, and the weather was getting colder. The mountain air and all this hiking tired her out. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Jake followed her to dreamland a few seconds later. Their slumber didn't last long, because Bella sat up suddenly, wincing and rubbing her leg. She tried not to wake up her sweetheart, but she couldn't hold back the whimpering.

Jake jerked up immediately. "Cramp?" he asked.

Bella nodded her head, her face contorted with pain.

Jake began massaging the cramp out of the calf of her leg. "Man, that muscle is really knotted." He continued to knead the taut calf muscle until he felt it beginning to relax back to its former state. The combination of his penetrating heat and massage eased the pain quickly. What would she do without her personal masseuse? These cramps were getting more frequent, and darn, they hurt like hell!

He stroked her leg one final time, kissed her lightly and asked, "How's that feel now?"

"Better—thanks," she sniffled.

"Okay, let's try one more time to get some shuteye." They lay down, exhausted. This time their snoozing was interrupted by the noise of falling rain—that and the feel of the wet drops as they poured into the open tent.

Exasperated, Jake got up and moved Bella—sleeping bag and all—away from the tent opening. He got back in the bedroll, with his torso exposed, and stuck his head outside the flap, his broad shoulders and chest deflecting the rain from his wife. He spent the rest of the night feeling the rain pelting him in the face. Next year, if he had anything to do with it, the reunion would be held at a park equipped with cabins . . . with actual toilets . . . and a masseuse . . . and outside of hearing distance . . . and . . .