I've never posted anything like this, really, before. However, I am a huge fan of Wolfstar and have started others...this just happens to be the first I've finished. It came to me in a rush and is kind of a style piece, so if it's trash, that's why. I decided to post it so...tell me what you think. (Reviews are love.)

Pairing: onesided Sirius/Remus

Rating: M

This isn't a fairytale. I'm not Cinderella. He doesn't love me.

I repeat this to myself every day. The sky is blue, England has a queen, blood is red…and he doesn't love me.

It hurts. I've lived every day of the past five years wanting him, loving him, wishing for him…but he doesn't feel the same. That much is obvious. For one thing, he likes girls. All of us in the dorm have been hearing tales of his 'conquests' ever since we were fourteen. I've walked in, they've forgotten spells…I've heard things. Things that have made by breath still, have made my heart clench, made my head spin…ultimately, made me run off fighting tears. Crying would be a mark against me; I've been emasculated enough already, plainly.

He's my best mate. And what really kills me is that he's right there. He's close enough to touch. He's there almost all hours of the day, laughing and smiling and right beside me. We're such a large piece of one-another's lives…but not enough, not for me. He's been there through my hardest hours, when I really need him, he's there. Always the one to tend me when I'm hurt, always coming up with ideas to make things easier on me…

I love him, I really do. I'm in love with him. And he's there, platonically, my best friend, there for me. There telling unrealisingly injuring jokes about his most recent catch…

If I blind myself to the obvious facts, I can let reality slip a bit. Sometimes, setting things aside, it can feel like he might feel the same. Living just in the moment, it can feel like he might have feelings for me too…

He doesn't love me.

I have to remember that. If I forget, if I slip, if he finds out that I like men -much less him—it's all over. He'd hate me. He doesn't love me; I'd lose him entirely.

I have to keep myself in line. I have to remember.

It's like gravity. You could fight if you're stubborn, but can never win.

I can never win.

He'd hate me.