A/N: Aaaand here's the new chapter of Insanity Is Contagious. Enjoy!
December 7th
Okay, that was…weird.
Bizarre, in fact. It was the best news I've heard in a long time and all, but-bizarre all the same.
Kenny just called. Yes, Kenny, as in Kenny, guy-who-has-stolen-girl-of-my-dreams-right-out-from-my-unsuspecting-nose Kenny.
Oh, please don't think I'm bitter.
Anyway, our conversation went something like this:
Me: Hello, Kenny. (Cannot muster up any fake enthusiasim over Kenny's phone call.)
Kenny: (sounding depressed) Hey, Michael. Listen, I just-I kind of need your advice on…something.
Me: (curious) On what?
Kenny: It's about…well, it's about Mia.
(OH. MY.GOD. I am now officially in hell. I am now reduced to giving Kenny and Mia advice over their relationship. Life has sunk to a new low. Am LAST person Kenny should come to with quandries over girlfriend, seeing as how am in love with aforementioned girlfriend.)
Kenny: Michael? Are you still there?
Me: Uh, yeah, I'm still here, Kenny. Look-I'm not sure I'm the best person to go to on this-
Kenny: Look, I've talked to everyone I know. Mia's been friends with your sister for years. If anyone can help me here, it's you.
Me: (sighing) Fine. What's wrong?
Kenny: Um…well…
Me: Kenny, spit it out.
Kenny: It's just-Mia-uh-she doesn't-
Me: (impatient) Kenny, I can't help if I don't know what's going on.
Kenny: It's-when I try to kiss Mia-
(Oh, SHIT! MERDE! This is NOT GOOD. Okay? Do you have any idea how much helping Kenny figure out how to kiss Mia, a girl that I've been in love with for what feels like forever, is NOT on my list of things-to do???!!!)
Kenny: (continuing, unaware of the fact that it's taking all of my self-control not to hang up the phone, go to his apartment and throttle him) –well, she turns her head so all I get is cheek and occasionally some hair.
Me: (disbelieving that God has apparenttly decided to take mercy on me) Ex-excuse me?
Kenny: I know. At first I thought it was an accident, then I thought that maybe it was 'cause Lars was nearby. But-not to be crude-we've been going out since Halloween-
(An fact that I know all too well.)
Kenny: -and I-we-haven't, um-we haven't kissed. Like-really kissed. You know, with, uh-tougues and-everything.
(Am deeply horrified at image of Mia and Kenny kissing like that. Disgusted. BAD THOUGHT! Want to slaughter Kenny for even CONSIDERING the idea. Am also THRILLED that Mia hasn't let him yet. God bless her.)
Kenny: Michael?
Me: (grinning broadly and grateful that Kenny can't see that) Kenny, maybe Mia's…not ready for that yet. You know, with the whole Josh Richter thing and all. (Mental glower at thought of jackass which goes by name of Josh Richter.) She probably wants to make sure you're not using her or anything. (Congratulating self on actually giving good advice while making sure that Kenny doesn't go too far with Mia.)
Kenny: You know, I never thought of it that way. Of course she's still wary after what that jerk did to her.
Me: (wisely) Having psychoanalysts for parents does have its perks.
Kenny: Yeah. I should show her by my WORDS that I care for her.
Me: (alarmed now) Uh, Kenny-
Kenny: Thanks, Michael. Listen, I'm going to call Mia now, okay?
Me: Um…yeah. No problem.
Kenny: Bye, Michael.
Me: Bye, Kenny.
(We hang up.)
Me: (to myself) I don't know why, but I don't like the sound of that…
So there it is. I'm thrilled that Mia and Kenny's relationship isn't working out-and no, I don't feel a bit guilty-and I'm relieved too.
No, the irony of Kenny coming to me for advice on his relationship with Mia has not escaped me. But I still have a bad feeling about something…nah. Must be my imagination.
Right?