A romantic weekend in the mountains does not turn out as expected, and an old firearm shows up where it is not supposed to. Classic physical whump 'em up, adhering to canon to the best of my knowledge. Follow-up to "Mr. Yin 3 in 2D" (but not a Yin/Yang story) with references to "Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark".

There is no pineapple hidden in this story.

This is purely for fun and entertainment. Sadly I'm not making any money with this. It does get me through those night shifts, though.

Alternative Chapters – How To:

This story has been going into unexpected directions various times. It all started with an image I had in mind of Shawn and Juliet walking into town torn and beaten with everybody staring at them. In the process of getting them there, the story kept taking turns for the worse (for the unlucky couple, that is), and at some point I could not see it happening like this any longer. Still, that image had been burned into my mind, and I had to get it out of my system. That said, consider chapter 7a (Stay the Night) the one that came more natural to me with the rest of the story, and chapter 7b (Leave this Place) the one that would not go down without a fight. The epilogue works with both of them.

Lock, Stock and Two Croaking Rednecks

Prologue – How Not to Get Lost

1990

Mosquitoes the size of small birds hummed around Shawn's head. He slapped himself on the neck and smushed one, leaving a blood stain on his skin that made him look like he had only seconds left to live. The sun immediately dried the blood and made it pinch the small hairs on his neck.

"Okay, I think I got it now. Zigzag, run like hell, it's not that hard, really."

His father had caught up with him and was watching him intently, breathing hard. "It's not difficult, true, but it's something you need to be told at some point, and this is the time. This is just so you know what to do when you get into trouble and how to do it. It's all about being prepared, son."

"So now that I know what to do when someone's chasing me, can we go home?"

"Not yet. What do you do if you get lost and you want to be found?"

"Call for help?"

"What if there's nobody around to hear you?"

Shawn crossed his arms, looked at the ground and kicked a stone. It hit another stone, a fir cone and yet another stone. What a sad place to be. "You really hate me, don't you? First there's bad guys chasing me through the forest, now there's nobody there to hear me call for help. What's next? A bear attack?"

His father smiled. "Not yet."

Shawn rolled his eyes.

"I'll make it short," Henry said conciliatory. "These are the basic rules: first, retrace your steps. Always memorize landmarks, directions, the position of the sun, anything that might be helpful. If you're not able to retrace your steps, stay put and let your friends find you. Also stay where you are if you're injured or exhausted. Stop moving at nightfall or you'll completely lose your way."

"Now here's a thought. What do I do if there's more than one person looking for me? You know, one that I want to find me and one really bad person? And I don't have any idea where I am?"

"You don't want to let that happen in the first place. Always remember where you are and where you need to go, and you'll be able to walk around the bad guys and find your rescuers."

"Walk around them, right. What if they have guns, outnumber me and know the place better than I do?"

His father frowned. "Stop making fun of this, Shawn. I can't think of a way how you might possibly maneuver yourself into that situation."