Artifacts… By Sebastian Lendermen and horse PhD
They awaken, two helpless teenagers find themselves in the middle of Everfree forest, they are Fernando and Brandon, and this is their story…
"The hells… where are we!" yelled a distraught Fernando to Brandon, still groggy "I dun no… wait a second… WHERE ARE WE!" Brandon yelled
"I asked YOU!" Fernando yelled
"Well I don't know! By the way who the hell are you?" Brandon countered
"The name's Fernando don't wear it out, now who in god's name are you?"
"I am airman first class Brandon k Savage and I think we are in a rather expansive forest due to the lack of sunlight"
"And I'm a fucking Neophyte" Fernando said in stark sarcasm
"Watch your mouth twinkle toes" Brandon said as he looked to the ground next to him. He picked up an old beat up rifle. "This thing was always durable" he mumbled to himself
"Where the FUCK did you get a rifle?" Fernando yelled
"I'm in AFJROTC" Brandon sighed. "Specials teams too, this was one of the rifles we used for rifle B team" he sighed.
"That still doesn't answer my damn question!" Fernando bellowed
"I have no idea but it's with me now" Brandon sighed
Strange noises begin to come from the undergrowth, Brandon and Fernando both look in its direction. The sound was only getting closer and closer, Brandon didn't raise his rifle, Fernando was becoming nervous, "The hell is going is going on?" he whispered. Suddenly Applejack, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy emerge. Brandon and Fernando Stared at the ponies and received equally distraught stares from them, Applejack spoke first "Hhhhhhhhhhellllooooo, weeeeee meeeaaaannnnn yaaaaaaaa'lll NOOOOO haaaaaaarrrmmm!' She finished, Fernando quickly responded "oh sweet Jesus it talks!" he yelled
"Hello there I am a human we have no intent to hurt you, could you please show us to the nearest town" Brandon said with an un-phased look on his face
All three of the ponies suddenly gasped; the strange hairless monkey things could talk!
"Well, you seem well articulated" Twilight responded
"Well, we are, now, care to explain why you three are here?" Fernando spoke
"We were looking for my pet bunny, Angel" Fluttershy cut in
A little white rabbit hops out of the undergrowth
"Is that him?" Fernando asks
"Angel!" Fluttershy squeaked with delight, she picked him up and flew off home, Brandon and Fernando suddenly became wide-eyed "you can FLY!" Fernando yelled "it looks like they can" Brandon responded
"So ya'll coming with us or not?" Applejack spoke
"Oh, right" Brandon said
After a rather long walk, the humans and ponies make it to Ponyville and immediately receive strange looks; some ponies ran into their homes while others just froze in place, wondering what exactly it is that they're looking at. The human duo is led into Twilight's home; Applejack went back to her home.
"Ok, now we need to get to work immediately" Twilight said with a sparkle in her eye
"Uhhh… what exactly do you mean by 'work'?" Fernando nodded
"Well, you're physical of course!" She smiled
Brandon and Fernando give Twilight an awkward look
"Uh, no, I don't think I would respond very well, to a surprise physical" Fernando said… awkwardly
"But I need to know if you creatures are anything like us!" Twilight said
"Uh, we can talk, we can think, we can't fly but give me a couple of kerosene canisters and a pile of scrap metal and I will fly, Brandon, anything you'd like to add?" Fernando responded
Brandon sighed "let's just get this over with, it's gonna happen eventually" Fernando suddenly grabbed Brandon and whispered
"Are you really gonna let some four legged thing fondle you?" He went
"Uhh, yea, better than a MALE four legged thing, am I right?" Brandon responded
"Damn it all, you're right; it can't be THAT bad can it?" Fernando tried to reassure himself
"Ok, mrs… Sparkle, we're all yours…" Fernando coarsely said to Twilight…
[-ONE PHYSICAL LATER-]
"Oh dear god I thought it would never end…" Fernando whimpered to Brandon
Brandon only shook his head in disagreement "I've had worse" he countered
Twilight was going through her findings and saw that the humans were shockingly similar to ponies in terms of internal anatomy; unfortunately, they had no capacity for magic… at all. Twilight walked over to the humans and spoke…
"Well, that's all, you 'Hue-manes' are a really strange bunch, and you even have spleens and appendixes…" Twilight rummaged through her findings again
"Whatever" Brandon responded with an aloof tone
"So, can we get something to eat, we're starving here!" Fernando demanded
"Oh right, you creatures have to eat to!" Twilight realized
[-ONE FEAR AND PANIC FILLED WALK LATER-]
"I don't get it, why are the… natives getting restless?" Fernando asked
"Oh, they're just not used to seeing overly evolved apes…" Twilight responded
Brandon shrugged off the insults with a hint of disdain in his face. The trio finally makes it to the Sugar cube Corner where Pinkie Pie was expecting visitors, the second the humans walked in was marked by a dozen shrieking ponies that quickly bolted out of the building; Pinkie had just finished backing a batch of cupcakes and walked in.
"Uhh… why is everpony screaming?" Pinkie calmly asked as she laid down the pastries onto a large plate… then she noticed the humans… Her eyes grew wide and she inhaled deeply…
"… OHWAITTHEYREWITHYOU!" Pinkie ran out of breath and took a closer look at the "weird monkey things" Fernando was in her sights first
"Uhhh, very nice to meet you mrs…" Fernando was quickly off
"Pinkie Pie mister!" she (loudly) responded
"Good to meet you , my name is Brandon and we would like to know if we could get something to eat." Brandon spoke
"Oh, of course, this is a bakery; nopony just walks in for no reason, do you want any cupcakes, danishes, muffins…!" Pinkie wouldn't stop babbling, Twilight had to intervene to calm her down. After a lunch of various pastries Fernando speaks…
"So, what do you…? 'Ponies'… do for fu…"
Twilight puts a hoof over Fernando's face and whispers…
"Don't even say it; she's going to go nuts" she removes her hoof
"Bah, should've told me earlier!"
"About what?" Pinkie jumped in
"Nothing, nothing at all!" Brandon shouted
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie yelled as she returned to her baking session
"So, considering our species do you think we'll be meeting any important figureheads?" He asked
"Oh, I can't believe I forgot, I need to send a letter to Princess Celestia!" Twilight mumbled
"Celestia?" Fernando whispered
"I'm guessing this Celestia figure is a leader of some sort military or otherwise" Brandon interrupted
"Celestia isn't a military leader; she's a goddess, everpony's leader" Twilight cuts in
"If she is 'everypony's' leader that must mean she leads the military too right?" Fernando asks
"Probably, but I think she has a pony for that" Twilight agreed
The trio leaves sugar cube corner and head to Twilight's tree… Once again everypony became restless as they caught another glimpse of the humans, foals hung their heads in fascination of the strange hairless monkeys as they themselves were being frantically dragged back into they're homes. The trio passes through mainstreet market
"Twilight, you go write your letter, me and Brandon'll take a look around the market" said Fernando
Twilight nodded and agreed "Alright I guess, just don't go too far"
The purple mare walks off to her tree, and the Humans go about the market, which was nearly deserted at this point
"I don't think these ponies like us" Brandon smirked
"Oh you think?" Fernando shot back
A few minutes have passed and all seemed "normal" as the humans sorted through the trinkets and strange foods they came across, suddenly, the merchants who were brave enough to allow the humans to approach them bolted off in every direction, now the market was empty.
"The hell is going on?" Fernando yells
Armored figures make their way through the market, they silently surround Fernando, and he was begging to panic
"Ok, what the hell is going…" Fernando's sentence was cut short by a hoof to the back of the head, Brandon was next in line, and as fernando got a hoof to the skull brandon's instincts kicked in and he ran towards the everfree forest as a short chase ensued before he yelled from the top of a tall tree "you will remeber this as the day you almost caught me" he said with heavy breaths before the tree shook from a kick to the tunk causing brandon to tumble out. He then met a swift kick to forehead which put him down for the count.