I was really bored. And then this happened. Please forgive me. XD

Death Trap

"Men! You all were severely lacking during your hosting duties today! I have no idea why, but we are going to have to fix that. We must work our hardest to always please our guests!" Tamaki pronounced enthusiastically.

"Tono, you're so loud. Leave us alone," the twins whined.

They were both sitting at a table, their heads resting on their folded arms as they eyed Tamaki warily.

"You lazy slackers! I will punish such insolence and reckless disregard of our guests' feelings!" he said, pointing an accusatory finger at them.

"Tono, you've had us going nonstop for days," they told him.

"No extent is too far for our guests! What kind of men are you?"

"Tired ones," Hikaru said. "Look, Tono, you've extended our normal club hours every day this week, you made us go on that hosting retreat last weekend..."

"...you forced us to hand-deliver roses to all of our guests in their classrooms on White Day, and you had us put on that elaborate banquet last night," Kaoru finished.

After a joint yawn, they both said, "You're pushing us too hard, Tono. You should give us all some time off."

They then buried their heads in their arms, ready to pass out from being so tired.

Tamaki, however, was not going to let them off so easily.

He strode over to the table and slammed his fists down violently.

"You guys can't possibly be that tired! I know we've been doing a little extra hosting lately-"

"A little?" they said dully.

"-but that's no reason to give in to your weak bodies and let wonderful opportunities pass you by! The others may be weary also, but do you see them complaining and saying that they are ready to give up? No!"

"Probably because they're busy sleeping," they said, gesturing to their left.

Tamaki's head swiveled to the side, while the twins' heads flopped into their awaiting arms.

Tamaki nearly cried out at what he saw, but he knew that that would be a deadly mistake, so he clamped a hand over his mouth.

Sitting at one end of the couch was Kyoya, fast asleep. His laptop was still sitting on his knees, and his glasses were slightly askew. Settled in the middle of the couch was Haruhi, also asleep. Mori was stretched out on the floor in front of the couch, mouth open as his breathing became even.

From seemingly out of nowhere, Honey appeared, approaching the couch and yawning heavily as he rubbed his eyes. He held several objects in one arm, and he set them on the coffee table that was currently separated from the couch by the sleeping Mori.

He pulled a large blanket out of the pile and skillfully threw it over Mori. He then stuck a sleeping cap on Mori's head, pulled Mori's mouth shut, and then gave a small smile, even though his eyes were absolutely dead with tiredness.

Haruhi was next, and he tucked Usa-chan into the sleeping girl's arms. She squirmed a bit, tightening her hold on the stuffed bunny.

Honey then turned to Kyoya and very cautiously pushed his laptop closed and then took it from him, placing it safely on the table. He replaced the computer with Kuma-chan and then nodded his head approvingly at his work.

Tamaki could only watch in horror as Honey moved to the open end of the couch and laid down next to Haruhi. He curled himself into a ball and wound his arms around her and Usa-chan. He didn't even notice how he accidentally pushed her sideways, seeing as he was already asleep by the time he had locked her in his hold. Haruhi's head fell sideways onto Kyoya's shoulder, but his only response was a light movement of his shoulder to make himself more comfortable.

Now that they were all settled, Tamaki stuffed his face into the crook of his elbow and emitted a quiet scream. He had almost died several times while watching the scene play out.

In other circumstances, Tamaki would have been stirred by the scene, perhaps even touched to see his family members getting along so well and resting peacefully, but he knew that this situation was no cause for such fond, earnest emotions.

"Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki whispered urgently.

"Ay, Tono, I was just drifting off," Kaoru muttered, not moving.

"This is no time for drifting off! Haruhi's in danger!"

This statement was enough to make the twins raise their heads lazily.

"What are you talking about, Tono?"

Tamaki silently pointed toward the couch, and the twins looked over.

"She looks fine," Hikaru observed.

"Yes, she seems quite peaceful," Kaoru said.

"You don't understand! The people she's near... if they wake up..."

Finally realizing the danger, the twins bolted upright, now fully awake and terrified. They looked at each other and then at Tamaki and then back to the dire situation at hand.

"It's a death trap!" the three cried, wrapping their arms around each other and starting to cry.

Disturbed by their noise, Mori groaned a little and rolled over, but he didn't wake up.

After a group yelp, Tamaki dragged the twins under the table.

"We have to be quiet, men," he whispered. "Your sister's life is at stake."

"What if Haruhi accidentally wakes up Kyoya-senpai or Honey-senpai?" Hikaru asked.

"Those two are very grumpy when they are woken up!" Kaoru said.

"They'll surely kill my precious daughter if they are woken up too soon!" Tamaki sobbed. "And Mori-senpai... he will do even worse things to her if he is awakened prematurely!"

"Eh? Mori-senpai?" Kaoru said. "He is not grumpy when he is tired."

"Yes, Mori-senpai does not share Kyoya-senpai and Honey-senpai's evil blood type," Hikaru reasoned. "Surely whatever he would do to her would not be as bad as what the other two would do..."

"What would Mori-senpai do to Haruhi, Tono?" they both asked.

"You're correct, Mori-senpai is very different from Kyoya and Honey-senpai when he is tired. He is very charming and talkative," Tamaki said gravely.

"Oh no! You don't mean-"

"He would flirt with her!" Tamaki moaned.

The three of them started to freak out, grabbing their heads and writhing at the prospect of such terrible things happening to poor, innocent Haruhi.

"What are we going to do, Tono? What are we going to do?" the twins cried, pulling at Tamaki's blazer.

"Calm down, men. I have a plan," Tamaki whispered, pulling himself together. "It's time for Operation: Save Haruhi from the Waking Wrath of the Two Evil Hosts and the Flirtations of Tired Mori-senpai. We'll have to work as a team if we want Haruhi to come out both alive and not flirted with. You men will have to trust me and follow my orders swiftly and quietly. Do you understand?"

"Aye aye, Milord! We will trust you and work together to save Haruhi," they answered, saluting.

Removing a folded piece of paper and his Kuma-chan pencil from his pocket, Tamaki started drawing out an elaborate diagram for Operation: Save Haruhi from the Waking Wrath of the Two Evil Hosts and the Flirtations of Tired Mori-senpai, explaining it to Hikaru and Kaoru as his pencil flew across the paper.

Ten minutes later, Hikaru nodded to Kaoru from his ladder, and they both stretched the giant net out wide.

The twins were each on a ladder on either side of the couch, and when Tamaki gave them the thumbs up, they dropped the net over the sleeping hosts.

As soon as they released the net, they hopped down from the ladders and hurriedly ran back under the table with Tamaki.

When the three of them saw that the net had fallen successfully over the target and that no one had woken up, they high-fived each other and breathed sighs of relief.

Tamaki wiped the sweat off of his brow and said, "Good work, men. We have successfully contained Kyoya, Honey-senpai, and Mori-senpai. Now our darling Haruhi is safe!"

"Haruhi?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked, and they looked over at the net and who was captured under it.

They both gasped and fell sideways, clasping their hearts.

"What?" Tamaki asked, clueless since he was still basking in the glory of their joint accomplishment.

"We were so focused on containing those three that we forgot that we would also be trapping Haruhi!" Hikaru wailed.

"Now she is even worse off than before!" Kaoru added hysterically.

"What are you men talking abou-" Tamaki started, but he quieted and turned a deathly pale when he looked over and saw that Haruhi was also trapped under the giant net.

"Stupid, stupid Tono! We trusted you, and you've only put Haruhi in more danger! Your plan is a failure!"

"Augh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Tamaki cried, flailing. "I was trying to think fast! I didn't think that far!"

"Stupid, stupid Tono! Haruhi is going to die and/or be flirted with because of you!"

"No! I will not let that happen!" Tamaki promised, clenching his fist in the air. "It's time for Operation: Save Haruhi from the Unanticipated and Unwanted Adverse Effects of Operation: Save Haruhi from the Waking Wrath of the Two Evil Hosts and the Flirtations of Tired Mori-senpai! We will not fail this time!"

Try saying that second to last sentence in one normal breath. It's amusing.
Please do review with your thoughts, and I will have the second half of this story up soon! :)

-Skye