Fireworks

~Beautiful and Ephemeral~

FallingBreathless

This is a short story attempt. Please critique so that I can improve or just comment. I'd love to hear what you guys think. This is a NiChu pairing. Interpret as you want. It's supposed to be a bit ambiguous at the end. (Wow, I'm using loads of long words. Hahaha)

My aim was to create something tender and beautiful.

[Edit: Formatted for better transitioning 05/28/2013]

Staring at the pale gibbous moon on a warm summer's night, Kiku was once again overcome with a sudden wave of grief, robbing him of his ability to breath. Then, the next second the feeling was gone, vanished. If he hadn't known better he could have very well dreamt of the sudden pain in his chest. Perhaps, a sign of heart problems, a one-time occurrence, anything but the truth. However, truthfully, there was no doubt in the young man's mind that it would happen again, would continue to happen unless things were to change; he would have to face the truth.

Repent.

It had been twelve years, and nothing had changed. Did he even have hope that change, the change that he sought could even happen? How many times had he seen the moon come and go like an unfaithful lover since then? He had been alone for twenty years. Alone is the sense that really mattered. Sure, he had friends, lovers, but some part of his soul cried, cried out in the dark room that used to be his heart, the wails of a tormented animal.

Bile rose in his throat, threatening another lapse into the abyss. He forced it down. No, not tonight. Tonight would be the night, to mend things, to move on. And perhaps, even seek forgiveness…Closing his eyes, he smiled, perversely amused by his own sorrow. He could still see the past, clear as a movie, stored so he could have the misery of watching it over and over again in his head. He wished he could simply go back in time, yell at his own idiocy. Warn his younger self…

"Onee-san, onee-san!"

Kiku inhaled sharply, as his mind went back. How old had he been? Nine, ten years old at the time.

xXx

A small boy ran through the festive streets, sandals slapping the ground with each hurried step. Around him, the sounds and smells of the midsummer festival pervaded the streets of the small town. Murmurs of food vendors and families were ignored, along with the music drifting through the streets. The young boy's cheeks were flushed red with excitement: he had seen something amazing and was impatient to show it to his most important person in the world, a discovery. Breaking apart a couple in his haste, the boy stopped, gave a bow, and quickly mumbled an apology before he started sprinting off, hoping to make up for the lost seconds. His onee-san had brought him up well, after all.

Rounding the corner, he knew that he'd find his onee-san, and he wasn't disappointed.

"Kiku, there you've been!"

Kiku's face broke into an unabashed smile as he dashed to give his older brother a tight hug, apologizing all the while for running off. Looking up, Kiku saw his onee-san's eyes soften as the other returned the hug. Not for the first time, the young Kiku thought that his brother was beautiful.

xXx

Kiku forced his mind to cut off the scene. He didn't need to see his brother's face through his memories. Yao had not changed in the last twelve years; it was he who had. Kiku still saw Yao, looking forever in his twenties. The Yao in his memories looked the same, warm amber brown eyes, kind smile ready for anyone, and the long black hair that was perpetually in a ponytail. No, Yao had not changed. The only thing that had changed was that the smile was never directed at him anymore.

xXx

"What is that, that you have aru?" His dear brother asked, smiling amusedly.

Now feeling shy, Kiku broke the embrace to step back.

"I don't know, onee-san," the boy replied earnestly. "I saw one earlier and wanted to ask you. That's why I ran off."

The older's smile widened as the boy presented him with his newfound treasure.

"It's a lantern," Yao replied. "It's really pretty, isn't it?"

The boy nodded in agreement. It was amazing. It was amazing that the thin colored paper could contain the heat of fire.

"I like it. The flame can be hung almost in the sky."

Taking the boy's free hand, the elder strolled the boy through the streets, mindful to keep a barrier between the boy and the rest of traffic. Kiku didn't notice brother's actions, as he kept staring, transfixed, by the bright lantern in his other hand.

"If a fire was in the sky, wouldn't that be scary aru?" Yao asked playfully as they stopped at a food stall to purchase two shish kabobs of roast lamb.

The boy just stared at his brother seriously.

"But onee-san, there's already fire in the sky. The sun is a burning ball of gas."

His brother had first told him that, and he could see the other's proud smile. Under his brother's smile, Kiku felt like he was the smartest kid his age. "I just wish we could send fire up into the sky like a billion lanterns! All colors, like blue, or green, or red."

His onee-san just chuckled, patting his head.

"You would like that now, wouldn't you?" Yao asked.

Kiku nodded in agreement; he more than just would like to see it, he wanted to see it with all his might. His onee-san chuckled. "I will work on it, okay?"

The little boy was excited, and quickly nodded with even more enthusiasm. His brother was maybe the smartest person in the world; after all, he taught him everything he knew and all the ladies in town were always telling him he was going to be a scientist when he grew up.

xXx

Kiku smiled, remembering his own childish request. Fire in the sky, really, and those ladies had been right in a sense. Although, he didn't become a scientist, he still invented gadgets in the technological field…Yet, smile fading a little. He knew that Yao had took his request to heart, and he remembered, the night of his 12th birthday.

"Kiku, come out here," Yao shouted, beckoning to him to join him in their backyard.

Curious, he set down his book on the kitchen table, next to the half-eaten birthday cake. Really, Yao was making too much of a deal out of his birthday…By then, he had stopped referring to his brother as 'onee-san' now opting just for Yao-san. Stepping outside, Kiku joined his excited brother under the night sky. Before, he could say anything, his brother had wrapped him in a quick embrace.

"I have surprises for you aru!"

The other let go, and Kiku watched perplexed as his brother made strange gestures toward the bushes. Then suddenly, three black-haired children shot out of the bushes, startling Kiku. "Come and meet your new siblings, Kiku."

Kiku stood there aghast as the three younger ones introduced himself: two boys and a girl, with the boys around 5 and the girl eight. He knew that he had no right to be angry. He himself had been taken in by Yao-san. Yet, he felt a strange feeling other than anger clench his gut at the thought of having to share his brother with others. He had no idea what he was feeling. Outwardly, he just smiled amicably.

"Yao-san, I got siblings as a birthday present?" He asked, hoping his voice didn't reveal his inner turmoil.

His brother shook his head, while grabbing the newcomers in a loose hug that made Kiku want to break something.

"Of course not silly, I was just introducing them aru." Then smiling, Yao added, "But they are holding my present to you. Happy Birthday, Kiku."

Kiku glanced down in surprise to notice that each of the three children hugging a strange colored tube. He frowned a bit, knowing Yao would pick up on his question. Without disappointment, his brother did. "Just watch."

Having the kids set the packages on the ground, Yao bent down and quickly lit up the packages.

"W-wait," Kiku began to protest, before the first of the three packages shot into the sky, bursting into a flower of flames in the night sky, blinding the stars.

"Quick, quick. Let's sit on the porch!" Yao announced, guiding everyone away from the flames.

Kiku sat in awed silence as the next two of his presents lit up the sky with a boom, so loud that his heart seemed to skip a beat from the impact. It was beautiful. Wanting to thank his brother for the wonderful gift, and the fact that he had remembered his childish wish, he was surprised to find his brother asleep beside him. Exhaustion was present on the other's face, making Kiku wonder if those late nights in the last few months had been in preparation for his present.

Looking, at the sleeping face of his brother, the light from the kitchen spilling onto the other's face, Kiku felt a strange gentleness, as he studied the picture it painted. Pale, translucent skin shone from the background of glossy black hair, long lashes, and lips that were too pink to be anything other than feminine. On a sudden urge, he placed a feather-light kiss on Yao's soft cheek, and then, he quickly went inside to fetch a few blankets. The kids had also fallen asleep there around his brother. He had debated on whether he should just let the kids be without a blanket, but Yao seemed to care about them. He wondered if he would really consider them his siblings…

xXx

Opening his eyes, and leaning against a support beam, Kiku sighed. The sights of the fireworks from then were still burned into his memory as vivid as the moon above him. The three children from then, Mei, Yong Soo, and Xiang…he wanted to believe that he had begrudgingly accepted them, but still knew that even now he did not feel as much affection as one should towards a sibling. He as sure as both heaven and hell didn't see them as he saw Yao. Yet, the five of them had come together to form some sort of family, an odd collection of puzzle pieces that fit together by some stroke of fate. It must have formed some picture he mused. It was one of his biggest regrets: it hadn't lasted. Although, Yao did gave his best to keep them together. Tied by red strings and the taste of good food.

xXx

He had been 15 at the time. He had stopped calling his brother Yao-san and just went with Yao, a show of extreme closeness. He had also started taking care, helping Yao out, most of the other kids who by then older and were quite annoying and loud.

Kiku had loved Yao the most, yet, he had left first…hurt the other first.

The house was decorated once again, an echo of a birthday years ago, filled with streamers and the smell of nian gao and other tasty treats. It was Yong Soo's birthday. The cake had been eaten, only the 'Hap' and 'Im' were left of the "Happy Birthday, Im Yong Soo." The boxes of presents had been unwrapped, the birthday boy leaving a mess of torn up wrapping paper in his wake. Kiku was helping Yao clean up, without wanting Yao to notice. The others had already gone outside with popsicles when the first boom vibrated through his body.

The wrapper bits he had been gathering dropped to the floor; Kiku all but ran to the porch door. A strange fear building up on his chest, his eyes wide with apprehension…Seeing Yao laughing happily, face flushed, kissing a young Yong Soo on the cheek while the overly affectionate boy, who was perched in Yao's lap, grinned and returned the kiss with zeal. Lips not cheek, taking Yao in surprise.

Overhead, the fire in the sky continued to boom, fireworks. Dazzling, colorful sparks of fire in the sky…beautiful and ephemeral. Kiku was instantly reminded of his own birthday years ago, before he had had to share his Yao. The fireworks that Yao had for him and his request. HIS fireworks. HIS Yao…A dark feeling boiled up in his stomach as he watched the other boy now shamelessly playing with his brother's ponytail, Yao protesting good-humoredly all the while.

xXx

Kiku could still feel the emotions from then, though time had faded them. He could recognize the emotions now. It had been a mess of confusion mixed in: jealousy, anger, hurt, betrayal, and…love.

He loved his own brother.

He hated his brother.

He hated himself.

xXx

Before what he knew what he was doing, before he knew what he was even feeling, it was already too late. When he came back from a daze, Kiku found himself staring into a horror scene, some sick alternate reality of his family, home, and brother. In front of him was red. A red too bright, too vivid to be real, and his family was covered with the sickening paint.

Kiku stumbled back, retreating from the color. 'Yes, it must be paint,' he thought. Yet, why was his brother, his beloved Yao at his feet, staring up at him in shock, face blank…and those amber eyes darkened…staring, glaring. Glaring until those eyes closed. Unconscious.

Oh, god no. He noticed the large cut across his brother's open back, deep and liberally weeping blood. Yao was laying in a pool of his own blood. A sound made him tear his eyes away from his brother, he was too shocked to understand that the sound was sobs, before he saw the kids. Their eyes staring at their fallen brother, it was only then that the truth of what happened hit him. The reality had become certainty. The katana that he had been gripping in a death grip, clattered to the floor. He stared at it in horror as its red-drenched blade: he hadn't even been aware that he had been holding the sword.

H-he hadn't meant it. Not Yao, no. Never Yao. He would never hurt Yao. Why had he had the katana in the first place? What was had he been trying to do with it..? If he were to use it, he would have…Kiku turned his gaze towards Yong Soo, as the boy seemed to have come to the same realization as he.

"You! You did this," The younger demanded, voice shaking with fear and anger. "H-how could you? H-he's our brother. I'm your brother. Y-You, You monster!"

Those were the words that made Kiku snap.

"Monster? Monster? I'm the monster?" Kiku demanded, anger flaring.

He would finally set them straight. He'd set Yao free.

"No, you're the monsters. All three of you," He declared, voice dropping lower, harsher, relishing in the three identical expressions of horror. "Before you guys came along, Yao and I were happy. I loved Yao, and he loved me. He actually had time to himself, then! The only reason he adopted you guys was because he felt sorry for you. I thought that it was a bad idea right from the start. And I was right! I should have said so from the start, save Yao from you. The only reason I kept my mouth shut was because Yao seemed to –to love you guys, but not anymore. You've brought nothing but hardships upon Yao. Love? And do you guys really believe that you "love" him? You use him. You use him as a temporary safe harbor before you are ready to leave him. I hate you guys. I wish you guys never came along. You destroy everything that you guys come across: you guys are immature, loud, and ungrateful. And now Yao is bleeding to death because of you…Yong Soo. Look what you did…You've killed him."

He said gesturing behind him, not glancing back knowing the sight would render him speechless. "If you weren't here, we'd be happy. That blade was meant for you, Yong Soo, not Yao. You're just in the way."

Once again picking up his blade, Kiku smiled a cold smile, colder than the metal he held. He casually shifted into a fighting stance. "He'd be better off without you guys. He loves me more, Yong Soo," he added, to the stunned boy. "Yao loves me. He'll never love you, you're just a brat. Those fireworks? He invented fireworks for my sake. Between me and you guys, he'd pick me. He'd pick me over all of you!"

"No, I wouldn't!" came a shout.

Startled, Kiku swiveled around to see his Yao groan and prop himself onto an elbow. Kiku dashed to assist him. "Stay away from me, Kiku!" The other yelled, stopping Kiku where he stood.

Kiku frowned; he was confused. "I said 'stay away from me'!"

The voice of his brother held nothing of the kindness, only of the harsh edge of pain. "I would never choose someone like you over them!" Yao yelled, in visible pain, yet his voice didn't waver in the slightest.

"You mean you love them more?" Kiku asked, emotionlessly. "Yao, are you saying that you love them more than me?"

Yao's response was more than clear. With the sound of barely suppressed pain in his voice, Yao broke Kiku's heart.

"This is not about love, Kiku. I love you all. You, Yong Soo, Mei, and Xiang are my family. You guys are all that I have. I don't understand what you mean, loving one more than another. All I know is that I love you, and you've hurt me. You've hurt us all. Do you really love me, Kiku?"

"Of course, as it is befitting that of a brother, Yao," Kiku responded quickly.

"Then why would you destroy all that I cherish and love? With that sword you so tightly grip in your hand, our family is shattered."

"No, Yao, I am here. We are family. I would never leave you. The rest of them are expendable. They see you as nothing more than a temporary harbor. They will leave you. They will-"

A dry, heaving laughter cut off Kiku's words.

"Are you blind? It's you who has left me, Kiku…They need me more."

Kiku's throat squeezed in on itself.

"No."

"Yes, aru. Leave the house. You are no longer any relation of mine. Only an enemy to my family."

xXx

A sudden knock brought Kiku back into the present.

"The door is open," he shouted, as he waited to hear the soft "shh" of the sliding door.

Quickly, he wiped away the dampness from his cheek. He didn't want to be caught crying. Soft footsteps approached Kiku, and his heartbeat started to overreact. There was no doubt who it was. Finally, the sound of steps stopped. Silence as Kiku's breathing became irregular.

He had really come. Less than a yard away, yet he sat there, too afraid to turn around.

"Kiku?" Whispered a soft, alluring voice.

The addressed all but shivered as he felt the other approach even closer. The light inside the house elongated the shadow of his visitor: a thin figure. Kiku still refused to hope. His mind was still playing tricks on him. The first three years after Kiku had left the house he grew up in, he had kept imagining his brother, asking him to return, only to find it a figure of his own imagination. If the voice and the shadow were part of a great fantasy, apparitions, then he would not turn around. He would not end the dream. Let it stretch on forever and swallow his past, and become his reality.

"Kiku, I got a message aru."

A warm hand found itself on his shoulder. Kiku closed his eyes as he imagined that the figure was now right behind him. The human mind was really amazing with its ability to recreate a memory, that tone of worry, sounded so real. "Look, I know it has already been twelve years. I just thought that maybe it was time for us to move on. I am still angry with what you did that day, and the scar I bear of my back will forever be a reminder, but you are still my little brother…"

There was silence, and the warmth left his shoulder. Kiku opened his eyes, panicked. Was his own dreams even going to tear him and his Yao apart? "I am sorry for coming here aru. I guess you would rather not dig up the past, since it has after all been so long. I can understand that you've moved on. I just came to apologize for throwing you out of the house…I-" there was a slight pause as the person seemed to struggle to continue. "I…I guess I will just leave then. I am sorry you have disturbed you tonight, then." Saying so, the speaker turned, soft steps padding away.

The steps went farther and farther away, each step in tempo with the freezing of Kiku's heart. The soft "shh" sound was heard as tears fought to overflow in his eyes. Then the sound stopped. "I guess I was being silly aru. I feel like an idiot, coming here, thinking that you'd still say that you love me…If you must know, you were right. Does that make you happy? You were right about everything! You were right about them leaving me…you were right about Mei, you were right about Xiang, and you were even right about Yong Soo…You were right about the fact that I loved you more than I loved them, even when I didn't know it myself at the time! ...Any, Anyways, I've said what I had to say aru. You won't have to hear from me ever again. Goodbye, I'll-"

"Baka."

The word cut through the night, as both figures froze in motion. Kiku slowly raised himself, standing, and finally turned to see the slender form of his brother. The moon shone behind him, darkening his face. He saw the other flinch slightly as they looked at each other's faces. They had both been crying. Yao quickly, brushed away his tears, embarrassed, while Kiku didn't bother with his. What was the point? "Baka," he repeated again.

He felt his own anger through the words, exploding him into oration.

"You are an idiot, Yao. And I am an even bigger one…because, because I still love you. I love you even though I know that I no longer deserve you, even the right to want you for myself. I am an idiot for getting jealous twelve years ago, and there is nothing that I can say that could possibly excuse myself from my actions. I was mad and insane and bound to go to hell for spilling your blood. And I am afraid that being a coward and avoiding confrontation with you and even my own feeling for twelve years, has been unforgivable. I, I only hoped that you would even bear being in my presence, not even dreaming of granting me forgiveness today for what I've done. I never thought that you could still love me. I am willing to spend the rest of my life making things up with you, repenting, that is if you still want me…I'd never leave you again."

"Sha gua."*

Kiku raised his eyes abruptly, staring into the other's amber ones with his own ash colored ones. "Sha gua," the other repeated, stepping towards Kiku.

As the distance closed between them, Kiku could feel the warm breath of his brother rustle his hair as the other spoke. "I will always want you."

Other words remained unspoken, but Kiku didn't need to hear them to understand the implications. The one sentence was enough. Without hesitation, Kiku wrapped his arms around the other, embraced. How many times had he dreamed? The smell of tea and good cocking…

xXx

Afterwards, two figures could be seen sitting next to each other on the deck. The explosion of fire in the sky lit up their faces and echoed their hearts. Somehow in the darkness, their hands found each other's: the younger gently grasping the older. Turning towards each other, soft words were spoken. The young man turned to the man who was no longer just his brother, and planted a light kiss on the other's lips. Face reddening, the other returned the kiss with interest: Forehead, cheeks, and lips.

The other frowned, pulling the other closer. This time the kiss was deeper, more passionate.

Their hearts throbbed, their hands searched, and their bodies cried…

All that could be heard was the sound of fireworks.

*Sha gua = idiot

Thanks for reading and leave me a review! :P

Interesting background. I started this story on the very American celebration of the 4th of July. My initial idea was a story based on Alfred, but I felt that would have been a tad generic. Hahaha. Therefore this was born. I finished this a while ago and just didn't get to uploading it.