Chapter 6

Eia Au, Eia 'Oe

Steve loved plumeria. The fragrant white yellow-throated flowers had always been his favorite, and they invariably reminded him of his mother. His earliest memories as a child had been picking up the windfalls from underneath the plumeria trees in their yard on O'ahu. One of his favorite photographs he'd kept over the years was of himself as a toddler, in hand with his mother, and a plastic child's pail overflowing with their floral treasures.

He was surprised that Danny had come along with him as the sun hung low over the horizon when he ventured down Po'ipu Beach to pick plumeria from an obliging tree—surprised because Danny didn't care much about flowers to begin with, and surprised that Danny had been as attentive as he had been since his shrimp shack confession. He was still confused by what he meant.

They'd had little conversation in the car on the way back to the hotel, but he'd made it clear that if Danny decided he did love him, that he would have to make the moves himself. Steve felt he'd already done his part, and he was sick of chasing. He remembered using the phrase "sweep me off my feet", and he flushed with embarrassment. He'd never considered himself a romantic, much less a submissive romantic, but he found himself longing to be feted and chased.

Steve plucked a plumeria from a tree he'd spotted in front of Brenneckes and slipped it behind his ear. He reached for another flower.

"What about me?" Danny asked.

"You want a flower?" Steve asked incredulously.

Danny smiled. "I'm trying new things this week." He winked.

Steve realized he must have looked pained because Danno's smile crumpled into a concerned frown as he pulled him into an embrace.

"Hey buddy. I know it's rough, and I feel bad. I just want to be sure, you know?"

Steve had no response for Danny. He also noticed Danny was in no hurry to break away.

After some time, they parted, and Steve plucked another plumeria off the tree for Danny, which he dutifully tucked behind his ear, which made Steve laugh.

"They do smell good." Danny mused.

He took Steve's hand as they walked back to the hotel.

"This is just new to me." He explained.

"And I've had a lot of boyfriends." Steve shot back.

"Well, have you?" Danny asked.

"No. Not one. I've never even been with another guy." Steve admitted. "I thought about it, I knew it went on in the Navy, but I guess I had other priorities."

Steve tried to think of what those priorities were, and he was having a difficult time remembering them. He'd been on autopilot for so long he'd forgotten what exactly where he was headed, or why, but back to Hawai'i had seemed like the right place almost as soon as he'd returned. He smiled as he watched a local family setting up for a cookout under a pavilion in the nearby beach park. A married couple, a bit older than he, and at least seven children, although Steve knew that as tightly knit as a lot of local families were, some of the children were likely friends or cousins. Steve was comforted by the domestic scene, and realized he'd always felt comforted by scenes of home and family, although he'd never considered having one of his own—not until he realized he loved Danny, and that all seemed to hang precariously in a balance that Steve couldn't determine. He squeezed Danny's hand, almost for reassurance that he was still holding it, and got a return squeeze.

He hadn't thought there was anything out of the ordinary about walking on a crowded beach at sunset holding hands with his partner until he realized one of the older girls in the family was staring at them. The mother noticed and asked, Steve surmised what she was looking at. They chatted for a moment and the mother looked up, her eyes squinting as it was some distance. After examining them for a moment the woman smiled at them and turned back to the girl. Steve knew the mother was doing some explaining. That hadn't occurred to Steve either, at least not in depth. If he managed to be the one Danny chose they'd have a lot of explaining to do.

"What are you looking at?" Danny asked.

Steve looked at Danny and shrugged. Danny returned the smile.

They walked for a moment, and then Steve got curious.

"You're being awfully understanding, Danno."

Danny smiled. "Steven, to be quite honest with you, if a guy had told me he loved me and wanted to be with me a year ago I probably would have decked him, but I've never felt the way about a guy the way I do about you. It's like…"

"You like me like you like Rachel." Steve finished.

"Yeah! Yeah, I do." Danny realized and spoke in the same breath. "How'd you know?"

"She told me while we were staking out at her house that she'd never seen anybody else press your buttons the same way I do. Is she, uh, in on this whole 'Steve loves Danny' I'm just know finding out about?"

Danny cupped the back of his neck with his free hand, visibly embarrassed. "I said I was sorry." He squeezed Steve's hand and looked up at him with sincerity. "And yes, she knows."

Steve stiffened.

"I had to talk to somebody." Danny protested. "What was I gonna do, discuss it at work? Ask Gracie on the way home from school? Spill my guts to Kamakona over shave ice and be elected grand marshall of the next gay pride parade within 48 hours after the whole island found out?"

"Are you still planning to marry her again?" Steve asked.

They'd reached the hotel bar near the beach entrance and Danny stopped to face Steve, cupping his hands around the back of his partner's neck.

"Look, I know you want to be reassured right now, and it hurts me that you're stuck in this limbo. Honestly, it kills me to see you hurt, because your hurt is my hurt." Danny readjusted the plumeria behind Steve's ear.

Got him!

"But the truth is, I don't know till I know. I really enjoyed this walk we just had, and to be quite honest, I'm pretty sure I would enjoy doing naughty things with you, but I've got to sort some things out in my head, ok?"

"Ok." Steve managed.

"I just… I just don't want to lead you on if I can't keep my promise."

Steve took a quick look around, and marveled that the other guests in the bar, at the pool, and along the beach didn't seem to think anything was out of the ordinary, although he was in an untypically intimate embrace with Danny.

"Hey, you wanna dance?" Danny asked. "I like this song."

Steve listened for a moment. It was Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours".

"You said you didn't want to lead me on?" He joked.

"Trying new things this week. Just shut up and dance, McGarrett". Danny smiled. "I'm leading." He said, slipping his right hand to the small of Steve's back.

"Who knew you could dance? I've never not lead before." He put his free hand on Danno's shoulder. "Here?"

Danny nodded. "Feels about right. Though I'm not used to dancing with someone taller than me."

"Coulda fooled me." Steve laughed.

"Oooh, you're gonna pay for that one later."

Steve felt intoxicated. Danny was certainly making good on his promises to both find out what he wanted, and to take it when he decided he did want it. Steve liked being taken, and he had high hopes for the rest of the week.

"Who knew you could dance?" Steve mused.

"I will have you know all the Williams men can dance." Danny defended. "Ma insisted. She said you couldn't get married and never dance with your wife."

"I suppose." Steve felt hot again.

Danny seemed to realize the word "wife" might have been a slug for Steve, and he quickly moved on.

"So, uh, what's for dinner tonight?"

Ah yes, the secret weapon.

"It's a secret." Steve teased.

"C'mon I gotta know what to prepare for!"

Steve shook his head. "You'll like it, I promise."

"Is it far? I'm starving."

"Shouldn't have given away that plate of shrimp."

Danny shrugged. The song was over and he was ready to go. As they walked away Steve realized Danny's arm was still around his waist.

"I've actually got my wallet this time."

"The one time you don't need it." Danny chortled.

Steve looked down at him in surprise, about to protest Danny wanting to pay—it was coming out of the budget after all, but Danny stopped him.

"Uh uh. You're my date tonight. If I'm going to find out, I'm going to find out the right way."

Steve fairly floated to the car.

Danny didn't let go of Steve's hand in the car, he didn't let go of it as they reached Old Koloa Town, and he was still holding it when they walked through the front door of Pizzettaand he could almost feel Danny's knees buckle.

"You can get pizza on this island." He said softly.

"I used to love coming here when it was one of those grill-it-yourself places. That was twenty years ago now." Steve reminisced. Time seemed to stand still on Kaua'i. He swore even the furniture and fittings were all the same, sold with the place when the Pizzetta had first opened.

"Two chiantis please sweetheart. Mahalo." Danny ordered as he began to dissect the menu. Steve hadn't even looked at his.

"Is one of those for me?"

"Yes. I'd say we both need it, after the day we've had."

Steve shrugged again. "I'm pretty relaxed."

Danny put his menu down, and studied his partner, as though he didn't believe him. "Good." He nodded. "This is good. I'm surprised you're not checking in every twenty minutes with Chin and Kono."

"That reminds me." Steve reached for his phone.

"Oh no you don't, Steven J. McGarrett, not on a date with me you don't. There are two perfectly capable cops handling things back on O'ahu. You're all mine tonight, you got that?"

Steve blushed as his glass of wine was set down in front of him.

The server didn't even have time to get a word in.

"A large pepperoni pie, extra cheese please. And he wants a salad. House dressing. On the side."

Steve got hard under the table. Danny was ordering for him too—as though it were second nature to him. "I get half that pizza, right?"

Danny cracked a wry smile. "Babe, if it's anything like what I smelled walking in here, you'll be lucky to get half a slice."

Steve took a sip of his wine. He'd always found Chianti a bit dry for his taste, but he found it very drinkable. He realized Danny was watching him, and involuntary flashed a shy smile between sips.

Danny shrugged. "Just lookin' atcha babe."

"And what are you thinking?"

"You want the real truth there?" Danny sipped his wine.

Steve nodded.

"It scares me how much I like you." Danny confessed.

"Scares you, why?" Steve didn't like where this was headed.

"I was thinking, you know. You go to a bar mitzvah once and it doesn't make you Jewish. But you fall in love with a guy—well, it doesn't make you gay, but you may as well be. You suck one cock and you're a cocksucker for the rest of your life." Danny frowned.

Steve wasn't sure what to say.

Danny continued. "There used to be this guy who was a friend of my Ma, back in Jersey—Artie. He lived up the street with his partner Marke and everybody knew what they were, and everybody laughed at them, but not Ma, and not Pop. Ma always told us kids, 'If I ever hear you saying bad things to or about people because of who they are, I'll knock you into the middle of next week—I don't care if it's race, religion, or having freckles and curly hair—but you if ever, ever, say one wrong word about Artie or anybody else like him because of who they love, you won't sit down for a month.' You see, Ma knew Artie since high school and she always felt bad – 'such a lonely life' what she said all the time."

Danny finished his wine and raised his glass, indicating he'd like another.

"I don't know why I told you that." Danny sighed.

"You're afraid of what admitting you love me makes you, and you're afraid it makes you like him." Steve said.

"Yeah, I mean, Artie was actually a pretty great guy, but he—hey what do you mean admitting I love you?" Danny had a twinkle in his eye. "I see what ya did there McGarrett. Trying to get me to admit I love you like you're saying you already know I do."

"You do?" Steve brightened.

Danny blushed. "There, you got me again! Backed into the corner by the crafty Navy man." He shook his head. He took a big sip of wine and Steve expected him to bitch at him for being pushy, but he just smiled and leaned back in his chair as Steve's salad appeared on the table in front of him.

"So whatever happened to Artie?" Steve asked as he ground some pepper onto his salad.

"His partner was dying of AIDS in the late '80s and his family wouldn't let Artie see him. They talked on the phone every day until Mark wasn't able to anymore. His family even buried Mark on their property, so Artie said goodbye to him on the phone, and couldn't even go to the funeral or see his grave. Pretty fucked up."

"I'll say it is."

"He died of a broken heart, Mom told me. While I was at college."

"I'm not going anywhere." Steve offered.

"Not if I have anything to do with it." Danny confirmed, squeezing his thigh under the table. "Now that is an amazing looking pizza pie!" he said excitedly as the pizza was placed on a stainless steel wire stand above the table.

Steve watched with hope as Danny took his first bite, and the look on his face told Steve he was sold. Finally, Danno had found good pizza in Hawai'i, and on his mother's island. His mother's and his.

After dinner they'd gone for another long walk, hand in hand, up and down the creaky wooden boards of the Old Koloa Town storefronts, seeking nothing in particular, enjoying the still warmth of the still young evening, taking in the sounds of the Kaua'i evening, taking refuge in an art gallery during the briefest of downpours. Danny was quieter, more reflective than usual, and Steve had caught him staring at him a few times from across the art gallery they'd ducked into, like he was undressing him with his eyes, still searching for the answer to whether he loved him the way Steve wanted to be loved.