Chapter 1 Nights go by

3 weeks...21 days...504 hours...30240 minutes...1814400 seconds.

That was the exact amount of time that had gone by since Allison had last walked this earth. An amount of time that may have seemed short to most people. But to those that had loved Allison, it was a period of time that was as agonizing as it felt infinite. It was a block of time that would forever remain dark no matter how many years went by. Nothing would soften the blow of losing someone they had all loved. Nothing would take away the pain of having to watch Allison die right in front of them. And nothing in the world would ever fill the void in their lives that had been left behind by the young brunette.

A part of them would forever be missing. A part of them would always be in pain despite the passage of time. Because the one person that had held them all together was gone. Nothing would ever be the same again. Because the night Allison died, parts of their souls had died as well.

This was what Sookie had been thinking about as she sat out on the back porch of the house she lived in with Bill, sitting on the steps bathed in the warm rays of the fading sun and looked around the yard surrounding her with a heavy sigh. It was a reaction that had become the norm for her in the last few weeks and she didn't even bother to try and fight it off. She had been doing that for a while and it wasn't going to work. So many people told her that if she cut these bad feelings off at the pass then they wouldn't consume her and it wouldn't hurt as much in the long run. But that was the biggest lie she had ever encountered. Because pretending like there wasn't still pain there was the worse thing she could do. Hence why she stopped trying to push back her feelings and just allowed herself to feel whatever it was that she was feeling. There was no use in fighting it since the pain was still so raw. It may have felt longer, but Allison had only been gone three weeks so it was only natural that she would not be ready to try and get back to a normal routine. But that was exactly what she was going to attempt to do. At least that would give her something to do rather then just sit around in the dark. And while she wasn't going to stop herself from feeling sad, she also wasn't going to let the pain take over her life. Or she was going to try to not let it. She was going to do her hardest to reclaim some kind of normalcy, even thought things would never be normal with Allison gone. But she had to try. She couldn't hide in her bed day after day and night after night like she had been doing for almost a month. It was tempting to try since she didn't have the energy to do anything else, but if she didn't try now, then she feared that it may never happen. And that was why she was going to go back to work, starting tonight.

She looked down at her uniform of black shorts and a white t shirt with a dark green sweater thrown over it and sighed again. She hoped that by returning to the bar for her first shift in over a month, it would help fill her time with purpose and a reason to remain out amongst other people besides the group that she had been with the night Allie died in that graveyard. It was hard to want to do that since they were the only ones who knew what they were all feeling since they had all gone through it. But it wasn't healthy to cling to one another like that all the time. Sometimes it was best to let go and drift away and find your own way to survive without the help of others.

But how were they suppose to do that? How were they suppose to go on and move passed this darkness that hung over them all with out each other? They only had each other to lean on during this time and no matter how much they talked to other people about it, if those people hadn't been in the graveyard then they just couldn't understand. So while they could find other ways to fill their time when they weren't around each other, they still all needed everyone else in that group to help them through this. Or at least when any of them were ready for help. It seemed like even though they all wanted to feel some kind of relief, no one was willing to try anything new to get over this hurdle.

Like Godric and Bill, both of whom were dealing with their grief in the exact same way by putting their focus on other people. They should have been trying to work through their feelings for themselves, but instead of doing that, they were being attentive to those around them. Bill was constantly around her, attending to her needs and wants to the point where she didn't even have to ask him to do anything and he just did it anyway. Or poor Godric, the vampire who had been Allie's best friend since she fled to Mystic Falls, was pushing aside his own pain to focus all his energy on picking up the mood of his child. Eric had become someone that not one of them recognized by falling into the deepest of despairs out of all of them and had taken to just sitting in Allison's room at his house and not making any kind of noise for the past few weeks. It was un-nerving because they all expected him to be on an angry rampage and he just wasn't doing that. That was cause for concern on Godric's part which was what had the 2000 year old vampire constantly focused on the viking.

So much pain and anguish. So much cold and torment. Just such darkness that never should have happened to them. But it had happened and as much as they wished it hadn't, it still remained the same at the end of the day. Allie was dead and they were all left to try and pick up the pieces of their shattered lives and try to find some reason to go on in her absence. They didn't have a choice. She wasn't alive anymore and she couldn't come back to them. So they had to figure out some way to break through this darkness. And whether that took constant fighting over the next few years, eventually they would come out of this tunnel.

They just had to keep on fighting. For as long as they could.

In Shreveport

"This isn't good Godric." Pam whispered to him as they both stood side by side in the hallway and looked through the open door to the dark room at the figure who was sitting in silence. "This isn't good at all."

"I know that. I just don't know how to help him." Godric sighed, running his hands through his hair as he had been doing for the past month, finding some comfort in the simple movement but that all was gone when his eyes remained focused on the hunched over figure in the chair in the farthest corner of the room. "I hate seeing him like this. I wish there was a way to take away this pain but..."

"We can't." Pam finished for him, an uncharacteristically sympathetic look on her face as she stared at her maker. "There's nothing we can do. We just have to let him feel this even though it kills me to watch him suffer."

They had been having the same conversation since the night Allison died and every single time they had come to the same conclusion. There was absolutely nothing they could do to help Eric deal with his grief. They thought if they thought it over enough then perhaps something would come to them but nothing ever did. And it was beginning to dawn on them that they had no choice but to watch Eric sink further and further into despair until he hit rock bottom. Sure they could try and talk to him even though he never responded. They could try and get him to leave the house or at least leave the room, but he never budged when they were there. Godric had toyed with the idea of commanding his progeny to get out of the room, but he couldn't do that. Eric was in enough pain as it was and taking away his free will over what he wanted to do was just adding more cruelty to his life and Godric couldn't bear to do that. So until Pam and he figured out a way to get through to Eric, they simply had to stay here night after night and hope that Eric snapped out of it and reached out to them.

"He doesn't do anything at all. He doesn't move, he doesn't talk, he does nothing except sit there in her room, like he expects her to just come walking through the door." Pam pointed out, tucking her hands under her arms and shook out her long hair over her shoulders. "It's not healthy for him to be in there. It's like a freaking tomb with all her things still in the same place she left them. She's not on vacation, she's dead. But Eric doesn't quite seem to grasp that."

"I think he does, I just don't think he wants to let her go." Godric replied, feeling a stab of pain go through him at the thought of having to relinquish the last part of Allison, their memories of her. Sure, being tethered to her by memories was torturous but it was the only thing left of her. So it was very hard to let it go. "He loved her so much, more then he ever thought he could love anyone besides himself. You know that, you were with him for over a hundred years. I'm sure you never saw him act this way because of any other human."

"You're right, he never was like this with any other woman and he was with thousands over the years. But Allison was special, she connected to him in a way that neither you or I could. And if she were still here, she would know what to do." Pam nodded almost sadly, her eyes were the only things showing the extent of her own pain over the situation. "But she's not here and now we are left to struggle to figure out what she would have done to snap him out of it."

"She did seem to be the one who knew him best." Godric agreed, remembering all the times that Allison had been able to get Eric to open up and tap into emotions that he would have otherwise kept hidden from everyone else. Hell, she had affected his quality of life so much that he had wanted to make her his wife so she would forever be officially his. But now they would never get that chance and it was one of the saddest things Godric had thought about up to this point. Of everything Eric and Allison were suppose to have and couldn't. "It's not fair. It's not fair that we lost her this early on."

"I know and I'm not one to get all mushy or anything but even I hate that she's gone." Pam retorted, twirling her fingers through her hair. "She and I were just starting to find some kind of equal ground where we would have one day become friends. And now we don't get to do that. We all had some kind of hope for the future when it came to her. And in one night, it all was lost and we're here now trying to pick up the pieces."

"I would rather take all the pain onto myself so no one else would have to feel it. Especially Eric. I feel his pain as strongly as I do my own and it kills me to watch him suffer right before my eyes. I can't take it." Godric hissed, feeling a flash of rage go through him at the universe for taking away such an important person in their lives and hurting everyone else that she left behind. It was cruel and unfair and it would never be alright no matter how much time goes by. Allison's death was going to feel just as raw as they night it happened. Godric looked at Pam and then refocused his eyes on Eric and sighed. "Nothing will even be the same again."

1 hour later

"Look at her...i can't believe she came back to work this soon."

"I know! What was she thinking?"

"Don't you think she should have taken more time off...you know, with the death and all?"

"She probably did all the sitting around she could possibly do...the endless days of doing nothing are probably getting to her... so it's probably the only thing she had left to do before she goes insane."

"Maybe I should have stayed home tonight." Sookie grumbled, slamming her tray on the table in the back hallway while she gripped the edges with tight fists, doing her best to remain calm since she was in public. But that was not the easiest task to do when she could hear the thoughts every person in the bar was having about her since the moment she walked through that door. She knew there would be talk when she returned to work after Allie's death so she had prepared herself for the whispers and thought that would follow her all night. But preparing herself when she wasn't around the rest of the town was one thing and actually being in the bar where people could see her was an entirely different thing. And it was harder then she thought and it was now that she had to walk away and gather herself before she could face the dining area again.

"Are you ok?" Holly's voice came at her from the other end of the hallway and Sookie turned her head to spot the older woman walking towards her with a carefully guarded look on her face. "I saw you walk back here like you were ready to explode and I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine. I just needed a moment." Sookie sighed in response, turning around to lean against the table with her arms crossed. There hadn't been much conversation between her and Holly since the night of the battle. It wasn't because Sookie blamed her for not breaking the spell that kept them from Allison, Sookie knew Holly had tried her hardest. No, it was because Sookie had been avoiding everyone she could avoid who had been there that night. And Holly was the main one, but with her being back at work it was inevitable that they would run into each other. Like now they had no choice but to stand there and converse with one another and Sookie found that fore the first time she wanted to. "I thought I had prepared myself better for this, you know for coming back. But I guess I wasn't as ready as I thought."

"I had the same thought process when I came back but it wasn't nearly as hard for me as it is for you." Holly said quietly, coming over to also lean against the table. "You have it worst of all, you have to hear the thoughts everyone is having about the whole situation. I can't imagine having to deal with all this pain and then having to come back to work and listen to everyone's thoughts about what happened."

"Well, the one up side to it all is that no one really knows what happened. And that makes it a little easier to deal with." Sookie pointed out with a grim frown. It was true. The town thought Allison had been senseless murdered by some psycho and that's how Sookie wanted it to be know. Because if she had to listen to constants thoughts about what really went down in that graveyard, then she would surely lose it and she didn't want to do that. "Besides, people are going to talk about it whether I had come back or not. It's just their natural reaction. But it doesn't mean I don't still..."

"Want to punch them in the face?" Holly suggested seriously, her lips pressed into a tight line as theirs eyes met. "Trust me, I feel the same way whenever the gossip starts and if it wouldn't get me fired or charges pressed against me, then I would do it."

"Well I am glad I am not alone in that aspect. I want to do it so badly but I reign myself in because the last thing I want to do is be bothered by the police again." She grumbled, remembering the countless hours of questioning they had all been put through about the night Allie died and it had been tough to spin lie after lie but it was just something that had to be done. The police would never take the real story seriously, and Sookie knew a time would come when the rest of the Dallas coven would pop back up and if they police were involved, then they couldn't get their revenge the way it was justified. "So I will behave and pretend that I am getting passed this."

"I wish you were, no one should have to go through this kind of pain." Holly said, reaching out to squeeze her arm. "I'm here if you ever need to talk. I may not know exactly how bad you are hurting, but I was there and I am always a good shoulder to lean on."

"Thank. I will keep that in..." Sookie's voice trailed off as her head was suddenly filled with thoughts that were not her own. They were mean thoughts. Hateful thoughts. Cruel thoughts.

"You know, I don't think they were telling the real story to the police. I think more went on involving Allison's death then they are admitting..."

"The rumor going around is that she had vampires around her the night she died...maybe they had something to do with it...After all, she left Bon Temps so suddenly, who knew what the hell she was getting in to..."

"She probably got so deep into the vampire community that maybe she found out something she wasn't suppose to and they killed her for it...and they are just trying to cover it up by saying she was murdered..."

"...that girl never should have gotten involved with vampires, trouble always comes from those walking dead people...she was basically signing her death certificate when she decided to get involved with them...it's her own fault that she died."

Sookie couldn't stop herself from storming away from Holly the moment she heard those horrible thoughts. They filled her with such a rage that it took over her body and she couldn't control herself as she walked out of the back hallway and into the dining area of the bar where she stood glaring at the patrons sitting there. A hush had gone over the crowd as if they had forgotten that she could hear their thoughts and they were just remembering now that she could and every single face was looking shameful and guilty. The remorseful thoughts began to come at her but that did not stop her from lashing back out at them very loudly.

"How can you idiots sit there and think such horrible things? How can you blame her death on the fact that she was involved with vampires? That makes no sense. Most of you have known her since she was a kid and you watched her grow up. You all knew what kind of person she was and that she never would have done anything if she didn't think it was right, never would have gotten involved with people if she couldn't see the good in them. She was kind to all of you and now you sit there and disgrace her memory but talking shit about her? How could you all be so fucking horrible to ….."

Sookie felt a hand encircle her arm from behind and pull her back wards towards the hallway again. She didn't need to look over her shoulder to know it was Sam, she knew it by his touch and she didn't fight him off when he began to pull her away from the dining area. She sent one last glare at the customers before she was yanked in the direction of his office. She couldn't read his thoughts but the way he was gripping her arm said that he was upset and she knew that once they were alone that he was probably going to give her a lecture of some sort about her loud outburst. So when he pushed her into the room and shut the door behind them, she prepared herself for a talking to that she knew she deserved but did not regret getting because she did not regret her actions.

"Sam I..." She began to say but he held up his hand and she fell silent, knowing that whatever he had to say was going to be something he did not want interrupted. But when he spoke, it was to say something that took her by surprise.

"I'm not going to give you a lecture because I know why you started yelling at the customers." He told her, turning around with his hands stuck deep into his pockets, a sad expression on his handsome face. "You heard their thoughts right? And they weren't very nice were they?"

"They were horrible." She nodded, feeling her eyes start to brim with tears. "They were thinking that she deserved to die because of who she was involved with. They said she was asking for it..."

"People around here are stupid, you know that." Sam interrupted, removing his hands and placed them on her shoulders. "And when they don't know the real story, they are going to make up some bullshit to fill in the gaps. And I don't blame you at all for yelling at them. They deserved it for saying such horrible things."

"I know I shouldn't have said anything, but I couldn't help it." She admitted, shrugging her shoulders and moving forward into his arms before settling her cheek against his shoulder. "How can people be so mean and cruel so soon after her death? How could they thinking such rude things when they all knew her? Don't they get we're all in mourning here and they shouldn't be making it harder then it already is?"

"It's a cruel world we live in Sookie and people are going to say and think whatever they want no matter how much information they have or don't have." Sam told her, his arms holding her tight against him as his voice also became shaky. "But it doesn't matter what they say or do. Our only focus should be on our own well being and how we felt towards Allison. The rest of it doesn't matter."

"I miss her Sam..." Sookie felt a lone tear roll down her cheek as she spoke and she hugged him harder. "I miss her so much that it's nearly killing me to not have her here."

"I know...I miss her that much as well."

Later that night

"What are you doing out here?" Sookie's voice floated across the lawn to him to the spot where he had been sitting at the base of a tree in the back yard just staring up at the full moon hanging in the sky like he had been doing since he had awoken earlier that evening. But now his attention was focused on his wife, strolling across the grass to him. "I thought you would have been in the house and not out here in the dark."

"I like the dark, its calming." He stated moving over when she sat down next to him and when she was settled back against the tree, he wrapped his arm around her dainty shoulders. "Speaking of calming, how was work? Did it serve its purpose of distracting you for a while?"

"For the first few hours it did." She nodded, her body tensing up as she spoke and that was a sure fire sign that the night hadn't ended on a good note. And a moment later he found out why. "I was talking to Holly when I was suddenly hearing all these mean thoughts about Allison and how she basically deserved what she got. And that of course put me in a rage and I just..."

"Started yelling at them." Bill found himself finishing for her, knowing his wife so well that he knew how she would react in that kind of situation. And although he found it briefly amusing, it didn't take away from the pain and anguish that had been present in him since last month. He tightened his grip on her and sighed. "I'm sorry you had to hear all that, it must have been incredibly hard to restrain yourself for as long as you did."

"It was and it was embarrassing when I had to go back out there and finish my shift but I didn't feel bad about yelling at them. They deserved it for what they were thinking." Sookie muttered, a hard edge tinging her voice as she sat there in the grass with him, her hand resting on his leg as she breathed out heavily. "It's been hard to keep going and tonight, being back in the bar was just a reminder of how much harder it is going to be from now on."

"It has been a struggle and I fear it will always be a struggle." Bill said quietly, his own thoughts going dark for a moment as it dawned on him just how bleak life was going to be from now on with out Allison. She had been the light in their group, the one that held them all together and without her there was no telling what life was going to be like. Sure at some point they would learn to live without this constant pain in their bodies, but that void that had been left by her would never be filled. And that was a conclusion that they all had to accept. " But I don't think we can expect to just forget about it this quickly and pretend like everything is alright. Because its not alright. We lost someone so close to us and it will take a while before we can ever think to begin healing."

"You're right, it will be some time before the idea of moving on sinks in." Sookie nodded against his shoulder. "I just wish there was an easier way to stop feeling this pain."

"If I could glamor everyone who now knows about Allison's death into forgetting then I would, but that wouldn't work now that she's buried and the paperwork has been filed." Bill told her, fingering her hair lightly. "And I don't think trying to forget would be healthy. These things always have a way of coming back out. Pain like that can't be contained. But still, I wish I could take away your suffering."

"I wish you could too, I can't stand this." She admitted, pulling away briefly to look into his eyes. "How can we ever get passed this? How are we suppose to move on without her?"

"I wish I had the answer, but I don't." Bill wished more then anything that he could say something to take away the look that was in his wife's eyes at the very moment but he couldn't. There was just nothing to say except the obvious. Allison was dead and she wasn't coming back and the only thing they could do was push through and force themselves to behave normally like things were ok until they actually were ok. "We're always going to miss her, no matter how many years go by. But we're the ones who were left to go on and we have to do that."

"Yea, easier said then done."

Late that night

"You know I will never leave you right?" Allison told him, rolling over in the bed and placed her hand on his pale face and smiled at him. "Because I never would. You have me for life."

"Maybe I should reconsider. A lifetime with you would be torture." Eric said back with a smirk, chuckling when she sent a frown his way. "I'm just kidding...sort of."

"Oh shut up, you know you would love to be with me forever." She slapped at his bare shoulder with the heel of her hand before cuddling down under the white sheets, her young face peeking up at him. "Or else you wouldn't have proposed in the first place."

"Need I remind you that you did turn me down." He pointed out, trailing his hand down her arm. "So maybe you will end up being the one to get tired of this relationship."

"Oh please, don't start with the pouting. It's starting to make you sound like Bill." She giggled, propping herself up on both elbows and looked at him. "Besides, I only turned you down because I thought you were only asking because of the war. And I did say that if you were serious then once the battle was over then you could ask again. And I would say yes. So I plan on sticking to that."

"You better, because I am bound and determined to make you my wife." He said seriously, more serious then he had ever sounded in his vampire life. But this time was different then all the other years just like Allison was different from all the other women that had come before her. She had reached deep inside of him, deeper then anyone else had and she had forced herself into the spot where his heart use to beat. And he knew she would forever remain there. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you always."

"Will you stop worrying, everything will be fine." She assured him, moving over so she was laying close to him and she pressed her forehead against his. "It's going to be tough, but we will make it. And we will get married. I promise you, you won't ever lose me..."

"So much for keeping your promise." Eric found himself saying out loud to the dark and empty room as he came out of the flashback and was still in the same position he was in when it had begun. But that was to be expected. These days he hadn't been up for moving around much and was perfectly ok with just sitting there in the corner on that chair, lost in his own thoughts of his very brief time with the woman he had loved and now lost. It was easy at first after that first initial night, he was able to bring up those sweet moments as easily as it were to raise his arm. But now that he spend night after night relieving the same moments over and over again, it was becoming harder for them to come to him faster. And even though they tormented him because he knew he would never have any new memories to add to it, he still did it. He couldn't let go of her just yet.

These memories, although hard to relive, were the last connection he had to her. Sure all her things were still here because he refused to pack anything up. But those things didn't speak to him like his memories did. These flashback showed her happy and alive and with him. So when he came out of them, he always tried desperately to hold on to any last piece of it that he could. He didn't wan to leave the flashback and come back to the present. Because once he was back in the present, then she wasn't with him any more and the pain of that ripped him apart even further. And realizing that he couldn't pretend that she was still here, was agonizing to the point where he had to lash out at something.

He jumped out of the seat, grabbing the nearby lamp and threw it across the room where it shattered against the dark wall and the glass rained down onto the carpet below. He took the nightstand in both hands and it too followed in the direction of the lamp, the wood splintering in numerous directions until it all fell silent again. He stood there with his fists clenched to his side and for once he wasn't filled with sadness. He was angry. Angry at the witches for killing Allison. Angry at himself for not protecting her like he should have. And also angry at her for not staying alive when she had promised him she would.

"Why did you leave me?" He found himself shouting out loud, his hands curling so tightly that he was beginning to draw blood but he didn't care. All that he cared about was the pain rushing through his cold veins, filling him with more rage and despair then he had ever felt in his entire one thousand years. "Why didn't you stay alive for me?"

A/N: There you have it, the first chapter of the 4th fic...hope it lives up to the standard of my previous fics. I have a lot in store for this story and i promise that if you stick with it then you will be very satisfied by the story's end. So thanks for reading and please review!