My first one-shot! Whoo! :D This is inspired by one of my favorite songs: Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright (I love his cover version!). For a long time now, I knew I wanted to write a Teen Titans story based on this song, but couldn't figure out how to approach it or who it would even be about. Then, when I finished up writing It Ain't Me, Babe, I realized how much I liked writing Speedy's character in that one…and eventually decided that he was the one for this story :)

Warning: It's a long one, folks. Hopefully, it's interesting enough to make you want to stick with it and read the whole thing!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or this song…poo.

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
-Rufus Wainwright (cover), Hallelujah

'I really need to stop doing this.'

Roy Harper sat up in bed, head throbbing once again. The sun streamed in through the windows, hitting his face and bare, muscled chest. Every time he slept in, he always ended up with massive headaches…and this one was no exception. He groaned as he dragged himself out of bed, body aching. "Jeez…I must be getting old," he muttered to himself as he headed into the bathroom.

Lately, Roy had been having fits of sleepless nights, each of which he'd choose to spend a different way…but at the end of the night, would somehow always find himself at a random bar or club in Star City. Some nights he'd dance and mingle with strangers, others he'd just sit, drink, and simply people watch. And, of course, he would flirt. Just as bad of a ladies' man as his mentor, Oliver Queen, Roy would talk to any girl that caught his interest, playing along with the bold ones and turning up the charm with those on the shyer side. He'd dance a little, maybe buy them a drink…but never anything beyond flirting. For him, hitting on the opposite sex was, though it made him sound quite lewd, simply just a hobby. Something he did when he was bored, like video games were to Beast Boy, or eating to Cyborg. It was nothing more than something to keep him…entertained. And, if one were to ask him, he'd be completely honest and upfront and say that no, none of those women had really meant anything to him, in terms of a potential romance, in terms of…love.

He let out a laugh as he stepped into the shower, remembering last night's events. He'd been at a club not too far away from his apartment, and ended up toying with a cute blonde whose baby blue eyes he'd felt on him the moment he walked in. It was a decision he regretted at once. She was a complete chatterbox, keeping him there for at least two hours, yakking on and on about past boyfriends, which he could care less about, and backstabbing girlfriends, which he really could care less about. He finally escaped by, as usual, lying through his teeth. This time, he'd made up something about having to go home and take over watching his kids from his wife, at which the blonde had automatically shut her trap. To his surprise though, she was still daring enough to hand him a slip of paper as he'd begun to head for the door. Walking out onto the street, he'd glanced down at it and raised an eyebrow before tossing the phone number into the first trash can he'd seen.

Washing the shampoo out of his short red hair, he frowned. Yes, he knew his behavior made him seem like…well, a heartless jackass. He wouldn't have been surprised to be called one. But, truth be told, at this point in his life (which, seeing as how young he still was, was pretty sad), that was all he had going for him. All that he'd allow himself. Ever since…

His hand tightened into a fist as unwanted memories began to dangerously surface in his mind. Clenching his eyes shut, he pushed them away as he finished up his shower, stepped out, and dried off. There were many things that haunted the ex-archer's past, things he didn't really want to talk or even think about…that was one of them.

As he brushed his teeth, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. But the longer he stared, the harder his head pounded. Sighing, he went into his bedroom and glanced at the clock beside his bed. It was already almost noon. Roy cursed as he stalked back into the bathroom and over to his medicine cabinet, looking for his ever trusty bottle of painkillers.

One of the things he hated the most about sleeping in was waking up to find that half your day had already disappeared. Despite what some may think, he was never one to enjoy lounging around and wasting time; he liked to keep himself busy or at least pre-occupied, mainly because of his past addiction to heroin, another memory he tried to keep buried. Since quitting a few years ago, he felt like he could never trust himself to be alone in his apartment, with nothing to do. He was clean. And, seeing as how he put himself through personal hell to do it, he would make sure he'd stay clean.

Thus, his recent problem of sleepless nights had been an issue for him. He couldn't exactly figure out why this was happening…somehow, he felt it had something to do with this unexplainable restlessness he'd been struggling with for a while now. Ever since he'd left the Teen Titans to deal with his drug problem, he never felt like he was at peace with his life. He'd quit Titans East, for reasons unclear to his friends except for the few who knew the truth, moved out of Steel City, and headed back to his hometown of Star City. With the help of his mentor and, especially, Dinah, he'd been able to quit and, thankfully, move on. Taking on the problem that had almost ruined his life, he got involved with the government, aiding them as an agent in the war on drugs and just recently into other matters as well, including weaponry. Currently, he'd been sent home, encouraged by his boss to take a break, worried that he worked himself way too hard and never seemed to want to rest.

Compared to other guys around his age, he didn't have such a bad life. He had a pretty cool job that paid well, a classy apartment in the better part of the city, not to mention good looks and a hot body that made the boys jealous and the girls drool. And yet…he still didn't feel satisfied. He wanted something more. Sure, it could be some long-held desire to return to his former superhero life, a life that, as a kid, he thought he'd never give up. But…somehow he knew it wasn't just that. He couldn't lay his finger on it, but he was sure there was something else, some other part to his life that he had yet to fill.

Shaking his head, Roy wandered into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, the glass walls of his apartment giving anyone who looked inside a nice view. His head was already in pain, and just thinking about deep stuff like that would only make it worse. Opening up a cabinet, he reached for an empty glass and went over to the fridge to fill it with water. Downing the pills, he rinsed out the glass and sat down at the kitchen's island. Gaze shifting towards the coffee machine, he realized he'd ran out of coffee last week and had forgotten to buy some more.

"Crap," he muttered. "Oh well…gives me an excuse to head down to the café, anyway." Just down the street from his apartment was a small café, the only one he ever went to. Compared to the posh ones that littered this part of Star City, styled to cater to the rich and chic, this place was family-run and homey. It was decorated tastefully yet humbly, and the drinks and food were affordable yet delicious, exactly why it had always been his favorite spot to get a morning cup of coffee.

He went back into his bedroom, opening the closet and pulling out a dark grey, button up shirt and a pair of jeans. He once again stared at his reflection as he dressed, eyes boring straight into his own green ones. While folding up his three-quarter sleeves, he frowned as studied his face, noting the signs of stress and late night sleep that marred his complexion. The bags under his bloodshot eyes, the creases in his forehead…he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah…I really am getting old." Grabbing his keys off the top of his dresser, he gave himself one last look over before heading out the door.

TT

"Hey, Mike," Roy greeted the doorman as he stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby.

The older man in his sixties nodded to him. "Mr. Harper," he looked him up and down, whistling. "You look pretty spiffy today…going out on a date with another pretty girl?"

The red head playfully hit him on the shoulder. "Come on, you know I'm not into that stuff anymore."

The doorman shook his head. "Ah, such a young age to already be giving up on love…what a shame."

He gave him a small smile. "Marriage and a family's not the thing for everyone."

"Well, you never know…maybe someday, you'll find the one."

"I'll take my chances." Mike chuckled as he opened the right door for Roy, who thanked him as he headed down the sidewalk.

It was a bit busier than usual, with people milling about on their lunch breaks. A businesswoman jabbering away on her cell phone bumped into him. Sending him a look that said, 'Watch where you're going, jerk', she continued on past him. Roy rolled his eyes, but didn't bother to say a word as he went on his way. A few more stores down, and he reached the door to the café.

Stepping inside, he was glad to see it wasn't too crowded. The usual groups of office mates and broke college students hung around here and there. Some nibbled on sandwiches as they gossiped on the sofas, others sipped on cappuccinos as they typed away on their laptops. He walked over to the counter and ordered his usual drink.

Waiting to the side, he turned and leaned against the wall, casually looking around the room, noticing a couple of the usuals, all parked in their usual seats. His eyes instantly landed on a young woman sitting alone at a table near the window, overlooking the street. Her violet hair framed her face as she stared down at her cup of tea, stirring it slowly.

'Is that…?' He began to wonder to himself, but the moment she raised her head to look out the window, he knew for sure it was her. There was no mistaking those amethyst eyes and ruby chakra in the middle of her forehead.

He continued to stare but she didn't seem to notice, propping her chin on her hand as she gazed outside, absently. He was so busy looking at her that he didn't notice the waitress calling his name until about the fourth or fifth time she'd said it.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly as he took his coffee from her. He came in there often enough that she knew him pretty well. She gave him a concerned look.

"Something the matter, honey?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nah, I was just a little…distracted." She raised an eyebrow, but he said no more, thanking her for the drink.

Turning back, he saw that she hadn't moved an inch, blankly staring through the glass, deep in thought. At first, he hesitated going over to where she sat, thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to bother her. His smirked, remembering the countless things she'd done to Beast Boy whenever he'd made the mistake of interrupting her when she wanted a bit of quiet time. His favorites had included a rolling pin, the garden hose, and several rolls of duct tape. But, he reminded himself, it had been a long time since he'd seen her…or any of them, for that matter. And anyway, it was only the polite thing to do.

He walked over to her table, stopping just a few steps away. But before he could say anything, she beat him to it.

"…You were staring at me." His lips twitched. So she had known.

"I was surprised to see you here. Star City's a far way from Jump."

For a few moments, she remained silent…to the point when he debated whether or not he should just leave. But finally, she turned to him, really looking at him for the first time. Her eyes shifted to his drink, then back to him.

"I'm not here with anyone." He took it as an invitation to sit, so he set his coffee down on the table and took the seat across from her.

He took in her appearance as she turned back to the window. She hadn't changed much, physically, not looking any older than she had been when he'd left. The only real difference was that she'd let her hair grow out a bit more, so that now it was a little past shoulder length. She wore a loose white blouse, skinny jeans, and black mid-calf boots. A silver raven pendant hung on a thin, long chain around her neck. Her outfit looked good on her, he concluded, a refreshing change from the dark, gothic outfits he had been used to seeing her wear when they were younger.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

She nodded before sipping her tea quietly.

He rubbed his neck, chuckling. "Four years…blows my mind when I think about it."

She silently agreed with him once more. And then, for a minute or so, the two just sat, neither speaking.

Roy gradually let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He knew the kind of person she was, someone who could just sit in silence and enjoy the stillness, the peace. It was something he'd noticed about her immediately when the two Titans teams had first begun to hang out together, visiting each others towers, sometimes staying over for a few nights. He'd be wandering around the hallways and often stumble upon her, just sitting. Maybe in the common room or the kitchen, perhaps with Robin or Aqualad, two of the few titans that understood and shared in her fondness for a sense of…tranquility (as close as one could achieve in a place like Titans Tower). There was no need for an exchange of words of any sort, no requirement for verbal communication…for that wasn't really the point, was it? Roy knew that. And it was exactly why he felt like fidgeting in his seat at that very moment.

He was the exact opposite, always uncomfortable in silences that lasted too long. He hated it, for the same reasons he had for constantly keeping himself busy. It wasn't that he didn't want it; on the contrary, it was the reason he had been, under the surface, actually a bit jealous at times of the Titans like her and Robin. He wished he could be able to do nothing and yet still enjoy himself, to just let go and truly relax. But it was an inner peace that he felt he could never reach. He found that even if he tried to attempt it, his mind would tend to wander to other things…things he wanted to avoid, to just pretend weren't there. Thus, his constant need for distraction, for something to hold his attention and keep it there. He was a social person, thriving on the art of speech, of interaction, and, yes, of flirting. So naturally, it wasn't long before he felt the itch to revive their dying conversation.

"So…what brings you all the way out here, Raven?" he asked.

She turned, but not to face him, instead staring down into her tea. "Cinderblock's been causing all kinds of trouble throughout the city, for reasons no one's exactly sure of it yet," she explained. "Green Arrow's on a mission with Black Canary and the Martian Manhunter in Brazil, and the Justice League had no one they could spare, so they asked us if we could take care of it."

Roy scoffed. "You'd think with all the police in this city that they'd be more than able to handle it themselves."

"That's what Robin was saying. But Beast Boy wouldn't stop pestering him about wanting to come here for some stupid video game convention, and the others thought taking a trip for a while wasn't such a bad idea."

"And you?"

She hesitated, stirring her tea tepidly. "…I didn't care either way." Her voice was flat, face expressionless. But he'd caught it. He'd seen how she had held back, settling instead for a response she deemed was "Raven-like", hoping it would be enough for him. He thought about whether or not he should call her out on it…but decided that adding more tension to an already awkward situation wouldn't exactly help. So he took a hard left, going for the approach he knew she was used to getting from him.

He started, with mock hurt in his voice, "And here I was expecting you to say you came because you missed me. I'm offended."

Roy smirked as he watched her roll her eyes. "And here I was thinking that you'd actually matured. What a disappointment." He noticed the slightest hint of relief as she spoke, knowing she was glad he had either not noticed or decided to let it go. Glad to have lightened the mood and finally get her talking, he continued to tease her.

"No need to hide it, Rae-Rae," He saw her flinch at the much-hated nickname. "You must have felt lonely without someone like me to keep you company and brighten your day."

She pursed her lips, as if suddenly reminded of something that thoroughly annoyed her. "I'd say Kid Flash has that covered, so you won't have to worry."

He raised an eyebrow. "What, Jinx isn't enough for him lately?"

"They're not together anymore."

He looked at her, surprised. "I thought Wally was head over heels for her?"

"He was…" She took a sip from her tea. "But after a while, things became a bit…awkward between them. I'm not really sure why, they wouldn't talk about it with us. I suspect Jinx wasn't exactly comfortable yet with her new life. And then, about a year after you left, they broke up, and Jinx left, too, saying she wanted to take a bit of time off to travel the world."

"And then he joined your team?"

She nodded. "I guess at first it was just to serve as something to distract him from his feelings. And none of us really minded. But after a while…unfortunately," she added under her breath, to which he chuckled at. "He started settling in and warmed up to living with and fighting beside us…and decided to stay. Permanently." She spit out the last word as if it were poison, and he smiled at her, amused.

"I'm sure you two are getting on quite nicely then," he commented.

"If having the constant desire to tie him to a pole and force feed him every single one of Starfire's Tamaranian puddings is what you call 'getting along quite nicely', then yes, we absolutely are."

He laughed, leaning back into his chair, arms crossed. "Man…" he started, contemplatively. "I really have missed a lot, haven't I?" She only shrugged, in an "I guess?" sort of manner.

Letting his new found realization wash over him, he drank a bit of his coffee, which had already begun to cool. "So…how are the others?" he finally asked. "Any other tidbits of shocking news I should know about?"

She bit her lip, thinking it over. "Well…Cyborg and Bumblebee are dating."

"I said 'shocking', Raven." He laughed as she tossed him a look. "That was about as shocking as if you'd told me Mas and Menos were twins."

She racked her brain for something else. "…Do you know who they chose to replace you?"

He sat back, taken by surprise. It was a thought that had never really occurred to him before. But now that he considered it, he knew it shouldn't be such a shock; after all, it was only natural that Karen and the others would find someone else to take his place on the Titans East team.

"Hmm…" He ran his fingers along the handle of his coffee cup, mulling over the possible candidates. "…Is it someone I know?"

She nodded. "Okay…tell you what." He sat up in his chair, clasping his hands together. "Give me three chances to guess who before you let me know." She gave him a strange look but he waved her off. "Come on, it'll be fun." She sighed, but nodded once more.

"Let me see…" He scanned his memories of all the past honorary Titans he'd met before leaving. "Is it Wonder Girl?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

He shrugged. "Karen always wanted to have another girl on the team…and besides," he said with a grin. "She is pretty hot."

"Tch." She rolled her eyes. "Of course you would consider that a good enough reason to let someone join."

"I would, actually." He chuckled. "So, what? Am I right?"

She shook her head. "Robin talked to her about it, but things in Themyscira have been keeping her too busy. And besides that, she said she was satisfied with just being an honorary Titan."

He pouted. "One guess down. Huh…" He drummed his fingers on the table. "How about…the Herald? I always thought that little trumpet trick of his was pretty cool."

"Nice try, but…wrong." Roy groaned as Raven watched him, amused. "He said he wasn't really looking to join a team…but he did help us out a lot on several missions."

"Dammit. I really thought it'd be him for sure." She gave him a questioning glance as he clarified. "She never really admitted, but Garth and I kinda suspected Karen had a thing for Mal…"

She frowned slightly. "But do you think she still…?"

He shook his head. "Nah…it was just a small crush, nothing serious…and definitely nothing compared to what she felt for Vic, so don't worry about it," he said with a smile, knowing she was as protective of Cyborg as he was of her. She nodded, satisfied.

His smile dropped as he realized he was at his rope's end. Letting out a sigh, he muttered, "If they chose someone like Wildebeest…"

"Is that your last guess?" she asked.

He looked at her for a moment before giving up. "Eh, sure, why not?"

He waited, eyes on her emotionless face as she stared at him, silent…until a small smile graced her lips. He moaned in defeat. "Aw, man…okay, fine, I lose. So who is it then?"

"Jericho." His jaw dropped.

"…You're kidding."

"You heard me."

"You mean they picked that mute guy with the blonde afro?"

"You don't seem very happy." She commented, taking another sip from her tea. She frowned, noticing her cup was almost empty.

"Of course I'm not. I mean, there're so many other people we know, and they chose him?"

"At least your last guess wasn't right."

"Touché. But still…I mean, they could've gone for Argent, Bushido…hell, even Kole and that Gaark dude-"

"Gnarrk," she corrected him.

"Whatever. But you get my point." He slumped in his chair, clearly let down.

She watched him as he sulked like a child. "I think you greatly underestimate him."

"How so?" he mumbled.

"Jericho's powers are quite useful in battle, seeing how our enemies are always caught completely by surprise. Not to mention how his abilities make him the perfect spy for our covert missions," she finished.

"Wow, Raven…I don't think I've ever heard you say so many good things about just one human being before," he said, impressed. But suddenly, a thought occurred to him as he eyed her, feigning concern. "…Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She glared at him across the table. "And, without a doubt, he is the least annoying out of all the male Titans."

"You must be relishing the silence."

She ignored his snide remark. "You understand what I mean."

"Yeah, yeah...he's notsuch a bad guy, and yes, I should get to know him better, mom…sorry for judging," he said lazily, putting up both hands in surrender.

"Well, it wasn't even like you were close to getting it correct." She finished the rest of her tea. "Guessing Wonder Girl was a bit…" She searched for the right word. "…implausible."

His head shot up. "What do you mean, 'implausible'? That wasn't such a crazy guess-"

She snorted as Roy gave her a look, scowling. "Yes, maybe if we were replacing someone like Starfire or Cyborg."

"What's wrong with thinking she could be my replacement? Sure, I'm not as…physically capable as Kori, Vic, or Garth, but I'd say I was one of the strongest members of-"

"You shot a bunch of arrows with a bow, Speedy."

"Hey, that's something not many people can do, not to mention as fast and accurate as I can. It's a prized skill." She rolled her eyes at him, the only other guy she knew who had an ego to match Robin's.

"And by the way, Raven…it's Roy, now." He stared down into his cup at what was left of his coffee. "I haven't gone by my other name in years."

"Sorry," she mumbled her apology, but he waved her off.

Setting the cup down, he looked at the woman across the table from him, considering her. "…You never really did feel comfortable just calling us by our real names, weren't you?"

She shrugged. "I guess I always felt some kind of…compulsion to maintain formalities-"

"But that's just it, Rae," he interjected. "You don't need to be so formal, not with us…we're your friends. It's okay to just, you know…loosen up a bit, relax."

She sighed, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I know I should, but somehow…after all this time, I still find it incredibly difficult to just...let go." She gazed out the window at the street. "Even having the burden of the end of the world lifted, and Trigon defeated, I still can't…" She bit her lip as she turned back to him. "I guess…old habits just die hard."

"In your case, extremely so." She let out a soft laugh as he smiled at the rare sound, surprised how pleasant it felt to his ears.

"Well, there is one person who I sometimes call by his actual name," she admitted.

"Oh? Who might that be?"

"Our resident boy blunder." He chuckled, remembering the nickname she had been fond of giving their spiky-haired leader.

"Why him?" He asked, mildly curious.

"Let's just say that there are times when, ironically, I find his first name suits him much better."

Roy smirked. "Definitely agree with you on that one. Sometimes, he can be a total dick."

She nodded. Noticing their untouched cups, one of the café's waitresses came over to their table, offering to refill their drinks.

"Thanks, Emma," said Roy as she took their cups, smiling at them both before heading back to the counter.

"So…" He started, turning back to her. "Speaking of Robin, how are things going between him and our alien princess?"

He let out a laugh, seeing her wrinkle her nose in disgust at his question. "Let me guess," he said. "They're all over each other."

"It's sickening to have to witness." she said, clear disdain in her voice.

"I guess our little Robin finally got over his clumsy awkwardness when it comes to dating…or just about anything to do with the opposite sex," Roy mused.

"And now they're making innocent bystanders like me suffer with their overly public displays of affection," she complained.

"But it's the spirit of love in the air," He said with an airy tone and a dramatic wave of his hand. "It's okay if they want to share a kiss or two."

"They look like they're eating each other's faces."

"Aw, come on, Raven," the red head pressed on. "With all these other hormone-crazed teenage hook-ups going on, you were bound to have hit it off with someone, too, right? Did Beast Boy ever finally ask you out?"

Her immediate reaction caught him by surprise. He'd expected her to make some sarcastic retort about how ridiculous of an idea it was and how he must be brain dead to even suggest it in the first place, or at least to scoff or roll her eyes as she was apt to do. What he got instead was a look of sharp pain flitting across her features as her entire body stiffened.

Roy became serious, looking at her with concern in his green eyes as he reached out to rest his hand over hers. "…Rae, are you okay?"

She remained silent, her stare boring into the table. He studied her, worried about what had brought this sudden change in her mood. Before he could say anything more, the waitress arrived with their refills.

"Here you go, sweeties," she said, putting down their drinks. Sensing the sudden awkwardness in the air, she frowned. "Is your friend okay? Does she need anything?" she asked Roy softly.

He shook his head, thanking her again. Taking one last look at Raven, she decided to just leave the young couple alone to talk.

When the woman was out of earshot, he turned back to her. The waitress couldn't have come at a better time, he thought as he noticed her slightly relax, the smell of the steaming cup of tea filling her senses and calming her down a bit. Withdrawing his hand and leaning back, he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped as he heard her take in a deep breath, gradually letting it out.

"It was…a long time ago," she began, not meeting his eyes. He detected in her usually monotone voice a rare hint of sadness laced with, what unsettled him, regret. One, because for as long as he'd known the purple-haired sorceress, she was not the type of person to have regrets over anything, and two, it was a reflection of a feeling that he himself had become so familiar with.

"You two were…" He didn't have to finish as she nodded, slowly.

"Even now, I'm still not sure how or why it happened." She closed her eyes, breathing in the warming comfort of her tea. "I guess…seeing as how the others were all finding someone to be with, I felt a little…lonely. We both did. Perhaps, that was what drew us to each other at first. Just needing someone to talk to, to spend time with. And Lord knows," she said with a scoff. "That Beast Boy would have been the last person I'd go to for company. I didn't think for a second that I could even be alone with him in the same room for more than an hour without wanting to drown him in the bay outside the Tower. But," she sighed. "Though I don't like to admit it, he proved me wrong. He may come off as an immature dunce with the attention span the size of a flea, but once you actually do make the effort to know him better, you see that there's much more to him. That although he isn't the best the person to carry any sort of intellectual conversation with, he's much better in conversations of another kind…the kind that matter." He watched as a sad, barely noticeable smile appeared on her face as she sat, memories flooding her mind.

He had to confess that he and Raven weren't exactly the closest of friends, not really seeing each other much outside of the times when his and her team would have the occasional get together. There hadn't really been any reason for them to actually be friends if they weren't both Teen Titans, she being an emotionless, insecure goth, and he being a overly flirtatious playboy. But being required to work together numerous times in the past did lead to an acquaintance that slowly blossomed into a decent friendship between them. She saw that there was more to him than his looks and charm, and he saw that there was something under all that ice that surrounded her. And, it helped that they both came from similar backgrounds, growing up with the same view on life of an outsider looking in, she in Azarath, he on a Navajo reservation. They would actually have long conversations together, from something as trivial as the latest movies showing to things much more personal. But as he'd admitted, these times weren't frequent, just a once in a while chat with a casual friend.

It was for this reason that he'd initially wondered why, right now, she had begun spilling the ghosts of her pasts to him, of all people. He knew there were many others she could be saying all this to, and yet…she chose him. It wasn't as if he was annoyed or anything; he was flattered that she decided to confide in him. It just made him a bit…well, confused. But seeing how what she was talking about bothered her so much, he pushed it aside, thinking it probably was memories of their past talks with one another that made her feel comfortable enough to trust in him to listen. And if there was one thing he never took for granted, as corny as it may sound, it was having a friend's trust…something he learned could take a lifetime to earn but just a day to lose. So he just sat and listened to her as she continued.

"With Cyborg constantly visiting Bumblebee and Robin and Star practically joined at the hip, the two of us would frequently find ourselves alone in the Tower. Our casual talks turned into daily meetings that at first meant nothing particularly significant to me…but later turned into one of the few things I looked forward to each morning. And then…" She traced the intricately carved patterns on the table top, a faraway look in her eyes. "I started to realize that I was looking at him in a way I thought I never would. And it…frightened me." Her voice shook slightly. She stopped to take a soothing sip of tea, before starting again.

"Initially, I chose to simply ignore it, to blame it on my cursed female teenage biology running havoc on my life. But then, our plates started to shatter. The shelves would shake. The sofa would slide across the living room. The lights would flicker constantly. Doors would open and slam shut. And the harder I tried, the less meditation I was able to do, to the point where it became absolutely useless. So I had to accept the bitter truth…that I was actually in love with Beast Boy.

"Our little meetings began to drift past the walls of the Tower…and before I knew it, everything changed. I didn't have to say anything for him to know how I felt…and, though I did find it hard to believe, neither did he. And we became close…closer than I've ever been with anyone else in my entire life." She stopped suddenly, and Roy frowned, watching as her hand tightened into a fist.

"I…I guess it was because of the overwhelming emotions that flowed between us when we began to have a more serious relationship," she said slowly. He could sense the hard restraint in her voice. "It was hidden from me. But then, one day, I wasn't feeling so well. I was lying in bed sick while he sat next to me…and as he was talking, I noticed it. Empathically, I felt it. At first, it confused me, so I dismissed it…but then, I started to feel it from him more and more, so often that I knew there was no mistake. It was desire. A deep longing tinged with so much sorrow that it almost stung me. What unsettled me so much was that it was desire…but not for me."

She closed her eyes as she took in another deep breath, but this time letting it out shakily. "I thought there was no way he would ever be unfaithful…he was many things, but a cheat was not one of them. But I still knew something was wrong, and so I decided one night, while he was sleeping beside me, to enter his mind and see his thoughts, his dreams. And all I could see were blonde hair and blue eyes. And I knew at that moment that…that even though he did love me, it wasn't a…a true love. A pure love. It was just…a way for him to try to heal himself, to move on…"

She let out a cold laugh that caught him off guard as he stared at her, worriedly. "But I knew that it didn't matter how hard he tried…he couldn't fool himself. He couldn't make himself believe that…that he had moved on. And though it probably wasn't his true intention to do so, I realized what was really going on here. He had…" She swallowed hard. "He had used me. I'd been…used once again. And it…it hurt."

Raven became silent, still looking away. He sat there, mouth slightly open, not really sure of what to say. He was still pretty taken aback, seeing as how this was a side of her she hardly allowed anyone to see…her vulnerable side. But, as she had come to a finish, another reason had surfaced to put him at a loss for words. It was a stirring within him of old feelings that he dreaded would come when he'd recognized at once that sound in her voice…that sadness laced with regret.

A delightful smell interrupted his thoughts as he saw Emma, the waitress, come back to their table. She set down a plate of blueberry cupcakes each adorned with cream cheese frosting and a fresh blueberry in front of them, one of the café's most popular treats.

Before he could protest, she said, "It's own the house, hun. Picked out a few from the batch we just made. You two hadn't ordered anything to eat, so I figured you might be hungry. Enjoy, 'kay?" She smiled at them and hurried back to the front to help out as more and more customers began coming in.

He shook his head, smiling at her generosity, knowing there was more to it than just her noticing their lack of food. It wasn't only the place, but the people who worked here that made him come back again and again. He looked down at the cupcakes, pushing the plate towards Raven. She took one, setting it on a napkin. Picking one himself, he popped the blueberry in his mouth, chewing slowly as he thought of what to say to her. He didn't know if it would be enough…it probably wasn't, but it was what he truly felt, and if he knew anything about her, it was that she wasted no time on people who were fake.

"…I'm sorry."

Raven's mouth set in a hard line. One of the things she hated more than anything was pity, and with annoyance she turned to Roy, but froze when she saw the look on his face.

It was genuine concern, compassion, and, what surprised her most of all, understanding. He looked at her as if he knew, as if he understood exactly what she was feeling…as if he, too, had been through the same heartbreak as she had. And she knew it was no act, for she could emphatically feel those exact emotions from him. It touched and yet puzzled her at the same time. Now being the speechless one, she sat, quiet, her look of irritation melting away.

He watched this, and, knowing he had somehow done the right thing, continued. "I can see where Beast Boy was coming from, and why he did what he did…" She nodded, eyes dropping to her lap. "…But it still doesn't make it right."

Finally, she looked up at him, lavender eyes meeting his green ones. He'd met many people in his life, but none with eyes as breathtaking as hers. Their color, their lucidity…their beauty. They burned and soothed you at the same time. It was the kind of thing that, no matter how many times you saw it, would always leave you feeling amazed. He swallowed before speaking again.

"I know the kind of person Gar is…the funny guy who's always cracking jokes, but only uses that as a front, to hide the pain of everything he's been through. And I know he's been through a lot of shit. So I know that, after all these years, it's only natural for him to start breaking down, to start losing it. But what he did…" Roy shook his head. "I don't doubt for a second that he loved you, Rae. But he made the mistake of being unable to make a choice. And, even worse, after having finally made that choice…being unable to end it. To come clean and tell you the truth. He made the mistake of holding on to something he never should have had in the first place…to replace love with need. With selfishness. And that makes him no better than that Malchior guy from your fairytale book."

He saw her eyes fill with sadness as she looked back down at the table, seeming to not be looking at it, but through it, taking in what he'd said. The other Titans had known of her and Beast Boy's break up, but this had been the first time she'd told anyone exactly why she had decided to end their relationship so abruptly. She wasn't quite sure, but had felt, for some reason, that she could tell him. That he would listen and wouldn't judge…the way he was when they were younger. And what's more, he even managed to completely understand her, something she hadn't expected at all. There weren't many people she'd met who did.

A small smile appeared on her face as she said, softly but loud enough for him to hear, "…Thank you, Sp…Roy. Thank you, Roy."

He grinned as he licked the frosting off his cupcake. She glanced at her own in front of her, completely forgotten. He followed her gaze. "You should try it," he said. "They're delicious, seriously."

Picking it up, she pulled away a side of the baking cup and took a bite. He watched as she chewed thoughtfully. Finally swallowing, she sat back.

"That was probably the best cupcake I've ever had." She admitted, to which he laughed.

"If you liked that, you should try their cheesecake," He took a bite of his own cupcake. "It's the best in Star City, I guarantee it."

"You come here often?" She asked, taking another bite.

"Yup…once a week, two weeks tops." He thought for a second. "How'd you find out about it? It's kind of a hidden secret among us locals…not the most well known of places."

"Since he's been working us for days, Kid Flash and Starfire pushed for Robin to let us have the day off. So I went for a walk around the city, trying to find a decent place to have a cup of tea. I came across this café by chance, really."

"And came across me by chance, too," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "A lucky chance."

She rolled her eyes, but the smile didn't leave her face. She watched him as he finished his cupcake, crumpling the paper into a ball as he reached for another. As she ate her own, she lost herself in thought once again, past thoughts that now came back to her. Before she even fully realized what she was saying, the question escaped her lips. "How are you doing, Roy?"

He looked up at her in mid-bite. Closing his mouth and putting down the pastry, he said, confused, "I'm…good?"

"I mean, how are you really doing? Since you left…" she trailed off, and it was then that it dawned on him what she was getting at. Maybe earlier wasn't the time for it, but now, she'd changed her mind. She wasn't holding back. It was a chance he wouldn't pass up.

"It was a couple of rough years, I'll admit…but I've been managing," he answered.

"And you're…okay?" She glanced up at him, and although she tried to not make it so obvious, he could clearly see the worry written all over her face.

"Yeah, I'm…I'm fine, Rae…" He eyed her curiously, sinking back into contemplation.

Among the Titans, she had been one of the few who'd known the real reason he'd quit the team. Although, it hadn't been on purpose; she'd been passing by the training room when he was telling Robin his own worry that his drug problem would get in the way of his team's safety. When they'd noticed her standing in the doorway, he'd stopped Robin from trying to make up some story to cover up for him. Something had told him it would be okay if she stayed, if she heard the truth. Yes, they weren't the closest…but he still trusted her.

It was this reason that made him suspect this what she was hinting at right now. When anyone looked at Raven, most likely all they would see was a cold, emotionless young woman, quiet and withdrawn. But like the other Titans, he knew that there was a side of her beneath that…the side that you'd only see if you took the time to find it. Beneath the ice was the warmth of someone who cared for those that were important to her, those she considered her friends and family. It might not always be obvious, but Raven was an incredibly selfless person…she would do anything, make any sacrifice for those she cared about. And it meant something to him that she sat here now, worried about him. That, after four long years, she still did.

Gazing off to the side, his eyes softened. He smiled suddenly, and she stared at him, bemused. Noticing the strange look she was giving him from the corner of his eye, he caught himself, his smile quickly turning into a sly smirk as he leaned over and playfully hit her on the shoulder.

"So, you do care, huh?" He said, teasingly.

She scoffed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes (yet again). "I just wanted to make sure you weren't in too much trouble."

"Right…and, pfft, what do you mean, 'too much'? As if you think I'm in any sort of trouble at all."

"Well, you always seem to be," she said offhandedly as she finished her first cupcake.

He was about to retort when the sight of her licking her lips stopped him. Her small pink tongue darted out to capture the frosting and crumbs that she had somehow missed while she ate. For a few seconds, he sat mystified, staring at her soft lips…until, once again, he caught himself, realizing what he was doing. Clearing his throat as if nothing had happened (and from the looks of it, she was too distracted by the deliciousness of her next cupcake to have noticed anything), he leaned back on his arms, staring around the café absentmindedly.

He watched as one by one, more and more people began to leave, heading back to their offices, classes, or wherever they needed to go. The place was gradually getting emptier, enough so that now he could actually hear the soft jazz music playing over the speakers mounted up in the corners. This was his favorite time to be here, when the lunch crowd started to disappear and only a few stragglers like him remained. The space, the peacefulness…it made him feel relaxed. Like he was at home. Or at least, what he thought a home should feel like.

"…Roy." Her voice snapped him back to attention. It was low and held a tone of seriousness different from how she usually sounded…the kind of tone she used when she really had something important to say. She had put down her cupcake and looked at him, stern and humorless. He held back the urge to flinch under her gaze…that gaze that, whether she knew it or not, felt as if she were staring straight into your soul.

"You are being honest with me, aren't you?"

He blinked. "About what?"

"When you answered me…you really meant it?" Her eyes searched his, as if they were looking for any hint of a lie within those green orbs. He knew exactly what she meant…and so decided to put her mind at ease.

"Look, Raven…" He averted his eyes, unable to hold her burning gaze any longer. "I know I was pretty…messed up the last time you saw me. The last time any of you saw me. And I appreciate the concern, I do…but I'm serious when I say that now, I'm okay." Even without looking at her, he knew there was that ever present hint of suspicion and doubt in her eyes.

"It's not bullshit, Rae," he said. "Everything's good now. I'm clean. Healthy. Living on my own. Keeping myself busy with work. And my mind's clearer than it's been in a long time. Who knows? Maybe even one day, if I ever decide to…and of course, if Karen will still have me, I could come back to the Titans."

She didn't take her eyes off him. He knew, and knew she did as well, that there was more to it than just that. He sighed, running a hand through his red hair.

"And yeah, okay, I'm not gonna try to deny it. It was a hard road getting here…and I'm not gonna start fooling myself into thinking it's over, 'cause I know its not. It is still hard trying to keep myself in line, to keep my mind on track, to not let myself get…distracted, in the wrong way, anymore. The way I was before. But this time…it's different, Rae. This time…I'm trying. I'm really trying to make myself better. To take everything that's happened to me so far and grow. To become stronger. And you know what?" He said with a smile. "I really do think it's working. I just…can't let myself fall like that again. I won't."

When he dared to meet her amethyst eyes again, he found her expression unreadable. She was still, head tilted to the side as if considering him. Silence surrounded them once again, but this time it was different. It wasn't one of awkwardness, but rather of anticipation as he sat, waiting for what she would say. As she looked at him, he watched her with mild interest. He was…curious to know what she was thinking. And that truth itself confused him. He usually wasn't the kind of guy to really give a damn about what went on inside the heads of most of the women he talked to. At first he thought that perhaps it was just because she was a friend…but that went flying out the window when he realized this was something else entirely. He genuinely wanted to know what she was thinking, at that very moment. And the fact that he couldn't read an inch of it from looking at her face was actually getting to him. It bothered him. And he had absolutely no idea in hell why.

After a few more almost agonizing moments of her scrutiny, she let out a sigh, sitting back in her chair as if in defeat. And, well okay, a sigh was just a sigh, he knew…but compared to the many other times she'd done it, this one was different, in a way. She'd let out her breath slowly, almost as if she were tired…as if she'd been trying very hard at something, but realizing in the end it was completely useless, had decided to finally give in and quit. Wondering what this was all about, he waited till she, with arms crossed, finally decided to speak.

"I'll admit it," she started slowly, a bit of awkwardness in her voice as she tried to figure out how to go about saying all of this. "The reason I asked…the reason for my prying…I really was concerned about you, Roy. The moment Robin brought up all this business about Cinderblock causing trouble in Star City…when I realized the very real possibility that we'd be coming here…the very first person I thought of was you." She glanced to the side as she spoke, at the waitresses walking around delivering food and checking up on the customers.

He looked at her, intrigued and slightly impressed, knowing full well that this was rare coming from her. As he'd said, she did truly care about her friends, but seeing as her pride always got in the way, would never do or say anything outright to show it. It wasn't the kind of care like Starfire's bold and straight up displays of affection, but rather a quiet, subdued warmth…something that wasn't always obvious, but you knew was always there, to comfort you. But here she was, telling him straight out that she cared about him, plain and simple. It was one of those moments he knew Beast Boy would love to be there for to catch on film and constantly use to torment her.

She continued. "This may seem a bit odd, but I never did forget what happened, what things were like with you all those years ago, when you decided to leave. It was the lowest any of us had ever seen you at, and so we were all seriously worried about you…but it struck a chord with me. I could feel everything, Roy…all the things you were feeling back then…they reached me as well. The sorrow, the despair…the hate. Everything. And even though we weren't that close…it still bothered me so much, mostly knowing that this was all coming from one person, and being unable to understand how it was even possible. I was…apprehensive about seeing you go, but it was what you had to do. And so…" She paused. "…I'm…glad to hear all that you told me, really, I am, Roy. I'm so relieved to see you overcome it and continue to fight."

He believed in her last words, but the sound of her voice…the slight urgency, forcefulness…as if she were pleading (if Raven ever did that) for him to believe her. Somehow he knew there was a "but" in there, somewhere.

"But…" Her eyes dropped to the floor. "Despite all that…though it was my original reason for wanting to know if you were okay, there's…something else. The second I noticed you walk in the door, I felt your emotions…and at first, I didn't see it because I was too occupied with how different you are now, how you've changed for the better…I was really happy for that. But then I noticed it. It's something, buried so deep within you that even I can't clearly see what it is. All I cansee for sure is that it's holding you back." At last, she met his eyes again.

"I can sense it, you know. For all the positive things you've told me about your life…I can still sense the restlessness. The agitation in you. The constant need to distract yourself, in the attempts to ignore it, to push it away into the darkest corner of your mind. It's not obvious, even to someone like me…but it's there all the same, just under the surface of everything else." His eyes hardened as it became clear to him what this was all about. He opened his mouth to protest, but she stopped him.

"All I'm really trying to say is…I think you need to stop ignoring it, Roy. I know I'm probably one to talk…but you can't go on like this. And yes, I know I don't know you well enough to be sure of what exactly it is you want…but if it's true happiness…complete satisfaction with your life…finally being able to be at peace," she noticed the slight tensing up in his body at her words. "You have to confront it. I feel that you feel it's over with, that you've moved on from whatever this is…but you haven't. And I know I'm probably not the best person to talk to it about…but you have to let it out and talk to someone about it, whoever that may be, whether it's now or sometime in the future. If you want to finally let go…"

Raven finished, silent once again as she watched the man across from her, cautiously waiting to see what his response would be. Although her empathic powers allowed her to make a good guess. She felt mounting turmoil within him...a whole lot of shock, but also restraint. She bit her lip as she noticed it growing, like a small flame steadily building up to an inferno. She stared at him worriedly, feeling him trying harder and harder to hold back an emotion that she'd expected from him, but still unnerved her: pure, raw anger.

'…Damn it,' Roy thought to himself, trying to look anywhere but at the violet-haired sorceress. 'Raven and her fucking empathy.' He clenched his hand into a fist as he felt the anger rising in him. To be honest, he really had no idea why he was suddenly getting so mad at her for. It wasn't as if she was trying to hurt him on purpose or anything; she was just trying to help him, like he'd just done for her.

'You're just pissed because someone found out your secret,' a little voice in his head spoke. 'The one thing you try not to think about, that you promised you'd never tell anyone, ever. You're just mad because she knows.' And though he wanted to just yell at that voice to go away, he knew it was right. The fact that there was someone who could figure him out so well the way she could…knowing every single emotion he felt…it made him feel so exposed, so vulnerable. And he hated it.

But as he slowly began to raise his eyes, taking her in bit by bit…her hands, slender arms, pale skin, small neck…soft cheeks, pink lips, and finally, her enchanting eyes, the two pools of amethyst that fascinated and yet mystified him at the same time, he realized something. Even though, as he'd reminded himself again and again, they weren't anything near best buddies, Raven was a friend. Maybe even, considering they were both Titans, family. So yeah, they weren't the closest…but it's moments like these that give two people the chance to, don't they? And he could see, in her eyes, in her face…he didn't need to be an empath to recognize how hard she was trying to reach him, to help him through something she knew was upsetting him. And as he thought about it more and more, he found his anger beginning to dissipate, until the fire dwindled down to nothing more than gray, wispy smoke.

He took in a breath to compose himself, no longer having the sudden urge to shout. But before he could say anything, he was interrupted by a tall brunette approaching their table, heels clicking across the floor.

"Roy, is that you?" She asked, eyeing him up and down. "Roy Harper?"

Raven noticed his face twitch in annoyance as he turned to the woman. "Yes?" He asked as politely and warmly as possible.

She gave a small gasp. "Oh, it is you! I was just passing by the window on my way home and saw you sitting here…at first I thought, 'Oh, there's no way it's him, couldn't possibly be', but decided it wouldn't hurt to try, right? So I went in and-"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted, trying not to sound rude. "But do I know you?"

She looked at him surprised, but only for a second, as she began to giggle, hand to her chest. "Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten me already, you silly thing! It's me, Ashley! Ashley Taylor!"

He just stared at her.

"You know," she tried. "From the club a few blocks from here, on Madison and Royal? We met there, like, about a week ago? Don't tell me you've forgotten me already?"

Though he usually wouldn't, Roy actually spent a few seconds trying to wrack his brains, but he honestly could not remember her. It seemed, after night after night of all out flirting, the faces of all these different women had begun to mix in his head, becoming a huge blur. He wouldn't have been able to distinguish a single one in his memory. He gave her an awkward smile as he met her eyes with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry," he said. "I probably had too much to drink that night...woke up the next morning without a clue. It happens, right?" He gave her one of his irresistible, charming smiles, the kind that had melt the hearts of countless women in the city. And this one was no exception, giggling once again as she waved him off.

"Oh yeah, totally, I understand what you mean…besides," She flashed him a seductive smile, playing with a stray lock of her hair. "I think you still know how to, ah, get in touch with me." She gave him a wink as she took a few steps back. "Last time was really fun, Roy…hopefully we can do it again?" And with a swish of her hips, she went out the door.

When she was around the corner and out of sight, he shook his head, sighing as he took a huge gulp of his coffee.

Raven watched him, amused. "Let me guess," she started. "You lost her number, too?"

"Well…it's more like 'intentionally misplaced'," he said, putting down his cup. He smirked. "And now I'm sure it was one of my better decisions."

She rolled her eyes. "And it doesn't bother you to be misleading all these women?"

"It would if I were. But I don't take any of this, with any of them, further than a long chat and a few drinks at the bar. I never try to make them believe I think there's something more…and if they do, well, that's just their own fault."

"So that's just it?" she asked. "All you do is play along with them, jumping from woman to woman?"

"You make it sound like you're shocked, Raven," he raised an eyebrow. "I thought you knew exactly what kind of guy I was."

"I'm not…it's just that," She met his eyes. "Don't you…ever tire of it? Of all this meaningless fooling around? You've never wanted to have…something more?"

"Why the sudden interest?"

"Just…curiosity."

"You sure? For a second, I thought you were starting to come on to me."

She glared, black power surrounding his cup as it rose off the table and hovered a foot above his lap.

"Whoa now, don't get your panties in a bunch," he said with a laugh. "Although…maybe I wouldn't mind that so much-" The cup began to tilt. "Okay!" he said, hands up in surrender. "Let's just…calm down and put the coffee back…" With a clunk, the cup landed back on the table, Roy reaching out to still it, chuckling. "You wouldn't have really done it, would you, Rae? You like me too much to be so cruel."

She ignored him. "You didn't answer my question."

"And you didn't answer mine."

Her eyes glowed white. He gave her a grin with a look that said 'Kidding! I'm done, promise.' "Well, if you're dying to know," he began. "…It used to cross my mind, once in a while. But now…not so much."

She looked at him, interested. "Giving up so early?"

"Yeah, well…I'm not exactly sure it's the thing for me…" He started to trail off, the humor lessening in his voice as he glanced out the window.

"As they say, you never know unless you try," she said, unable to remember ever seeing the ex-archer in anything remotely close to a serious relationship.

She was met with silence. An utter rarity when it came to Roy Harper, as far as she knew. She frowned. "Roy…?"

He continued to stare out the window for a few moments before finally speaking, voice now completely serious. "…Can I trust you, Raven?"

His question caught her by surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I've felt like I could before, when we were younger…like when you found out about my drug problem. But now…If I were to…tell you something, something I've never told anyone else…" His gaze returned to her. "Could I still trust you to listen? As a friend?"

She looked at him, curious, but nodded. "Consider it a favor returned."

He sighed, closing his eyes. 'Well,' he thought. 'Here goes nothing.'

"Let's just say that, when it comes to love…I haven't exactly been lucky in that department."

Oh. Well, she'd definitely been wrong. "Was it…" she hesitated before asking. "…That bad?"

"I'd say so. Enough to pretty much change my mind about this whole 'settling down' thing. I guess there was a time I might have considered it…but now?" He laughed, but to Raven it sounded cold, and coming from him, that unsettled her. "Not such a good chance."

This sudden change in tone of the conversation hadn't come out of the blue to her. It was something that she had prepared for, but, thinking how unlikely it would happen here and now, had not really expected. She knew they were heading into dangerous waters…slowly to the point of no return. He'd decided to open up to her, as she'd done to him. To let her into that place in his mind not even he went to (or at least, tried not to), that dark corner that she'd been telling him she'd sensed having a hold on him for so long now. She'd said to talk about it, but to anyone. Anyone in the world. And he'd chosen her. Her initial reaction had been to feel a bit uncomfortable, seeing as how she hardly ever did things like this, for anyone. But, she realized, it was only fair. He'd been there for her just moments ago, and so now, as she'd said, she would return the favor.

He looked at her from the corner of his eye, as if to check that the offer was still good. She gave him a tiny, but still noticeable smile. "Talk."

"Okay. But fair warning…you might not exactly like what you hear."

She sat there unblinkingly, as if his words had unaffected her, waiting for him to continue. He smiled inwardly at this, before he took another steadying breath and began.

"Well…it was around two years ago. I was clean by then, and working as a government agent in their war on drugs. I guess some people higher on up the chain had been keeping an eye on me, 'cause eventually I got a notice for a transfer…into a whole different league. Hunting down the most wanted criminals all over the globe. It was on my first assignment for this new gig that I met her." He paused. Raven sat patiently, noting the shift in his eyes as he looked at her with apprehension.

"…Her name was Jade. Jade Nguyen. But, and I hadn't known this at the time, she went by another name. A name I think you probably remember. Cheshire."

Raven froze, staring at him as if he'd just grown a second nose on his forehead. "You mean…?"

"Yes. That Cheshire. The psycho with the cat mask and sharp claws from the Brotherhood of Evil. The girl who tried to kill me."

"She tried to kill all of us."

He let out a short laugh, rubbing his neck. "But in all honesty, Rae? If you'd seen her, not as that crazy villain, but as Jade…you never would have guessed they were the same person. Really." He stopped, and just by seeing his face, she could tell memories were starting to trickle into his mind.

"Well…" she spoke after a few moments of silence, bringing him out of his reverie. "As…difficult as I'm finding this all to believe, I'll go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt, keep my promise, and listen with an open mind. So…how exactly did you two meet? As Roy and Jade?"

"It was in Hong Kong. We were going after a syndicate who, rumor had it, were planning several hits on world politicians at upcoming economic conference in Berlin. But it was hard trying to get a thing on them; once we got anywhere near finding these guys, they just slipped from our hands like smoke. We had some leads about where their home base might be, but only one worth looking into, across the Pacific. So they sent me as an undercover agent, to see what I could dig up, especially on their mysterious leader. Two weeks after I first landed, I met her, by what I thought at the time was complete chance, at an outdoor market. She helped me stop a couple of thieves who robbed an old Chinese woman on the street, beat the crap out of them.

"From then on, we met almost every other day, just to talk, eat, get to know each other...but not too well," he added. "Of course, I couldn't tell her exactly who I was and what I was doing there, and from the way she acted, I could tell she was hiding something, too. I guess…we were just two young people alone in a huge city, wanting some company. And then, one night, before we knew it, things began to get…physical between us. And that changed things…a lot. We were playing a whole different game now…and at first I didn't plan on it, but soon enough emotions starting getting involved. We started feeling things for each other we knew we shouldn't be, but couldn't help it."

He sighed. "But of course, I was there with a job to do, and it seemed so was she, so we tried as much as possible not to let…whatever it was we had get in the way of that. So I continued my little hunt…and it took me down some dark alleyways, to say the least…but eventually I picked up on a hot trail. And with some convincing from my two little friends here," he said, holding up his fists. "I was able to get a specific date and time when the group's leader would be coming round to hold a meeting with some 'associates', in an abandoned warehouse on the quiet side of town. That night, it took some work, but I snuck in and waited in the shadows for them to arrive. But when the head of the organization stepped in, I was pretty surprised to see an old friend…cat mask and all."

His eyes flicked to her for a moment, but her expression hadn't changed at all since he'd begun. For some reason, he felt…relieved.

"I guess I underestimated her, because the second they'd all come in, Cheshire whipped out a blade and threw it right at me. I'd been able to duck in time, but I had enough past run-ins with her during my Titans days to know that if she had been aiming for my head, she wouldn't have missed. She'd just been trying to push me out in the open. And I was really surprised when, instead of tossing me to the dogs, she called them off…told them to give us a few minutes, alone. Then she did it. She took off the mask." He paused, biting his lip, thinking for a moment…remembering.

"But you know what, Rae? The thing that still bothers me to this day…is realizing how I felt at that exact moment. Anyone hearing this story would probably expect me to have been angry, pissed off beyond belief...ultimately betrayed. But for some ridiculous reason…I wasn't. Actually," he said, with a laugh. "I tried it. Once I saw her real face, I tried to drag up any ounce of outrage, of resentment…I tried to feel so freakin' mad that I wanted to shout at her till I couldn't breathe. But I couldn't. I couldn't hate her, no matter how much I tried. Because I knew that I…"

He trailed off, face blank for a few seconds. But then he wrinkled his nose, sticking out his tongue at how clichéd this situation had become. Raven's lips twitched at the sight.

"Sorry, I know it sounds completely corny in the sugary-sweet way," he apologized. "…but I couldn't think of any other way to, you know, get it out of me. To properly explain myself to you. But it is what it is. And that was the conclusion I'd come to when I stood there in front of her, trying to be mad, but, finding I couldn't, settled for staring at her like a speechless idiot. And I think that at first, it kinda threw her for a loop, 'cause I could tell by her expression and stance that she'd been preparing herself for a barrage of curses and hateful words. But, seeing as I was willing to cooperate, she took the chance to try and explain herself.

"She said that this whole time, she'd known about me. She'd been keeping tabs on everything the Americans were doing to track her and her organization down. She'd been watching us watch her. And so, of course, she'd known about our little plan to send me there to snoop around. The moment my plane landed, she had people following me, making sure I didn't get too close. But she told me that she knew from past experience that if you wanted a job done right, you sure as hell better do it yourself. That day in the market…she'd been following me, but hadn't intended on confronting me or letting me see her. She said she'd just been so mad at what those thieves had done to the old woman, something now that I find pretty ironic, that she couldn't stop herself from going after them. But once we met…she had planned for it to only be a one time deal. She hadn't planned on taking me up on my offer to meet again the next day, or any of the days after that. She hadn't planned on seeing me ever again.

"She told me she didn't know what in the world had made her come, day after day. At first, she convinced herself that it was just tactic…an invaluable, easy way to get closer to me without any risk, to keep a proper eye on me. But soon enough, she started to realize it wasn't easy at all…because the closer she got to me, the more complicated things became…complications that she definitely hadn't planned on. She said she almost wanted to kill herself when she couldn't go a day without thinking about me, looking forward to the next time we'd be able to meet. She hated that she loved me." His lips twitched into a smile as he ran his hand through his hair.

"But, she said, no matter how many times she beat herself up over it…she couldn't deny it anymore. She swallowed her pride, and just accepted it. And it was for that reason alone, she told me, that she hadn't killed me yet. She'd never done this before because she never cared about anyone this way before…she said she would let me live and go back home, as long as I kept my mouth shut. And she'd know if I didn't. Besides, she'd thought, now that I knew who she really was, there was absolutely no way I'd ever want her anymore. I was a good guy, and she was just bad news. I wouldn't want anything to do with her."

He stopped, and Raven took the opportunity to ask. "…Did you?"

"I couldn't understand, Raven. I couldn't figure out why, even after I knew that she was Cheshire…that she was a criminal, an assassin, a god damn terrorist…" He looked up, and all she saw in his eyes was guilt. "…I still loved her. For some sick, twisted reason, I still freaking loved her. What does that make me? Was I even worthy of calling myself one of the 'good guys' anymore? Did this one thing ruin me? Did it redeem her? From that point on, things began to blur for me…the line between right and wrong, good and bad…it was almost non-existent. No black and white, but just one big blur of grey. So when she said that to me…I think the both of us were pretty surprised when I told her I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care if she was a villain, if she was the leader of a dangerous crime organization. It didn't mean a thing to me, because that wasn't who I was in love with. I didn't want to be with Cheshire…I wanted Jade. And it took a lot of persistence on my part, but I eventually convinced her to give us a try…so we did. Granted, we had to be together in secret, for both our sakes, but still…we were together."

"And none of it bothered you?" Raven asked, curious. "You…you loved her so much that none of what she'd done, or continued to do, bothered you at all?"

"Like I said…I truly didn't give a fuck. Which, at the time, considering how blindly in love I was, was perfectly fine."

She stared at him, eyebrows raised in mild surprise. He sighed once again. "But of course, if that's how things really ended up, I wouldn't be sitting here in front of you, telling you all this, would I?" He downed the rest of his coffee, pushing his cup aside.

"When it first started, we were honestly happy. Of course, our jobs made it a bit…difficult, but we were able to sort it out. But for me, it was harder, having to figure out how I'd be able to cover up for it…'cause, I'd thought, 'There's no way I'm going to turn her in now.'" However, as he said it, Raven could see the disgust on his face. Intrigued, she listened on.

"So we lived together for weeks. And now that things were out in the open, we had no reservations about opening ourselves completely to each other. I told her everything there was to know about Roy Harper…every thought, memory, and secret. She did the same for me. We lived and loved every day and night, with no regrets. I guess…being young and in love makes you act that way. No rules, no boundaries…just living in the moment, trying to make it last forever. And then…" His eyes dropped, propping his elbow on the table, leaning his face on his hand. "…we started to fall apart."

He was quiet for a moment, but she just waited patiently, giving him as much time as he needed. "Maybe we just weren't 'meant to be'…maybe we were fools for believing an ex-superhero and an international assassin could ever have a successful relationship…maybe it was just time. But as the days went by, there was a lot less love and a lot more…tension. Less kisses, more fights. Less talking, more arguing. Less faith…more doubt. Doubt that this was right. Doubt that this was what we really wanted.

"Like I said, when we first started out, I was so deep in it that I wasn't even thinking clearly anymore. Heh, I guess in some really strange way…they were the same feelings I had when I went through my drug addiction. There was nothing else…nothing else mattered except my drug. And she was my drug…I had it all, but I could never get enough. I loved her so much that I was willing to turn a deaf ear to everything around us. But when our relationship started breaking down…I could see and hear again. I became aware of what she was doing…the crimes she was committing…the people she was hurting. So one day, I confronted her about it. I believed in her to the point where I thought that even though she did so much bad…she could still be good. She could still change. But she made it pretty clear to me she had no intention to change. 'Because,' she said, 'Why should I?'"

Roy swallowed. "And then, I came to a bitter realization. I loved Jade…but I couldn't ignore Cheshire. I couldn't just pretend she didn't exist, that she didn't matter, because when it came down to it…they weren't separate beings. They were one, whole person. Maybe, sometime long ago, she was innocent, pure…and still had the potential to be something better, something more. But, at some point in her life, things changed…and I began to see that she had no desire to go back. She wanted to be like this. And no one, not even I, could do anything to save her. Then, when the day came…when I woke up and no longer felt the desire to be there, with her, anymore…I knew it was over. I guess she was feeling the same way, because when I tried to explain to her why I was leaving…it didn't seem like she cared."

His hand dropped to the table as he leaned back in his chair, glancing to the side. "I flew back to the States…I knew enough to be able to stop the syndicate's assassination plot. But, I guess because of some last small trace of respect I held for her, I told them nothing about Cheshire. The months passed…the group was a lot more deeply rooted than we'd thought, so we hadn't, and still haven't, been able to take them down for good…so every time any cases came up connected to her, I avoided it.

"As far as my personal life went, it became another weight on my mind that I tried to distract myself from. I went out to parties, raves, clubs…met new people, flirted with random girls. But that one failed relationship did something to me. It made me feel…completely disillusioned with love. She had been my first, you know, 'true love', and I had gone all the way with it because I thought…that was it. I'd found that person I wanted to be with 'till I died. I gave it everything…and ended up with nothing. So I thought, 'what the hell?' Is it really worth it after all? I mean," He scoffed. "Is something that asks for so much time and energy, yet, in the end, leaves you feeling like total shit something you need? Love isn't air. It's not water or food. It's not a necessity…it's a luxury. So I decided it was a luxury I could live without…and that's what I've been doing ever since. But like you said, Rae, I'm not fully over it yet…maybe someday I will be. 'Till then…" He shrugged. "I'll just have to deal."

Raven gave him a small smile. "You know," she began. "Sometimes, I feel that way as well. Malchior was a naïve mistake. Nothing more. And then, when we defeated Trigon, and I was finally truly free to express my emotions…I thought I could give it another chance, with Beast Boy. But now…though it does sound rather negative, I feel like I'm tired of trying. That maybe, I can find another way to be happy. Not through a romantic love, but through love for my friends, my hobbies, my work."

Roy nodded, agreeing with her. "Trust me, I hear you."

"Maybe…love isn't for everyone." She met his eyes. "Maybe, for people like us, we're meant for something else."

"And if the right person came along…?" Surprised, the two turned to see Emma, the waitress, standing beside their table, hand on her hip. Roy gave her a look that said "How long have you been listening?", but she ignored him.

Raven blinked. "…Well, if that did ever happen…in all honesty, I don't know if I'd be willing to try again. I don't know if I'd have the strength to face the risk of that pain."

The waitress frowned, but before she could argue, Raven continued. "But…maybe one day, I will. Because since the only certain thing about the future is that it's uncertain, I won't speak in complete confidence. At the moment, I'm not really sure if I want to, but if there's anything I've learned all my life, it's that one should live with an open mind. So, perhaps, one day I'll be ready to let love in again. I just…need some time."

Roy stared at her while Emma's frown melted into a smirk. "Well, my dear," she said, as she moved to refill the empty coffee cup, but was stopped by Roy's upheld hand. "All I can say is…don't wait too long. Love just might pass you by before you realize it." She winked as she headed back to the kitchen.

For a second, Raven thought about her words…before shaking her head. Picking up her cup, she was about to take another sip of tea until something sliding across the table caught her eye. She set the cup down, watching as he pushed the last cupcake toward her.

"You have it," he said, with a warm smile. "As a thank you."

"For what?"

"For keeping your end of the deal."

She picked up the treat. "For listening?"

"For making me not regret choosing you."

She took a bite, savoring the sweet, moist cake and the richness of the cream cheese. "Actually," she swallowed. "That was something I was wondering about."

He gave her a questioning glance.

"Why me, Roy?" she asked, finally expressing the question that had been on her mind for the last fifteen minutes. "Yes, I did want you to talk about it, to let it out…but really…" She looked at him, brow furrowed in confusion. "There were probably many other people better qualified for that job, people much closer to you, who know you a lot better…I don't see how, despite all that, you would still confide in me. I mean…I'm not even sure I really helped you. All I could do was sit, pay attention, and listen…and maybe, in a way, I could understand what you felt from experience…but not enough. Not in the way a friend closer to you could. So…why me, Roy?" She asked again.

He smirked. "I think you just answered your own question, Raven."

The confusion didn't leave her face.

"All of that...not what you felt like you couldn't do, but what you were able to do…that's all I really wanted, you know." Seeing her expression unchanged, he chuckled. "Jeez…and I thought you were an empath."

She glared, but he continued to speak, as if unfazed by it. "And well, my dear half-demoness, if I were to ask you the same question…"

"Why I chose to tell you about what happened with Beast Boy?" she asked, already feeling it coming.

"Yes." He glanced at her. "What would you say?"

She bit her lip, giving it a bit of thought before answering. "…Probably the same thing." He smiled. She continued. "I can't explain it well, but…I don't really know why. The best thing I can say is that, for some reason I still have yet to find, I just felt…comfortable." She met his eyes, as if asking "Is that good enough?"

He nodded. "It's weird, isn't it? We don't really even know each other that well, and still…we've always felt comfortable enough to trust each other."

"Life never ceases to amaze me…" Roy laughed, but before he could continue the conversation, a ringing noise interrupted them. A familiar ring.

Raven pulled out her communicator, flipping it open. He leaned forward slightly to get a better look as the screen flashed, showing Kid Flash in street clothes sitting in what looked like a brightly colored Mexican restaurant.

"Hey, Rae Rae," the speedster greeted her with a grin.

"What?" she asked sharply, annoyed. Roy had to stop himself from laughing at her snappiness, which had remained unchanged since their Titan days.

"It's nice to see you, too." He stuffed another forkful of whatever it was he was eating into his mouth.

Her mouth became a thin line, and the ex-archer could tell that she was already losing patience. "Just spit it out."

"Ah, I don't think that'd be a good idea," he said (or at least, tried to say), mouth full of food. "It wouldn't be very pretty, trust me-"

"Will you just-!" She stopped herself, taking in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.

He looked at her through his communicator, impressed. "Finally took my advice on trying out those anger management classes, huh? I can see it's really working well for you-"

"Please. Don't tempt me, Kid Flash." Her voice was dangerously low, eyes glowing white.

He chewed and chewed until, finally swallowing, he could speak clearly again. "Okay, okay…just thought I'd let you know that Robin called, said he picked up a lead on where Cinderblock might strike next. He wants us all to meet up in front of the police station." He drank a huge gulp of water to cool down his mouth from the spiciness of the food. "Need a lift?"

Raven raised her head, looking across the table. Roy shook his head. "It's only a few blocks away, not really a far walk."

Kid Flash raised an eyebrow. "Got some company?"

"You forgot what my voice sounds like already, Wallace?" He asked in mock incredulity, putting on a dramatic feminine tone. "I thought what we had was special…"

The speedster's eyes widened. "You gotta be kidding me…Harper, is that you?"

He leaned forward, Raven holding the communicator between them. He winked, saluting as his face came into view on the screen. "The one and only."

Kid Flash grinned, then, turning his attention back to Raven, paused before burst into laughter. "Well, I gotta say," he began. "This is the last guy I would have pictured you sitting down with for a cup of tea. You can't stand to be around me for a minute, but now I find you here, chatting it up with him? I'm beginning to think you don't like me on purpose, Rae-Rae." He pouted.

She rolled her eyes. "You thought for a second I wasn't?" Roy chuckled while Kid Flash stuck his tongue out at her.

"Anyway, Rich said he wanted us there by four…which is like, fifteen minutes from now. And he sounded like he's in his crazily-obsessed-with-catching-the-bad-guy mood, so I wouldn't be late." He considered Roy. "Wanna come with? I don't think Rich will mind...and anyway, the more, the merrier!"

Raven turned to him as Roy rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, I don't know…wouldn't really wanna intrude-"

"Pfft, don't give me that, man," Kid Flash interrupted. "Come on, I bet the others will be glad to see you…it's been, what, four years since we last saw your cocky ass at the tower?"

"Funny…" Roy said, before turning to see Raven giving him an expectant look. She raised a brow as if to say, "Well?"

He shrugged. "What do you think?"

"You're not busy, are you?"

Roy stared for a few moments before smirking, facing their fellow red-head. "Alright. Consider me there…although, I don't know how much help I'll be without all my gear, Wally."

Kid Flash waved him off. "Nah, don't worry about it…all you have to do is sit there and look pretty, as usual."

He glared, but before he could continue with the playful banter, Raven bid Kid Flash a curt farewell and shut her communicator.

She cut in before he could even open his mouth to complain. "We should get going," she said standing up, half-eaten cupcake in hand. "I'm really not in the mood to listen to one of Robin's banal lectures."

He stood, following her to the front. "I wasn't lying, you know…it's really not that far away."

"Well, when it comes to Robin, coming on time is coming late."

Roy snorted, shaking his head. As they passed the register beside the counter, Emma the waitress stopped in her tracks. Noticing the two leaving together, she gave them an all-knowing smile, waving as she headed off to check on her tables.

Raven frowned, confused, while Roy shook his head once more, knowing that look too well. He held the door open for her as the two exited, walking down the sidewalk to the crosswalk. As they waited for the light to change, a smirk appeared on Roy's face as he gently nudged her in the side.

"So," he began. "I see you enjoyed my company so much that you wanted me to come with you, huh?"

"Tch." Raven crossed her arms. "I just assumed that the others would like to see you again, so I'd stand to bear your presence a bit longer."

"Right…" He stepped to the side as a teenage boy sped by around the corner on a skateboard. "I see what you meant about Wally…it looks like he gets on your nerves just as much as Gar used to."

"Worse." Her eyes flickered upwards to see the green traffic lights beginning to turn orange. "And don't say 'used to' when it comes Beast Boy."

The light changed, and the two joined the mass of people making their way across the street. "So things haven't changed between you two at all?"

"It took some time after the break up, but he went right back to being a pain in the ass." Roy sniggered as she continued. "At first, I wasn't sure if I should be glad or worried." She sighed. "But, as much as it pains me to admit, Beast Boy truly is the annoying little brother I never had…and things wouldn't be the same if I'd lost that."

"Awww…you really are a softie at heart, aren't you?" he teased, but she ignored him.

As they continued down the sidewalk of the next block, past numerous boutiques with various designer handbags, clothes, and shoes, he thought for a moment. "And if that's the case…then, when you say that 'used to' is off limits, you mean…?"

She nodded, grimly. "He found an ally when Kid Flash decided to join."

He looked at her almost with pity, but the grin on his face didn't reflect it. "Just imagining those two double-teaming you makes me feel sorry…for you or for them, I'm not really sure yet."

Raven almost laughed. "You know," she pondered. "If you really wanted to thank me for earlier, you might consider helping with that little problem."

"Help you?" He raised an eyebrow. "I was thinking I might triple-team with the boys."

Her eyes narrowed, sending him one of her infamous ice cold death glares. "You wouldn't…"

"Why not? Seems like it'd be fun…would make for a day you'd never forget, wouldn't it?" He rubbed his chin, seeming to actually be considering the idea. "How about it, Rae?"

"…That depends." She sent him a warning look so dangerous that it would make most guys piss their pants. "How much do you enjoy being able to walk on two legs?"

He chuckled, casually throwing an arm around her waist. He felt her tense slightly, but seeing as she didn't pull away, made no effort to back off. "Now I bet you're wishing you sent me away, huh?"

She grew quiet, and for a moment he wondered if he said something wrong. But she spoke again. "Would you like an honest answer?" she said, softly.

"The whole truth, and nothing but," he replied, curious.

"A part of me is sincerely annoyed with you nearly every time you open your mouth," she said, but before he could comment, she went on. "But another part of me felt differently. I genuinely thought, and at the moment still do think, that if I let you go now…I'd never see you again." She looked away awkwardly, embarrassed but pushing herself to say it. "I really did enjoy today, Roy…being able to talk like this, with someone who truly understands me…it's become somewhat of a rarity. So…" She forced herself to meet his eyes. "Thank you."

He stared back at her, silent. The two had come to a stop, a few feet away from the next crosswalk. He did nothing but stare, as she waited, a bit apprehensive, until he finally spoke. "Well, if you wanted my number that much…"

She punched him mercilessly in the arm, walking on without him, as he laughed, rubbing the sore spot. "Wait up!" he jogged up to her. She slowed down her pace a bit until they were walking side by side once again. He looked down at her face, but she refused to look at him, staring straight ahead instead.

"Raven," he said, voice taking on a much more gentle tone. "You don't have to thank me, you know…today was just as enjoyable for me as it was for you. Really." She didn't turn to him, but he noticed the beginnings of a smile forming on her lips. "And I wasn't joking, either, about my number." He handed her a napkin from the café with seven digits quickly scrawled across it in blue ink. "Back there," he said, motioning behind them. "At our table, I was kinda thinking the same thing." He gave her a sheepish grin. "But no need for dramatics, Rae…after all, look at the age we live in, there's like, a bajillion ways for people to stay in touch."

She finally turned, glancing down at the napkin. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching out to take it. He pulled it away from her grasp. "Ah, ah," he wagged his finger at her. "Promise me you won't trash it?"

She gave him a strange look. "Why would I do that?"

"Just making sure…Lord knows how many times I've done it to countless women." He smirked. "And plus," he added. "You won't believe how lucky you are…there's a whole army of ladies out there who'd love to have this. I need to know it's kept safe and sound."

She rolled her eyes at his arrogance before taking the napkin, folding it carefully before putting it in her purse. "Wouldn't want one of your past flings to grab a hold of this, would we?"

"Now you're catching on." He petted her head. "Good girl."

She scowled, swatting his hand away. He laughed, scooting closer towards her as he slipped his arm around her waist once more. "Really, though," he said. "I never truly appreciated how much these talks with you meant to me, Rae…not moments ago, and definitely not when we were younger. I think it would be…nice if we could do this again sometime." He bit his lip, waiting for her response.

She eyed him carefully before giving him a small smile. "I think I'd like that, too."

He returned the smile as they continued on, the police station in sight. 'I have a bad feeling,' he thought to himself as he spied the other Titans gathered on the sidewalk up ahead. 'This could be the start of something good…'

Voila! My first one-shot, done! Finally…I put off my other story, Hotel California, to work on this, since June…hopefully, all that hard work paid off? :) Good, bad…you tell me! Please review…I appreciate any comments or helpful criticisms! I love the Speedy/Raven pairing a lot, and will definitely consider writing them more in the future…but at the moment, I'm kind of thinking about delving into other couples that have caught my eye for a while now, like Kid Flash/Raven and Jericho/Raven…maybe even another Robin/Starfire that actually is Robin/Starfire XD

So yeah, I guess I kind of chose to use the song more to fit the Roy/Jade situation than the Rae/BB situation (which, at first, I actually hadn't planned on including at all to be honest). And I chose the lyrics 'A Secret Chord' from the song to use as the title because I kind of felt it fit well, you know? Like how, for both Roy and Raven, it's pretty much them sharing their pasts with each other, experiences that kind of have become like "secret chords" in their souls…something like that. Haha…well anyway, thanks for reading, and please drop me a review!