Okay, I don't know about the rest of you people, but a friend and I thought Uraboku really needed some smut.

And we never got any! So now, one of my favorite yaoi characters of all time: The Junjou Romantica God Usami Akihiko, is going to give Luka Crosszeria a few pointers on how to be a real seme.

I do not own Uraboku or Junjou. They belong to their respective author-sans. (Though if I did own them, their would be much more smut.)

My first fanfic EVER, so reviews would be appreciated ^_^

Enjoy and happy lemons to all!

Usagi's Seme Lessons

The fabled Akihiko Usami leaned forward on the couch, scrutinizing the tall, dark, and handsome persona before him: Luka Crosszeria.

And he could already see that there was a crap ton of work to do.

He puffed casually on his cigarette, exhaling a plume of smoke.

"Okay, first things first…Luka. How long have you know your uke, Yuki?"

Luka stared back at the author with silvery lunar eyes that betrayed no thought or emotion.

"Our destiny has been linked since we were born. We both have been reincarnated many times, and even then, our paths have never swayed from our bond."

Usagi pondered the Duras' words. He might have to use that quote in one of his books….

"So let me get this straight. You and Yuki have been together far longer than bloody forever, AND YOU'VE NEVER TAKEN THE REIGNS AND TOPPED HIM?"

Luka's brow furrowed as if he didn't quite get it. Usagi groaned under his breath.

This guy was the seme of the show. Right…

The author combed back some of his ash gray hair and continued his explanation.

"Why the hell haven't you banged him? He's your uke! You should sweep him off his feet and screw him senseless at least once an episode!"

Luka's porcelain face grew darker with tension.

"I would never do that to Yuki. He is my master and I love him."

Usagi chuckled.

"He really should be calling you 'master.'"

"I will respect his choices. Yuki is my everything."

Usagi clamped a hand over his forehead. Talk about a fixer-upper….

"Oh please. You know what ALL UKES WANT? They wanna be fucked till they can't see straight. The reason you and Yuki's relationship is the pits is because you haven't been a man with plan! He can't even tell that you love him because you're too tired from scowling all day. What you BOTH need is a good ole' fashion fuck fest!"

The former General Class Duras was caught off guard by the smoking man's vulgar (yet logical) insight. Luka began to wonder. Was he being too hesitant in their relationship? Was his cold, indifferent exterior making Yuki feel uneasy instead of protected? Did Yuki even know how much Luka loved him? And most of all…

Should he really, really take the advice of a porn novelist?

Usagi stretched his long arms and stood up, smashing his spent cigarette into the panda ashtray. He glanced over at the clock and a hint of a smile crossed his face.

"Let me show you what I mean."

A few seconds later, the door opened and Misaki Takahashi entered, half buried under a mountain of schoolbooks.

"Tadaima." He muttered.

"Okaeri." Usagi grinned back, taking a few steps forward.

Misaki took off his shoes and set his bags down, but it didn't take long for him to notice the elephant in the room (ie the scary black-haired man with claws and a sword sitting next to Suzuki-San).

"Uhh…Usagi-San?…Is this a friend of yours?"

"He's Luka, one of the main characters from Uraboku. He's come to me for a little…advice."

Misaki's eyes widened.

"Oh! Nice to meet you Luka-San! I haven't seen your show yet, but I hear fangirls talking about you all the time."

Luka cringed at the F-word but didn't reply.

"Usagi-San," Misaki said, turning back to the seme. "What are you helping him with? Is there anything I can do?"

Usagi's grin widened. Oh Misaki….You poor little lamb. But then again, stupidness is one of the defining traits of an uke.

"Watch and learn, Luka."

The tall seme zipped forward, not even giving Misaki a chance to run for it. The uke yelped as he was yanked off his feet and pinned down onto the nearest couch.

"USAGI-SAN! GET OFF ME YOU OLD FAG!"

But the old fag just smiled and stretched Misaki's arms above his head, leaving his torso and face wide open for Usagi's lips and tongue. Misaki gritted his teeth and tried to stifle a moan as his lover's mouth teased his soft earlobe. Usagi gripped the uke's wrists with one large hand, and slid the other inside Misaki's sweatshirt, his fingers nuzzling and fondling the young flesh.

"N-No…Usa—Nuh! Stop…stop—"

Luka watched in mild fascination (accompanied by a twinge of disgust) as Usagi successfully disarm and submitted the young boy who was now moaning and squirming on the couch. Even still, he could hardly imagine doing those things to Yuki….well, at least not so forcefully. But still…the Junjou couple did seem to be enjoying themselves. Maybe all humans were like this and he just hadn't realized it.

"Stu—Stupid rabit!" Misaki groaned as Usagi rubbed a knee between his thighs. "We—… have—….a guest! We shouldn't be—d-doing this!"

"But Misaki," Usagi cooed, spreading the full length of his tongue over Misaki's lower lip. "We have to teach Luka how to be a good seme. And scientists do say that practical demonstration is the best way to learn."

"THE HELL IT IS!" Misaki screamed back, throwing back his head as Usagi's teeth found one of his perky pink nipples.

"L-Luka doesn't need to—watch us doing this!"

"Oh but HE DOES." Usagi insisted, cupping his teeth around Misaki's hipbone and gently biting.

"Maybe then Uraboku won't be such an annoying tease of an anime."

"It's a shojo!" Misaki wailed, throwing his head from side to side. "It's suppose to be romantic and emotional!"

"It could use some smut." Usagi retorted. "By God, it's driving all the fans crazy! We might have to get Hiroki and Nowaki to teach those Hotsuma and Shusei guys how it's done."

"STOP RUINING GOOD SHOWS!"

Usagi rolled his eyes, pooling his tongue inside Misaki's belly button.

"I'm a famous author. If I say it needs smut, it needs smut. I mean they have Luka for fuck's sake! He's the WHOLE SEME PACKAGE and they won't even do anything with him!"

"HE'S FINE THE WAY HE IS!"

"The last thing any anime needs is a wishy-washy seme. The uke is bad enough. I can totally believe he was a girl in a past life. Good God, he cries more than Tohru Honda. Hmmm….maybe I should try to fix that one too…"

"LEAVE FRUITS BASKET ALONE! AAAUUUGGHHHH!"

Misaki's vendetta was cut short as Usagi tossed aside the uke's jeans and propped his legs against his chest. But they were both so engrossed with each other that they didn't notice when Luka slipped out the window, having had his fill of their "fuck fest." It was getting to be a bit much for the indifferent nonhuman.

But nevertheless, he certainly did see a couple of things he would like to try…

So that's it. Should I do a follow up scene with Yuki? ;) Review me and I will!