Forever Fortune's Fool

{So yeah… where did this story go? I have no idea. Hopefully this time we can get this moving and finished! Sorry for the major delay but it seems my inspiration to write decided to check out and go on vacation. Hopefully it's back for an extended stay! Thank you to all those that wrote in and have decided to stick with this story. Your comments have all been very much appreciated.)

Chapter Four- Cards on the Table

Playlist: The Mess I Made by: Parachute

He stands on the threshold between the kitchen and living room watching her. Her back to him as she stands over the kitchen sink. The water running is the only sound between them. He knows that she knows he is there. He can see the tension in her shoulders and the stiff way in which she moves. She is ignoring him. She turns around holding a first aid kit beneath one arm, their eyes meet briefly, hold a stare and then she looks away. She exhales deeply falling into a seat at the empty kitchen table. Her palms still wet, the blood has been cleaned away but the cuts remain.

Her movements are methodical and steady. "I don't need an audience." She remarks softly.

Crossing his arms defiantly at the dismissiveness in her tone, the seconds tick by as he observes her fiddling with the box trying to avoid hurting her already injured hands. "You know I served as a medic in World War II." He remarks but she only continues to ignore him. Finally, when he is tired of the silent treatment he pushes himself from the doorjamb and sits across from her. He doesn't miss a beat as he pulls the box from her fingers, and picks up where she left off. Placing a few band-aides to the side he begins to line up the things he will need to fix her wounds, the external ones anyway. He waits for her to fight him on this but she says nothing.

She exhales deeply and although she gives the appearance of someone in complete control he can hear the rapid beating of her heart. "I don't need your help." She remarks.

"Well that's no surprise. Bennett, you seem not to need much of anything." He quips and feels her turn her stare onto him.

"No… you don't get to do that. You don't get to throw out glib comments and act as if you're the injured party amongst the two of us. You don't get to be indignant and you sure as hell don't get to be flippant… not with me. Not after what you've done."

"What I've done?!" He asks incredulously.

"Yes!"

"And what have I done?!" He questions stopping his movements and meeting her gaze.

She opens her mouth ready to reply. Ready to ream him for all the ways he did her wrong. How he left her without a good-bye. How he professed his love for Elena Gilbert after she so willingly gave up a part of herself to save him. How he broke her heart before she even realized she had given it to him.

But she doesn't.

She won't.

She can't.

She can't give any more of herself. She can't allow this man to have anything else. Because it's already too much and it's sad to know that for him it wasn't enough. So instead she falls back on familiar territory.

"You did what you always do. You left us in the midst of a crisis Damon! We were on the verge of war and you… You put your needs, correction your wants above everything else. Running after some stupid ring because of some misplaced sentimentality that I can't even begin understand. How about that?"

His eyes squint at her as if he knows that these are nothing more than words…a carefully worded diversion for what is really going on; What is really standing between them. "You need an army to start a war and two uber-vamps are hardly an army Bon-Bon." He mutters but she barrels on.

"We had no idea what we were dealing with or if they would be back maybe with more of them; stronger than them! Did you ever once stop to consider that possibility?"

"You had it under control. You took out that Elijah guy no problem." He waves off her remark with such a flippant air that he can practically feel the rise in her temperature as her temper flares.

"No problem?!" She asks incredulously. "Are you kidding me? It took everything that I had and even things that I didn't to take on just him. And then I went into a coma. Do you remember that part? I was in a coma Damon for three days. And where the hell were you?" She asks. "Oh that's right you were long gone. But then again what should we have expected? Your ring was gone and there wasn't a witch readily available to make you another one so you just take off to parts unknown! God you couldn't even be bothered to contact your own brother? I mean who does that?"

"Stefan? Now you're worried about Stefan. Well just so you know, Stefan was well aware of why I had to leave." He remarks honestly.

"He was aware?" The laugh that bleeds through her words is harsh and beyond bitter. "Yeah more like he just accepted it because let's face it; it's what you do. It's your pattern. Damon always looks out for number one. That's the only thing you can be bothered with, right?" She questions.

"Well that… and of course Elena."

It's a direct jab at her angry tirade, hitting its intended mark square in her chest. This tactic shouldn't be unexpected but it surprises her all the same. Hitting below the belt has always been how he's operated and for her to think that she was different was stupid on her part. She is not different.

She is not Elena.

He watches the way in which she blinks against the pain that he has inflicted and for a moment, he feels the slight twinge of regret move across his un-beating heart. But Bonnie is nothing if not a trooper; a survivor of sorts. She perseveres even in the most-dire of straits or in this case Damon, which seem to be one in the same at the moment.

"Well it doesn't matter now… because we seemed to get along just fine without you just in case you were wondering."

"Is that right?" There is a tick in his left eye that he can't quite seem to get rid of and the more she talks the worse it gets.

"That's what people do when they realize they can't count on you. They stop waiting to be disappointed and just come to expect the very least."

He smiles broadly as he finishes up with her hands. "I'm so glad that I can meet the needs of those around me."

Shaking her head she leaves the table making it about half way to the door before turning back to him. "God you know I get if you want to be a major disappointment to everyone else in this town but seriously can you really not muster enough decency to be there for Stefan? Aren't you even a little bit bothered by the fact that you didn't stick around for him?" She accuses with such an air of indignation that it seriously grates on his nerves.

"When did you become Stefan's one-man cheer squad? Does this have something to do with whatever secret you and him are keeping from Elena?" He asks pointedly.

"There's no secret." And the words are a blatant lie and he laughs in her face calling her on it. "And just to be clear everything doesn't have to do with Elena. Perhaps if you got your head out of your ass you would realize that. There are bigger things happening right now."

"Yes there is." He agrees standing and closing the distance that she has put between them making sure to take his time and getting very much into her personal space. "So do you want to finally talk about those things; or are we going to continue to play pretend?"

And he stares her down silently challenging her to step up and confront the elephant in the room. He wants to talk about this. He needs to talk about this. Perhaps in another life… with another person he could stand to beat around the bush; hide his feelings in sexual innuendos and passive aggressive remarks. But that's not them. They are different.

They are more than that.

Better than that.

"I'm not pretending to be angry, Damon." It's the only truth she can offer at the moment.

"No I can see that your anger is very much real. However, your reasons for being angry… those I am calling into question. This isn't about Stefan… this isn't about me bailing on the team. This is about me bailing on you."

There is a silence that blankets the room as each of them hold a stare.

"This isn't about me."

"The hell it isn't! It's about you! It's been about you for quite some time. Even if I've never come out and said it and we both know that." He snaps. Reaching out he goes to brush his fingers down her cheek when her words stop him.

"You're still in love with her." It's a statement but she is asking him to answer all the same and she can tell by the way that he hesitates… his hand hovering right above her face that the answer is still very much yes. She swallows the lump that keeps creeping into her windpipe. "That's why this isn't about me. It's about you… It's about her. But it's not about me." She turns to leave when he replies.

"And what about your feelings for me? I know that they're there. I felt them… that night… in the church."

She smiles sadly taking in a deep breath. "Whatever I could have felt for you… or once felt for you…" She shakes her head refusing to be pulled back into him. "You want us to stop playing pretend? Then stop refusing to see that the world…my world didn't stop just because you decided to check out. We all moved onward…we didn't have a choice. Even if you didn't. Don't talk to me about feelings… when you can't get yours straight. One minute you're falling all over yourself professing words of affection to your brother's girlfriend and in the next breath your standing at my feet waiting for me to express my undying love to you. It doesn't work that way. I don't work that way." She will not be another component in the Stefan/Elena/Damon paradox. She cannot afford to be.

"I did feel something. I wanted something with you." The confession is whispered between them on an exhalation of breath that holds fragments of her tortured soul. The smile that graces her lips is as faint as it is fragile much like the pieces of her heart that she had so desperately wanted to give him.

She catches his stare holds it, one second…two… and then looks down at her feet. She had no intention of admitting to him these things… but really how long could they play pretend? It was better to do it now. Just state the truth and move forward. Clear the air and move on otherwise she would be stuck; they would be stuck and then how would that make them any different than him and Elena?

"But you left… and I stopped. I had to stop." She shrugs with one shoulder. "I am not her. I cannot…I will never be her. I won't stay in limbo. I won't wait to be… something to you; for you." And there it is. Plain and simple. Convoluted and complicated. She will not wait on the sidelines. She will not be his backup plan.

She will not be the one he chooses simply because he cannot have the one he so desperately wants.

He stands before her, shoving his hands into his pockets. Clenching and unclenching his fists. He wants to say something but the truth has been thrown at his feet and he has no idea what to do with it. He wants her to wait. He wants to know what is between him and Elena. He wants her devotion and loyalty. He wants Elena's affection and love. Yes, he wants it all. He is selfish. He knows this.

But he wants it all just the same.

"Bonnie…"

"What kind of fool would I be to want a heart that has someone else's name tattooed all over it?" She asks quietly. She cannot rewrite the history that is between and she would be an idiot to try.

Time ticks by like sand through the hourglass. It's merely seconds but it feels like hours. And then her phone buzzes. Her eyes brighten at the name that pops up on her screen and suddenly she is no longer there with him. She has moved away from their moment, placing walls back firmly into place. "Blake…hey I was just going to call you…" She leaves him standing there never once looking back.